Why Am I So Jealous?

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New Member

Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 11/28/2007 8:42 PM (GMT -6)   
I have always had a touch of jealousy (being an only child and all) but lately it has been eating me up and killing my relationship with a person I truly love and want to be with. The last few months it seems when ever I get down in the dumps I think and imagine all the women my boyfriend has been with before me ( I know he has been with alot).  He never talks about them or even trys to make me jealous in any way.  its just all me... I have begun trying to search for his past girlfriends online.  I imagine him having sex with them.  I begin to hate pritty girls I see on tv or on the street.  If I see my bf take an extra look at a hot chick on tv I get mad at him.  All my mind seems to focus on lately is his past gf's.  Its a constant circle.  I cried last night over it and he tried to reason with me as to why I am feeling like this but he doesn't know either.  he thinks i am bipolar perhaps because I get these jealous spells at least once a month........ i begin asking him about his past gf's and get mad if he doesn't tell me... therefore he is forced to tell me the info i want but that tears me apart.  I am a university student and in the midst of finals and semester end... I truly need to concentrate on school and not these useless and trivial things that are ruling my life right now. 
I really love my bf and we have been together over a year now.  Our relationship is strong and we are best friends.  How can I stop these thoughts?  I don't want to push him away any more... this jealousy is wearing on both of us.
Please advise :-)

Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2003
Total Posts : 424
   Posted 11/28/2007 9:13 PM (GMT -6)   
Are you seeing a therapist? If not, you might want to consider seeing someone get past your jealously issues. Maybe it's something from your childhood, competition with a sibling, or your parents favoured one sibling over you?

One thing you have to build upon is your own self esteem and self confidence. Don't compare yourself to anyone!

Another thing to keep in mind, his past is HIS past. The past is what made him who he is today, in and out of bed, so don't feel threatened by it (unless he is giving you good reason to feel jealous, like flirting with girls infront of you, or constantly talking about his ex's) remember you are the one with him, not those other girls. Searching for his ex's online is not helping either, so focus that energy into your school work and keep busy when you feel the jealously hitting you.

If you do decide to get some counselling, they'll help you control the thoughts and feelings, teach you how to be confident in yourself and also how to 'be' the in the relationship without the bad feelings.

Hope this helps.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 11/29/2007 7:24 AM (GMT -6)   

I have my bouts of jealousy,and like you hate it! But,my part is because he does talk about his Ex's..nothing sexual or comparing just little stories here and there and it drives me crazy...

One thing I have to remember is that I have an Ex,and I know he is reminded of that all of the time just because I have 2 kids.

If your b/f does not talk about the other girls,then you have no reason to feel threatened...

Now,between us girls...you say that it happens once a month?? It would not happen to be the time of your period?
When you feel like crap,and your emotions and hormones are wacky?

Just something to think about..

Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,

Have been med free for 2 years now.


getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40409
   Posted 11/29/2007 11:46 AM (GMT -6)   
oooooh Jealousy,
As Red said do not compare yourself to others, there will always be greater and lesser people than yourself. This causes a lot of insecurity. Please stick to your studies, you are at a very important time in your life and you don't want to mess that up. You cannot control what happened in the past. He loves you now and that is what is important. Just focus on your present relationship, and your studies. When you are insecure, men don't like that. They are attracted to somebody with good self confidence. The insecurities might drive him away. I know you don't want that.
When you get the jealous thoughts in your head mentally say "stop, stop, stop" and then try to think of something else. Either he is yours or he isn't, let go of these thoughts, if it is meant to be it will. I know how awful it feels to be jealous, you don't want to spend your life feelling awful, and eventually alone due to being jealous.
I hope that this will help you,
getting by
Now put on that beautiful smile and be happy.
fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 11/29/2007 3:52 PM (GMT -6)   


Hi, I am Kitt and just a few thoughts for you to mull over. :)

Jealousy comes about because of the insecurity of the jealous person. You may want to look into therapy to learn how to cope with your issues.

If you are jealous, you need to communicate. You need to stop assuming the worst and ask questions. Communicate your feelings so you can work out solutions.  Discuss your feelings in the present,  make plans for the future, and keep the lines of communication open.  If you can do that your relationship will most likely be a big success.

Gentle Hugs


Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression, GERD, Osteoarthritis
*Wife of a Crohnie*
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~

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