im pregnant w. a random guy's baby.. in grad school help!

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confusedgirl22
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 228
   Posted 12/21/2007 4:55 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello.
  I just found out today I was 5 weeks pregnant. I am home from grad school. I'm 22. I slept w. a guy (random) I met online. I was happy he was giving me attention because I was and still am depressed and had a low self esteem. I was on the bc pill and took it every day. But he did not wear a condom. I scheduled an abortion for next week. I am failing one class in grad school and need to pass the retake next month. I am very scared and sad. I told my parents and they keep calling me a ****. They hate me right now. I am scared that I won't pass my anatomy retake in january since I failed that class first semester. I feel like my life is horrible. Please help. I'm really depressed.

earthsalt
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 12/21/2007 5:25 PM (GMT -7)   
confusedgirl22,
Have you thought about keeping the baby? Kids change your life for good. I left school to have one, then never got back to have 3 more. I am married so that helps , but many single mom-s are around no days. Myabe this is a gift of life that you need.

getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 12/21/2007 6:24 PM (GMT -7)   
Confused,
I can't give you any easy answers. First of all you are having unprotected sex with somebody that you don't even know. You are risking your life right there. Now somebody elses life is in your hands. Your baby. So whatever you decide is crutial. Are you going to take that babies life away for something that you did? Stop and think about this decision with all of your heart. Not with what is convenient for you.
This is your future, and like earthsalt said, maybe this is a gift to you. Maybe you should think about keeping the baby. I don't mean to sound so harsh, but I have seen a lot of women who used abortion as a form of birthcontrol because they didn't care enough to even use birth control. That makes me very angry. I know you said that you were on the pill, but you need to be more careful. If not for your sake, for the life inside of you. Please think long and hard. And please, please keep us posted. And if you keep checking, I know somebody will have the answers you need.
Luv and Hugs,
getting by
fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies


confusedgirl22
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 228
   Posted 12/21/2007 7:03 PM (GMT -7)   
my parents are really strict. they don't want me having a baby. i know i cant face this right now. i do believe in God. i am religious but i think God will forgive me. My priority right now is to become a doctor. I do not have money to raise a baby. And my parents refuse to support me.

aoccc
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 455
   Posted 12/21/2007 7:06 PM (GMT -7)   
see the other boards for crappy lives...u are so lucky to get to goto college ...not to mention being lucky enough to have a baby..i just dont understand sometimes,the worst thing that life can throw at u is death.u will be fine,life always works itself out

confusedgirl22
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 228
   Posted 12/21/2007 7:40 PM (GMT -7)   
i understand. but i dont like how my parents keep calling me a ****. and telling me im not going to be a doctor now because im an emotional wreck. my dream was to be a doc and even after i do get the abortion, ill be an emotional wreck and i know i prob wont be able to pass next semester.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 12/21/2007 7:45 PM (GMT -7)   
What about having the baby and giving it up for adoption? Would you be able to have it then?
Hugs
getting by
fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies


aoccc
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 455
   Posted 12/21/2007 7:48 PM (GMT -7)   
some parents are like that..i think they are frustrated and they are crappy at dealing with lifes issues btw from an older post...:)

Post Edited By Moderator (Admin) : 12/22/2007 10:42:30 AM (GMT-7)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 12/21/2007 7:55 PM (GMT -7)   
aoccc,
what are you talking about?
fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies


aoccc
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 455
   Posted 12/21/2007 7:58 PM (GMT -7)   
u have to read her thread from a day or so to understand that one lol

confusedgirl22
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 228
   Posted 12/21/2007 8:59 PM (GMT -7)   
i cant just have the baby. i dont think i can. that would mean no support. no one would help me support it. my parents would kick me out. i would have no professional degree.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 12/21/2007 9:41 PM (GMT -7)   
Whichever you decide keep us posted. We will support your decision. We will try to help you get throuogh it. Because having the abortion wears on a woman in a heavy way. But we will be for you through that.
hugs
getting by
fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies


confusedgirl22
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 228
   Posted 12/21/2007 9:55 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you. I believe in God. I am religious. I just can't see myself having a baby with a father who is a player and does not care about me or the baby. Also my parents would be happier if I had the abortion. I hope God will forgive me. I do think about it every second. I consider a baby a gift from God. I just think God gave me this to teach me a lesson that sex is really serious. I do not think he wants me to be a mother right now.

aoccc
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 455
   Posted 12/21/2007 10:50 PM (GMT -7)   
i wonder if maybe god might have a different path 4 u ..i mean your failing and u have a baby on birth control at the same time.i am sure whatever u decide will work out just relax a bit

sophieWVU
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 85
   Posted 12/22/2007 7:46 PM (GMT -7)   
My best friend is adopted so I feel strongly here...if I got pregnant I wouldn't keep the child either most likely, but abortion isn't the only option.  And it can scar you for life, and can't be reversed (not like adoptioin can but my God my best friend has a life!  He can decide if he wants to meet his birth parents or not...not an easy road by any means but he loves life).  No offense but this is a life here and saying you want a professional career (which is entirely possible no matter what!) sounds a bit wrong to me.  I haven't found many arguments against carrying a child and giving it away after 9 months that didn't have a selfish agenda hidden underneath, usually fear of what others think, etc.   I'm sorry if that sounds judgmental but it is what it is.  You gotta be able to live with yourself at the end of the day, and you may find that a medical degree won't suffice after all is said and done based on what you chose.  Having a child out there may be hard, be you can sleep at night knowing you made a pretty selfless decision and gave a child a wonderful life.  And you can meet up later in life or whatnot.  Abortion may be right for some, but if you're stressing out this much about it, it may not be.  I think those that do it feel comfortable with their decision and are able to move on more smoothly.  Making a huge mistake in itself can derail your career.
 
It may not come the way you planned or on your time frame.  I had to go to the Caribbean.  And let me tell you, I tried to run and go to professional school with problems here and I couldn't handle it.  I wasn't ready, I had too much mental baggage and it came out in a huge way..next thing I knew i couldn't concentrate AT ALL and that's not good in vet school.  You gotta straighten your head out first.  You can do it.  They are there for reasons like that, life got in the way and grades suffered.  Even though I left, I can come back.  I see your situation and see the sprial I was in last year...before you know it you won't have to take your professional career into consideration, b/c your mental situations will make sure they take the center stage...it's like your brain has a way to make sure it tries to get your attention every way it can.  I'm 22, just had to drop out of vet school b/c I ignored my problems, which caused me to do stupid things, which i again ignored, until I cracked.
 
I don't think God causes unwanted pregnancies resulting in abortion to teach lessons. But I'm not religious so I can't say
 
Worry about what's right for you, and what's just plain right.  You will find that they are the same thing.
 

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 12/23/2007 9:52 AM (GMT -7)   
Sophie,
What you said is right and you put it in a nonjudgemental way. I was trying to get the same point across but I couldn't do it with out sounding harsh. Thank you for expressing yourself so well. I hope confused takes your advise. I know she will regret her decision if she gets an abortion. It will haunt her eventually and I don't want to see that happen. Thanks for saying what I could not say. Atleast I couldn't say it and have it come out as well as you did. We need people like you at a time like this.
hugs,
getting by
fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies


sophieWVU
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 85
   Posted 12/23/2007 10:34 AM (GMT -7)   

hey thanks!  Im OCD so I analyze every word that comes out...anyway one more thing for confused....

I'm not sure if you're familiar with foreign medical schools, but do a seach for it and you'll find my school I'm sure (SGU).  Don't want to sound like I'm advertising.  There's lots of them for med, 3 for vet.  Lots of people get in your situation and have to take a detour for a while but get back on track.  These schools will listen as to why you flunked a class, why'd you go to grad...etc etc.  All the students there were very very bright but got derailed for some reason or another.  The schools in the US I think only look at a transcript and see F's and W's.  In my class (vet) the ages ranged from 19-over 50, all sorts of majors, some flunked out of other schools for certain circumstances and needed a second chance to prove themselves, people that worked in computers for 20+ years, etc. 

There are all bright people, like yourself.  Life just got in the way for whatever reason.  The entrance people see the difference between that and someone who isn't smart enough or hard working to handle professional school.  Take care 

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 12/23/2007 10:53 AM (GMT -7)   
Sophie where is SGU?
Are you from the US?
You are very smart. I really hope that Confused listens to you. I have OCD too. I take abilify and it helps me get rid of obsessive thinking. I think we could all use that.
Hugs,
getting by
fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies


confusedgirl22
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 228
   Posted 12/23/2007 11:59 AM (GMT -7)   
i appreciate all your advice. but i really think i need to have an abortion. im sorry to offend any of you. but i know it's the path for me. i want to make my family happy. i went to church today and asked God for forgiveness.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 12/23/2007 1:15 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Conused,
It sounds like you have made up your mind, though you are doing this for your parents and not for yourself. That is not good. You have to learn to make your own decisions. Even though I don't agree with your choice that you have made, I will still be here for you. I hope that you are able to get your grades up at college, study hard and try to put other things out of your mind. I hope that you have learned something from this experience. Like not haveing random unprotected sex. Since your birthcontrol pills didn't work, I would suggest talking to the doctor, maybe you need something stronger. Still you need to use a condom. Having sex with somebody you don't know is dangerous. You could have been killed, and I would also suggest you get tested for aides and hiv. That would be the complete end of your career. You need to start thinking about your actions. In my opinion you are being very selfish with what you have done. But I am not here to judge you. Please keep me posted. We are all still here for you no matter what you decide. But you are a grown woman so now you need to act like one.
As I said we are here for you during whatever you need us for. But we still all wish that you wouldn't terminate the little one inside of yous life. I am sorry for continueing to say that, I guess I want you to do something other than what you are doing. But maybe it is better this way. Probably better for the baby than to be raised by a family that doesn't care about it. Sorry again. I better end here. You do what is right for you, and I will be here for you.
hugs,
getting by
fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies


sophieWVU
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 85
   Posted 12/23/2007 5:41 PM (GMT -7)   
getting by,
 
I am from WV, a state without a veterinary school and I got put on an alternate list at UGA (first alternate to be exact, and the list didn't budge!)  I wanted to start so bad despite the fact that I needed to learn why I went from a 4.0 student to getting a 1.7 my last semester.  Most likely, if this is the case, you're dealing with depression or bipolar disorder.  You don't just all of a sudden drop like that.  I made bad decisions too, mostly drinking, spending money, relationships, etc.  It was a consequence of my disorder (bipolar - the OCD came secondary and started in Grenada...before midterms, yay!!)  It doesn't just get better, it gets worse.  It can happen again, or something worse will happen.  Or else Lindsay Lohan wouldn't have been in rehab 3 times and abortion clinics wouldn't have repeat clients.  It's not just a matter of talking to God or saying, that was wrong I won't do it again.  I went to SGU in Grenada (an island off of Venezuela).  If things aren't perfect now, it's a billion times worse when you get to professional school.  Problems cannot be ignored.  And they build.  You can't fail a class and then forget it and start fresh, especially anatomy.  I got behind like 3 days and it snowballed FAST.  I kept thinking, okay now i can start fresh, no more being an idiot!  I did awesome in engineering my first 2 years of college, which was a billion times harder than my last 2 years.  Never happened.  Now I'm back at home.  I want to go back, maybe for psychiatry.  More problem solving, less concrete than vet. I like that.   Gotta get better though first. 

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 12/23/2007 6:12 PM (GMT -7)   
You will get better. I can tell. You know what you are up against now. Do you taje mediccations for bipolar? I imagine you do by the way thta you talk. I have obsessive thinking but not the compulsive part. Though sometimes I wonder about that. I fight really hard to keep my thinking normal. I have done some dumb things in my life but I was always lucky. Nothing too serious. I guess we all have that problem at times, it is just what we decide to do and the consequences that we have to face. I think avoiding the consequences can be the worse decision. Nobody is perfect and we all make mistakes. With Concern, I am afraid she may make another bad decision, one that she will never forget. But I am not in her shoes and she will do what is right for her at the time.
But you on the other hand sound like you have learned and you sound like you have your head on straight and I feel you will succeed.
You have put your mind and your best foot forward and I feel you will go far.
Nice talking to you,
Luv and Hugs,
getting by
fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies


Mochiah
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 450
   Posted 12/23/2007 7:24 PM (GMT -7)   
Hope I am not intruding...I am usually on the CP forum but have been quite depressed for a while so I was checking this forum out.
 
Confused - I, too was on BCP.  All 3 of my children are BCP-babies.  My boyfriend wanted me to get an abortion, even dropped me off at the office....only to find out I was 21 weeks along and a "normal" one could not be done, it would have been of a different kind that would have been like giving birth early....I knew I couldn't do that.  My parents were also very strict.  I had ran away when I was 15 and hadn't gone back.  So calling them and saying I was pregnant and wanted to come home was the hardest thing to do.  Once I came home, they had every minute planned for me...the OB/GYN even had an adoptive family chosen.  I had no choice to do what everyone else was telling me I had to do......or did I.  It was my body....it was my baby....I couldn't be forced to sign papers (although I didn't know it at the time).  For the first time in my life I stood up to them.  I had her 3 weeks before I turned 18.....she is now 22.  My mom cried when I told her I was keeping the baby, she was very happy.  My dad, not so much.  Guess who was the doting grandfather with camera in hand at all times when she was around!  We spoke with our priest, and although I had comitted many sins, my daughter was allowed to be christened in God's eyes at 2 month's of age.  He does forgive.  I worked 3 jobs to support her and while I was pregnant I went to night school to get my high school diploma.  I did go to college when I was 25. 
 
Now, you may think that I am going somewhere completely different with this than what I am....but what I am here to say is it is your body, no one else can tell you what to do.  Only you are going to know what is in your heart and what your strength is.  You will be forgiven and loved by Him no matter what you decide.  For me, the thought of having an abortion in the beginning was easier to fathom than someone else raising the child I had conceived.  For me, the more the doctor and my parents pushed adoption and talked about the adoptive parents the angrier and stronger I became.  I didn't decide until my 8th month that I was keeping her.....or maybe I decided long before and I didn't find the strength to tell my parents until then. 
 
 
Mochiah/a.k.a. Sue
cervical fusion 2006, with great result
L4-5 surgery with cages, plates, and screws in 2005, I have continued pain 
MEDS:  Fentanyl patch, Norco, Celexa, and trazodone


confusedgirl22
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 228
   Posted 12/24/2007 1:24 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi.
   Thank you for your advice. I told my grandma and a few close friends that I was getting an abortion (just for support). And my mom got really upset. She thinks I told them on purpose just to get her upset. She thinks no one will want to marry me now because she thinks some of my friends and grandma will tell people. She also thinks that people will laugh at me. Eventhough I trust them and I know they won't. Do you think my parents are wrong?

Mochiah
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 450
   Posted 12/24/2007 2:24 PM (GMT -7)   
Sounds to me like your parents are trying to make it about THEM, not you. My dad also told me that I had ruined my life and I was stupid (that was the nicest thing he called me). Your parents are of a different generation where something like this would get you ostracized. It is not like that now. This is about YOU and only your opinion matters. You will make peace with whatever decision you make and that is how you will know what is right.
Mochiah/a.k.a. Sue
cervical fusion 2006, with great result
L4-5 surgery with cages, plates, and screws in 2005, I have continued pain 
MEDS:  Fentanyl patch, Norco, Celexa, and trazodone

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