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helen1
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2003
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 12/11/2007 11:27 PM (GMT -7)   
 
 
Hello....
 
Well where to begin...My mother died Oct 31st 2007.  Fortunately I was able to go to Calif. in time and spent the last days with her in the hospital.  I was with her when she died.  I was the one who held it together for my family and especially for my Dad. I planned her funeral, notified everyone, took care the financial obligations etc. 
 
I  found out my parents were being abused by my younger sibling both mentally, physically, and financially.  Stuff that you would see on Jerry Springer and way to shameful to share but so bad to be angry all the time.  I am constantly annoyed and anyone that I see that is selfish, uncompassionate, and inconsiderate of others I lose it and I am not nice about it at all.  I am fed up with the all about me sydrome. I just speak my mind and I don't sugar coat anything.
 
I would love to see that blood relation locked away for the rest of his life. In my opinion he does not deserve any freedom at all.  He kept my parents hostage with fear.  I want him to know how it feels...if that is at all possible. I doubt he has feelings....
 
I feel real gulity because I moved 3,000 miles away from the craziness.  I can't help but wonder "What If"  " Would my Mom be alive today if I had stayed?"
 
Now I am just angry, sad, numb....
 
I find myself unable to sleep,full of anxiety...
 
Lost...
 
Reason for edit
 
I had to take out a swear word in your post. I have replaced it with the word "ANNOYED" in the 2nd paragraph

Post Edited By Moderator (djdaz_1985) : 12/12/2007 5:33:20 AM (GMT-7)


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 12/12/2007 5:21 AM (GMT -7)   
Helen

I am so sorry for your loss,losing a parent is so hard,and the grief seems to really take it's toll.

I can't believe the way some people treat others, their all about me crap has got to go I agree.
But,in no way was it your fault that your parents were treated like this. Please do not blame yourself,the fault is with the abuser simple as that.

Do you have to see this person? Is he still doing this to your father?

I suggest that you seek some type of counseling to help you with the grief and the anger. You deserve to be angry that is normal,but if you think it is affecting your everyday life then it is probably time to get some help with it.

Please use this board for support,we are here for you as much as we can be.
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Lexapro,Zyban,Buspar,Clonazepam

Have been med free for 2 years now.

I will scream with you,Cry with you and hopefully laugh with you.


Shy

Post Edited (ShynSassy) : 12/12/2007 5:46:07 AM (GMT-7)


djdaz_1985
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 12/12/2007 5:32 AM (GMT -7)   
HI there,
 
I think its appauling how some people treat their parents and this really is a classic example. Have criminal charges been brought against him/her? The main point that I want to make is that this is not your fault. We all have to fly the nest and leave home. I can understand how you would be feeling guilty but please be assured that this is NOT your fault. Please keep talking to us

Darren
Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
Moderator - Epilepsy Forum
Co-Moderator - Depression Forum
 
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Another Day
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 1055
   Posted 12/12/2007 7:46 PM (GMT -7)   
Helen,
 
I totally agree that it is not your fault.  All children leave home to lead their own lives.  If at all possible, I would try to make sure that criminal charges are filed to insure that your father is not abused also.
 
I am so sorry for your loss.
 
Carla

Moderator, Allergies/Asthma
 
Help support the forums so we can support you:  http://www.healingwell.com/donate
 
 
Epilepsy, asthma, GERD, depression, hypothyroidism, tinnitus


helen1
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2003
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 12/13/2007 8:20 AM (GMT -7)   
Charges have been filed. He goes to court Dec 17th.... I figure it will be pushed until the hoildays are over. I guess well have to wait and see.

I know I can't bring my Mom back and I am overly protective of my father. I can't trust anyone. This really hurts bad.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40572
   Posted 12/13/2007 11:46 AM (GMT -7)   
It is a good thing that you found out what was going on and put a stop to it. People like that make me so angry. How can they abuse others in that way.
You are a wonderful person and don't feel guilty because you were living your life. Your mother is in a good place now and I think that it was great that you were there for her passing. I know you will feel secure that your father will not have to take any more abuse.
Please feel good about yourself for what you have done, taking care of all those arrangements takes a lot. And you did well. Just remember that you loved your mother and that you are there for your father. Everything will work out to the way it is meant to be. You are so special and never forget that.
I hope that this helps some. I went through a similar experience and of cours other family members thought because I was taking over that I was out for money or control or something when it was them who wanted everything but didn't want to help. So Iknow how hard this is for you, but you will be feeling good about your situation soon.
Hugs,
getting by
fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies


djdaz_1985
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 12/14/2007 5:30 AM (GMT -7)   

Im glad charges have been brough up. I expect also that they will push it back over the holidays but at least something is being done. It gives you some kind of closure on the matter. Your mum will be able to rest more peacefully.

Darren


Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
Moderator - Epilepsy Forum
Co-Moderator - Depression Forum
 
Help support the forums so we can support you:  http://www.healingwell.com/donate
 


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 12/14/2007 5:42 AM (GMT -7)   
Helen

This person is going to get what he deserves!
And then you are right your mom can rest peacefully and then your dad can live the rest of his life without all of that going on.
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Lexapro,Zyban,Buspar,Clonazepam

Have been med free for 2 years now.

I will scream with you,Cry with you and hopefully laugh with you.


Shy

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