Why am I the bad guy?

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redbaron
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 11/23/2007 7:27 AM (GMT -7)   
Good morning,
Some of you may have read some of my other post and I have noticed the severe depression I feel I'm in. I have a fiance and a 4 month old son. My son is awesome but my fiance is another story. She has severe anger issues and has many other problems such as low self esteem and insecurity. From the day a met her she has been an extremely jelous woman. I don't know what to do about it now as she has made me feel like such a bad person. I have been one of have many female friends and even have maintained friendships with ex girlfriends. Knowing her insecurities I never told her about my friendship with an ex girlfriend of mine. Well, she eventually found out about our friendship and went crazy. She finally got over but still to this day has made me feel like a cheat. Now she blaims me for having to be on medication as I have encouraged her to get help by seeing a therapist and if needed medication. I mean she blaims me for all of her problems. She ran up her cell phone bill to some outrageous amount and blamed me for it because I told her to adjust her plan. It is really getting too much and has made me feel like a bad guy. Now I'm taking medication for my anxiety of being a new dad and the guilt she bestows on me. I don't know how much more I can take, but I know I cannot leave my son. He is my little angel.
I'm trying to be supportive, but I guess I miss my independence and my stress free life.
Thanks for listening,
Red
Crohns Disease & Colitis, Anxiety & Depression


andrew1948
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 97
   Posted 11/23/2007 8:17 AM (GMT -7)   
Redbaron: It looks like to need to weigh the issues and decide if you want to continue in a relationship that is causing harm to both of you. Furthermore it not healtly to bring up your son in this kind of environment.

No doubt the jealousy issues is due to her low self esteem. You need to sit down with your fiance and have a heart to heart talk. Both of you need to be honest with each other and explain your feelings. It is possible you and her can benefit from some counseling.

She may need some anger management classes but the key thing is to have a discussion with her and both of you express your feelings and be open and honest with each other. This may determine if you feel the relationship can continue. The problems cannot be solved overnight but it is a first step and you can progress from the first step.

good luck to you
successful with herbal, vitamins and minerals


els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 11/23/2007 9:45 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi redbaron, It sounds as if your dealing with some very serious issues here that as andrew stated cant be solved overnight.

No doubt you love your son and the thought of being separated from him is unbearable for you.  However, you really need to ask yourself if this woman is "the one", that one person you want to spend the rest of your life, wake up to everyday, share your private thoughts and feelings and know that she understands and supports you in everything.

I was in a similar relationship we lived together for 7 years and he was always very jealous of my friends (most were guy friends...I always got along better with them then females...lol).  He was always very angry and accused me of things I did not do.  Eventually, I did separate myself from my friends as I felt I loved him and thought there was a sense of security for some odd reason.  He also had low self esteem, insecurity problems due to his ex-wife cheating on him...he never resolved this problems before we met.

Anyhow, stupid me we ended up getting married and I knew it was wrong, that I was making a mistake but everything had been paid for and I guess I still thought he would change like he always said he would.  Things were good for a few months then started to go down hill again.  I left him 2 months before our 5th wedding anniversary.  I don't have kids but he does from his first wife (that his parents have custody of) so it was very difficult. 

I had to come to terms with the fact that he just wasn't right for me no matter how much I loved him. 

Counseling is a wonderful idea for you both however, it sounds as if she has some serious issues that she needs to deal with.  Weither it is with medication, counseling or behavior modification she has to be open to dealing with these problems.

Take care


Elisha
Co~Mod: Depression
Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease
http://www.healingwell.com/donate


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 11/24/2007 6:26 AM (GMT -7)   
RedBaron
Elisha has nailed this situation as far as I am concerned.
If it is bad now,just think about what will happen if you get married with all of these unresolved issues.

Now,your very first post was basically about you feeling guilty and you told us that she had forgiven you.
Now,it sounds like she really did not forgive you,or is this something that she is now using to get even because she is very upset about something else?

She just had a baby,therefore her self esteem is gone. Her body has changed,her hormones are going crazy.
And,in her mind you still talk to your Ex girlfriends. If you are still doing that,you need to cut it off NOW!
Why put her through that? And what would you have to talk to them about anyway?

If this is a situation to where you both are using your Ex's to get back at your current partner that needs to stop too.

You both have a child,who needs to have responsible parents. It is your responsibility to raise that child in a healthy environment and this is not sounding very healthy to me.

I am sorry if I sound harsh,but if you read your first post and then this one things seem to have changed overnight,which makes me think that it was alot worse than you originally told us.

Think about where this all is leading,and if you see it getting better or not.

Please keep us posted

Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Lexapro,Zyban,Buspar,Clonazepam

Have been med free for 2 years now.

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getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40601
   Posted 11/24/2007 12:55 PM (GMT -7)   
I think once you both realize that you can't be or feel responsible for the other one's moods that you both will be able to see the situation much more clearly. It is too easy to feel the other person is the reason for your own issues. I mean moods and why you had to go on medication.
You both need to be honest with eachother of you will get nowhere and only end up hurting eachother and your prescious child. Put the child's best interest at heart. Do what is best for them. Everything else will fall into place, but it takes time and hard work.
And remember nobody can make you angry or depressed unless you let that happen. You both have important issues to work out but only you, yourself can do that. Remember your son's welfare is at stake.
Huggs,
getting by
fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies


MMMNAVY
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 11/25/2007 6:34 AM (GMT -7)   
I think I need more information like what you mean by "I miss my independence and my stress free life." Having a child and getting married is high stress, but why are you feeling the way you are? Why do I feel like there is something more there?

 


Forum Moderator 
We will find a way, or make one.-Hannibal (crossing the Alps in the 15th Century on war elephants) 
Make sure your suffering has meaning...

Post Edited (MMMNAVY) : 11/25/2007 12:33:33 PM (GMT-7)


Mulelogan
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 11/26/2007 8:44 PM (GMT -7)   
I'd give my usual advice: start drinking heavily.


J/k, j/k, no sense being depressed if you can't have fun with it.

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 11/28/2007 4:11 PM (GMT -7)   

Hello Redbaron,

This is Kitt...........and please do not start drinking heavily. I see that was a joke :)

I have seen some great questions and advice here and I tend to agree with Navy.  Not a lot of info for us to be making informed advice from but I would like to remind you that you can only fix yourself and not your girlfriend.
 
If you feel you are having issues with depression you should be concentrating on you.  It may take a long time to work through your issues so please be patient and do not give up on you.
 



 
Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression, GERD, Osteoarthritis
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It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


Jealousy1980
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 11/28/2007 7:01 PM (GMT -7)   
I have terrible jealousy issues and if I found out my boyfriend was continuing a relationship with an ex-girlfriend that would really eat me alive. I guess thats why I am on this website looking for help. I hope you can focus on your son's and your own needs and get to where you want to be in your life.

best wishes
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