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confusedgirl22
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 228
   Posted 12/10/2007 6:48 PM (GMT -7)   
 
Hello everyone.
    I am new here. I have been on zoloft for 4 yrs. I am seriously very depressed right now. I just finished my first semester of grad school and am failing one class. I feel worthless and stupid. I have to give a retake exam in January and if I do not pass that I will have to repeat a yr. Secondly, one of my good friends in grad school complained just because I texted her g'luck on finals during finals week. She got upset that I texted her. She told me she wanted space, and then she blocked me from AIM.  She said I had a problem and that she can't help me anymore and she's sick of me complaining and being sad. She said she can't be friends again. I hadn't complained about class in about 3 weeks.. I do not know why she's telling me she's sick of me complaining. Then, my ex-bf and I got in a fight. He told me he wanted space and he blocked me. He goes through periods of being nice to me and having sex w. me and then blocking me. That also makes me feel sad and worthless. And finally, one of my guy friends in grad school stopped talking to me because he thought I was trying to ruin his and his gf's relationship. His gf kept asking me questions like if we ever watch TV together. And I said we did sometimes but we're JUST FRIENDS. And then she said oh because he tells me you guys only study (which is not true) and then her and her bf got in a fight.. because his gf doesn't want him watching tv w. other girls (which in my opinion is a controlling gf). So now this guy friend doesn't talk to me eventhough he knows his gf is controlling, complains about her all the time, and knows that I JUST consider him a FRIEND. I feel so alone and helpless. I have so many other friends but they told me they hate seeing me sad. I feel like everyone is annoyed by me because I'm sad almost all the time. My mom keep telling me I won't make it in grad school and that my days are numbered. This makes me feel horrible. And I am on zoloft. I do not know what to do! Help!


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40590
   Posted 12/10/2007 7:20 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Confused,
First of all, you are not worthless. You are smart for one thing, look how far you have come in with your studies. You are a good person, I can tell. It sounds like your guyfriend's gf is jealous. That you can't control. She is probably putting pressure on him so he is afraid to talk to you and I am sure that is only temporary.
It is up to you whether you are going to put up with your ex or not. He does sound like he is using you for sex, but that is your decision if you want to participate or not.
Your friend sounds like she is stressed out. It just seems like it is all happening at the same time and is overwhelming at this point.
You are so welcome to vent here, and we are more than happy to listen. I think that if these situations weren't happening at the same time that it wouldn't be so hard to deal with. Plus you have exams and it is that much more stressful.
The holidays are here so every body is under some type of pressure, wouldn't it be nice if it wasn't that way? Just kick back and relax if you can, forget about what your mom said. That just isn't true. You will make it. Try to spend some relaxing quality time with yourself right now and think of all the good things that you have accomplished, and I am sure there are a lot! Maybe take a nice long bath or listen to some of your favorite music. These people will come around I am sure. You are a smart, kind and compassionate person who deserves to be loved and treated nice. You can be the first to be good to yourself.
Keep us posted,
We are here for you,
you are special,
hugs,
getting by
fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies


djdaz_1985
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 12/12/2007 5:10 AM (GMT -7)   

Hiya,

I know like it seems to be a big deal at the moment, but I promise you that it is not the end of the world. I live in the UK so the education system is slightly different but in my first year at college, I failed 4 out of 5 classes and I had to repeat the year. Having the strength to carry on is what is important. Work hard for the Jan exams and all being well, you will pass with flying colours and it wont be a problem any more. If your mum has no faith then that must be REALLY hard, but use the feelings you get from that to fuel your desire to prove her wrong. When you make it though grad school, your mum will be SO proud.

Darren


Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
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Co-Moderator - Depression Forum
 
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Another Day
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 1055
   Posted 12/12/2007 8:11 PM (GMT -7)   
Confused,
 
Like the others said, this is a very stressful time for a student, including your friends.  I'm sure your friends do not understand depression, which doesn't help you at all.  I really can't believe your mother said that to you.  So, like Darren said, use that as motivation to prove her wrong.  You've made it to grad school, so you are certainly not a quitter.
 
A lot of us suffering from depression have a hard time during the holidays and I think students dealing with depression have a tough time during first semester finals more so than spring ones because of the holidays.
 
Please know we are here for you and consider us your HealingWell family.
 
Take care!
 
Carla

Moderator, Allergies/Asthma
 
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Epilepsy, asthma, GERD, depression, hypothyroidism, tinnitus


confusedgirl22
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 228
   Posted 12/14/2007 1:13 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you for your advice. Do you think those 2 former friends and my ex-bf will ever come around? I really feel lonely eventhough I have my friends from highschool while I'm home for winter break. And I have my family here.. I still feel empty and think that there's something wrong w. me since they're not talking to me.

behindtheseeyes00987
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 191
   Posted 12/14/2007 1:57 PM (GMT -7)   
wow. what you said about your friend really reminds me of a situation i always deal with. i have this friend and we used to be really really close but not as much anymore. some days she'll be really nice and try and help me and knows im sad so shes just always being a good friend, but then the next day we'll fight all the time and she'll tell me im stupid, ugly, and i dont have a future(cause i too failed a class im in college). i get really frusterated cause i dont know who/what to believe and its such a downer. so i try to stay away from people with bad influence.
i dont even take meds though im going to try to, but people always take note of how "sad, serious, or quiet" i am and always bring it to my attention.
i just give people space because i need time for myself to collect my thoughts and pull myself together so im not such a debbie downer in other peoples presence. just give them some time. and dont give your ex sex anymore because youre better than that and you shouldnt have to resort to that. if he cant deal being friends with you without that, its not worth it. i hope all works out :)

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40590
   Posted 12/14/2007 3:12 PM (GMT -7)   
Theseeyes,
She isn't your friend if she calls you stupid and ugly. And she has to be insecure to put somebody down like that. So don't believe that. You are not a loser, you have so much potential. I would rather be alone than to be treated like that, even it you are just fighting. Please stay away from people like that, they don't deserve to have you as a friend. You are a good person and always remember that.
Hugs,
getting by
fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies


confusedgirl22
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 228
   Posted 12/14/2007 5:45 PM (GMT -7)   
hi. she never said i was ugly or stupid. she actually used to say i was beautiful. she was a really good friend. she just said that i was annoying and had a problem and i needed help. she also said shes sick of me crying and complaining and cant be my friend anymore. and before she said that to me she told me she wanted space..so i did give her some space but i still wished her luck on exams.. and she took it offensively. do you think she'll ever talk to me again? :-(

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40590
   Posted 12/14/2007 6:46 PM (GMT -7)   
Honey,
Yes I do think that she will talk to you again. I think that she is just stressed over exams. Just give her a little space like she asked and work on getting yourself feeling good. You are a beautiful person. You need to treat yourself good and grow from these things. As soon as she sees that you are getting on with your life, I gaurentee she will want to be a part of that. And if she doesn't then it is her loss. But I truly think that she will. You will both grow from this and become stronger in the process. I really think that it is just stress. I think that your guyfriend will come around eventually too. But try to enjoy being with yourself too. In life we have to be with ourselves 24/7 and we should love ourselves whether there is somebody else around or not.
I think you will be just fine, just give yourself a chance, and love yourself.
Hugs,
getting by
fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies


confusedgirl22
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 228
   Posted 12/14/2007 8:20 PM (GMT -7)   
thank you so much. yea im trying. its just hard. im not as motivated and dont get as much done as i used to. im also more irritable and find myself taking things my friends and family say REALLY personally. i wish i wasnt like this.

confusedgirl22
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 228
   Posted 12/14/2007 8:48 PM (GMT -7)   
also...i find myself more dependant on friends and more clingy to them when im sad. is this als part of my depression? i dont mean to be clingy or obsessive but sometimes i have that tendency and im trying to stop! like if a friend tells me he/she needs space.. i take it really personally. i start crying and i keep asking myself what is wrong w. me that they need space? also i sometimes ask them that question and they dont respond they just get more irritated. :-( i dont know why i act this way sometimes.

Post Edited (confusedgirl22) : 12/14/2007 8:55:51 PM (GMT-7)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40590
   Posted 12/14/2007 10:09 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Confused,
There is nothing wrong with you, you are who you want to be. Really. The person that we want to be like is the person we really are. You just haven't found her yet. You will in time and it wont be scarey, you will just realize it one day.
Being sad is a part of depression and it is okay. We go through that. We want to feel loved and you are. Just because your friend wants a little space doesn't mean she doesn't love you. She just probably wants to study and is a little nervous about exams. Are you studying too? When people see you as strong, it is in their nature to want to be around that person more. Be strong, just do what you need to do for yourself (not as in selfish) to be happy and healthy and smart. I know you have these qualities.
Do you see a counselor or therapist? Can you tell them how you feel and what you are going through when you feel sad? I have been in some type of counseling most of my life, and I am getting old.LOL.
What you are going through is normal for depression. It is hard. I get sad for no reason at all. Some people just don't understand it because they've never been through it. I also sleep. I could sleep for days when I am depressed. The crying is normal, though I feel crying is healthy. It releases emotions that need to be let out. So you are normal for a depressed person. You feel the need to have approval from your friends when you feel sad. Do you need that when you are not sad? Or do you just go on with your own thing?
Either way, you don't need approval from anybody even when you are depressed. You are you. And that is a very special person. A kind person, a sensitive person, a good person. A person worthy of love and kindness and compassion. You need to keep telling yourself this over and over.
/Why do you feel something is wrong with you just because she needs a little bit of space? That doesn't mean that anything is wrong with you. It just means, as she said, she needs space. So just give her some space and see what happens.
Just don't put it all on you. Thinking because somebody doesn't like you because they didn't talk to you. Maybe they had something on their mind that day, or didn't feel good, or had a fight at home and just didn't want to talk to anybody at that time. We just don't know what is going on in anothers head so we have to give them the benefit of a doubt. If it is bothering us then go and say hi again, sometimes I just put it to a hard day and let it go. Then when I see that person again they usually say hi like they would of if they felt good the first time around. There is so much to consider. Just because we assume something, doesn't always make it so. We should never assume that somebody doesn't like us unless they come out and say so. Because you never can tell. And in the meantime you are building things up in your mind assuming all kinds of things that could so easily be wrong,
Stay strong honey, It is normal to want to be loved and have someone there for you when you are depressed. Though I am opposite., when I am depressed, I lilke to be alone. But that is normal for you because that is what you want. And wanting love isn't wrong. We all want love and nurturing at times.
Remember now, Don't ever forget this, You are not worthless. You are as worthy as much as any other person on this earth. Please don't think that you are worthless. I think that you may feel insecure at times and that makes you think that you feel worthless. That is something you could talk to a therapist about and they could explain it in ways that I probably can't.
I just want you to love your self.
Keep me posted if you will, I love to talk to you.
gentle hugs
getting by
fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies


confusedgirl22
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 228
   Posted 12/15/2007 8:25 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you getting by. This morning I woke up freshed and ready to study. I told myself it would be a productive day. Then my dad said I had big thighs. And told me to lose weight. I'm not fat for my height. I'm 22 yrs old 145 lbs and 5'5. Guys are usually attracted to me. I'm in the normal weight range. I used to be 125. I gained weight in college. And my parents know I'm trying to lose it. But they keep telling me over and over that I'm overweight and that my thighs are big. Then my mom said in this mean tone that she wears a size 10 and she's almost 50 and that she can't believe I'm a size 10! I immediately started crying. I was going to go to my goddaughter's sister's bday w. my mom..but now I guess my mom needs to go by herself. I don't want to go anywhere with her. I feel like EVERYTHING is going wrong. I hate my life right now. :-( They make me feel worse about myself! :-( Please help!

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40590
   Posted 12/16/2007 2:36 PM (GMT -7)   
Honey,
You definately don't sound overweight. It is so hard when your parents put you down, but you have to ignore them. My mother use to make fun of me because I use to be tall and skinny, now I am tall and fat.LOL, I am not really fat but I feel fat so I am self conscious about it. I have a lot of muscle so my weight is high, and I do have some body fat over top of the muxcle but my jeans still fit so I don't feel as bad as I do sometimes. But I found out my mother was jealous of me, picture that, being jealous over your own child, but it does happen. I can imagine how it feels to have mom and dad picking on you. Men like women with meat on their bones, so remember that. I am not saying you are looking for a man but it could be a good comeback if need be. I would just ignore it though.
Please don't hate your life, I know how that feels, it is so hard especially at this time of the year. The holidays can be so stressful on top of everything else. Just take things slow and do some self nurturing.
Is it possible that your mom and dad want you to feel insecure so you don't move out of the house? Are you thinking of making any changes that they are afraid of losing control? Sometimes people tend to try to manipulate others into doing what they would like without even realizing what they are doing. Meaning they don't even realize they are hurting your feelings. I hope that they don't continue this to the point of anienating you. I wish they could see how prescious a good relationship between parents and their children is so they wouldn't take it for granted.
I hope that you feel better soon, you are a kind and considerate person worthy of love by others and of yourself.
Please never forget that.
hugs,
getting by
fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies

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