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sadandlonely
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 12/10/2007 2:01 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello everyone. I am new here. Just a few weeks ago, I would have never thought I would be talking about depression. I have had it very rough for the last 2 1/2 years, but when my wife started to stay out all of the time, I lost it. She says shes going through a depression herself and needs to be out with her friends and doesn't want to be home.
I am disabled, and can not do very much. My wife and I had a fantastic relationship until a few weeks ago. She says she loves me and always will, but she says the house is getting to her. She won't clean, cook, spend time with me or her daughter. I have never given her a hard time if she wanted to go out, but everyday is just too much. She knows this is killing me, but brushes it off. Now i'm crying half the time and not feeling good about anything. I feel worthless and useless.
I just wanted to put my words down to vent. Thanks.

djdaz_1985
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 12/10/2007 5:20 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi there sadandlonely and Welcome to HealingWell,
 
I am wondering if your wife takes any meds or does any therapy? If not, then perhaps this is something to consider. Unfortunately people with depression can become less house-proud and often shrug off the effects on other people but this is not the 'real' person speaking. I am sure your wife still loves you very much. You obviously do a lot for her and you should be commended for that. You are certainly not useless or worthless. Every human being is worth something.
 
Please feel free to vent here any time you like.
 
Darren
Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
Moderator - Epilepsy Forum
Co-Moderator - Depression Forum
 
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ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 12/10/2007 6:02 AM (GMT -7)   
Sad

Welcome to the forum,I am very sorry that you are going through this.

It sounds like you wife is going through a stage where she needs more in her life. I know that is not fair to you...but is there anyway that you can schedule to go out with her also?

She sounds like she simply just wants out of the house...I know that she has obligations and she needs to find an even line to do these things....
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Lexapro,Zyban,Buspar,Clonazepam

Have been med free for 2 years now.

I will scream with you,Cry with you and hopefully laugh with you.


Shy


grace 14
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 99
   Posted 12/10/2007 2:08 PM (GMT -7)   
hi sad and lonley

I know exactly how you feel but maybe you should ask her to stop going out so much becuase tis really getting to you and your daughter maybe you could go out with her sometimes and have fun i know it would be hard but maybe a nice dinner once in a while is she on any meds or thearapy cause that might help. reply back
 
 


sadandlonely
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 12/10/2007 5:04 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello everyone, and thanks for the comments. I had a good talk with my wife today, and I am feeling much better about myself. I think I may have made more out of things than I had to, but I just couldn't help it. My wife didn't understand how I felt until today. She apologized for not realizing how her actions were affecting me and our family. Like i said, she is also going through some of her own problems. I try to be as understanding as humanly possible. I told her I would try to do more social things with her if she tried to spend more "us" time at home. Its not that she is out all night staying over friends houses, just staying out until 3-4 in the morning.
So maybe I did read too much into her actions, and I will let you know how everything goes. I do feel good mentally for the first time in about two weeks, and thats a relief.
 
 

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 12/10/2007 6:23 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Sad

#1 rule of any relationship is communication!!! But it is so hard

I am glad that you were able to talk to her....see all of this worrying might have been in vain.


Keep us posted when you need us.
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Lexapro,Zyban,Buspar,Clonazepam

Have been med free for 2 years now.

I will scream with you,Cry with you and hopefully laugh with you.


Shy


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted Today 9:19 AM (GMT -7)   
I am glad you did communicate............

It is of the utmost importance IMHO

Good luck and keep us posted plz...............
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  CO-Moderator@ Crohns
       Anxiety/Panic
  Moderator@ Alzheimer's
DX @ Crohns, Pyoderma Gangrenosum ,Anxiety /Panic
New DX of C.O.P.D.
ON too Many meds to post.........
 
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stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted Today 10:10 AM (GMT -7)   

Hello, this is Kitt and Welcome.

I too am glad that you have talked with your wife and please keep the communication lines open.

I know life can deal us a lousy hand sometimes but it appears to me that you have risen to the challenges and not only deal with your own problems but are caring and supportive of your wife.

I commend you for being such a decent and caring person.

Warmest wishes for a happy holiday season and a wonderful new year.

Kitt


 
Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression, GERD, Osteoarthritis
*Wife of a Crohnie*
******www.healingwell.com/donate***
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


Another Day
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 1055
   Posted Today 7:27 PM (GMT -7)   
I also wanted to welcome you to HealingWell.  You can come here any time just to chat with us.  You don't have to wait until things get real bad at home.  We care about you and like to hear about the good and the bad.  You are a part of the HealingWell family now.  Feel free to bounce thing off of us.  I'm glad you are feeling better.
 
Take care!
 
Carla

Moderator, Allergies/Asthma
 
Help support the forums so we can support you:  http://www.healingwell.com/donate
 
 
Epilepsy, asthma, GERD, depression, hypothyroidism, tinnitus


sadandlonely
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 12/20/2007 1:58 AM (GMT -7)   
Well, its me again. I still don't know whats up with my marraige. I thought the talk was great, but things have gone downhill again. It just really sucks. I love my wife more than anything, but I'm not going to give this marriage my all if she doesn't do the same.
 

djdaz_1985
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 12/20/2007 2:40 AM (GMT -7)   

There is only so much you can do to help your wife and you have to decide when enough is enough. Many times people stick to it through EVERYTHING and although some succeed, many make themselves ill. I wouldnt want you to make yourself ill because you are trying too hard.

We will always be here

Darren


Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
Moderator - Epilepsy Forum
Co-Moderator - Depression Forum
 
Help support the forums so we can support you:  http://www.healingwell.com/donate
 


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 12/20/2007 5:44 AM (GMT -7)   
Sad
I am so sorry that things are not going well.
Have you two ever considered marriage counseling? If you decide that this marriage is worth it,then that should probably be your first step.


Good luck
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Lexapro,Zyban,Buspar,Clonazepam

Have been med free for 2 years now.

I will scream with you,Cry with you and hopefully laugh with you.

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