Depression and Brain Injury

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wormhauler
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 11/21/2007 11:42 PM (GMT -7)   
Wife was injured over 2 years ago in a fall, People still tell me how lucky I am she is alive. Married 22 years and now in a prison some of you may understand. Her meds made her dizzy so she stopped one of them on her own, now they are not started again and there is added stress at home with the college girl back home for the holidays.
 
I work a rotating shift so I am gone over 12 hours when I go to work. I hate to get calls at work at midnight because I know it will be a moody down call.
 
I need space and need to somehow let her know I want to be away from her (besides work) for a period of time. Has anyone tried something that works? I know what ever I do, she wants to go with me to be with me. There are so many things I enjoyed by myself, going to the coffee shop with the guys, that now she has a real need to go so she can be at my side. I may call that an extreme dependancy or another big word, insecuirty.
 
Many things at home go undone unless I specifically tell her it is time to do them. Not in all cases but in items out of the ordinary. We are doing construction work at home and it is extremely dusty. Unless I specificlly tell her there is a need to do something, she wont do it on her own. Kinda like a 12 year old would be.
 
Anyway thanks for letting me rant.
 
Roger

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 11/22/2007 5:49 AM (GMT -7)   
Roger

First of all I want to welcome you to the forum,I know you will find the support that you are looking for.
I am so sorry that you and your wife have had to endure all of this. I can not imagine what she is going through everyday.

I have a few questions so that I can truly understand the situation.
After the fall,did they tell you that she might have some problems like what you have described? Does she know that this is going on? What is her mental capabilities?

Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Lexapro,Zyban,Buspar,Clonazepam

Have been med free for 2 years now.

www.healingwell.com/donate


wormhauler
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 11/22/2007 5:21 PM (GMT -7)   

After the fall of couse was the recovery at a rehab center for about two months in patient, then about 4 months outpaitient rehab 5 days a week. That said, it was obvious she would have some depression and was on meds for it then. The therapists would not say it would stay the same, get better or get worse.

 

Does she know this is going on? No she thinks I am perfectly happy with her at my side every waking minute I am avaliable. There are a few activities that I participate in outside of work that she stays away from. If I would tell her I wanted to go to the hardware store, and wanted to go alone she sould not understand. When I do take her she asks tons of questions, why did you buy that screwdriver, why didn't you park in the other parking spot, you have what you came for why are you looking at this stuff, what do you call that thing, OH look a trinket, I love that trinket, can't I just get it? Can we go to the fabric store after this?

Her mental capabilities are about as a 12 year old or less on some things. Aphasia, she knows what things are but canot name them so I spend a lot of time trying to coax out of her more desriptions of what she is trying to explain. She is good at math, good (but slow) at repetetive things.

We have a 19 year old girl. My wife remebers the better times when the girl was about 12 when they were best buds. She doesn't remember the last few years where the typical mother daughter relationships start to erode. So when the two get together, she does't always cope. The 19 year old lacks the maturity and patience to moderate her tones when dealing with the frustration of helping her mother deal with the confusion. If Mom is not included in a conversation it frustrates her and she feels left out worthless, when the in the real case the daughter is trying to avoid a hard conversation explaining everything that is going on.

I have a neice that is downs syndrome, she is happy as can be because she never knew any different, my wife however remembers that whe had great capabilities to function in a world that is not real patient.

Roger


Care giver Husband and Father


els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 11/22/2007 7:38 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey Roger, I'm sorry for what your family has been through.  I can in some ways relate, I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis 6 yrs ago and it has effectived my cognitive abilities somewhat.  Of course there are good and bad days but speak, remembering things, and recall are always a problem.  I can notice when people get fustrated...which in turn fustrates me more with myself. 
 
I wondered if your wife has had any kind of occupational thearpy?  Though I am not familiar with her disorder much, she could benefit from OT.  This helps strengethen the mind, memory and such.  Also, your so right that she would have some kind of depression...who wouldnt after that?  It seems that she is latching onto you as a security blanket, which as her husband there should be security for her but perhaps she doesnt understand how much she is now succuficating you with her neediness.
 
It sounds as if you are going to have to take the lead and perhaps look into some counseling for her.  There are special counselors for people who have severe illness and injurys so, this is the the specialitiy i would look for.  She needs to have some techniques on how to handle herself, behavior and hopefully give her ideas on how to keep herself occupied.  Then perhaps you can look into Occupational Thearpy which you can seek through her primary doc.  Also know that there are many org. that can help or at least give you some good info. 
 
http://www.aphasia.org/

Elisha
Co~Mod: Depression
Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease
http://www.healingwell.com/donate


wormhauler
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 11/22/2007 8:26 PM (GMT -7)   

Thanks Elisha, Yes she did go through occupational therapy. She gets along fine with ability to do things, cook clean drive work at some jobs. She just needs extra time and instruction to start a new job. If she feels hurried, or there are a lot of people doing the same task, she feels in the way. Yes I know I will have to take the lead on getting her the right kind of heap. Her original rehab left me with no suggestions except she is yours now, have fun. Her medical Dr does't seem to grasp the situation, her psychatrist, or the other Dr seemed only to want to see her every month and rsubsribe the meds. Questions such as how are you doing were asked. Of course she was ok so the meds stayed the same.

We are in a small town, I am involved in work, and farming so I am real busy and not real good at finding her help. I knida wish there was an advocate that could talk to her, and understand her and guide her to the right arena. I know I sound selfish, I hope it is just burn out.

She had a rough time for a while, was on Lexapro, didn't help completley the added Risperdal. This calmed her down quite a bit. These meds caused her dizzyness so when the Lex ran out she stopped taking it. Now she is back to where we started. I think that when she gets balanced again life will return to manageable. She will still remain needy, but maybe not as depressed.

Is there hope that she can beat the needy, insecureness that she is experiencing? I cannot push her away from me to breath without her feeling abandoned.

roger


Care giver Husband and Father


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 11/23/2007 5:44 AM (GMT -7)   
Roger
Elisha has giving you great advice. I wonder if there is anyway that she could join some type of class,or group that would get her out of the house one day a week,and give you some time alone too?
I am so sorry that you both are going through this..getting her more help in order to help yourself sounds like a major priority. I can not imagine the frustration for both of you.


Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Lexapro,Zyban,Buspar,Clonazepam

Have been med free for 2 years now.

www.healingwell.com/donate


els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 11/23/2007 9:03 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Roger, Shy has great suggestions on seeing about classes, or clubs she may join to keep her occupied.  You said she stopped taking her Lexapro...is she still taking Risperdal?  A lot of times it takes several medications before a doctor can find the right one that will work.  Communication with the doctor on negative effects are important so that changes can be made.

Also, the more you describe your wife the more I have to wonder if perhaps she may have some sort of anxiety disorder.  It may be worth looking into when she goes back to the psychiatrist.  There are many anti-anxiety medications that could help with some of these problems.  Do you go into her appointments with her?  If not you may want to get her permission to go in with her then you are going to have to explain to her psychiatrist exactly what is going on with her.  If her psychiatist isnt responsive to what your telling him/her then I would find another. 

The psychiatrist should be able to suggest somone in your area that can help her with these other issues.  Plus if you have a doctor recommend the help then it helps with insurance...Hopefully eyes

Take care 



Elisha
Co~Mod: Depression
Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease
http://www.healingwell.com/donate

Post Edited (els) : 11/23/2007 9:13:42 AM (GMT-7)


wormhauler
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 12/2/2007 9:09 PM (GMT -7)   
I have been away for a few days, I belive if she stays busy she will feel a lot better about herself.

Care giver Husband and Father


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 12/3/2007 5:31 AM (GMT -7)   
You are her husband Worm,so you have to trust your gut feelings and move on that..let us know how things are going.



Good Luck


Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Lexapro,Zyban,Buspar,Clonazepam

Have been med free for 2 years now.

www.healingwell.com/donate

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