Pain and Depression- I really need some help. please?

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painsince91
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 77
   Posted 11/19/2007 8:37 PM (GMT -7)   
The last few days. especially today, my pain has been so bad that nothing helped. I took my meds earlier than I was supposed to. I used pain creams, a heating pad, everything I could think of. I cried all day long. I have been on Cymbalta for a few months as I said in another post. My depression has just worsened. I ran out Friday and I meant to call the Dr. but I didn't due to problems at home, so today the tears just would not stop. I did not know you could dry that much. I finally got off the couch and called the Dr, and she said they could work me in at 4:15. So I went and told the Dr. everything. I told him my pain was so bad there was no relief. I told him I was so depressed I could not stop crying. I told him my DH has Alzhiemers and that he expects me to stay home with him 24/7 and about the fights we have been having.
See, my Dh watches tv 16 hours a day and sleeps 8 hours. Same routine every day. He expects me to make his coffee, bring it to him, cokk his meals, bring them to him, pick up his dishes and take to the kitchen. The only thing I don't do for him is pee for him. He knows I'm in pain, but it's all about him.He has no physical pain, no arthritis, no injuries. He has copd and Alzheimers. My body is probably is probably 20 years older than his altho he is 70 and I'm 60.
He is always badmouthing my DS and DGC behind their back, but to my sons face he eats him up. He calls him a user because my son wants me to pick up the kids occasionally. He gripes about the gas I use to pick them up. When they are here, he watches everything they eat or drink and says they waste. He blames me because his grandkids don't come much. He is jealous of mine. All the fights we ever have are over the way he treats my son and grandkids. He thinks his 3 kids can do no wrong. Sure my son is here more then his are. His kids go to their mothers a lot more than they come here. That is normal. But I can't convince him of that.
Meanwhile, I think I am having a nervous breakdown. I can't leave him because of the disease he has. I will take care of him.
My doc wants to send me to a Phsychiatrist. He changed my anti to Lexapro. Has anyone taken this and what were the results?
 If I don't do something, I will die, I thi nk.`

manyembers
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 424
   Posted 11/20/2007 12:40 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi there,

I've no doubt the mods and others here will have some excellent things to share with you. All I can think of to say is to tell you that you don't have to let your husband treat you that way. You can just say "No." "No, get your own dinner. I am in too much pain right now." "No, I am not going to listen to you bad mouth our son," and leave the room. Dr. Phil always says "You teach people how to treat you."

Maybe your husband is used to being the centre of things, and he just needs to have some help to tune into the fact that others around him have feelings and needs too. Some - but not all men seem to have a paradigm that the wives are there to serve them, but really marriage is meant to be a two way street, and I think you deserve a break. It is not easy to say 'no' to people who try to make you feel guilty for it, and maybe he won't like it, but you need to take care of you. Just remember you do have a choice, and you can set some positive things in motion - whether he likes it or not. Follow your heart...maybe he can help you make meals? I don't know to what extent his health is affecting him - but could you assign him simple tasks so it becomes more about an 'us' than 'him?' Maybe just making small changes at first could begin to give you a glimmer of hope. I don't blame you for crying and feeling down with what you are coping with. If you can begin to see where you have the power to make some changes, maybe that will help you feel a bit more hopeful.

I do hope you will feel better soon. Glad you were able to share with yoru doctor all you have been going through, and hopefully he knows of a good psychiatrist - (make sure you find one that is approachable and not too stuffy you know? yeah

Talking to a psych. or a good therapist could be a great outlet for some of the intensity of what you are dealing with.

I don't know what kind of pain you suffer from but I recently discovered peppermint oil (essential oil). Rub it on sore muscles, use it for headaches (rub on forehead or back of neck - where the pain is - I tried it a coupel times and was amazed at how well it works. It stops pain and is also anti-inflammatory I believe.

take good care of you and God bless.

-manyembers

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 11/20/2007 5:55 AM (GMT -7)   
Dear Pain
I am so sorry for what you are going through,you have so much on your plate and it is not fair at all.

I have a serious question,where are his children? Do they understand how he is?
I think it is time for you to ask for help. Call his kids and tell them you need them to come over at least a couple times a week and help take care of their father. Let them know that you are in alot of pain and can't keep this up right now.
Also, I would google Alzheimers,put in your town and see if there are any support groups out there...and it might be time to contact his doctor and let him know what is going on. Maybe they can arrange for a nurse to come to the house a couple times a week.

I do not understand why this man has decided that you are his personal maid,and I do not know what stage his disease is...
There is nothing wrong about asking for help..everyone needs a little help sometimes.

Lexapro is a good med. Keep in mind it does take 4-6 weeks to take full effect,you are going to have to be really strong during this time.

Please think about getting help for your family and remember we will be here for you whenever you need us.

((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))

Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Lexapro,Zyban,Buspar,Clonazepam

Have been med free for 2 years now.

www.healingwell.com/donate


manyembers
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 424
   Posted 11/20/2007 10:23 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi again,

I think Shy has offered you some really excellent suggestions! I hope some of them will work out for you! You are worth it!

take care, mb

painsince91
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 77
   Posted 11/20/2007 6:46 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you for your replies! It is so nice to hear some encouraging words. I am praying the Lexapro works, and yes, ny Dr. has made me an appointment with a Phychiatrist to help me with my depression. I told my DH I would be seeing him and he asked me if I am crazy. You know that is what most people  assume  anyway. But I am going to look at it a way to save my life from the suffering I am going through. Maybe then my body won't be racked with pain like it is now. It has been amplified lately with all the stress I have. I have so many illnesses. I'm sure I have mentioned them before.
Thanks again for your concern. Sometimes it just seems that if someone put their arms around me and asked what can I do to help you?  would be so soothing to my needs.
I'm not sure that will happen in my family. His 3 grown kids don't ever  say , hey thank you for taking such good care of my Dad. Thank you for letting me go on with my selfish life and not have to do anything in the way of caretaking. Oh well, sorry for the rant. Thanks for being a friend and listening!

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 11/21/2007 5:57 AM (GMT -7)   
Pain

Good luck at your appt. Please let us know how it goes.


Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Lexapro,Zyban,Buspar,Clonazepam

Have been med free for 2 years now.

www.healingwell.com/donate

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