HI there and Welcome to HealingWell,
I too want to welcome you to the forum. We are like one big family here and I hope that you manage to find all the support and answers you need.
As for your husband, have you considered doing marriage councilling? Does he attend councilling / take meds himself? It is unfair that he should place such a burden on you, especially with a daughter who has ADHD (Who I am guessing takes up quite a bit of time). Please dont run yourself into the ground over this. Get some help.
Hi again everyone,
It's still an emotional roller coaster with my husband, one day happy, one day sad. To answer the questions: about the girl, yes it has stopped. I found the number several times on my cell phone bill one month when we exceeded our minutes, and I confronted him. He hasn't seen a Dr. and is not on meds. He won't go! I work on him all of the time, but just when I think I've convinced him he changes his mind again! My daughter is a handfull. The vacation I mentioned is coming up soon, and already he is getting depressed about it. So it was'nt even a temporary fix like last time. He's back to being depressed before we ever go. I'm hoping he can pull it together and enjoy it, atleast for the kids! Otherwise it will be $3000.00+ more debt to deal with for no good reason!! I'm always busy with taking care of him, my kids, and my job. So I wanted to let everyone know that I definately appreciate any advice I can get even though I don't get to reply often.
Hey there, Hi this is Kitt. I am wondering the same thing. It sort of feels to me like you may be trying to buy him happiness when what he really needs is a physician and therapy. It is not to late to cancel the spendy vacation even if you lose a few bucks it beats going into the hole and coming home to the same situation.
This is just my 2 cents and I hope you know we care and keep posting.
Hugs to you.
Thanx so much for the support! It feels so nice to know that other people understand what I'm dealing with. As for the vacation if I tried to cancel it or demanded that he cancel it I think it would push him over the edge! I know it sounds lame, but he really has built that much around it. For instance towards the end of paying it off, we almost weren't able to make the last payment. My husband had a little mini breakdown and literally started crying!, and my husband is certainly not the crying type! I'm still working on getting him to a doc. I pretty much work on it at least once every day.
Hey Wife,Keep working on getting him to treatment as he is truly not in a good place from your posts. This has to be very sad and difficult for you. Please know we care.Take care of you too.
I had met my husband when I was fifteen and we dated through college and were married at 21 (I am 40 now). He always had his ups and downs. But when he had his downs he would always get really angry, often yell at me, then always apologize, or get really depressed and down and go through crying fits himself. I always felt I had to "fix" him and I was more than set to do that. Over the years, fixing him became soo much harder. As with you (but not ADD) I had children and a full time job - all of which needed attention too. And by that point, I was "fixing" things for him 24/7 because they had regularly all become my fault as he would always tell me....But of course he was sorry later.
It got to the point where I felt I was always walking on eggshells. And about 6 years ago (at that time my younger daughter was almost 2), I literally broke. Major depression, anxiety attacks, no will for anything, etc. And then he was so angry with me because I had nothing left for him and things needed to be done. What little I did have I gave to my daughters. And I received nothing but grief from him. Not one bit of sympathy, help, love, nothing..........
My VERY, VERY strong advice to you. Be careful. Yes, it sounds like something is definately wrong on his end. But what you need to keep thinking of is will he ever acknowledge this? I don't want you to run down the same road as I have. We have been divorced three years and I am still "broken". I gave over 20 years of my life fixing somebody that truly never wanted to be fixed. He wanted to control because he couldn't and didn't want to face his own problems. ...If you're always worried about debt now, this is going to keep growing. I remember on our vacations that they were always a double edged sword for me. He would get uptight half way through about going home to reality. The trip back was always awful as I was always waiting for the other foot to fall. And my kids didn't even know they were effected --but yes it did have a big effect on them.
Please, by all means, keep trying to help him - he is your husband and the father of your child(ren) whom you have been with for a long time. And hopefully your situation is not similar to mine. BUT do be aware and do not let him break you down. This happens when all you do is give, give, give and live under the severe and constant pressure for too long. ..In some cases try to hold yourself back from offering to do some things. He needs to do some things for himself.
As usual, I have over-wrote here. But what you wrote reminds me so much of where I was, what I went through, and how broken I still feel now. Remember, you also need to be taken care of and loved and treated with dignity. And what is equally as important is your children. Living in a turmoiled atmosphere is not good for them either... I'll keep up my prayers for you.