15 years, WOW! Seems to me like you've done great so far
I'm just 5 years in and man! It's been a rocky ride. I agree, too, that sometimes LIFE just sucks. Oh ya, it loves to kick ya when you're down, too. I have realized one thing though, it does get better.
It took me getting really angry at the apathetic attitude of the medical profession, to really launch myself into focussing on how my body works and how I can live with the disease given the tools provided. The more knowledge I gain the more I truly understand just how individual this disease is and just how much control (or not) I have over the day-to-day management of it. The devil is in the details, my friend.
I understand the courage it takes to stick yourself with a needle every few hours of every day but I appreciate that doing so allows me not only live but, live as normally as possible. I also appreciate the mental dedication it requires to stay on top of things and if there's one break I'd like to have it's that. Just being able to go a whole day without the constant sanity checks.."when did I last test? Eat? Am I low? do I feel wierd? What should that
cookie cost me? That snow shovelling? Blah, blah, blah. Arghhhh! Leave me alone! At least I can go shop for a few hours when my husband gets annoying - LOL
That being said, I've also recently come to realize just how much Diabetes can affect your mind/mood/well-being. There is a well-known association of depression with Diabetes, especially after some time with dealing with it. I've hit rock bottom a few times and some long-term, major depression has just seen me starting Cymbalta this Sunday. But that's another story.
How do I cope? One day at a time. I do that by keeping a daily log book of all my BGLs, insulin doses, food, exercise and more, on a lovely Excel spreadsheet I created. For me, if it's not measured, it's not managed.
Seems possible to me that if you can get your BGLs maintained then maybe the Lupus area can be focused on in kinda like a controlled environment (with the steady BGLs). You also need to find that spark you had in the beginning - that determination to live your life no matter what they throw at you
I know, easier said than done but, it can be done.
We'll stumble along through it with you if you like.
- Phishbowl (Type 1 since Jan'05 - Levemir, NovoRapid)
"What's Not Measured Is Not Managed"
"It is impossible for a man to learn what he thinks he already knows"-Epictetus