I do not need an education about
depression. I've been dealing with that -- quite successfully now, thank goodness -- for 20+ years. But I have a cousin who happens to be a very beloved friend, whose life is going into the toilet because of her absolute refusal to seek help with her depression -- if she's even going to admit that day that she has a problem during my and several other people's suggestion that she seek help.
She knows full well about
my depression and how I've been successful treating it with quite prolonged therapy and with medication, but she just refuses to take medication. She is so jealous and envious of other people, upset with most everyone, and absolutely feels like life has really dealt her a horrible hand, that she's never gotten a break in her life. Hey, she did have a truly awful mom, but after seeing her (now close to 60 and having been closer to her in the past 20 years) destroy just about
every relationship she's had -- be they work relationships, friendships or marriages/love relationships -- I wonder if I ever got the true story about
her mother, either.
Today she told me she is ready to leave her fiance, the man she's lived with for the past ten years. I believe he loves her and has tried very hard to make it work despite her depression. I believe she really loves him, but her depression will not allow it to work. She got a new job three weeks ago, and even though she absolutely hated her former job for virtually the entire five years she worked there and would complain constantly about
it, hating everyone there at one time or another, on day 2 of the new job (for which she was recruited by the owner and started at over $2 an hour more than her previous job!), she was convinced she'd made a horrible mistake and wanted her old job back. She personalizes everything. When the trainer didn't spend enough time with her (or so she thought) and had to attend to her own duties, it was because she (the trainer) wanted her to fail. The trainer said something about
her friend also applying for the position, which translated into the trainer hates her and wants her friend there instead. This happens everywhere she works. She's on her sixth job over the past 20 years, and they've all ended badly with lots of burned bridges.
I have told her she can stay here with me at my home if she feels she must leave her fiance. I would not turn my back on her ever. But I recognize the repetitive nature of the machinations and circles most depressed people go through. I lived it for years. But at least I had some insight into the fact of my whacked-out thinking during the times that I managed to climb out of the abyss, and I recognized that I just simply could not go on that way. I chose to try to claw my way out of misery. I tell her that. I tell her she can have a different life. Look at me! I once locked myself away and cried all the time, too, loathed myself! Her anger is more toward other people; mine was definitely directed toward myself. She just refuses, refuses, refuses my and other people's attempts to get her help. She doesn't want to pop pills. She doesn't have insurance. There's always an excuse. Pills are okay for me, but not for her. When I offer to pay, she could never do that. There's always a reason why she can't get help. I can't drag her to the doctor. I can't drag her to therapy.
Help me, please. Help me to help her. How can I convince her that her brain chemistry has become her enemy, that there is help out there, that she doesn't have to live this way, locking herself away in the guest bedroom for weekends at a time. Isolating herself from the world, destroying the relationship with the man she love(s)(d)? It's just too painful to imagine her continuing on that way, but if she continues to refuse to get help, I just don't know what to do. Believe me, I've pleaded, begged, offered to pay. If I could, I'd do it for her. But we all know I can't do the work for her.
Mitz (Primarily found at the Ulcerative Colitis forum on Healing Well)
Sporadic proctitis since about
1985. Mother had J-pouch surgery 1983.
DX'd with clostridium difficile in 2000. Pred, two courses of Flagyl, then Vancomycin finally got rid of it. 2001 colonoscopy dx'd left-sided UC. . Treated with prednisone, Rowasa, Asacol. Asacol not working, switched to Imuran. Three small flares since in 2002, 2005, and 2007, brought under control with steroid and Rowasa enemas. Lap Chole performed October 26, 2007, after gall bladder attack in June, '07.
Daily meds: 100 mg Azathioprine and 225 mg Effexor XR (for chronic, longstanding depression), many vitamins and Primadophilus Reuteri
Post Edited (MitzMN) : 11/17/2007 5:57:28 PM (GMT-7)