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redbaron
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 11/19/2007 10:24 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello everyone,
For some reason I cannot forget about the past and live in the present. I'm currently engaged and have a 4 month old son with my fiance. We have been together for 3 years and will be getting married next year. My anxiety deals with me having female friends, especially friends with ex girlfriends. I've always maintained friendships with exs and has always been stricktly friends. To make a long story short, I maintained a friendship with an ex and did not tell my girlfriend (who is extremely jealous and insecure) now my fiance. We would occaissionally chat on the phone and we hung out twice. My girlfriend found out about it in April of 2006. Nothing ever happend between us and I've never been unfaithful. We worked things out and got engaged months later. I never worried about the situation as I did nothing wrong. However, in the 7 month of her pregnancy I became extremely nervous about being a Dad and then became guilty about the whole friendship situation with my ex as I started to feel like a cheat. I went to a doctor and was prescribed cymbalta as my thoughts of worthlessness and feeling like a cheat dominated my every thought. I could not function. This subsided after my son was born and for the past 4 months I felt great without meds. Recently, I started to feel extremely stressed again as my son is very demanding on top of never seeing my fiance (conflicting work schedules) and not having sex. The Stress then led to depression and me feeling like a bum and a cheat for what happened a year and a half ago. This led me to have a breakdown last Friday. I went the Doctor the other day and he put me back on Cymbalta and clonopin to help me sleep. He explained that when you have anxiety and can't control it, it can lead to depression which can make you think irrationally and can make you feel guilty about things you should not feel guilty about. The crazy thing is that my fiance is fine with everything and has forgiven me. Furthermore, she actually did the same thing by keeping in touch with an ex at the beginning stages of our relationship.
 
I'm not sure what my question is, but things are great at home....I just can't shake these worthless thoughts I have and the thoughts of feeling like a cheat and a bum.
 
How do i forget about the past and work on the future? It is so hard.
 
 

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 11/20/2007 6:13 AM (GMT -7)   
RedBaron
First of all I want to welcome you to the forum,I am very glad that you found us and I am sure you will find the support that you are looking for.

Everyone has past regrets...I too have the moments where I think about something I did that was stupid and I get a stomach ache.
Your situation is clearly over,your g/f has forgiven you...it is time to move on.
I think that you are having the anxiety due to your life changing so dramatically...a baby,getting married. Lots of responsibility.
That is normal. In fact if you talk to any new father's I bet you will see that they too have experienced the same anxieties.

How long have you been on your current med? It takes 4-6 weeks for most anti depressants to work.
If at that time you do not feel any better then you should contact your doctor and let them know.

A new family is also very exciting...what about taking a weekend off? Can either of your parents watch the baby for a couple of days?
Have a date weekend where it is just the two of you and you can sit back and relax and try to forget about the everyday demands.

Congratulations on the new baby and the upcoming marriage too!

Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Lexapro,Zyban,Buspar,Clonazepam

Have been med free for 2 years now.

www.healingwell.com/donate


redbaron
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 11/20/2007 10:18 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Shy,
Thank you for responding. I do agree that due to the new changes in my life I've become a nervous wreck and that is probably the reason for me worrying about things I should not be worrying about. I've been on cymbalta for a little over a week and taking clonopin to help me sleep for about 5 days. I still feel pretty blue but I am doing a little better than last week as I'm able to function and work. Are there any chat forums for new fathers that perhaps are suffering from the same problems? If so, I'd love to get involved.
Thanks again for resonding.
Red

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 11/21/2007 6:04 AM (GMT -7)   
You are very welcome baron. I am glad that you are seeing some difference,and I bet that after the meds have taken full effect you will be amazed.
I do not know of any chat programs myself,but I bet if you just google "new father chat" you will find something.
We also have a chat program on our site..not sure if there are any new father's but it is worth a try.


Please keep us posted and good luck


Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Lexapro,Zyban,Buspar,Clonazepam

Have been med free for 2 years now.

www.healingwell.com/donate


redbaron
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 11/21/2007 6:20 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Shy,
Reading your bio, I was amazed to see that you've been med free for the past few years. How did you do that? Also, have you ever tried natural remedies like Saint Johns Wort? If so, how did it work for you?
Thanks,
Red
Crohns Disease & Colitis, Anxiety & Depression


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 11/21/2007 9:28 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Red
It was not easy. Changing my environments..new relationship,new job moving away from my Ex husband.
And believe me I still have a need for the meds I am just doing my best with therapy and knowing my mental limits to keep being med free.

I have never tried St John's but I have heard alot of positive feedback from it here on this site.
You could start a new post and title it "St John's Wort" I bet you will get alot of feedback.


Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Lexapro,Zyban,Buspar,Clonazepam

Have been med free for 2 years now.

www.healingwell.com/donate


bionca
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 106
   Posted 11/21/2007 2:55 PM (GMT -7)   
People say that time heals all wounds, and I think that is what you need. Time and your meds. Please try to find a way to forgive yourself, you really haven't done anything that is so terribly wrong. It sounds to me like you should be living and enjoying a very important time in your life. I'm sure your baby is beautiful and a wedding is a very blessed event as well. Just try to keep breathing and RELAX! Please give yourself a chance to be happy. Also, please stay away from herbs like St. John's Wort right now. It's not good to mix them with any anti depressant. I'm sure if you ask your Dr. he'll verify this.  Keep your chin up. Better days are in store for you. As for chat, I love our chat room right here at healing well. Many times other members have helped me get thru difficult moments and I'm happy to say I've returned the favor many times as well. I actually have some people in there I can really call friend. People just gather in a chat room most of the time and we all chat away.  Hope you feel better! tongue
Diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome, Epstein-Barr virus, and severe depression. Have been on Prozac, cylexa, Effexor, and Wellbutrin. Currently, I am prescription free and doing well.


redbaron
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 11/23/2007 5:42 AM (GMT -7)   

Bionca,

Thank you for your reply. I am hoping that time will heal all wounds and that I can forgive myself as everyone else allready has. For some reason I have trouble doing that for a combination of reason, such as me being a prefectionist and that I feel that I've done nothing wrong. My therepist says I'm just using it as a vehicle to be upset when I'm really just stressed out about all the recent changes in my life. I just hate the thought that I feel like a bum and that I just want to run away and crawl under a rock. Now I can see why alot of  guys just take off when things get tough (like her father did). I guess life is not as easy as I thought it would be. I'm hoping that time and meds will truley make me move on and be happy. Aside, from that I truley beleive I need faith in my life as I've started going to church and am leaning towards getting baptisted. I don't know, I'm just trying anything I can to make this work. To many people give up on relationships to easy and I don't want to be one of them...especially when my son is involved. My parents got divorced when I was 7 and that was extremely tough on me.

Well, thanks for listening.

Red


Crohns Disease & Colitis, Anxiety & Depression

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