Thank you wickedly. It is amazing how much better it makes me feel that you know exactly what I am feeling. I hate it that anyone else would have to go through what we have to. I don't think I would wish this on anyone, even my worst enemy.
The last few days, it has about drove me crazy not being able to talk to him multiple times a day. I can't imagine only 4 times in 4 months or so. You are a strong woman!! I hate when family and friends go into the whole "you deserve better. you should get rid of him." bit. I know I deserve better, but I don't want anything else. I love him and when he is doing good, he is an amazing man. Even when he's not doing really good, he is still usually pretty good.
Shy~ Yeah, he knows how hard it has been on our son.
I am trying to figure out how hard to come down on him (if at all) when he comes home. This is where I have problems. I have a short temper and have a habit of speaking and then thinking. Also of being a little selfish. Do I get upset at him and treat him like a "normal" person or like a person with a problem. Do I "baby" him or tell him like it is? I never know what to do. Any advice from either of you (or anyone else reading this)?
You are not rambling at all. It's like reading my own thoughts. This is amazing. I feel like I've just gained a new friend in you. My husband is really religious about his meds. If he's supposed to take them at 4 pm then at 4:05 he can tell he is late on his meds. We haven't had the best medical coverage in awhile (none for some time) so he has bounced from dr to dr. And two of them were sliding scale/health dept type institutions. Neither of them really wanted to listen to what he was saying. They knew what meds "should work best" for him. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case. He is actually on 7 meds for his depression and anxiety. Wellbutrin, Klonapin, Cymbalta, Buspar, Buproprion, can't remember one, and Toprol (for his heart rate). And yet he still suffers from depression....How, I don't know. A normal person would be so happy and high as a kite they would never come down. He just started seeing a new Pdoc who seems like she is going to be really good. I know she has already weaned him off of one of the above meds and wants to get him off of another one or two. He has just started seeing a new therapist also. I thought she was going to be good, but now I'm not so sure. Just after he started seeing her, he started going out every night for a drive "thinking through things". Said she was pointing out things in his past that he is having to come to grips with and it's stuff he's not particularly happy dealing with. That lead up to his leaving this weekend. So I don't know if I like it or not. Wonder, would it have come to this if he hadn't been seeing her?
Not only do we have the problems with his depression, but we also have some marital problems. Don't know if they are because of the depression or if they are unrelated....guess we will only know if he gets his depression under control.
Thanks again for just being here. This has been a huge weight off my shoulders. Knowing ya'll are here if I need it.
Well, an update on my husband and I........
He came home Tuesday afternoon. We didn't talk much. I was waiting on our son to go to bed since I knew I was going to get upset. Before our son went to sleep, husband went to Wendy's to get Frosty (should take 20-25 minutes). Almost 2 hours later, he comes home. I was angry!!!!! I went to bed and didn't talk to him at all (petty I know, but....).
We finally talked last night. It was more just like talking in circles. After alot of crying, he tells me that he "wants out". There wasn't much more I could say so I told him "okay" and went to bed. When he left this last weekend, he went one state over and stayed with "a friend". I didn't know we had any friends, but... I found out it is a female friend that has 3 kids and is leaving an abusive husband. He told me that it wasn't "like that" when I questioned him about her. This moring I got nosey (since he keeps getting text msgs left and right) and snooped and read his msgs. He has pics of her that she has sent to him and from him to her he has one saying "muuaaahh" (guess it's supposed to be a kiss..) and another one saying "good morning beautiful".
I am so livid at him right now. I even questioned him about it last night. He didn't say anything. Basically I asked him if he was seeing her (or anyone else) and he didn't respond. That bothers me more than anything. Don't lie to me and don't cheat on me. And in one swoop, he did both.
I went through our house this morning and took all our pictures down that have him in them. I had made him a cute Valentines poster (real kissey kissey smoochie smoochie) and he still had it on the wall. I took it down and tore it up and put it in the trash. I think he will get the point when he realizes it.
Okay, enough ranting for right now. I can feel my blood pressure about to explode....gotta calm down some.
Reason for edit:
We are not allowed to permit members to use words which are vulgar, offensive or explicit in nature (See rule #2 http://www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=46&m=106997) I have changed the word in question to a different word meaning the same thing (in red) Darren
Post Edited By Moderator (djdaz_1985) : 11/2/2007 11:38:48 AM (GMT-6)
Thank you Shy.
I'm doing pretty good. He is leaving town this afternoon to go back to "her". I made sure he knew that he wasn't coming back. Told him what realtor I was gonna use to sell our house and that I was planning on selling all our furniture and paying off debt that we have together. Wanted to make sure that he realized once he left, that was it!!