Is it a medication adjustment or is it poor decision making?

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Wifeofdepression
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 144
   Posted 12/15/2007 8:39 AM (GMT -7)   
The last few weeks have been horrible. The Monday after Thanksgiving I left for an hour--it was like a switch was flipped in that time. When I came home my husband was still in bed, telling me lies about why he was there. I left for a conference. The next two days was filled with calls with more outrageous lies, perhaps delusions. Wednesday I called our internist who told me to get him to the er as soon as I could as his medications must be off.
That led to 4 days of calls to his psychiatrist, therapist, police, mobile crisis counselors and friends. Finally two friends hauled him out of bed and to the local psychiatric hospital. He remembers nothing of the prior week. They said he had a manic episode--his first. After 4 days he was released to a day program. I feel the release is due to the fact that our health insurer is denying payment for the inpatient hospitalization as he had not attempted suicide and had no definite plans to commit suicide, only suicidal thoughts. In his first week of day program he went 3 of the 5 days. The other two days he was in bed. The he is in bed today. He keeps saying he is sick. There is no sign of illness.
How do you tell when it is a medication issue or a poor decision? His doctor said the medications are working he is just making bad decisions. How do I know that is true? How do I know the meds are ok? He just wants to stay in bed--his back hurts, he is tired, he is cold, he is hot, he is something....
The kids and I have moved to my parents to escape the hearache. I am in stage 5 of the depression fallout. He says that he loves me and could not do this without me--then he stays in bed. The hopelessness I feel is unbelievable.  I am so discouraged. Our daughter said she will never move back home. She will not talk or see her father. I keep trying to help him, but I am now wondering why, I think he does not care enough to help himself then I think it is not him it is the depression and medications. This has been going on for so long. There is no end in sight. 
 

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 12/15/2007 11:57 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi there

I am so sorry your going through this.  You posted:

"His doctor said the medications are working he is just making bad decisions."

This statement has me dumbfounded.  I do not know how the Dr. is making this decision and what he is basing this statement on. 

IMHO I feel you need therapy to help you and your children to cope with your husbands illness.  Another thought I have leads to a second opinion by a different Pdoc. 

Please keep us posted.

Gentle Hugs

Kitt 


 
Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression, GERD, Osteoarthritis
*Wife of a Crohnie*
******www.healingwell.com/donate***
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 12/16/2007 6:41 AM (GMT -7)   
I agree with Kitt, it might be time to get a second opinion... and you need to continue the therapy with your kids to help you get through this.

I am so sorry,I was hoping that things were getting better.
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Lexapro,Zyban,Buspar,Clonazepam

Have been med free for 2 years now.

I will scream with you,Cry with you and hopefully laugh with you.


Shy


Wifeofdepression
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 144
   Posted 12/17/2007 7:38 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks so much for your advice. My daughter has her first appointment with a therapist on Wednesday,thanks to a kind psychiatrist at the center my husband is going to calling in a favor. The therapist moved her up to before Christmas, she is so upset and will not talk to her dad. Son is doing great, his appointment is next week.
 
The problem with the pdoc is that he is tied to the therapist who my husband, and I really like. He would have to start over with another therapist if we switched doctors. Knowing that I am trying my best to learn everything that I can about medications and his disease state so I can ask the best questions possible. I try to ask my dh as many questioned about how he is feeling as possible so I can better understand how the medications are effecting him. The psychiatrist at the hospital kept him on the same meds only switching the evening medication--which I am not sure I agree with as dh had a problem with sleeping medications. I am trying to get the social worker to call me back.
 
I read about a book on this site several weeks ago and finally picked up a copy. It was very helpful. I ordered a few more books that had positive reviews from spouses who are dealing with depressed spouses. Hopefully armed with lots of information I can be of help to him and salvage our marriage.

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 12/17/2007 7:58 PM (GMT -7)   

I am so happy that you have picked up the books.  That is such a positive move on your behalf.......kudos to you. :)  I do understand how you feel as I have a husband with a chronic disease and many times I have felt that I am alone in a crowded room.

I know how hard it is to support someone you love when they seem to push you away. 

This is the holiday season and I pray that you and your children will be able to make some happy memories as you should.

You must take care of you and take time for just you.  Plan some down time for you to just do something you like; read, take a walk, listen to music.  Keep it your own private gift to yourself.

I wish you peace and happiness but most of all I wish you love.

Gentle Hugs

Kitt


 
Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression, GERD, Osteoarthritis
*Wife of a Crohnie*
******www.healingwell.com/donate***
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 12/18/2007 5:34 AM (GMT -7)   
Congrats to you for making sure your kids have the help that they need. So many times I think the kids get overlooked in a crisis like yours. You are a wonderful mom!

I am keeping my fingers crossed for you.
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Lexapro,Zyban,Buspar,Clonazepam

Have been med free for 2 years now.

I will scream with you,Cry with you and hopefully laugh with you.


Wifeofdepression
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 144
   Posted 12/18/2007 9:25 AM (GMT -7)   
I need to vent.....
My 17 year old is sick-it seems like a cold but there is something else going on too. I was on the phone with the pediatricians office at 11 last night. She may be dehydrated. I take her in at 1 today. She is missing her mid terms. The school nurse told me not to worry about it, we will get it worked out.
 
In the midst of all this dh called to say he was not going in to the psych program today because of stomach issues AGAIN--lying with an excuse. The lie was blatant. I called him on it. I told him I did not want to see him or talk to him today. I called his social worker who said he expects dh to go to work in a week. My response was if dh cant make it into the program how is he going to go to work??He is just going to go back to bed. So now I have a family therapy session tomorrow with dh and social worker plus an appt with my daughter and her therapist. Yipee!!!
 
This is absolutely ridiculous. Am I the only one who wants dh to heal? He out of the last 7 days of the program he went 4 days. Slightly better than 50% of the time he is showing up for treatment. He has tons of illness excuses as to why he cant go. I AM FED UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
The psychiatrist I see says I am so strong and am handling this so well---I am sick of being strong and sick of handling this situation. i am sick of being a single parent, working, and helping a dh who has no desire to help himself. I run between two houses trying to help 3 people and am SICK OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The kids really appreciate what I am doing. My daughter and son constantly are thanking me and show me alot of love and support. My parents help me so much. DH always is telling me how much he appreciates what I do for him then fails to go for treatment and stays in bed. He cancels physical appointments I have set up just to confirm there is nothing that is being missed--he only wants to go to Johns Hopkins to see an internist I can not get him in til March 10th. We went in June to Hopkins had a bazillion tests run and he was fine. I am out of ideas to help him. If he was not in my life things would be better, but he will always be in my life because we share kids. I have 2.5 years before my son leaves for college. I guess I have to stick it out that long. Supporting dh financially while he stays in bed will be a killer.
 
OK so today I can be thankful for:
1. two great kids
2. two great parents
3. A comfortable house that my parents are sharing that is big enough for my family and them to live comfortably.
4. A job with an understanding boss.
5. Good friends who check on me and love me
6. Wonderful doctor adn antidepressants that keep me thinking clearly
7. vacation time next week!!!!

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 12/18/2007 7:11 PM (GMT -7)   
You know what..... I hate to say this...probably shouldn't and might get alot of grief from other members..BUT
I think it might be time for tough love.

Either you go to your appts hubby or don't expect me to come help you.

Telling him enough is enough,get your butt out of bed...don't call him for a few days, if he calls you ask him if he went to his appts...if not..tell him you have to go deal with your family and call you when he goes to his appts........
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Lexapro,Zyban,Buspar,Clonazepam

Have been med free for 2 years now.

I will scream with you,Cry with you and hopefully laugh with you.

Post Edited (ShynSassy) : 12/19/2007 5:57:09 AM (GMT-7)


djdaz_1985
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 12/19/2007 2:51 AM (GMT -7)   

I think Shy is spot on. There are only so many times you can try and help someone & have it thrown back in your face before you have to say enough is enough. Tough love is the answer here I feel

Darren


Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
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Co-Moderator - Depression Forum
 
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Wifeofdepression
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 144
   Posted 12/19/2007 5:42 AM (GMT -7)   
You two must have read my mind.  I told him I have to much to do with the kids and my life to deal with him when e is doing nothing to help himself. We are to go to family counseling today--which just means me as my daughter has said it is a total waste of time as he is doing nothing to get better. Son is dealing with this situation real well---probably because his best friend, who he spends tons of time with, is the son of a childrens therapist and psychiatrist. His bf parents have been fantastic about sleep overs and school pick ups etc. They are very supportive friends. So son can go to school and miss the appointment which is important since he had the flu and missed most of last week.
The major problem right now is our 17 year old has had a cold for for the last 6 days. Two days ago she developed a severe neurological tic on the left side of her body. She is unable to control her left hand, leg, and head. Yesterday we went to the pediatrician who sent us to the pediatric neurologist. As the stress built the tics worsened. The ped neuro was incredibly wonderful. The first med did not work, the second--a seizure/psych med--allowed her to sleep last night. She is still sleeping now. She is missing mid terms. The thought is that she had strep which went un treated and it manifested into this, this is very rare but does occur. They think it will go away in a few weeks. We are praying for that. So I am the worlds worst mom for not dealing with her sore throat. She is in choir and I thought that she had strained her vocal chords.
My dh called several times to see if she wanted him---she did not. She did want her puppy which he has. I asked him to bring the puppy over so I would not have to leave her. He said he could not do it--it is 4 miles. She is scared and frustrated she wants to be held and distracted. When my mom got home with my son--dh could not pick him up from school as dh was too sick to get out of bed--I went over to the house but daughter told me not to get her dog as she would scare the puppy. I think she wanted her dad to bring the dog. He called several times to whine about how daughter did not need him. I could not even try to build him up. I have no patience for him right now--and told him so. He said he felt empty, I pretended not to get it and said I guess with all the laxatives he was taking he did feel empty. I told him to call me if he did not go to therapy so I would know not to go to the family session. DH is to pick son up today so that I can take daughter to therapy--which considering this neuro problem is really needed.
Son said it feels like nothing good is happening for our family right now. Son is 15 and he is scared for his sister and dad.
Oh well. I am taking off from work for the rest of this year. I am going to spend time with the kids and try to relax.
 
 

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 12/19/2007 6:02 AM (GMT -7)   
I think you are right on the mark.. it makes me mad to read that your daughter is sick,and hubby is whining about himself?? What the?

He is grasping for attention right now, and can't stand it that the kids are getting the attention and not him..
I would have ran out of patience a long time ago.. you are very tough.

Maybe after hearing that you are tired of dealing with his crap,then he will actually get out of bed.
I think he is trying to get your attention anyway he can.. I really hope for your sake and the kids he gets it together.

You should not have to raise him too!
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Lexapro,Zyban,Buspar,Clonazepam

Have been med free for 2 years now.

I will scream with you,Cry with you and hopefully laugh with you.


Wifeofdepression
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 144
   Posted 12/19/2007 4:08 PM (GMT -7)   
We had family counseling today. I had the best time. It was so cathartic. I just let my husband have it in front of his therapist. DH started to whine that he had nothing to do but sit in bed since we all left. I stopped everything and told him and the therapist that HE was the one who chose for us to leave and I am not having him drag me and our kids down with him.
The thing that just made me drop my mouth open in shock was the therapist---keep in mind that dh has been in this place for over 2 weeks--said "who would stay in bed for days on end?" I pointed at my DH and said "HIM HE HAS BEEN IN BED 3-7 days a week for 24 hours per day since labor day 2006!!!!!!!!!!!!" What have they been doing????????????? Anyway they are not not releasing him on Monday and I think I got my point across that the Luvox causes to many side effects. The psychiatrist is to review this tomorrow.
Daughter went to therapist today. It went ok I think.
Thanks for all your help!

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 12/20/2007 6:01 AM (GMT -7)   
Good for you!
Now hopefully he will get the help that he needs,and then maybe future posts from you will be that things are finally looking up.

I hope your daughter talks about what is going on,and that she is feeling better.


((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Lexapro,Zyban,Buspar,Clonazepam

Have been med free for 2 years now.

I will scream with you,Cry with you and hopefully laugh with you.

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