I guess I still dont get this whole fibro thing. I did wait until I had sceamed at the cat and bird and kicked a few things and cried and letting my pain meds kick in with a hot cup of coffee to calm me down before writing though so I wont rip your eyes out with my out of control venting again. I have had my body stressed with the edema thing but that was an offshoot from overdoing to begin with. Always pushing myself way past what I would if it was just me I was concerned with. I tried talking to my mom last night but its like beating a dead cat. I have been careful not to get too emotional with her and havenot got into a yelling match for some time as this only makes me feel horrible mentally but makes all my muscles feel like I am on some mid evil torture rack.
I was telling her last night that she has got to do more for herself as there is no physical reason why she cant be helping more and she said"if I would have known you were in that much pain yesterday then I would have never asked you to go to the store for me too". I said ,mom I told you at least 5 times that I needed to get home to rest my legs (by then they looked like sausages again) and that I was hurting and wanted to just get out of her house and get back. (she is aweful about taking forever to make up her mind and very unorganized in every
aspect of her life)but she kept thinking of just one more thing so it took literaly an hour to get out her door and on to the store. So after bringing up the fact that I had told her I was hurting and wanted to go home she says"ya but you never said no"???????? I was like what the hell? she knows I am in pain but wants what she wants and it doesnt matter at what cost to me?
I asked her if she ever got her shower that she didnt get to the day before and she said um no she just didnt get to it was in a funk got a slow start the cat was bugging her she had to make a phone call(one phone call in a 24 hour period) and the excuses go on forever. I asked if she ever got to the store to get her milk? she said um no I never got in the shower and couldnt go like that,did she ever do her dishes? um no but 1st thing tomorrow and when I last spoke to her it was 10pm and she was just now getting dinner. Even if I talk to her in a calm voice she still eventually gets angry with my questions and strikes out with" I dont have to answer to anyone and I can relax and take my time" blah blah but I told her evryone has to answer to someone and she is expected to do the normal day to day things that keep her healthy and safe. My mom is the biggest stresser in my life and has been for many years. I told her last night that I was done. Done breaking my back for her and killing myself for her when she cant even try just a little but for me. I told her she was a selfish woman and that if she was so stubborn to admit that she has a serious problem and try an anti depressant if not for her but for her family that I was not going to ride her back anymore but when her world comes falling down that I will not be the one guilty of not caring enough.
I hung up the phone with her feeling so broken and sad I just cried. I have tried so hard. I spent all day yesterday just staying at home,not running any errands and resting my legs. I was up earlier this morning and my joints were hurting a lot but other then that and being tired I felt OK but after going back to bed for a few hours I woke up about an hour
ago with my body screaming in pain. My back hurt so bad it felt like someone had hit me with a 2x4 and all my muscles were contracting,I had a horried headache and my legs ached and it hurt so much to even take a step on my feet that that were burning with pain. I encountered the cat and the bird on my way to getting my pain meds and of course spilled the hot coffee on my hand and then took a look around at the house and what one day of liesure had done to it and lost it. The really hard thing is that I have my grandson coming to spend the night with me. It was something set up last week and I had forgot to call my daughter and let her know that this week wasnt turning out so well so she set all her plans with him being here.
I have plans set tomorrow with my brother to take Jakob and his grandson down to the beach for lunch and play and I am so overwelmed right now trying to figure out how to pull this off. There are too many things in motion to back out now,my daughter even has a nurse scheduled to take care of my granddaughter while her and her hubby are away for the night and the other kids are already set to be out as well. I guess I will just get in the shower(maybe getting cleaned up will lift my mood and make my body feel better) and hope for the best. I will call Jay at workand let him know that things are hard right now and I need his help getting the house cleaned up and as for dinner its take out tonight. As busy as I am I thought that taking one day of down time would make all the difference pain wise but I sure got a surprise that who knows why a flare comes on sometimes at all? the only thing I can think of is stress and not sleeping well put me over the edge. Trying for more sleep is out of the question at this late time though so hopefully the coffee will help and thank God I have enough pain meds to take a lil extra today. All I know is I am screening my calls the rest of the day and mom can just wait unless she is dying. Just not sure what we will walk into tomorrow as she was supposed to go with us to the beach but I know darn well that she has forgot and wont be ready. I do know that we arent waiting for her,that would blow the whole day as my daughter is picking Jake up at 5pm and there is no extra time to wait on my mom.
Oh well I have told her to write things down if she cant remember it later,I do so what makes her not have to? I will call my brother tonight and if he wants to he can deal with her. Well wish me luck later. I want Jakob to have a good visit he has waited patiently for a long time to spend the night with gramma.
Mom of one gramma to 4
Fibromyalgia,IBS,Stroke x2,endometriosis,Diabetes type 2,neuropathic pain,nerve damage due to tailbone removel,nerve damage due to fractured back,deppresion,high blood pressure,severe nausea,atrophy,chronic pain