when does it get better?

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manyembers
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 424
   Posted 12/3/2007 1:26 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi,

I am definitely depressed. Partly just fatigue (health related). It is confusing to try 150% and just see things get worse...that sums up how I feel about my life.

Right now we are staying with my husband's friends/business associates in the U.S. because we have found some therapeutic resources here for me. I have a highly screwed up childhood background and most therapists where we have lived don't have training to deal with what I've been through. Anyway, I find it really hard living with people for many reasons - I'm soft spoken. I'm shy. I have anxiety around people I don't know/trust. I have chronic fatigue - probably cfs and fibro. type pain - which makes my energy to be around people a lot low.

At first it seemed like the ideal situation, but now it sucks and I hate it big time. The man of the house is someone I don't want to come near me. He's only home on week-ends but every time he comes home I'm triggered into major stuff - his personality reminds me of the meanies I grew up around! And talking to him everything seems to bounce right off hikm. He doesn't get it.

Anyway, I really want the help that is here in this area - called a therapist today. But the thought of living here makes me want to hurt myself - I feel so trapped. Husband just wants to keep trying to work things out with the guy here, and me, I just want to be believed that he's not a safe person. Even if I'm wrong! lol

I just wanted somewhere that I could scream and say how badly I am hurting, so thought I'd post here. All I want to do is go home!!! but I don't feel like I should because I could potentially receive help here and back home the resources are null.

I don't expect anyone to have any answers. I just needed to reach out because I feel like my pain is too much to hold inside. My husband is usually pretty good - but he is encouraging me in ways that make me want to scream at him too. I feel like all these people here are NOT the type of people I gravitate toward but he loves em all and starts sounding just like them to me at times.

I don't understand how life can be this painful when there is such beauty all over creation. I feel like I just want to run away from this situation - but running away will just push everything back in until the next time I get triggered. I know that, but it doesn't make staying here and facing things any easier. But it's depressing - we've moved about 15 times in 7 or 8 years, and have had to live with peopel before. I wonder if we are ever going to have a place to settled down. (Why so many moves is a long story - but a combo. of nasty landlords, moldy houses, and searching for a good place to settle) But all that instability just makes me feel like what's the use? Does it EVER end??????? Do I ever get a chance to rest? I wish I coudl feel the joy and hope I used to feel years ago, but life hasn't been very rosey and I am not sure what to tell myself anymore. I try to tell myself "Just find joy in the little things" but what i usually hear myself saying is "I wish this day was over" and "another day of pain" and blah, blah, blah.

Thanks for listening. I like this forum. I read here a lot.

hope everyone is finding good ways to feel okay today.

manyembers

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40592
   Posted 12/3/2007 3:37 PM (GMT -7)   
It sounds like you are working toward good things, though sometimes it does take time. You found a therapist and will be seeing him/her soon. Let us know how this works out.
Your husband has a job, so in time maybe you will have your own place. Try to give it a little time, are you afraid of the guy of the house? Has he given you something to fear? Tell your therapist and I am sure you will get some answers. Tell your husband if need be.
I hope you can resolve this soon. Please keep in touch.
Hugs,
getting by
fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies


manyembers
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 424
   Posted 12/3/2007 4:46 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks gettingby,

I feel so overwhelmed right now. It was nice to read your response as it helps me feel not so alone.

The guy in this house is not a physical danger, but emotionally whenever I am around him, he tries to 'encourage' me which is basically telling me to do what he thinks I need to do to heal (meanwhile I've been in this thing for over a decade). And he is very domineering and unwilling to learn how to speak to me in ways that won't be so hurtful. I just find I start to cringe or shake when he enters the room. He feels very intimidating. And when I try to express how I feel or to set boundaries with him he really doesn't get it, and just makes it sound like he's done nothing wrong, but I just need to change. He's the exact opposite of what I need in my life right now to feel accepted, safe, understood. But I guess I will need to find a way to deal with this unless God opens a door and we miraculously find another place to stay here. (Our home is in Canada - rental home - and we are only here for a few months right now. But a few months of T woudl be better than none - which is what I Have back in Canada where we live as there are no resources there that would really allow me to do the work I need to really heal in a deep way.)

So anyway, this morning I called the therapist and left a message. My husband spoke to her last week, but I wasn't ready to. I hope she calls back and things will work out to see her.

I know I have so much to be thankful for, but I am tired of the uphill seemingly neverending climb. I have been reading also on fibro. lately your posts there with teh other ladies and they often make me smile. I love your positive outlooks!!! I was diagnosed with fibro. too but not sure if it is a proper diagnosis or not. I have a lot of the symptoms but not as severe as most folks. But whatever it is my body is doing, I hurt when I move, and the fatigue keeps me in bed a lot. So I feel pretty stuck.

All I have wanted for years was a home and a place to settle and try to move forward with some of my past stuff that keeps getting in the way of my present. But it seems I get the opposite over and over and over - constant bad rentals and having to move. I guess I'm just really angry about how things have gone - but on the other hand, I have a small glimmer of hope that maybe there is a reason for it all and that we will turn a corner soon and finally have a home of our own again. We are both on disabiloity, although my husband can do some freelancing, and since the summer he has been getting stronger and more able to do more work, so who knows. This is the first time in our marriage we've had money for me to even consider seeing a therapist ongoing. Either I will get help and move past the issues I have, or I will just have to stuff it all down again and try to go forward with life the best I can. I hope this T. or something works out. Feeling pretty desperate for some help right now. It's no fun feeling so stuck.

Thanks again for responding. Hope you have a nice day,

manyembers

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 12/3/2007 6:21 PM (GMT -7)   
HI there
Where in Canada are you from??
I live in Southern Ontario .......about n hour plus from Windsor /Detroit border

You have place here in Canada you posted so obviuosly rental has to be paid for it ................that can be very overwhelming IMHO...as would moving from place to place

I know I have to have my space and home and I no doubt would be uncomfy as you are

My bro came here to our house over 2 months ago almost 3 now and was only to be for a couple of weeks while his wife was actively looking for a place here as his job is here ...........
Suffice it to say no money nor anything has been passed to me at all .......I wouldnt give a " tinker's dang" if it were only 10.00 ya know it is the thought behind it
My hydro and all other bills have gone way up and his wife is always crying broke YET got a new van and a dvd player for the Van for the young one and gave it to him already ........I personally would have saved it for his BIG Christmas gift...but I guess thats me'
My bro does no wear the pants in this relationship at all never ha and he is now coming home from work barely eating and staying in the basement ( rec room)
as I KNOW he is emabarrassed and feels uncomfortable ........
Sorry ...I am rambling..thanks for letting me vent I needed that ...whewwwwwwww

I seriously do hope you will get to therapy and get the help you so need .........in the interrim we are here for you ..........open 27/7 ............I do Cognitive behaviour Therapy and other self help techniques to get me thru the rough spots ..........
Have you tried any of these.........
Please do keep posting ...stay with us and know you are not alone ............

Take care

Luvs
LYN......again t/y for letting me vent ..............


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manyembers
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 424
   Posted 12/3/2007 11:10 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Lyn,

Hey, it's great to say "Hello" to a fellow Canadian! I used to live in Ontario - born and raised. Southern Ontario - Kitchener to London area. :-) Now home is Alberta - technically speaking that is. lol

First of all, thank-you for the validation. Everyone but my husband seems to be able to acknowledge that living with people is difficult. I think he just likes the acceptance so much of the people we stay with - that he is able to deny or set aside any discomfort. He has this thing of really needing the affirmation of other people, which I think is why he tends to push away any discomfort I express. His friendships - they fill something in him, so if I don't fit in, or tell him I have an issue I become a threat to his needs being met by those friendships since I am in essence asking him to see my point of view and thus potentially am creating ripples in his precious friendships.

At this point, I am trying to just allow him to deny the validity of my struggles rather than stressing myself over trying to get him to see my needs as based in reality. He just sees me as judgmental or inflexible when I express my discomfort a lot of the time. At least this crisis is helping me let go of him in a sense. I've been going for walks and looking up music on youtube and reading on forums and calling a few friends, writing here etc. THat's helping fill the void that he is choosing not able to fill right now in terms of validation and companionship. So he can be himself and I'll be myself even if we are not being ourselves together - we are being our different selves together. Did that make sense? I guess I am at once perturbed by him not standing by me like I'm used to, but also realizing I need to stop expecting him to be perfect. A new phase of marriage I guess. We've only been married a little over seven years.

Sorry to hear about the difficulties you are having with bro and his wife. THat must be really hard. I don't think it's right they buy those new things but havn't offered you anything. I would have felt hurt and probably somewhat infuriated also - mostly re. the new purchases. It does bother me when people speak of their money problems and then go and buy new stuff etc.. It was really kind of you to take them in in the first place and I'm sure your brother appreciates it. Maybe she does too. Do you have any idea how much longer they will stay? Are you able to talk about things openly with them at all? Living with others or having others living with you is not an easy thing. I don't mind your venting at all. You are a mild venter compared to me anyway. lol

Cognitive behavior therapy - I think I do that naturally. I once read about what it is and thought "Hey, I do that!" lol. I'm glad you've got some self help techniques in place. This whole experience has peeled me off of over reliance on my h, and I've been practicing gentle self care as they say - time just for me like I mentioned above, and lots and lots of journalling. I also have a friend I can call back in Canada who totally gets it, and is in therapy herself for similar issues. So she's been a great help!

Thanks for writing. I have read lots of your posts here and felt very happy to see your response. You do a great job keeping the anxiety forum upbeat and very friendly. It makes me feel good to read a lot of the threads on there because of the atmosphere.

Take care, manyembers

PS - Sorry this is so long. I have trouble getting to the point. :0)

PPS - I MISS the snow from back home!!! So I went for a long walk tonight since it is cold - and finally I started to feel like I was starting to freeze a little, just so I could feel a small touch of back home. No snow here. Just cold. But days are really warm! Too bad you can't mail me some snow to cheer me up. yeah

Post Edited (manyembers) : 12/3/2007 11:14:42 PM (GMT-7)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40592
   Posted 12/4/2007 1:35 PM (GMT -7)   
I wish I could mail you some of my snow. We have about two foot here in Michigan. You sound much better now. Have you seen your therapist. Years ago I read a book on cognitive therapy called "The New Mood Therapy" I have been looking for it but can't find it anymore. I will keep trying. I really like the way that the book was written, easy to understand. I also read a good book called " Healing the Child Within"-I think that was the name. It was really a good book for me.
I really hope that you are feeling better, you should post on the fibro forum too. It seems that depression goes along with it though I have had depression problem long before the fibro. It seems like I have been living with it most of my life.
Keep posting, I enjoy talking to you. I really hope you can get on the right track finding a home of your own so that you and your husband can get back to the way it was.

Hello to howlyncat too. You seem like a very understanding person.

Hugs,
getting by
fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies


manyembers
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 424
   Posted 12/5/2007 4:28 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks gettingby, :-)

The T. I called is not taking ongoing clients, but she is going to see me this week just for some consulting, but not therapy. We are goign to talk about how to basically approach the remainder of my time living with these folks. My hubby is getting more understanding, and I'm trying to find the small things in a day that bring me joy and focus on that. I keep thinking every day is one day closer to going back to Canada. lol

Those sound like good books. I think everyone has a child within so to speak, and it is good to take time to be gentle wtih that part of ourselves. To do nurturing thigns for ourselves and to learn to speak kindly to ourselves, and not just join in the negative thoughts that are so easy to start listening to when things have been rough awhile. I am doing better choosing better thoughts, which is helping, and just keep reminding myself this situation is temporary.

Thanks for caring! I used to post on the fibro. forum, but didn't get many replies, so sort of gave up. Plus, I feel awkward because my symptoms aren't as severe as others. So I relate to a lot of the posts, but feel more comfy just reading, at least for now. But thanks for the invite!!! And who knows, maybe I'll write there again sometime anyway. :0)

take care, mb

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40592
   Posted 12/5/2007 5:11 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi mb,
I just have a habit of butting in on other peoples threads, that is how I get along in the forum. I have started some, sometimes they take off and sometimes they don't. I just keep on rattling on. I probably bore most of the people.LOL.

It really sounds like you are feeling better. I am so happy for you. It is easy to get depressed, especially this time of year. It takes a lot to keep your chin up sometimes. So far so good with me.

Sometimes I don't feel as sick as a lot of the members of the fibro forum, but I have been really bad. Also with the depression. It took a lot of years before I was able to get both under some sort of control. I spent two years in bed, couldn't do anything. I only got up to eat and use the bathroom. I haven't been that sick for quite some time. And I hope I can stay this way.

We do have to be good to ourselves, sometimes that is the last thing that we think of when we get depressed bad. Then we are to hard on ourselves for not feeling good. A lot of times if we can recognize that, we can break that terrible cycle. That is often easier said than done.

You keep up the good work, keep us posted too.
Hugs to you,
getting by
fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies


manyembers
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 424
   Posted 12/5/2007 5:36 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks gettingby. I'm glad you're feeling better than you had been. Things turned around for me when I made some diet/lifestyle changes, so I'm grateful for the positives as I used to in pain quite a bit and crying many nights. Am doing much better now than back then.

Just wanted to send you some hugs back and wish you a good night!

manyembers

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40592
   Posted 12/6/2007 8:17 AM (GMT -7)   
Good morning Embers,

Just wanted to check in with you. I hope that you are haveing a good day today. It is cold here but suppose to get up in the upper 20's tpday, heat wave LOL.

Keep us posted on how you are doing, Let us know how it went with the therapist. I hope he/she can help you some. Just getting into see hiim/her can help a lot. Maybe they can recommend some help from somebody else. Good luck with that.

In the meantime, we are here for you and want to help you as much as we can. My typing is not too good today.

You are in my thoughts and prayers,
hugs,
getting by
fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies


manyembers
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 424
   Posted 12/6/2007 7:04 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Gettingby,

I am touched that you checked in on me again! Thank-you. :0)

The therapist was a good match for me, but she is only doing 'consultations' - not actual long term therapy. However, that was fine. What I really needed was something in the moment to help curb the difficulties of the present living situation I am in and how that has been affecting my marriage. She gave me some new coping strategies for me which I hadn't thought of before, and she really validated things I Had been feeling. So that was WONDERFUL. My husband was there for the second half and he shared his side of things, and it helped me to see more where he was coming from. I feel like he is hearing me and validating my concerns much more now, and that gives me more peace too. And I realized new ways I can make things easier for him also.

Physcailly, been feeling like a tired blob again which = depression coming back stronger, after a few good days. But I'm continuing to practice the thigns I know to do to help with that. So I'm still doing okay.

This week-end, the man of the house" comes home and we'll see how things go. H has tried to express the need for this guy to give us some personal space. If he can handle that, maybe I will have more peace staying here. If not, we'll see what we do.

The T gave me 3 recommendations of others in teh area, so basically h and I have agreed to do our research and continue to check out the resources in this area, and just see what doors, if any, open for something longer term possibly in the future. I think I mentioned that we might like to see about him applying for a visa here - simply because we don't have resources like this in Canada and I'm more than ready to do some work to heal from the stuff that keeps getting in the way of my present life.

So overall, it was a good day. Just need some good rest now. :0)

How was your day? I don't know my temperatures in american. lol. We go by celsius and you guys go by farenheit, but I caught the sarcasm and am thinking it is generally pretty cold where you are? I miss the prairies where we live because the winters are NOT humid and so don't cause the body to ache like these humid places can. sigh. It's not tooo bad here though.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40592
   Posted 12/6/2007 7:21 PM (GMT -7)   
I don't know if I mentioned I am in Michigan and with all of the lakes around us there is always some humidity and dampness. That is hard on me. Everytime the weather changes, there is more pain and stiffness in my body.
My day was pretty good for the most part. It was sunny so it was a little warmer. I forgot about the difference in weather readings. Sorry. I wish I could figure out the difference so I could explain it better. But what seems warm now is cold in the summertime.
I am glad that you are making progress. It sounds good to me anyway. I am glad your husband is there for you right now. It makes life a lot easier for you. I hope you both can work something out so you can have the together time you need. But oit sounds like the T was good for you both. I am happy for you. Where abouts in Canada did you live. There are about three people on the fibro forum from Canada. It is interesting when they talk about it. It sounds so pretty there.
I hope you have a wonderful evening.
Hugs
getting by
fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies


manyembers
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 424
   Posted 12/7/2007 12:41 AM (GMT -7)   
Our home in Canada is in southern Alberta. I love it there. We moved there last year, but I feel like it is truly my 'home.' It just fits me so perfectly in a lot of ways. We get snow in the winter, but there is a warm chinook wind that blows in and melts the snow after a few days. So it doesn't last long. Also southern AB is the sunniest region in Canada. So when we travel to where it's damper, I really notice it, and realize how good it is back in AB!

Yes, h is being more supportive, but it's still tough because I realize he only responds that way when I present my concerns in a particular way. If I sound at all negative, he kind of changes his approach with me and invalidates me again. Just happened before coming here, and I was feeling so back to square one and sinking fast. However, read something on another forum that helped me out, and so am just trying to regroup and hopefully get some much needed rest tonight. Can't expect more of him than he can give. Just need to keep some things to myself.

Michigan - no wonder you have so much snow! I used to live in Ontario - for years. So it's damper there too, and as a kid, we'd get a ton of snow, but now it alternates with rain. Jan-March are more snowy still, and from what I hear they have about 4 feet around where I used to live back in southern Ont. I'm sorry to hear how it affects you - the weather changes and stuff - but yeah, I understand that. It's not fun.

Well, thank-you for the company gettingby. Feeling so far from home right now, it's nice to come here to chit chat and share.

Hope you are keeping warm, and that your day or night - whichever it is when you read this - will be a good one. yeah

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40592
   Posted 12/7/2007 10:56 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi there Embers,

I like that name. Boy I wish we would get some of those chinook winds here. Some times we get a wind change and it comes from the south, Then we get a thaw but that usually doesn't happen until January or February. I don't know maybe it does come from the north. Having a wierd day, think it is the weather. I woke up with a headache this morning, from the dry heat. We have a humidifier but it ran out last night. Just don't feel like my old self today.

Sometimes I guess it does depend how we present things as to how others react. My bf was always good at that, he could get a point across without others getting on the defensive. He is a pretty good guy. Always thinks about the other person. I try to be the same way but I hold things in too much and by the time it comes out I sound like I am crazy. I just don't know how to express myself at times. I need to work on that. I have gotten a lot better than I was years ago though. I keep to myself a lot so I don't have a lot of issues with other people. Iv'e gotten to the age I guess where I can kind of see what others are up to. There are a lot of manuliputive people in this disfunctional town where I live. Mostly women, they consider me a threat, insecurity I guess. A lot of drinking goes on here, int this town. It is really sad, I have watched generations of drinking and drugs passed down. I feel like some of the children have three strikes against them from when they are born. Small town and nothing to do when you are young. Enough of that.

On a lighter note, the snow is coming down again, kind of pretty but the roads are probably going to get bad. My step son and dil and kids are going down to Detroit for a Leggo contest. I guess the grandson's whole class is going. Sounds like something exciting for the kids.

Guess I will close here, my brain isn't too good today. Think I will take a nap. See if that helps.
I really enjoy talking to you,
Have a great day,
hugs,
getting by
fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies


manyembers
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 424
   Posted 12/7/2007 7:55 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi gettingby,

So lovely to hear from you again. I was out for a walk today and thinking of your e-mail, and I thought, "Gee, I like being called "embers." I began to wish my 3-D friends would call me something as pretty as that too. lol

I'm sorry your day started off with a headache...as if mornings aren't hard enough, eh. Are you feeling any better tonight?

Your bf sounds like a really neat guy. My h is also an excellent communicator. He has taught me a lot. I'm more like you - keep to myself, but he is "Mr. reaching out" to the world. lol. My heart is that way - compassionate and wanting to help others, but I'm more of a loner unless I feel naturally comfortable around people.

The town you live in sounds hard. I guess you are like a light there with your kind ways or something and the women there don't get that because you're not into the same scene as they are. Well, I guess that would make us lucky though because we here on this forum get to enjoy you and they don't. So there. ;0)

Leggo contest? Why do the kids get to have all the fun?! lol But maybe fun for the parents who are going too.

I had an interesting day. Finally mailed a little care package to a friend back in Canada that I've been working on for 2-3 weeks. I purchased a couple little things for antoher friend back home and came back home looking forward to packing her care package too. But realized, I was missing a coupel key ingredients, so that one will have to wait. I'm sending her a peppermint theme package. We are both in our 30's, but friends from highschool, and just reconnected earlier this year. She found me on the net!!! My husband and I used to host a forum. Anyway, it has been so much fun and such an encouragment being friends again. I had lost touch with so many friends the past 10 years or so, so this is a treat. I'm sending her some peppermint essential oil - I just learned about it while here from the lady we are staying with. I don't know if it helps with fms pain, but I have used for muscle tension in my neck and it worked, and kept me fromd getting the headache that felt like it was coming on. I also use it when I get my period - just rub it on my back and belly and it helps make the cramps go away!!! So just a tip in case you ever feel like trying that. It says you are supposed to mix it with another oil - like a base of almond oil or jojoba oil etc., but I put it on straight. Works for me - I guess I'm just a tough cookie.

Hope you are having a nice night your way. love, Embers

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40592
   Posted Yesterday 11:13 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey Embers,
You are so cool. I do have some peppermint oil, usually it helps with headaches. The one I had yesterday went away for awhile but came back with a vengance (sp). It was a migraine by last night, I just went to sleep and it was gone this morning. Hoping that it stays away.
You are so thoughtful to get your friends back home those kinds of gifts. You sound a lot like myself. I am sure they will really appreciate your thoughtfulness.
I am in my late 40's. Next year will hit the big five O. Not looking forward to that but with fibromyalgia starting in the early fourties, I better make the best of my fifties. I still feel young, I think it is all in the mind anyway. Everything else seems to be. In the mind that is.
I haven't had bad depression in a long time. I take a high dose of effexor, xanax and abilify. Since I have been taking the abilify I have been doing better. When I get OCD type thinking I take risperdol. That seems to help a lot. I wanted to go off effexor but dr. says I will always have to take it. I use to take four milligrams of xanax a day but down to one. That is pretty good I think. I just get sick of all the meds, but I need them.
I hope that you have a lovely day. It sounds like you are feeling a lot better. I am glad that you are able to get out and shop for your friends. I know they will love their packages. You are very thoughtful.
I think my bf and I are going to get married. We have been together for seven years. My husband died of cancer in 2000. My bf (who was just friends at the time) helped me take care of him until he died and took care of me after. I guess it was fate. He is a lot kinder to me than my husband was. My husband was very possesive and jealous type person. I feel very fortunate to have the man I have now. He treats me so good. Very open minded and encouraging. Everything I get into he supports me. I like art. Do a lot of painting, wood burning and make jewelry with semi prescous stones. I use to have a plant nursery and floral shop. I had to give that up with the fibro. But I still play with stuff.
I hope that you have a wonderful day, I really enjoy conversing with you.
Keep in touch and I will too.
Hugs,
Karen
fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies


manyembers
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 424
   Posted Today 6:00 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Karen,

That is such wonderful news!! Congrats on your marriage plans!! It sounds like it was meant to be between you and your bf. I'm happy for you.
My h and I were friends - well, long distance friends for several years - and then teh romance finally fell into place. So anyway, I think it's great when friendships evolve into more. :0) For me it was truly love at first encounter - I say encounter - because it was more who he was than a physical attraction, although he's nice to the eyes too. :0) BUt anyway, he was a slooooow mover. He'd been through a horribly difficult divorce with his first wife, and so he was gun shy as they say. But we've been married over seven years now and both glad to be together.

It sounds like you have found some meds that are addressing your needs pretty good. I do respect that your doc. knows his stuff, but you know, there are so many stories of people recovering from things and proving the prognosis of docs. to have been mistaken. Who knows but that one of these days you'll be able to leave the effexor behind. Maybe you'll improve to the point of not needing it, or maybe an alternative treatment will come along.

So far I've managed using diet and natural remedies, but herbs are medicinal too and it takes time to find what works. My h would have liked me to try celexa for depression, as he's found it helpful for him, but I'm a scaredy cat. lol I actually found out about rhodiola rosea on this forum and it was a God send to get me out of the depression I was going through this past summer. My h just started taking that too. He's wanting to wean himself off wellbutrin because he says he feels too dopey on it.

I was so excited to read that you are such a creative soul! My h and I are both that way, although him much more. He is a musician first and foremost, but also does web graphics, and has done some sculpture, and painting. I always hoped and prayed for a guy that sang and played guitar. He doesn't do either, but hey, I think he makes up for it with all the rest. lol :0) I like to write, and although not a trained dancer, I love to do interpretive dance - just my own thing and have done a few at church in the past. H and I have lots of ideas of projects we'd like to do together, but first we need a stable place to settle down! And the energy factor is a biggee for me. I'm glad your bf is also supportive of you. Doesn't that feel good?! H has always been supportive of me and my interests too.

Feel free to share about any art projects you're working on. I'd love to hear. :0)

One more thing - so how was the weather today your way? I coudln't believe when I stepped outside today...it was muggy and humid and warm. IT felt like summer. This SO doesn't happen back in Canada. lol Nor in Michigan, huh! Wow.

have a nice night, Embers

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40592
   Posted Today 6:39 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi there Embers,

You are such an interesting person.  It sounds like you have a lot of talents of your own.  The interperitve dance sounds very interesting.  I love to dance though I just make it up as I go, kind of exercise for me.  It gets my mind and body together.  I make up my own tai chi type thing that I like to do to celtic music.  I really don't know what I am doing, but it is relaxing. 

My dog,(I have a german shepard) is jealous because I am not paying her any attention.  She is driving me nuts today.  She needs a walk bad and I haven't felt up to it lately.  She wont leave me alone.  And she keeps moaning.  What a brat.  I just put her soutside, maybe now I can type.  Now she is barking..........

I use to take wellbutrin at one time.  It made me nervous and everything tasted funny after a while.  Up until then it worked good.  Maybe they were giving me too much or something.  But I have done well with the effexor since then, just sick of taking pills I guess. 

I have never heard of rodiola rosea.  I take it that it is a type of herb.  I use to take a lot of herbs, but they got too expensive.  I use to take ginseng, I actually had it growing, but this past year it didn't come back.  When I got fibro, I let all of my plants go.  I had a lot of culinary herbs, I enjoy cooking with them.  I still keep sage, thyme, and oregano going.  I have rosemary inside but it isn't doing too well right now.  Sometimes if it gets too warm inside it seems to dry up.  It really isn't getting a lot of light.  I bring in a few flower plants every winter, they have been with me for a few years now, sometimes I don't know how they keep going.  In the spring I put them in a greenhouse where they spend the summer.

I guess we are going Christmas shopping tomorrow.  I want to get it over with, the time is getting near and though we aren't buying much, for some reason I still feel like I am getting stressed about it.  Tis the season.  It's a shame the number of people who get depressed this time of year.  My cousin committed suicide last year in February.  He was super depressed, I wish I could have done something, but I don't think anybody could.  I really do miss him.  We were pretty close. 

The weather is suppose to be fairly nice for the next few days.  The temps are suppose to be in the 30's.  That is like a major heat wave right now.  I don't know what it would be in celsious (sp) though.  You would think I would have that figured out by now.  I will have to get a book on conversions, I believe I do have one around here somewhere.  Just have to find it.

I hope that you have a wonderful night.  I want to get up early, so hope to retire early too.  It is hard for me to do that.  I seem to feel my best at night and I sleep late.  But I lose half of the day.

Take care, thanks again for writing.  This is getting long so I probably should close here.

Hugs,

Karen


fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies


manyembers
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 424
   Posted 12/10/2007 11:43 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Karen,

I'm watching Three's Company reruns and the remote control is busted, and too much work to get off my behind and mute the volume. Hence, I am going to do the feat of e-mailing with background noise - which is probably a mild equivalent to your dog moaning and barking when you are trying to focus elsewhere. ;0) I just find concentration is much harder than it used to be since my health went whacky back in 1999. Soo...let's see if I can do this and 'sound' focused enough!

I lvoed reading about all the herbs and plants you shared about. I have wanted to try gardening for years but we have moved way too much! Sigh. After seven years of unfulfilled expectations, I have sort of lost my urge. Hubby says it's a lot of work though anywya, so might be too hard for me right now.

Karen, I was so sad when I read about your cousin. I'm so very sorry. I'm glad that he had the joy of knowing someone as special as you when he was still here. I'm sure everyone tried to reach him, but he sounds like he was stuck in the depression. Your memories of him are precious.

This e-mailing thing is strange - how we can cover the gammit of things in just a few paragraphs eh? On another note, have you seen the movie August Rush? Oh my goodness! We just saw it tonight. It is just had me on the edge of my emotional seat the whole time. It's about a boy who has a musical gift - he's an orphan - and he hears music everywhere - but the world is basically against him. IN the end though, he finds his place through the music that kept in going. It was amazing. We had the theatre almost to ourselves so I didn't have to leave because of perfume which was nice for a change. Public places can be really rough for me due to being reactive to chemicals like those in most perfumes.

I usually stay up late too and then sleep in. It's hubby's fault. lol He's always been that way. Before I married I was in bed by 10 or 11. Not too often now though. I just miss early mornings - when the sun is just coming up - and everything is quiet.

Today was pretty warm again. But I had to wear a huge sweatshirt all day...see, I ran out of all my travel clothes in the shirt department - and needed to do laundry - but didnt' get any done today, so had to just wear this big sweat shirt and it sure was hot. lol! Tomorrow is laundry day!

What are you up to tomorrow/today?

love, Embers

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40592
   Posted 12/11/2007 12:05 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Embers,

I was suppose to see my psycologist today but the roads were too bad due to freezing rain and snow.  I wish it wasn't so far, it is 50 mile trip.  It takes about an hour to get there.  This is my third time that I had to postpone it.  I am going to try again on Monday.  Hopefully the weather wont be so bad.  I really like her, she is pretty good.  She has a way of getting me to see things in a different manner.  Kind of like cognitive therapy.  I found the book I was looking for on amazon.com.  It is "the new mood therapy" by Dr. David Burns.  I remember reading it back in the early 80's.  I think I am going to order it.  I remember some relaxation techniques that were like meditation.

I am glad you like herbs.  I know it is hard to plant when you are moving all of the time.  Every year we plant different basils and harvest them throughout the summer.  I cook a lot from scratch so I can use them for flavor.  They can get kind of strong so I have to be careful.  I make fantastic spaghetti sauce and the basil really does the trick.  It is good in roast and chicken too.

That movie sounds awesome.  I will have to keep my eye out for it.  I love watching movies, it seems to help my mind focus.  I have trouble with that, I get so distracted really easy.  Guess it is called fibro fog, but it is more like ADD to me.  I take adderall for that and to help with energy.  It is amphetamine and dextroamphetamine salts.  I don't know why they call it salts, it taste like sugar.  It must have to do with crystals or something.  I guess in Canada they take dexadrine, somebody on the forum said it is close to adderall.

Another thing I am into is stones.  I thought of it when I mentioned crystals.  I kind of believe they have a healing quality.  I like them, and like working with them to make them into jewelry.  I buy a lot of semi prescious stone beads and silver wire and make my own chains too.  It is a lot of work but keeps my hands busy.

My paintings are considered surrealism.  I don't know if you have heard of Salvador Dali, but my old art teacher compared me to him.  You can look him up on internet and see some of his work.  I haven't painted in a few months, can't seem to get any ideas.  I just don't know, suppose the mood has to be there.  But I still love it.  I use acrylic paint and work on canvas.  One day maybe I will be famous.LOL.  Probably after I am dead.  Then whoever ends up with my paintings can get rich.hahaha.  Seriously though it is one of the things I love the most.  I also wood burn, thinking about learning wood carving,  I have all of the tools and the wood, just haven't started on it yet.  I need to start with something simple.  We had a guy doing chainsaw carvings in our front yard on weekends last fall.  He was selling them right there, I had my work out but didn't sell much, but got a lot of ooos and ahs.  Just don't understand it.  When money comes in the picture, I just can't do it.  I have to do it for myself and then maybe sell.  Everybody loves my work, but nobody buys.  Maybe it is just not meant to be.

Guess I will close here, I really enjoy reading your posts.  Sounds like you are feeling good.  I am very happy for you.

Have a wonderful day/night/

Luv and Hugs,

Karen


fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies


manyembers
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 424
   Posted 12/12/2007 12:30 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Karen,

Hmm. Sounds like you guys are getting really wintery weather your way. That's a bummer you had to miss your psychologist app't. again!! That's a long drive, but I don't blame you for going the distance - when you find someone that works well with you, it is worth it.

Don't be jealous, but it was like summer again here today! I sat out front on the steps awhile this afternoon and the sun felt like it was purposely shining right down on me. Hubby said "Did you go outside today? Didn't you just feel like the outdoors embraced you?" And I said "Yep!" So that was nice. He and I also took a little walk and stopped to sit at the top of a hill for awhile. Just soaking in the beauty of the moment. It is good to be able to "feel" these good things again - not just going around numb and stressed, but the good stuff is more tangible again. So yeah, I'm doing pretty good right now.

"ooh" and double "awwww" on the fresh basil. You must make an AMAZING spaghetti sauce with that! We went to a Thai restaurant last week and they used fresh basil in the stir fry. Yum!!

That was insightful on your part - re. fibro. fog and ADD and the interchangability of the two. I feel like I've always had ADD type symptoms but when I'm foggy, things generally feel a lot more all over the place thought wise. I have some of my own theories on some of these things, but can't prove any. lol I just know that when my digestion is bad and I have been eating stuff I shouldn't, I notice a direct correlation between how bad the fibro. fog/ADD stuff is with my physical state. It's a mystery how all these things tie together. We humans are fearfully and wonderfully made! That is for sure. And hard to figure out too. I know, I know, that's why we have doctors, right? But when my former doc. said "You have fibromyalgia. Join a support group," I just couldn't stop there. And like my other doc. said "When you can't nail down what's what from day to day your brain can't just put things on a hook" (and leave it at that). Hence, I tend to keep searching for root causes and solutions. Trying to get a new hobby though!! LOL!

Your jewelery work sounds beautiful. My h's daughter is a jeweler. She and her boyfriend bought a store together. I've never met her face to face due to several things, primarily distance, but she sounds so creative - just like her dad!

I could see your jewelery making as being a really great thing in so many ways - something enjoyable, and creative, but also a nice thing to do on days when energy isn't the greatest. I keep wishing I could figure out some way to be creative like that. I love to write, but when the flow is not there, it takes so much energy just to focus and is more work than fun. The fun part is after I've plodded through and feel like I've put the words together in a way that resonates something meaningful and coherent! I like that feeling of "Done!" lol.

That's cool that people love your work, but yeah, it is a strange thing how some people seem to get the breaks and make money with their art, and other times things don't seem to fly. Sometimes I think it's just a matter of things falling into place when they are meant to. My h is in his early fifties now and he just had someone tell him he wants to invest money in h's music and see it take off so he can make a living at it. H told me when he was in his 20's someone invited him to record a record after they heard him play, but then in the end decided his music didn't quite fit the niche they were looking for. And now, all these years later, it looks like it really might happen. He's not a rock n' roller or anything like that. He actually does instrumental music - sort of 'ambient' but really just whatever comes out of his heart. It's beautiful. People have said they've listend to his cd's often when in depression, or emotional pain, or just to relax and it's helped them a lot. I listen to it when I can't sleep or am stressed. Anyway, we'll see what happens. Point of story: there's a time for everything. But you're right - it's really about doing the art because it's a passion, always first and foremost for the love of it. But doesn't mean it won't ever start selling. Have you ever thought about getting a web-site up and trying to sell some things online? Just a thought. Most of h's cd sales happen online. Very few through stores - though that may change as things work out with this distributor guy that is in the picture now.

Well, thank-you for the good company once again. You sound like a very interesting person too!

Soooo... I suppose I should start trying to convince myself it's bed time now and sign off for the night.

Hope you're keeping warm and having a good night/day! yeah Embers

PS - Do you come from an artistic family by any chance? I figure with such a vastness of artistic interests and talents, you must have inherited some creative genes! Am I right? lol Okay, time to sleep.

PPS - Yes, know who Dali is. Art history course many years ago. My h says Dali was a genius and I tend to agree, although I admit I don't really 'get' his art. How would you define surrealism? My memory needs a refresher on that. What do you see in Dali's art when you look at it?

Post Edited (manyembers) : 12/12/2007 12:50:35 AM (GMT-7)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40592
   Posted 12/12/2007 9:01 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi there Embers,
I hope that you had a great day.  Isn't it nice to be able to feel good and enjoy all that life has to offer?  It sounds nice to hear about the sun's warmth upon oneself.  I can just picture the warmth from the sun's rays on my face or back.  It was cloudy here today but not too cold.  I guess I will just take what I can get.  I want to be optamistic about the up and coming winter weather as much as I can.  And if it sucks, I will take it one day at a time.  Then just make the best of it.  If I can get out and cross country ski, I love winter.  But since the fibro, I just never know if I will feel up to it, though I really need the exercise.   I just try to not go when the snowmobilers are out and about.  So my best time is during the week.  And early in the day.
 
You sound like such insightful person.  I like the way that you think.  How you look at things I guess is what I am trying to say.  I think that we think a lot alike.  I use to be a lot more articulate with my writing, but since the fibro (again), the fibro fog messes me up.  It is hard to think of the words that I am looking for at times.  I like to write too, but don't really have the talent to.  I had one of my past social workers tell me I should write an autobiography.  Though I can't imagine who would want to read it.  Plus I can't quite put things together yet.  I imagine in a few years things will look clearer to me.  Then it will make more sense.  I have kind of had a weird life, but to me it doesn't sound all that interesting.
 
Surrealism, to me is like a dreamlike state.  But I think in artistic terms it would be more like a normal item in an abnormal state.  I really don't know how to explain it.  The dictionary says that it is stressing the subconscious of imagery arrived by the exploitation of chance effects.  Does that make any sense?  I think that it isn't suppose to.  I like to paint a lot of wolves, tigers and other animals.  But I use a lot of color and usually have a lot of black, often the background is black.  I think it makes my colors stand out better.  That is what I like about Dali, is the use of his color.  It can be soft, yet bright.  My art teacher use to comment on they way I could use warm and cool colors and not get mud.  I guess most people can't do that.  She tried to get me a scholarship, I blew it off.  That was so much work on her part.  She always gave me straight A's.  But she said that I socialized too much (partied), I know that I really disappointed her when I look at it now.  I do feel bad about it because she really took a special interest in me.  What a dummy I was.
 
I want to set up a web site, but have to learn how.  I think that I can have a free one.  My web space.  I have to figure out how to do it.  My bf bought me a digital camera today.  It is the first one that I ever had.  I will use that to help me.  Take photos of my work and get it out there.  Just got to do it now.  I will learn.  Is "my web space" the same as "my space" that I always here about?  I am so illiterate when it comes to this computer.  I took computer programing in college, and got an A in it.  But it takes me a little time to pick things up with the computers now.  And actually it is suppose to be easier.  Must be my age.
 
I guess I will close here.  Been gone all day shopping, it was a rat race in the stores.  Not one of my favorite things to do really, most women love to shop.  Gotta check out the fibro forum before I settle in.
 
Luv and Hugs,
 
Karen
fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies


manyembers
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 424
   Posted 12/13/2007 11:32 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Karen,

You have a good approach to things - like winter. :0) I hope you'll be able to enjoy the snow with some cross country skiing. I've never tried that, but it sounds fun.

I had a few hard days - ate something I think had some mold in it, and had a reaction - it usualy sets me in pain for a couple days. Starting to feel better now though.

Thanks for the reminder on surrealism. That makes sense now - your definition I mean. The dictionary one was way over my head. lol. You must have true talent if your teacher tried to get you a scholarship. Don't beat yourself up about how things went with that - I mean, it shows you have a soft heart that you care about how she may have felt, but you know, when we are young, we all make decisions that in retrospect we may not have made looking back. Me - I never finished university and still regret it - it wasn't totally my fault, but it's still hard when I thnk about it. But you know, when it comes to the arts - they are always with us - degree or no degree.

I don't think myspace is the same as mywebspace. Maybe you could do both in time. That's cool you got a digital camera. My h bought one to use for graphics last year, but it's not a very good one. It doesn't zoom in well.

THat is so cool that someone suggested you write an autobiography. I bet it would be good!! And when I think of it, I think it would jsut be a good thing to do - for anyone really. I've done a bit of that unofficially and it was amazing to see how the pieces of my life fit together. Really a good exercise and it was healing to see the overview of things too.

Well, I am feeling dull tonight, so this may be a bit boring to read. Again tonight it's reruns of Three's Company and teh commercials are blaring and distracting me as the remote is sitll unfunctional and I don't plan to get up at the moment to shut the volume. lol

They are actually forecasting snow this week-end here in TN. I think I will cry with joy if it actually happens. But it may. I was outside tonight and noticed it smelt like winter - like real winter - for the first time here. I'd love if it snowed!

When you get your site up, I'd LOVE to see your art. :0)

That's all for now. lotsa love, Embers (Kimberly)

Post Edited (manyembers) : 12/13/2007 11:41:31 PM (GMT-7)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40592
   Posted 12/14/2007 8:52 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi ther Kimberly,

That is such a pretty name, though I like Embers too.  tongue   I hope that you are feeling better.  I am very sensitive to mold too.  Anything out of the ordinary.  My bf sprayed some of his cologne on the comforter this morning because our dog was up there and has a yeast infection in her ears and it smells.  I had to get up because I couldn't handle it.  It isn't so much the smell because I like it (gravity is the cologne), but I think the chemicals in it bother me.  It seems so much stronger than it use to.  It seems like since I have gotten fibromyalgia I can't tolerate smells anymore, along with loud noises and bright lights.  I guess it makes you sensitive to a lot of things.

I feel if I was meant to go to that colllege that my teacher wanted me to, I would have.  But who knows what kind of things I would have gotten into at that age.  The school was Kendall Institute of Design.  I was never good at art history then, couldn't remember names and dates.  But now I think I would find it much more interesting, though I still have the remembering problems.  There are so many more new artists out there now.  Remember Harvey Worehall(sp)?  He did some unique things.  I like an artist called Kevin Daniels, he does a lot of nature paintings and is good with colors.  Maybe you could look up his work on the internet.

I have been doing better this holiday.  A lot of times I get depressed during this time of year.  I noticed a lot of people on this forum are depressed bad and I bet the holidays has something to do with that.  It is sad, there is just too much pressure this time of year, Christmas is way too comercialized.  People really do forget the true meaning.  One day I would like to donate time where people can come and get a free Christmas dinner, or a soup kitchen.  I love to make people happy and I am sure I would see a lot of people smile after they had a nice meal.  But all in all people get sad during the holidays and that just isn't right.  They shouldn't have to get so stressed out.

Do you get morel mushrooms up in Canada?  We get them here in Michigan, they even have festivals.  I did a lot of wood burnings with mushrooms on them.  Had went to a festival/art and craft show last spring.  I only sold a few, but everybody loved them.  We got put in a bad spot where people turned before they got to us, it was our first one.  I would of thought that the lady would have given us a better spot.  Also we were on a big lake and I couldn't put a lot of my stuff out due to the wind.  Then the next day it rained.  Oh well, I guess that is just the way it goes.  I make greeting (note) cards too and couldn't put them out.  I guess one day I will sell more, I sure have a lot of inventory.  Especially with the plaques and jewelry.  I make my own chains out of silver wire, talk about tedious.

I love Virginia, is that where you are?  It is beautiful there.  There are lots of horses like in Kentucky.  Do you like horses?  I am also a dog lover.  I have always had dogs and don't think that I could live without one.  I have two now.  A german shepard and an australian cattledog/pittbull mix.  They are both so smart. 

I will close here, got to get some things done.  Will be talking to you more.  I really enjoy our conversations.  You are such a nice person to talk to.

Hugs to you,

Karen


fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies


manyembers
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 424
   Posted 12/15/2007 12:11 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Karen,

I so enjoyed your post! You made my day when you said my name is pretty. Thank-you for saying that. :-)

Yes, the chemicals in colognes and perfumes are actually toxic. I know there are some perfumes/colognes that are better quality and contain less harmful ingredients than others, but don't know which ones they are. My h doesn't wear cologne anymore because of my sensitivities. I wish they woudl come up with some that are more natural because it is always a treat when your man smells good! lol. By the way, those air fresheners they always advertize on tv are also really unhealthy, and exasperate allergy,asthma, immune problems, so not good to use. Maybe you knew that already, but just thought I'd spread the word. I get really upset when I see companies making money off of things like this that are actually toxic for human beings, but they make it sound so glamorous and wonderful. It's a sad world that way when money becomes more important than people's health.

My h told me about Salvidore Dali tonight. He explained him quite well. We had a nice trip out to do some groceries - borrowed his friend's car. Then treated ourselves to Wendy's. lol. Ate our late supper while listening to some classical violin on the radio in the car. These moments make life good for me. I like the stillness of togetherness and just the comfort simple things like that bring.

I actually just wrote a novel on here - maybe you saw my other post. lol. Every so often I just seem to 'feel' the whle past 2 years all at once - and wonder if we are ever going to get out of this semi-homeless mold infested housing 'unhome' lifestyle. What I mean is, we've been in a long transition since 2005 trying to find a decent place to rent and a good place to settle. And I'm anxious to be in my own space again so I can prepare good healthy food as it really helps me to eat better. But life is not without bumps. This has just been a very long bump and I don't understand why it's been this way. Some days it bothers me less than others. Anyway...

It was great to read that you are doing well this holiday season. You have such a soft and compassionate heart Karen. I really like how that comes through when you share. I just realized today that you were the person who made the wreaths for the animal shelter. I remember reading the thread ya'll had going on the fibro. forum about that, and I so enjoyed reading about that. I would like to get myself working on some kind of creative project, but I find with all the moves I don't have it in me to start much of anything - things just keep getting interrupted.

I am looking forward to being reunited with my guitar when I go home. I don't play well, but I write a lot of songs. Kind of the way I process life is through the music and writing.

I've never heard of morel mushrooms, but we probably have them. I don't eat mushrooms anymore, but used to like them stuffed with sour cream and cheese and baked in teh oven.

That's cool that you went to a festival/craft show. THat is really a drag that you had such a poor spot to show your work though!! I hope you'll find a way to get more exposure for your art. Honestly, I would love to see it. I was out walking today, and just when I was feeling how bad I was feeling today, these 2 or 3 birds flew by and made all this noise, and it just made me smile. Then I thought of you and I wondered, do you paint birds? I have a friend who paints a lot of birds and wildlife. She paints on rocks, and wood. She is really gifted and I love her work! She has done craft shows too, but she says with what they charge now for a booth, it's not really worth her time to go anymore. She has some of her work in a few local stores. People in the area have come to know her and she'll get special orders a fair bit. But she's not really knowing how to take thigns to the next level. She's also got such a heart to just be a blessing to people and also don't think she realizes how beauitful her work is, so she's not making a lot of money. But she really paints for the love of it anyway.

The mold reaction I was having finally stopped, but now I'm just really tired. I keep thinking I should not be so tired! lol.

We are actually in Tennessee, but we have driven through Kentucky before on a previous travel, and my h and I both remember how beautiful the skies and countryside were there.

Yes, I LOVE Horses!!! I rode on a white horse for our wedding. I wanted to ride it right up to the place where I would walk up the pathway to meet my groom (we got married outside), but our friend's house was in the way lol. So anyway, I rode it side saddle through the field just in the distance, while my husband and the groomsmen were standing at the front. You could see me through the trees. Meanwhile, we had another lady doing a dance at the front. It was very unconventional. lol. But we wanted it to reflect who we both were.

My h is amazing with animals. He is like a horse whisperer. Really kind with them, and they seem to just know that he is a friend. They seem drawn to him. It always touches me to watch how it plays out.

Well, I hope we will go back to Canada soon as I am getting restless for some routine to my days and to have my own bedroom again. Since the fibro. and since my h snores, I really can't get a good rest unless I have pretty much my own space. But of course when we travel we get to use 'the' guest room, and what we really need are the guest roomS. Anyway, I've survived this long, I'll make it to the finish. Just find myself getting depressed again and feeling like I really really need to start eating better which is so hard to do here. sigh.

Life goes on.

And so do I. yeah

Oh, someone here recommended I watch Pride and Prejudice with Keira Knigthley??? Okay, probably got her name wrong. Anyway, been watching that for three days. I found it very boring in the beginning, but love the music, and the second half was just too romantic and well done. Love the acting!

Hope you are having a nice day/night your way. So far it has not snowed here, but I still am hoping! At least it was cold when I went for my walk today so I got to wear my winter coat etc., and feel that nice comfy bundled up wintery feeling I love so much.

...I don't know how to sign off now, becuase I feel like signing Kimberly, but you know I love "Embers" and you are the only one who calls me that, so Embers it shall be.

love and hugs, Embers

Post Edited (manyembers) : 12/15/2007 12:18:22 AM (GMT-7)

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