Ohhhh...those are such hard losses - losing your mom and the grief of what happened to your grand daughter. I lost my dad when I was only 24 and I am 36 now. It is very traumatic to lose someone you love, and I think it's normal that you miss her at Christmas moreso. There are no pat answers, but I hope you have loved ones you can spend the holidays with so that you will at least be surrounded with love this time of year. Maybe you could try and do something in remembrance of your mom each Christmas, like light a candle or write a letter or whatever helps you. I still feel sad when I remember my dad, but what helps me is to realize the gift it was to have had the time with him I did. Forgive me if this sounds simplistic, as I know the pain can run so deep and my words are not adequate, but just know I care for how you are feeling right now.
Is there anything in life that makes you feel good and helps you connect with the light and joy of being alive? Do you enjoy sunsets? Or music? Have you tried journalling? Do you like animals? Maybe just trying to take some time each day to connect with teh goodness of life will be a little help. By the way, if you do a google search and type in the words 'the goodness of life" there is a video clip that will come up and it really comforts me when I am feeling like 'what's the use' etc. Please don't check out. Because even though I know some days it might seem easier to just give up, you are in this world for a purpose. Your soul is precious and you have a laughter and a kindness that flows out from you that is unique to you, and even if you might not feel like it, you are making a difference here. I really believe that!
And yeah, if you happen to read my threads here, you will know that I also wonder when all the hard times are gonna end and the sun shine bright again. But I also know that even in my struggles, there are still those things that don't go away which make life beautiful and good - today for me it was the birds singing just when I needed it.
I notice you signed your post "God bless" - maybe it might be a good time to read some of the Psalms in the bible? Or maybe just get a nice comfy blanket, a good cup of yoru favorite tea and a good book - or a funny movie - or maybe a nice hot bubble bath - just something that will bring you some good comfort or inspiration. It's not goign to solve things or make all the pain just stop, but your soul might appreciate the hug, ya know?
I have some health issues too - again, I don't have nor want to give pat answers, but if you're interested, you could always look into some natural alternatives that might help your health improve some. I know diet changes and a few key supplements have made a world of difference for me. But that is totally up to you. Just thought I'd mention it.
Sorry for such a long post. I have a hard time keeping things short.
Hope your holidays will be gentle and that you can cry the tears you need to, while at the same time finding the hope that is still there for you each day.