living with a diabetic

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*tears*
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 12/1/2007 6:42 PM (GMT -7)   
So, this is new for me. I am married to a diabetic (for 18 years now) We have 3 healthy children. My dear husband has not been maintaining his diabetes faithfully for the past 15 years. Now that the children are at an age that they can understand what is going on, it is becoming more difficult to handle, especially the hypoglycemia episodes. He is in so much denial, counselling is not even helping. Suggestions?

LanieG
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 5393
   Posted 12/2/2007 3:21 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi tears, I'm sorry for your distress over your husband's problem with diabetes.  Does he measure his blood sugar everyday and take medication?  Is he under a doctor's care?  Is he type 1?  As you know, hypoglycemic episodes can be dangerous if not fatal, so he needs to get this under control, if not for himself, for you and the kids.  Have you talked to family members or your doctor about this?  I wish I could offer more advice.

Lanie
forum moderator - diabetes
"pre-diabetic" controlled so far by diet and exercise
following low/no carb diet, no meds


*tears*
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 12/2/2007 4:18 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you Lanie for your reply. He does not measure his BG faithfully, before or after meals. He's been trying the Flexible Insulin Therapy, counting carbs, giving insulin due to # of carbs. Since his last hypoglycemic episode in August when my 9 year old found him convulsing on our kitchen floor, I, again, stepped in to TRY to help him get things under control. Making a long story short, he has been doing a bit better up until 3.5 weeks ago. When we were at the diabetic centre going over his log books with the nurses, this is when I found out he was not "faithful" to logging anymore. Since then, he has been having double vision, which is relating to micro-vascularization. The specialist feels we will know the end result in 6-8 weeks. Whatever he is left with, is what he has to work with. He is type 1, insulin anywhere from 3-6 times a day. He's on lantus at night and in the am, and rapid 3x a day or more. He is under MANY doctor's care. He has been in denial since I've known him. He now looks at me as if I'm being "nosey" and i am not. I want him to be here for a very long time....it's just getting very tense here. My emotions tell me to stay and try, but Im so angry, too.....
Lori MacNeil


tutorgirl
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 235
   Posted 12/2/2007 4:42 PM (GMT -7)   
Lori.

My heart goes out to you. It must break you heart and scare you to death to watch this, feeling totally helpless. I was diagnosed type 2 about 11 years ago. Some years I did a better job of monitoring and managing than others. Recently I realized if I wanted to be alive to enjoy the payback of raising 4 children (payback being grandchildren) I better get my fanny into gear and do what I am supposed to do. When I finally got serious about doing this the right way, my husband told me how relieved and happy he was that I was getting on track. He told me he had been very worried and scared about what I was doing to myself. When I asked how come he never expressed any of that he said, " I knew that no matter what I said it wouldn't make any difference. You were going to do what you were going to do." And he was right. I'm just the type that if you say black, I'll say white. My sis's husband was just diagnosed type 2 and I KNOW that he will do nothing to control it other than take the pills. And he's pretty much alcoholic to boot. My sis, too, is in for a rough road. I think my point is that you can be angry, rant and rave at him all you want, but until he decides to take control there really is very little you can do. Just periodically remind him that you are going to be very lonely sitting at those 3 beautiful children's graduations alone. Come here to vent as much as you want, but he is going to have to make this decision himself. Check in with us often. We're here for you.
===================
>Karen<
~Forum Moderator/Diabetes~


fergusc
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 230
   Posted 12/3/2007 2:52 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi tears, and sorry to hear about your pain.

I sympathise with your difficulties, but with your husband's too. I'm Type 1 also and when I read your post I imagined your words coming from my wife's mouth. I lost my awareness of hypoglycemia many years ago and have to test my blood sugars many times a day to stay on track. Still, from time to time, I go too low and my wife has to deal with the consequences. Then she gets very anxious and tries very hard to get me to eat something sweet. But I've come to fear sweet foods over the years so, when the blood glucose levels are low and I'm confronted with the anxiety and the 'dangerous' food, I can become very uncoopertive and, in extreme cases, hostile too. It's a horrible situation for both of us.

All I can suggest in these sorts of situations is that you tell him you love him, and that it would make you much happier if he'd check his blood sugars, then eat if necessary. I find this is non-threatening and works much better than anything else.

If your husband is anything like me, he's feeling very guilty for what he's putting his family through, and very helpless at his inability to control it. Talk about it together and agree a stategy for dealing with hypos when, inevitably, they happen. I'm as diligent as I can be these days, be none of us is perfect. You can only ever do your best.

All the best,

fergusc 


*tears*
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 12/3/2007 10:03 PM (GMT -7)   
Dear Fergusc:
Thank you for your honest words. I do tell my husband that I love him. I just want him to be there in the next 30 or more years with me and to walk our daughters down the aisle at their weddings.
As far as "guilt", he really has never mentioned that. I'm sure that he is feeling this though. We have a "basket" in the kitchen with a glucagon pen x 2, glucose tabs, syrup, gel incase an episode of "hypoglycemia" happens -even the children know how to mix the glucagon, and I have also instructed them to call 911 if I am not at home at the time the epsiode happens.
We are seeing a counsellor, oh, for the past 2 months since I could not find any support groups. The counsellor suggested finding something on the internet, which is how I found Healingwell.com.....I'm hoping that people out there will offer coping strategies for me, as it has come very close to someone leaving the home.....
So, I take one day at a time right now, and deal with that....
Thanks again....and if your wife needs to "vent", i'm here for her as well....
Lori yeah
Lori MacNeil


Woody
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 18
   Posted Yesterday 8:07 AM (GMT -7)   

I am a diabetic, and I know how it hurts and scares my wife. I know she needs me to be there for her.  We have five children, and one is severly handicaped. She has saved my life many times when I have crashed and I know I could never live alone again. This disease is nothing to take lightly, it can be controled and usually it feels like you can life a normal life, but if you don't take care of things it will kill you in about a dozen ways, some fast some slow.  If your husband will not treat this with the repect it needs you need to do an intervention and let him know how much he is needed. I treat this disease as it is like a cancer, leave it alone and it will grow worse.  I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Woody

 
Diabetic type one
Hign Blood Pressure
Neuropathy


*tears*
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 12/9/2007 11:51 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Woody. I just take one day at a time right now...it's pretty tense between the two of us...just trying to hang in ....


Lori MacNeil

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