depressed,anxious, and angry due to marital conflict

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Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 11/27/2007 8:48 PM (GMT -6)   
My husband and I have are having a difficult time adjusting to raising our 3yr old twins, one of whom has special needs.  We have no quality time just the 2 of us, which we talk about changing, but it never seems to happen due to our busy schedule.  In the past, my husband has struggled with drinking and depression, mainly as a result of having a bone marrow transplant 18 yrs ago.  about a year ago, he successfully quit drinking all but nonalcoholic beer.  However, over the Thanksgiving Holiday when twins and I were out of town for the night, he ended up going out to eat by himself, drinking and driving and let an old friend from his past he ran into talk him into going to a "gentleman's establishment." In my eyes, I view that as borderline cheating and told him so.  Also, our finances are very tight and borrowing money from parents is quite common right now.  He spent $30 on dinner, which dinner was fine with me as everyone needs downtime, esp. us, but somehow we lost $100 from our account and he can't quite explain it to me.  He also took out $330, but after looking at our account online, $320 was redeposited quickly, which when I talked to him about it, he did tell me about.  He did admit to me there was no way he should have been driving.  He did apologize, cried the whole 9 yards.  Since then though, I realize I have been snippy, which he is currently complaining about, but now he just says he's apologized, it's up to me now to figure out how I feel and it is like he is mad at me when I am not the one who did anything.  I told him I am working on getting thru this, but I am not there yet. I am so dissappointed and angry with him and never thought I would have to deal with this in my marriage.  How do I get over this?  I am stuck, sad, mad, and never stop thinking about it during the day. I suffer from anxiety and already take 10mg of Lexapro.  Please help!   

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Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 11/28/2007 5:52 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi there,

It does sound like you need this quality time together. Perhaps set a time and day (Say... 20.00-22.00 on a Wednesday) and stick to it. It might be difficult to start with (Especially with twins) but the routine should settle things down. As for "Gentlemens Establishments" I think you do need to work out how you feel about this and then sit down and talk it out. It is wrong that he is mad with you, but at the same time I do agree with him (Because I think, in a cack-handed way, he is trying to say that he wants to sort this out and move on)

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Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 11/28/2007 8:02 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Kody
Welcome to the forum,I am sure you will find the support that you are looking for.

I think your husband needs to understand that you are having a very hard time with the night out,simply because you do not understand the need to see other women like that... maybe ask him how he would feel if you went out and did the same thing in a place where men dance?
that is a touchy subject between alot of couples I know.

I think that you need to go back into the doctor and see if you can get the med increased. 10mg is not alot,and if you are having major anxiety then it is time to do that.

Please keep us posted and good luck with the twins!!! I can't imagine having 2 babies that is for sure.

Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,

Have been med free for 2 years now.

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