Aurora, I, for one, did not know how to respond to help you. I am 56 and was diagnosed with epilepsy last August. I have not dealt with an adult child with epilepsy as you have. Maybe that was the reason you did not get many responses.
Reading back over your post, several things do jump out at me. If he is able to hold down a full time job and he did go to college, are you sure he is not able to live by himself? Have you spoken with his doctor about this? If his doctor thinks he can function on his own, remember, we aren't responsible for our children for their entire life. Has he possibly become too dependent on you and maybe takes his anger out on you because you are there? I'm frustrated with epilepsy at my age so I'm sure it has to be much worse for someone his age. Does he date, have friends and have a social life or does he just stay home? I haven't found that any of the medications I have tried so far have made me feel angry.
If it helps to bounce any of it off me, I'm here.
I think Carla has hit the nail on the head with this one. Because it is with reference to a child, people often are unsure of how to respond incase they offend. Also, of that 117, many of those will be people looking for advice. It could be that they are in the same situation ar elooking for the answer and are waiting for it just like you. Dont get down-heartened. Epilepsy can be a very quiet forum (Thank god... Otherwise I couldnt MOD depression as well!) and sometimes it can take a few days for a reply. I know there isnt always a MOD around (Depression is better since Shy is in the US and I am in the UK so we are on at different times) especially since I am the only one (Other than Admin) who MODS epilepsy. Its not that we think you are less worthy, many times it is because people dont know what to say and anything they feel they can say, they feel is not helpful so they dont bother. Its certainly no reflection on you.
Thanks Carla and Darren for your repllies. My son is very introverted and doesn't like to do anything if he has to initiate it. For instance, if we go out to eat he will never make a choice of what he wants - say mexican or chinese food. He always says you choose. He has a couple of very good friends that he gets together with and that helps and he will go to a movie or the bookstore by himself. I am starting to work with a group that teaches life skills such as cooking and paying bills. It is going to be a slow process but in the long run I think I can get him to be on his own. His father is not in his life very much - since he was 5 yrs. so that is one reason he is dependent on me and his brother. I wish his dad would help but he has a second family and only sees my 2 sons occasionally - sad but that seems to be the way of divorce. Again thank you for helping me.
Aurora - Your post made me feel like I was reading about the way I was until several years ago. I don't know the details about your son, but I will tell you about me. By the way, I have a grand mal seizure disorder.
I graduated highschool when I was 19. I was far behind academically. I finally finished college at 26 with a degree in sec ed/social science. I had been so preoccupied with playing catch-up for 7 years, that I failed to realize that I wasn't meant to teach. One of the many jobs I had when I graduated college was being a teacher's aid in a classroom for severely emotionally disturbed elementary school kids. I had many other jobs that I couldn't hold down for any more than months at a time. Might I add, the first two years after college was spent living with my parents and watching TV. I had the brains, but couldn't hold down those jobs for two main reasons.
First, due to having spent most of my time studying in college, I hardly had any job experience at all. Second, I had received a degree in something I wasn't meant to do. This was extremely frustrating for me, and I had absolutely no idea what I wanted to do. Two years ago, I held down a job as a hotel bellman for about a year. It was a positive and a negative experience all wrapped up in one.
The negative side was that it was another dead end job that I knew would lead nowhere. I still felt so empty inside. The positive side was that this job helped me wake up. I realized that I was great with the guests/customers, and the regulars even requested my service whenever they came back. I considered staying, but learned that I would never have a chance at getting into management without a degree in hotel management. When I quit, a friend of mine suggested the grocery business as an option.
Here I am having worked for a major grocery operation for a year, and I absolutely love it. I spoke with the store director 5 months ago about wanting to get into grocery management. He felt I was meant for it, and is having his head grocery manager train me to become an asst grocery manager. At 31, I finally found where I belong when it comes to a career. Actually, the grocery business found me.
On an end note, your son has a chance. It's not too late! Just like my parents did with me, you have to let him go so he can find his own way. Until my parents let me go, I didn't have a chance at growing up and taking on adult responsibilities. My parents help me out a little due to not being on salary yet. Speaking from personal experience, it's time to let him go so he can start to make a life for himself. If you don't, it will never happen.
On an end note, I have a younger sister who is very successful and is working on her masters/phd. Now that I have a professional career in the making, the jealously is lessoning more and more. I suspect that your son feels a bit of jealousy toward his brother. Anyway, I wish you and your son all the best life has to offer!
Thanks for your post. I am glad to hear you are doing so well. I am ready and willing to let my son go - he just doesn't want to be on his own as he is afraid. He too has grand mal seizures. He was put on dilantin at age 19 because that is when the seizures first appeared. he was on it for 12 years and it worked pretty good for that time. Two years ago it stopped working and his seizures went out of control and he was haviing dozens of absence seizures as well as grand mal. I found a new neurologist who is wonderful. He takes so much time with my son and such a detailed history. He has frequent EEGs and now they are all good. He is on 550 mg zonegran, 2000 mg keppra and 550 lamictal. This combo works great for him. One of the problems with him living on his own is he doesn't earn much as a teacher aide. He loves the job and the kids and the school. He is very resistant to change. He thinks of himself as "different." Yes, he is jealous of his younger brother who has a very successful job, his own condo and a great girlfriend. His brother is also very outgoing and meets people easily and has many friends so you can understand the jealousy. I am working with and organization now that helps people in my son's position who has not been on his own. I am hoping they can get him independent. They have life coaches and can teach him what he won't learn from me. He is very resistant to me. They can also help him to get grants for expenses. I think this will take some time but I think it will work Just keeping my fingers crossed.!! I appreciate your input and will keep everyone on this forum informed. Aurora.