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controlled
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 38
   Posted 11/21/2007 12:13 PM (GMT -7)   
sad   What's wrong with me?  I have a chance to go home and be with my family for Christmas, but I'm finding myself making up excuses not to go....as in "it costs too much" and "what will I do with the dog". 
 
I love my family and I haven't seen them in almost a year.  So why do I feel pressured to go home?  Before I moved out of my b/f's house, all I wanted to do is go home.
 
So why not now...especially for Christmas?

djdaz_1985
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 11/22/2007 3:42 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi there,

Christmas is a funny kinna time for people. Some people love it and some people hate it. (Kinna like marmite, if you know what I mean) Me and my family are not very keen on Christmas so there is no real pressure for us to be together. I am not sure what will happen this year as my sister moved out in September but has not moved far away (Same town). I will come back from Uni for Christmas but it is to see my family, not for Christmas. I think if people have families that are really hyper about christmas (I know there are LOADS of people out there) there can be an added pressure to fit in and be like the rest of the family. If you really dont want to go, try explaining that to them. Do you not want to see them or is it because its christmas? If Christmas is the problem then perhaps try resheduling.

Darren
Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
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Co-Moderator - Depression Forum
 
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ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 11/22/2007 5:45 AM (GMT -7)   
Controlled

I went through the very same thing. It was shortly after I finally figured out that my relationship was over,I was not happy with my life at all. I just did not feel that I could face my family. I think I was afraid that they would see right through my fake smiles and then I would break.

Could that be it with you? Are you feeling down and just thinking that you can not handle the questions about how your life is going?

Would your b/f be going with you? If not,I really think this is a great time for you to get away and be within your safety net.
Even though you are older now,and have moved out,a family is a safety net and most families will do anything they can for each other.

Please try to go,I think it will do you a lot of good.

Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Lexapro,Zyban,Buspar,Clonazepam

Have been med free for 2 years now.

www.healingwell.com/donate


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 11/23/2007 5:47 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Controlled,
Just checking on you...how are you?


Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Lexapro,Zyban,Buspar,Clonazepam

Have been med free for 2 years now.

www.healingwell.com/donate


Sadsong
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 344
   Posted 11/25/2007 8:47 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Controlled,

I just went through a similar thing when I was suppose to go home for Thanksgiving. I've been living on my own for the past 13 years, but when I go home I tend to work myself up into a nervous wreck and my folks revert back to treating me like I'm 16 again, I'm 33 now. For me, it seems to coincide with how I anticipate the events that will occur and I start to imagine all the ways things could go wrong or make me feel bad or how I was put down in the past by either my immediate family or extended family, to the point where I can't function anymore I make myself ill. I would suggest paying attention to your thoughts and feelings when you start geting anxious about going home and trying to identify any particular snapshots or phases that pop up. Hope it helps! :)

controlled
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 38
   Posted 11/26/2007 1:57 PM (GMT -7)   
Still not sure what is going on with me.  I would like to easily blame it on my med change but that's too simple.  My family has always enjoyed Christmas whereas I have never had that joyous feeling.  I like to go home for my nephews and of course, my mom, sister, stepdad, and grandma.... and Christmas just always seems like the right holiday to get home.
 
Right now, I'm just BLAH about going home.  I hate to shop for gifts and feel guilty when I get a gift.  I wish there wasn't the pressure of buying presents for this holiday.  I also NEVER know what to buy and this year I don't have the money to spend.  I sure as hell don't want to spend it alone though.  After this past weekend of doing nothing and more of nothing and eating my turkey dinner at a restuarant and being alone, I don't want to relive that for an entire week.
 
Blah blah blah.... I feel like going to sleep and never waking up. If only that were possible.  I'm not talking suicide, just a deep sleep for a couple of years.  Wouldn't that be something, or not.
 
I know I just babble and babble but it's nice to let it out.  Although I still don't know what to do about this freakin holiday mad .  The prices to fly home range from $600-$1000, what is that all about.  And no, the b/f would not be going with me.
 
Thanks for thinking of me

Sadsong
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 344
   Posted 11/26/2007 4:23 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Controlled,

It seems like eventhough it won't be particularly stressful for you to go home "my family has always enjoyed Christmas," the preparation to get ready for Christmas is stressful, especially the amount of money you feel you would need to spend to "make it right." I've often felt that way in the past, but I've finally come to the realization that I only have so much money to spend (I'm saving up to purchase my first home) and my family will love me no matter how much or little I spend on them. It truly is the thought that counts! :)

I also spent this Thanksgiving alone, but I really enjoyed myself! It was nice and quite, unlike it would be at my Grandparents house. Plus, I got to do what I wanted when I wanted rather than sit around and wait for everyone else. So, I went grocery shopping for just the essentials and picked up exactly what I was in the mood to eat (chicken panella with shrimp) and cleaned my apartment. It seemed that as soon as I changed the way I was thinking about the situation (stuck home alone without turkey) to one that had potential (I can eat whatever I like and then clean my bathroom so I can take a nice warm bubblebath) it had a wonderfully postive effect.

I understand where you're coming from Controlled, I've also wanted to just lie down and go to sleep. It seems like the perfect solution at the time, since you wouldn't have to deal with any of these difficulties, but unfortunately or fortunately (depending on how you see it) Rip Van Winkle is a fairy tale! :)

Things will work out. But, in the meantime, take care of yourself and keeping write. It helps to get it all out of your system!

controlled
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 38
   Posted 11/26/2007 5:18 PM (GMT -7)   
you made me giggle sadsong...lol

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 11/27/2007 6:11 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi controlled

I feel the depression around Christmas myself. The stress of buying gifts when you don't have the money.
If it wasn't for my b/f helping me with the gifts they would not be getting anything. It took me a month to ask for help...he had already planned on it,but I did not assume it... I need to get a better paying job,and get back on my feet but we all know how that goes.

I am not sure why the plane tickets are so high right now...we usually go visit his parents in Florida a couple times a year and this year I doubt it will happen..it is crazy.

You know,I came to a conclusion awhile ago...although I don't always get to stick with it..BUT,
if something does not feel right,or if I am stressing about it beforehand then I am trying to not do it.

I have canceled out on plans with friends and family because it seems to always benefit them...and if I have to stress about it,then it is not worth it to me.
I am not saying do not go,just really think about it. If it is going to put you in a financial bind for a long time after....

Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Lexapro,Zyban,Buspar,Clonazepam

Have been med free for 2 years now.

www.healingwell.com/donate


CaryF
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 505
   Posted 11/27/2007 11:17 AM (GMT -7)   
I don't know if this will help or not - but I contacted a professional house sitting agency & have a job housesitting a lovely place for the holidays. They really need help this time of year & it seems to be the perfect answer for me to avoid all holiday stress. My famly is so dysfunctional the holidays only cause me anxiety & depression. I now plan to sign on to this agency for future holidays. I am looking forward to reading, relaxing and enjoying a lovely decorated home for the holidays.

djdaz_1985
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 11/28/2007 2:50 AM (GMT -7)   
Thats a really good idea Cary. For those of us who hate the holidays, its a perfect answer... and presumably you are paid for your services?!
Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
Moderator - Epilepsy Forum
Co-Moderator - Depression Forum
 
Help support the forums so we can support you:  http://www.healingwell.com/donate
 

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