My thoughts and prayers are with you and those around you Star. Please stay with us and talk.
The grieving process can take a long time star. Just take one day at a time and keep talking. You will get through this. You are in my thoughts.
I know how much your cousin meant to you, please accept my sincere sympathy. Your story about the Lavenders was touching and I am glad it gave you some peace.
In order to survive and thrive after the death of a loved one, it is necessary to move at your own pace through various phases of grief. Please do it your way as there is no right or wrong way. Give yourself permission to feel sad or to smile at the memories you made together with this special person in your life.