What to do when the worst happens

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Juliaa
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Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 131
   Posted 6/26/2008 2:14 PM (GMT -7)   

Well, I have not been here for a while; and it was because my sister was ill.  She developed seizures with in the last few months and they were severe.  Repeated incidences of grandmals in a day.  She would go into the hospital they would stabilize, and release her.  On and on it went. We frequented ER's followed by many hospital stays.  We would have hope and then she would get over whelmed with seizures and we would fear for her. She was taken by ambulance at times, and even with medication changes it really never was to the point of the seizures being under control.

 

Then on June 8 the worst happened, she succumb to her illness and passed away.  I am here to ask if anyone knows how to go on when youv'e lost a sister to the same illness you have.  I feel I should have told her more, some how prevented it.  I feel lost. Would like to hear your input.

 

Always,

 

Julia


DX:  Migraine; SLE;Depression; seizures; Sjogrens
 
Micardis, plaquenil,Prednisone, anti seziure drug,anti depressants

Post Edited (crozier) : 6/26/2008 6:36:48 PM (GMT-6)


frogpond616
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Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 6/26/2008 8:00 PM (GMT -7)   
I am so sorry for your loss.My heart goes out to you.There was nothing you could of said or done to help her.The best thing you can do is go on for your sister sake.I am doing that myself.My boyfriend found out he has throat cancer so he left town to die.I do not nowhere.So i put one foot in front of the other.
Some days will be rougher than others.I wish you the best.Let me know how you are doing.
 
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djdaz_1985
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   Posted 6/27/2008 4:09 AM (GMT -7)   

HI there,

I really am so sorry that you have lost your sister. It must be a really hard tome for you at the moment and I cannot begin to imagine how hard that must be. Please dont blame yourself. It sounds like you did all the right things by taking her to hospital... if there were anything that could have been done, the doctors would have done it im sure. I have always believed that everything happens for a reason and the passing of your sister is no exception. Remember we are all here for you.

Darren


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dakotagirl
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   Posted 6/27/2008 5:54 AM (GMT -7)   
Julia - so sorry to hear your sister died. (((hugs))) Whenever a loved one dies we try to search ourselves for all of the "what ifs" - but doing so only tortures us further - without providing solace. You did all that you could! You were with her when she needed you and took her for the care she needed.

Take the time you need to grieve, then as you find the strength put one foot forward and start going on with life. Take each day, each moment, as it comes.

I hope that with time you can look back on fond memories of your sister and smile!
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stkitt
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   Posted 6/27/2008 6:18 AM (GMT -7)   

Julia,

Hello, I am Kitt.  Please accept my sincere sympathy at the death of your sister.

There are very few things in life that are harder to face than the sudden death of someone you love.  The loss of their life can make you feel like you have an enormous hole inside yourself.

You did all you could for your sister so please do not blame yourself for her death.  In about seven out of ten people with epilepsy, no cause can be found. You were a wondeful sister and over the past months it sounds to me like your sister had the best care possible.

Now is the time to take care of you, grieve  for your sister in your own way and please know we are here and  we care.  My prayers for you and gentle hugs.

Kitt

 


 

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jujub
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   Posted 6/27/2008 6:19 AM (GMT -7)   
Julia, I don't have epilepsy, but I do know what it feels like to lose a sibling. My heart goes out to you right now. It sounds like you were a wonderful sister to her and I know that was very comforting during her last days. The love you felt for her shines through in your words.

Be good to yourself now, help yourself heal. If you feel so inclined, all cities have fact-to-face support groups for people who have lost loved ones.

Consider that your sister isn't sick any more. And you will see her again.
Judy
 
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Lonie
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   Posted 6/27/2008 7:02 AM (GMT -7)   
Julia, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I lost my husband about two years ago, so I know how rough it is to wonder what else you could have done. You were such a loving and caring sister to her, and were by her side. There are so many things I could tell you, many of which I'm sure you've already heard, but most importantly now -- is for you to grieve and remember the good memories you shared. You did what you could to help, and were a wonderful sister to her. The only other thing I can say is that time does heal -- and I try to remember all the people who I loved and are gone from my life...are watching over me. Take care Julia, and know I'm thinking about you.

Carol

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Gretchen1
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   Posted 6/27/2008 9:21 AM (GMT -7)   

Oh Julia!

I am so sorry for your loss.  There is nothing like the bond between sisters.  Please know that there was nothing you could have done to prevent this.  I am sure she knew of your love for her.  Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.  Please take good care of yourself. 


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TalktomeHIV
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Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 1539
   Posted 6/27/2008 10:42 AM (GMT -7)   
I could stop on a dime-
The world I know could crash around
For this; the one I love, is lost.

I could drown in all my sorrow;
Hold the fates in my line of spite
For these ills to which I am subjected.

Or I can laugh and cry as I remember
The love that we had - that I have-
That can never be taken away from me.

And all the good times, and hard times
Every memory as precious as the one before, that we shared
Assure that you live on in my mind, in my heart; in every corner of my soul-

And I can never be alone.
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AlwaysRosie
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   Posted 6/27/2008 1:14 PM (GMT -7)   
((((((((((( Julia ))))))))))))

Gentle hugs for you sweetie. I'm from the Lupus and Chron's forums and just stopped by to add my support.

Even your sister's doctors and her many hospital visits could not save her. Please don't lose another bit of life feeling any guilt for this. It is very difficult losing a sibling . . . especially when they are way too young. I have lost two adult siblings . . . one to a seizure disorder which stopped his heart and one to cancer. But having the same illness that took her must be especially difficult so I don't pretend to understand where you are at right now.

I just want to encourage you to allow yourself to grieve for a season . . . but to cast out the guilt that has no place in your life right now.

((((((((((( Julia ))))))))))))) Prayers, hugs, and . . .

Blessings!

In His Grip

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Juliaa
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 131
   Posted 6/27/2008 4:20 PM (GMT -7)   

Thank you to everyone for your kind words and loving thoughts.  My sister was 2 months past her 30th birthday.  She was diagnosised with epilepsy shortly before her death.  Previous to that they were searching for the origin of her illness.  She had other issues which are very difficult for me to discuss right now.  But a seizure took her life.

Frogpond--I'm so sorry about you boyfriend.  I hope he calls you to ease your mind about where he is. 

Always Rosie--I remember you from Lupus board.  I started coming here after my seizure diagnosis. Thank you for the kind words and thoughts.

And to everyone--Losing a loved one is so difficult; a pain that I never Truely understood until now.  I have lost people in my life but this is gut wrenching.  The poem was beautiful and everyone's words have been so kind.  My life has a void that seems endless and my mind is full of fear it is the worst feeling.  It's like a never ending fall from a cliff.

 

 

 



DX:  Migraine; SLE;Depression; seizures; Sjogrens
 
Micardis, plaquenil,Prednisone, anti seziure drug,anti depressants

Post Edited (crozier) : 6/27/2008 5:23:11 PM (GMT-6)


nervymeg
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 6/27/2008 5:36 PM (GMT -7)   

Julie,

I am so very sorry for your loss. I can appreciate thet this must be a very bleak time for you. It can make you feel quite helpless when the death of a loved one occurs. I can see why you feel like you are falling off a never ending cliff. Please be gentle with yourself and take baby steps towards recovering from grief. I really believe that grief is a healing process. It's just a really horrible one!

I hope that you find some peace, don't allow yourself to feel guilt. I'm sure you did everything you needed to. "what if's" are sould destroying, so don't even go there.

I wish you all the best (((((hugs))))) things will get better.


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Another Day
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Date Joined Mar 2007
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   Posted 6/27/2008 6:27 PM (GMT -7)   
Julia,
 
I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your sister.  I know it has to be devastating.  I have lost my little brother and my sister.  When people tell you it gets easier with time, they mean well.  It does get a little easier with time, but not next month or maybe not even next year.  Everyone grieves in their own way.
 
Love and Prayers,
 
Carla
 
 
 
 
 
 

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MMMNAVY
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Date Joined Jul 2006
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   Posted 6/27/2008 6:39 PM (GMT -7)   
Julia,
I am so sorry for your loss.
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Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 7/1/2008 4:23 AM (GMT -7)   
Julia'I am also so sorry for your loss
I have lost both parents ,a hubby ( in1979) and a son
It has really got to be hard on you to lose your sister.

AS Rosie said
LOSE the guilt
Try to at some point celebrate her life
I know now is way soon
but you will get to the point where you are able I am sure

God Bless

LYN
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Another Day
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Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 1055
   Posted 7/1/2008 3:03 PM (GMT -7)   
Julia,
 
It will soon be 25 years since the death of my little brother.  He was 19 and died in an auto accident.  A few days ago I was actually able to laugh about him with one of my friends from high school. Even as a five year old, he would do anything and everything he could to try and embarrass me.  My friend was bringing up some of those things and we were laughing and having a good time.
 
Of course, I'm not laughing now as I'm telling you about it.  But, it was so nice to laugh about him for just a little while.
 
I wish you peace, Julia.
 
Carla

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Beyond my Control
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 16
   Posted 7/2/2008 2:16 AM (GMT -7)   
Julia,

My sincere condolences go out to you....please remember the loss of your sister has no bearing on you! Writing about your feelings is a wonderful way to clear your head...just as you're doing. I won't delude you, healing takes time and lots of it.

Stay strong, it is harder for us who are still here........You will, in time, remember and laugh about all the good times.

Take care, Julia

Stuart (author) Beyond my Control

djdaz_1985
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Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 7/2/2008 2:07 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Julia,

Its been a few days since you checked in and I wanted to make sure you were doing OK. Please email me if you want to talk privately. I have a healingwell account (Check my profile or click the envelope icon) which I check most days

Darren


Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
"A gold medal is a wonderful thing. But if your not enough without it, you will never be enough with it." - Irvine Blitzer (John Candy) in Cool Runnings
 
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Co-Moderator - Depression Forum
 
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checkerjane91
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 61
   Posted 7/5/2008 11:44 AM (GMT -7)   

Julia,

I read your post and just wanted to let you know that you are deep in thoughts and prayers.  I am sure that your sister knew how deeply you loved and cared for her. 

Again, I just wanted to let you know how sorry I am for your loss.

Beth


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TexasCalifornia
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 7/5/2008 11:01 PM (GMT -7)   
My heart and prayers are with you.
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