HELP!!! Will there ever be an end to this?????

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Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 144
   Posted 11/26/2007 9:36 PM (GMT -6)   
Marriage has ups and downs. Sickness and in health. I meant it when I said this over 20 years ago and still do, but when do you stop and call it a day?
We had a great 2 days. Worked on his job stuff. It seemed like he finally turned a corner. Then last night he was up all night--anxiety--vomitting and all. I was right there with him, telling him was ok. Getting him tums/gasx/etc. This morning I gave him a pep talk. I went out for an appt when I cam back he was still in bed. He then told me a huge lie. I caught him in the lie--and he told me he lied to make me proud of him. I had told him Sunday night how proud I was of his commitment to change. He had two really good days, then the work week came into view--and he could not handle it. He called in sick. He is on probation. There is no way he will be able to keep his job. His boss does not know that he is treating for depression and anxiety. I screamed and yelled and ranted and raved and begged,  but I still could not get him out of bed to go to work. How am I going to support our family? How can I keep it all together? Should I change the locks and pack his bags? Will that work???
He is taking his meds. His outlook seems good, it is just that he does not want to make good choices. His psychiatrist told him he is no longer depressed, he just does not want to make appropriate choices. Husband said he does not understand why his brain works the way it does. his therapist told him not to worry about his brain functioning, just do the right thing and not worry about how his brain is working.
I do not want to live like this anymore. I need peace. My children need a father who is there for them and not in bed. He has abandoned us. We go to the therapist and he says he will go to work then he does not. There is no place for him to go--but he needs to leave. His parents live far away. His brother does not speak with him. I can not burden our friends with him.
I am at a loss.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 11/27/2007 8:05 AM (GMT -6)   

He needs to get in touch with the HR Department at his job and let them know that he is being treated for depression. Maybe that will give him a little more time to get his act together and not loose his job.
I normally would tell someone to be very careful when it comes to the HR Dept/Depression because not alot of jobs even care enough to understand. But,if he is on his last rope with this job then I don't think that it would make a difference if they didn't care in the first place. least there is hope that they will.

You have to do what is right for you and your kids. We can't tell you that you should just kick him out,that would not be fair of us to make those decisions for you.

I do not even know what I would do in your situation. One he is not pulling his load and it is making you sick yourself. Two he is sick,but is not trying to get better....I am not sure what is going on in his mind,maybe he needs to go to the hospital and check in???

Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,

Have been med free for 2 years now.

New Member

Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 16
   Posted 12/19/2007 12:42 AM (GMT -6)   

shynsassy feels that I can relate to you. I hope you do not mind. I am enclosing a little bit about my situation...

My husband has been diagnosed with severe depression. He hid this from me until after our marriage. Now all he does is lay in bed doing absolutely nothing. He refuses to seek help. I've contacted his doctors, the police, nurses, and crises intervention. All said they would not do anything as he is not a threat to himself or others.
I feel not bathing for 2 weeks, not eating (maybe a piece of toast all day), losing so much weight, and a complete lack of interest in anything constitutes a harm to himself and stated this to all of them.
He takes 120 milligrams of Cymbalta a day. He also is on the durasegic patch--50 that he changes every 3 days, Ambien (for sleeping yet I told the doctor that he sleeps 18+ hours a day with just the Cymbalta).
I just want to know if anyone else has had these side effects.
Thanks for listening.

After reading your "letters" I feel we do have a lot in common. Please feel free to email me. I do not see anyone as I do not have insurance. I do not believe my husband has the capability to see/understand the consequences of his actions, or should I say his lack of action.
Christmas use to be a happy time for me but not this year.

Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 144
   Posted 12/19/2007 7:20 AM (GMT -6)   


I am SO SORRY that you are in this situation. I had hoped I was the only one, I would not wish this on my worst enemy.  Here is what I did to get dh help:

1. Count his pills. All of them. Make sure he is not taking more ambien than needed. I found my dh was taking more Ambien than needed which caused the sleeping issues. If dh is misusing meds his doctor can have him committed.

2. Go to every dr appointment with husband. Let your dh know that you are going in to see the doctor with him. Let the doctor know exactly what is going on in the house and that the meds are not working.

3. Call his therapist before each and every one of his appointments and leave a voice mail message about what has happened between visits.

4. Call every friend your husband has and tell them exactly what is going on in your husbands life. I called two of his friends who hauled him out of bed and to the local psychiatric hospital. They assessed and admitted dh for four days.

All in all I have to say it has been a lot of work for nothing.(I am in a particularly bitter mood this morning due to his response to our 17year olds neuro problem she developed in the last 48 hours). He is going to the local day psychiatric program about 50% of the time. The rest of the time he is in bed.

What has helped me is knowing I have done all I can. Going to the library and getting books about supporting your spouse through depression. This website and the anne sheffield website about depression fallout. Plus my best friend who calls me every day to check on me and lets me tell her exactly what is going on. I try to stay on a monthly schedule with me psychiatrist, it is too expensive to go more often than that.

I hope your situation turns out better than mine is.


New Member

Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 16
   Posted 12/19/2007 8:34 AM (GMT -6)   

Thanks for responding,


1. I've counted all his many pills and have informed (both verbally and faxed them all a letter) that he is abusing the pills. For example, he took 12 Percoset in less than 24 hours (our wedding day). This doctor stopped them for now as I told them a lawyer was involved. The VA which is governmentally run just prescribed more of different meds.

2. I've stopped going to most of his appointments. I've told all the doctors my side and they refuse to listen.
For example, the psychiatrist asked him if he bathes every day. He bathes about once a week, sometimes once every two weeks. Of course he'll bathe right before his appointment so he appears clean. He said yes.
I said no and explained. The doctor wrote that he bathes daily.

3. I've not called and left a voice mail as I am not sure of the ramifications for me (herassment?)

4. I have called his friends. He does not have many due to his behavior. When one from NY came to talk to him he made sure he was on his best behavior. He is a genuine con man....

It looks like we're in the same boat....

Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 144
   Posted 12/19/2007 5:55 PM (GMT -6)   
Oh yeah we are in the same boat.

I am so so sorry.

Take care of you--that can mean working, finding a place for you to go and get a break, find someone to unload to--here or a support group. There arent any I can find in my area, maybe you will be more fortunate. Check the NAMI website.

Sometimes I wonder why there is not a sleep all the time anonymous.

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40386
   Posted 12/19/2007 6:27 PM (GMT -6)   
Rosebud and wifeofdepression,
Don't you two think it is way cool that you found eachother? I sure do. Thanks to Healingwell depression forum. This place is so helpful and all of the people are wonderful.
I am so glad that you found eachother, I think you are going to help eachother.
Just wanted to say that.
getting by
fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies

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