New here, disability?

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misspstink
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 67
   Posted 11/29/2007 3:20 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi I just found this site and I am hoping it to be a nice way to find some outside support. I am 34, moved home with my folks after an abusive relationship and bad break up. My life went from having everything to having nothing and now being in serious debt. I have been hospitalized on several occassions and attempted suicide twice. First they say I have a mood disorder....pile me up with depekote and abilify. I felt like crap. Then Depekote and paxil, I was low and then high as a kite. Finally I saw a new Dr. and she say I am just suffering from clinical depression and PTSD. Med change to cymbalta, so far so good.
I can't find the energy to even get out of bed most days. I want to work, despite my therapists suggestions of going on disability. I have to file bankruptcy, and I'm not even done with college. All these things go through my head all day and every day. I cry for no reason, I won't go out, I'm lonely as hell. My friends have all abandonded me, and I feel like things will never change. I have two dogs that I adore, but they too are suffering from my lack of interest in anything.
I'm scared I'll be alone like this forever and I honestly feel like a looser. The holidays are coming and I'll be home alone through them all.
My ex just wrote me a nasty email telling me his new girlfriend is better and smarter in everyway and I am just dumb. Thanks!!!! He did some really awful things to me and I think I just let my self worth plumet into the toilet and NOW I CAN'T GET OUT!!!!!!
Has anyone gone on disability and returned to school? I hate feeling this way. I used to be so fun and lively. People say I have a dark look in my eyes, well yeah, I'm bumming the entire day!!!!
eyes   eyes eyes confused confused confused mad mad mad

Another Day
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 1055
   Posted 11/29/2007 10:05 PM (GMT -7)   
Are you talking about Social Security disability?  I haven't done that.  I was diagnosed with epilepsy about 15 months ago while I was working at a local university.  I have applied for disability through the state education system and have been turned down twice and am awaiting a hearing at which time my attorney will go with me.  It has taken me 15 months to get to 90 days seizure free where I can drive, therefore I have not been able to work.  I also have severe asthma.  Of course, I know that I can't expect to stay seizure free.
 
Most states have a Welfare to Work system, but it doesn't really sound like you're ready for that just yet.  Do you think you are ready to attend college right now today?  Without knowing more about your situation, it sounds to me like what you need at this time would be Social Security disability, then as you get better, you could make a plan to attend college and could probably even get some assistance with that from the Welfare to Work Program.  I think you are going to have to take it one day at a time.
 
Take care!
 
Carla

Moderator, Allergies/Asthma
 
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Epilepsy, asthma, GERD, depression, hypothyroidism, tinnitus


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 11/30/2007 5:37 AM (GMT -7)   
missp

I might have to disagree with your therapist,and remember this is just an opinion.
By you not going back to work,then you are going to be home everyday with nothing to take your mind off of your problems.

Going back to work,and seeing a weekly paycheck I think will be a great boost in your ego.

I got out of a very abusive relationship in 2001,and it has taken me quite awhile to get out of my rut.
But,it can be done.

Like Carla said all you can do is take it one day at a time,but make sure your own personal needs are met daily.

As far as the X, people that are abusive love control.And by you leaving him he lost all control. So,sending nasty little emails like that in his mind is giving him back some of that control.
Put him on your email block list...or make his emails go into your junk folder. You do not need it.
Do not answer the phone,and if you see him on the street walk away (make sure you get to a safe place).

It is easier to get back on your feet when they are not harassing you...

Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Lexapro,Zyban,Buspar,Clonazepam

Have been med free for 2 years now.

www.healingwell.com/donate


misspstink
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 67
   Posted 12/1/2007 12:17 PM (GMT -7)   
I honestly want to work. Get me up each morning and out the door. Something to look forward to really. Make money YES!!!! I just feel stuck, like I can't move. I want a push, but there's just one problem. My skills are limited and I know this sounds like I am complaining, but my employment has been a nanny, ortho and dental assistant. Nanny pays best, but would it be a good idea for me to take a job caring for someone's kid? I'd say probably not. Oh man, I'm shaking and the anxiety is just getting so unbearable.

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 12/2/2007 10:11 AM (GMT -7)   

misspstink

Hello and welcome to Healing Well and the Depression forum.  You will meet many kind and caring membrs here that know where your coming from and what your going through.

Your story resembles my own and I am a lot older than you but I had a major meltdown 2 years ago and I am still putting myself together. 

I would agree with others here that setting a future goal to return to work is a good idea. As for the EX, deep six his email, he is not your best friend..........................no way.  Block his emails. Just my 2 cents worth on that subject. :)

For now try setting tiny realistic everyday goals.  I bought some plain spiral note books and the first thing each morning I would write down my goals..........I mean I was like you, I could not thinK of why I should even get up as my life felt like it was over.

My goals will sound silly to some but I made it work for me. I numbered them and started with  1. Get up and eat breakfast.  2. Wash Hair  3.  Walk 5 mins on treadmill. etc.  I gave myself permission to not beat myself up if I did not accomplish all my goals.

As I got better, I made my goals bigger and the day I got on a plane a year later all by myself to fly to Missouri to meet a friend I was so proud of how far I had come.

Yes, I have had set backs but I allow myself to cry when I need to, I am not perfect, I am a person that has depression. I did discover there is light at the end of the tunnel so keep taking babysteps toward that light.

Have you thought of doing an online course just for fun?  Something entertaining and inexpensive.

Gentle Hugs to you

Kitt


 
Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression, GERD, Osteoarthritis
*Wife of a Crohnie*
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It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


misspstink
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 67
   Posted 12/2/2007 12:33 PM (GMT -7)   
I woke today and felt a lot better. I started looking for jobs in the local paper, I don't qualify for much since I have yet to finish my degree, BUT I AM certain there has got to be something out there for me.

I felt fine a few month ago, then ex decided to come back and that ruined everything. Then I became twice as bad. Ex is out of my life for ever!!!!

Thank you for your help. I appreciate everyone's advice and stories. At least I know I am not alone here.

Now it's what to do for a job?

djdaz_1985
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 12/3/2007 4:02 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi there,

Im glad that you are feeling better at the moment and that your outlook on the future is brighter. As for work... you could do all-sorts of unskilled labour (As I do) until you finish your degree and then the world is your oyster!!!

Best Wishes

Darren


Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
Moderator - Epilepsy Forum
Co-Moderator - Depression Forum
 
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ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 12/3/2007 5:30 AM (GMT -7)   
Miss

I am at a dead end job and in the process of finding another one.
It is very frustrating I know,but just take it one day at a time,and even if you don't think you are the "perfect candidate still apply...you never know.


There are so many things out there that you can do, so don't sell yourself short


Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Lexapro,Zyban,Buspar,Clonazepam

Have been med free for 2 years now.

www.healingwell.com/donate

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