Had to leave the party

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

Meggie
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 408
   Posted 7/26/2008 6:17 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm really bumming tonight.  I had to leave a annual celebration in our community.  My husband is a member of a group that has a community celebration yearly.  They set up tents at a local park, have free games for the kids, crafts, very good food and a live band.  It is a very good time, I always enjoy it.  Today I woke up with a slight headache and things went down hill from there.  I tried really hard to enjoy the festivities but my husband planted our tent right next to the band.  I just couldn't take the noise of all the people and the music.  My headache turned into a migraine, I was having terrible muscle spams in my right arm and shoulder, and the tender spots on my upper thighs ached. I could not sit and I couldn't stand so I politely said good bye and left (we took two cars, just in case).  I crawled into bed when I got home and slept for two hours.  My sister-in-law brought my kids home and later the husband came in the door looking very upset.  He was looking forward to dancing and listening to the music (and that would have been fun) but since I left he was alone and embarrassed.  He did not say much to me but his body language was very clear, I had let him down again.  Well, he left to go back to the park (this is an all day thing) to play a game but commented on how he would have no one there to watch.  I guess I'm just venting but how does a marriage survive Fibro.  I feel like I am letting him down all the time.  I couldn't blame him for looking elsewhere for comfort.  Hopefully he doesn't!  Tomorrow we need to be up early for church, his group meets there and we all go to mass.  I'm am worried about getting there on time (He leaves really early so it's up to me to get myself and the kids out the door - three girls, need I say more) and not looking like I just crawled out of bed.  Weekends and mornings are just not good days for me.  
Is this just a natural phase of getting adjusted to fibro?  
Well my youngest had to much sun and has a headache, she wants to snuggle in bed.  How can I say no to that!  Thanks for listening!
Meggie 

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40583
   Posted 7/26/2008 7:04 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Meggie,

I am sorry that your day turned out this way. I know that you were looking forward to having a good time. I am sorry also that you feel like it is your obligation to feel good. I wish that your husband was more understanding. You have to somehow let him know that you can't help this situation. And just because you are sick sometimes is no reason for you to think that he should look elsewhere for companionship.

I really hope that you can enjoy church tomorrow. How come he leaves seperately? How come it is only up to you to get the girls ready? I hope that you don't mind me asking these questions, but you didn't ask for fibromyalgia. I have missed many occasions and nobody got upset with me. I guess maybe I am just lucky that my husband is so compassionate.

I hope I didn't make you feel worse, I just wish you wouldn't beat yourself up for something that you have no control over. Just another problem that fibromyalgia causes us I guess.

I hope that you feel better and best wishes for you.
hugs, Karen...
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Marlee2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 6067
   Posted 7/27/2008 7:30 AM (GMT -7)   
Meggie, I'm sorry you had to leave the party. I didn't get fibro til I was in my 50s so I don't know what it is like for younger people. We weren't going out that much when I got sick so it's not been a problem in our house. I do remember the all day community things and it can be very tiring for the young and healthy.
 
You didn't ask for this DD so don't blame yourself for one second for this. I felt very bad as I got more fatigued and could do less and less and felt like I wasn't pulling my weight around here but my DH reminded me of our wedding vows. The in sickness an in health part, it's in there for a reason. When we take those vows we have no idea what the future is going to bring.
 
The best thing you can do is educate your DH on fibro. This took awhile for me to do by finding things on the internet and having him to read them, reading post on here to him and him going to some doc visits with me and hearing it from the doctor. I think he gets it as much as anyone can that doesn't live in a fibro body. Your DH has to understand fibro before he can understand you. Fibro came into our lives not just mine.
 
So he was disappointed that you had to go home yesterday. My DH has disappointed me at events by being a party pooper back when I was the fun loving one. It doesn't mean your marriage is in trouble. Lighten up on yourself.
 
luv and hugs
Marlee
Forum Moderator Fibromyalgia
 
Fibro,Sjogrens, Anxiety, Gastroparesis, IBS, Gastritis, Allergies, High Blood Pressure, Low Blood Sodium and Osteoarthritis
 
Amitriptyline, Celexa, Xanax, Synthroid, Zyrtec, Micardis, Spironalactone, Tylenol, Reglan, Lidoderm Patches and Tramadol
 
Co Q 10, Super B Complex, Extra B12, Multi vitamin


Meggie
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 408
   Posted 7/27/2008 7:44 AM (GMT -7)   
Well I did make it through church. I didn't feel very good but I went. We usually go on Saturday evening because I never know how I will feel in the morning. My husband has to leave early only on this day every year. He is a part of the St. Rocco/St. Anthony Society and they have this weekend celebration every year. The society has a meeting before church and then they attend church and march through town after mass. Our town has been doing this for about 107 years. It really is a special thing for my husband and his family.

My husband is a wonderful person, he really is. He would do anything for anyone. That said, he is also the type of person who does not handle stress well and with my limitations, there is a lot of stress. I married a person who needs constant reassurance that I think he is wonderful, he admits it. I knew early on that he needed a lot of attention and up until know it hasn't been so difficulty to do. Things are different now and I wish that he would just accept that I don't feel the best. He jokingly told me awhile back that "I wasn't the girl he married". I know he did not mean to hurt my feelings but it really did; it crushed me. I have seen a hint of his effort to help, he mentioned recently that he had been on line researching Fibro. I hadn't been sure that he believed in it until then so I guess this is a step in the right direction.

I am starting to feel a little better, meds are kicking in. I have a busy day today, birthday shopping and a whole heap of laundry. I usually end my weekends by baking, it almost always relaxes me. Banana bread tonight.

Thank you for listening!!

Meggie

kelly71
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 726
   Posted 7/27/2008 9:50 AM (GMT -7)   

Meggie,

Sorry to hear about your pain & migraines.  Last week I went through 4 days battling migraines and nausea-so I know how much they suck. sad

OK, I am probably gonna go off on a rant here, so I apologize ahead of time.  Why do guys always give us a guilt trip and/or make us feel like crap when we are so obviously sick?  I don't have a husband or boyfriend, but I do have a guy "friend" who is the biggest baby!  Actually, we aren't even talking right now, because I told him that I wouldn't speak to him until he could give me the respect that I deserve.  I am so tired of everything always being about him!  Even when I try to tell him how painful and sick I feel, he turns it around and tells me how that makes HIM feel.  I am just DONE with his attitude. mad

Alrighty, sorry about that.  I am not saying that your husband is anything like this, but he sounds like he sends you on enough guilt trips for you to qualify for frequent flyer miles.  I hate when guys are passive aggressive like that.  LOL-sorry, I'm starting to go off again.  I think it's because I'm really hurting today and going through a similar situation. sad

Anyway, I really do hope things get better for you. :-)


FINALLY dxd on 06/13/08
Vicodin, Neurontin, Ibuprofen for pain-which doesn't help, BTW
Zoloft & methadone (NOT for pain) for sanity-which doesn't help, BTW
Klonopin for anxiety (Guess what?  Doesn't help!)
 
"I'll take the Chivas instead"
-Kelly Clarkson


Marlee2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 6067
   Posted 7/27/2008 10:54 AM (GMT -7)   
Meggie, it took my DH a long time to accept the fact that I had something that was not going away. At first he thought he had to fix me, that got on my nerves after awhile. Then it took time to educate him, I was dxd five years ago. I went through a lot of stages myself before we got to where we are now, acceptance. I hate it and I'm sure he does too. It has meant more work for him cause I did everything in the house and yard and now I can't. He doesn't keep up with the yard like I use to. He doesn't do anything as good as I use to. tongue I can see the yard right now and would love to go out and do a better job than he did on it but I can't.
 
It's not always a bed of roses around here I get frustrated with myself for not being able to do what I use to and he gets tired of not having as much free time as he did. We both get testy sometimes and do a little venting but then everything is okay. Marriage is a work in progress during the best of times.
 
I know all about the ego stroking thing with men. Look at what I did aren't you proud of me attitude. devil Don't ever expect him to get to the maturity level you are cause it's just not going to happen. Mine is 65 yrs old and still a little boy in an old man's body. I'm so glad he doesn't get on here and read what I write about him, hehehe.
 
luv and hugs
Marlee
 
Forum Moderator Fibromyalgia
 
Fibro,Sjogrens, Anxiety, Gastroparesis, IBS, Gastritis, Allergies, High Blood Pressure, Low Blood Sodium and Osteoarthritis
 
Amitriptyline, Celexa, Xanax, Synthroid, Zyrtec, Micardis, Spironalactone, Tylenol, Reglan, Lidoderm Patches and Tramadol
 
Co Q 10, Super B Complex, Extra B12, Multi vitamin


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40583
   Posted 7/27/2008 11:25 AM (GMT -7)   
No doubt Marlee,

Mine doesnt' know how to get on here, I can talk about him all I want to and I know it is safe. hahaha

It is hard when you realize that you can't do what you use to be able to and men do not like something that they can't fix. Some just handle it differently. I hope that the anger towards you stops Meggie,
I wish we could all get together and pound it in to your head, that it isn't your fault that you got this DD. I hope that you are feeling better today.

hugs, Karen...
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Meggie
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 408
   Posted 7/27/2008 3:47 PM (GMT -7)   
The day is almost over, things have gotten better and the pressure of the weekend has subsided. The husband is still a little tense but has been helping out around the house, he actually brought my heavy treadmill up the basement steps and into my bedroom (I can't stand the smell of the basement anymore). He is a very good guy just childish when he does not get his way. We have been married for 17 years, you would think I would have gotten used to the pouting by now. I need to feel less guilty about letting my family down and he needs to learn that I love him even though I can't always be there when he needs me. I don't think he is going to change, at least the little boy part, but I'm hoping that he continues to educate himself on fibro. If anyone knows of a good book or video that helps educate loved ones, please let me know.

Everytime I think I got this fibro thing down, reality hits. I do feel better, mentally anyway, physically I think a truck ran over me while I slept last night.

Thanks for listening!
Meggie

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40583
   Posted 7/27/2008 5:53 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Meggie,

There was a post on here about a week ago about a book called fibromyalgia for dummies. I ordered it. I will look for the post and get back with you. There are many books out there for education. You could maybe print out the thread on fibro 101. That might help.

I know that it is hard when people don't seem to understand that you are tired and hurting. And this stress on you isn't going to make it any easier. Just try to rid the guilt and remember that you haven't done anything wrong. It is this terrible disorder that is causing havok.

Best wishes my friend,
hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


QTKaren
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 605
   Posted 7/28/2008 11:31 AM (GMT -7)   
Dear Meggie,
 
1st let me introduce myself.  Hi ! I'm Karen,glad to meet you!  Now I will let you know that you are so not alone on any of this.  I too have a hubby that can be difficult.  I love this man completely but he can get on my nerves and yes even be hurtful.  And I know how hard it is to feel like your letting your family and husband down too.  I have always been a person who was a caretaker of all and the fixer in the family.  If a holiday meal was to be cooked it was me doing the cooking and planning and same for birthdays and Christmas too.  And if anyone in my family needed a favor or help with something I too was there to do it and also the person who was the mediator of all arguments and fallouts.
 
For the most part I liked this job.  I loved taking care of my family and it gave me great pride and joy to make everyone happy wether it be a huge Thanksgiving spread or beautiful and dramatic decorations for Christmas and Halloween.  Then, over the years disease and some terrible accidents brought chronic pain into my life.  Still for the most part I held it together.  I got through a terrible and violent marriage and met Jayson and decided that I was going to start this wonderful new life with him and my daughter and a beautiful new grandson.  Then I fell down a flight of stairs and broke my back and if that wasn't enough with the chronic pain I already had before the fall I had to have several surgeries,one of them almost killed me and put me in the ICU on a vent for a week.
 
Still as I somewhat healed I thought no problem, I can go back to doing everything I had my whole life,sure with more pain but with medication I could handle that.  Just do whatever needed to be done and hardly ever ask for help and if it knocked me down for a day or so that was OK too because I always knew that I would re-charge and be ready to go the next round.  Then it got so I wasn't snapping back like before,that the medication I was on wasn't helping so much anymore and I had widespread pain that rolled my eyeballs up in my head some days and hurt so much it physically made me more nauseous then I had ever felt before.  There were times when I could barely walk but I would still,hunched over in pain try to get the job done.  I remember begging God to please just help me that this meant so much to me and after everything I had been through over the years not to take who I was away from me.
 
But my prayers went unanswered(or so I thought) and knew that I was on my own.  I started falling back on my housework and getting farther and farther behind on most things in my life.  I thought that after all the years of taking care of my family that they would now help take care of me.  How could they not see that I was struggling and step up to lend a hand?  But they didn't notice or they just didn't care.  They continued to take advantage of the person that I am and never let up on their expectations of me.  So what did I do?  I about killed myself trying to be everything to everyone in my life. I was diagnosed with fibro and had 2 strokes in under a year and my family said "oh we are so sorry and oh we will so anything we can to help"and for a time,a very short time they made some effort but they fell right back into their ways of asking me for favors and taking care of the now 4 grandchildren I had and my husband was no exception.  He still expected his dinner every night and on his days off he still wanted me to travel into the city for the day and walk for miles on end or go to the mall for the day,walking and carrying heavy packages till I was about to drop(we don't have a car so going into Seattle or even to the mall is an all day event).
 
And then I found this place.  These wonderful ppl were the first ones to even seem to really care about how I was feeling or how much I was hurting myself with all I did.  They understood the pain and the pressures of trying to continue your life like nothing was wrong.  They care so much that gave me a big kick in the rear and told me that I had to slow down and that these ppl that are my family were sucking the life out of me and that is not someone who loves or care about you completely.  Talk is cheap and actions speak louder then any words.  They told me that I had to take a stand and put my foot down and it was ok to feel the way I did and most of all is wasn't my fault.  I had done as much as humanly possible to keep everyone happy but there was no reason why they could not do for themselves.  My family was being lazy and rude and uncaring.  And to hear that from someone else was a hard pill to swallow even though I had felt it many times and was becoming very resentful for them being so unappreciative and selfish.
 
I had tried to talk to my family many times about how things had changed and how I now was the one that needed help.  I told them how I just didn't feel good most of the time and how doing the things for them that they kept asking and expecting of me where just too much for me and not fair to even ask of me.  But it for the most part fell on deaf ears.  If I would say no to something I would get attitude and they played me like a fiddle with making me feel guilty for being sick or in pain.  I would never do that to them and never had.  After coming here and joining this new "family" I started to feel stronger in my efforts to stand my ground with my family.  It has been a hard journey getting as far as I have.  I know ppl here still feel like I am not doing enough to take care of myself and maybe am still wimping out and giving in too much.  So I have to stand my ground so to speak even here a lil bit.  I really have gotten stronger and although still not at where I need to be it is a process to break out of old routines and habits of overdoing and paying for it in the end.
 
I know in my heart that my family loves me but I also know now that there was a part of me that doubted that and was afraid that if I didn't meet everyone's demands that they would care for me less that the things I did were a huge part of who I was to my family and if I couldn't do those things anymore then what good was I to anyone anymore?  But I am a good person and a loving person and so are you Meggie.  It is time now for our families to step up and help take care of us and themselves.  I mean really,what good have we done by doing everything for everybody but to make them so dependent on someone that they would even think about asking so much of someone that is sick and hurting only to get what they want?
 
I am sure that your husband does love you as I am sure that others that are close to you and have depended on you for years care for you too.  But sometimes you have to give them a big wake up call.  You have to make yourself heard and stand your ground to make sure that you stay healthy and as pain free as possible so that you can continue to have as good as life as possible with this horrible disease.  I know now that God has been with me this whole time but I was being just as demanding with Him as my family has been with me.  Instead of seeing that He was here to guide me and help me through tough times I expected Him to do it all for me.  I am not saying to never do a thing for your family again.  On good days you can do plenty you just have to listen to your body and know your limits.  And your family has to learn to see you through different eyes.  They need to learn the signs of when your tired or in pain and not ask you for things they can do for themselves.
 
You are not being selfish in asking for and expecting to get what you need from you family.  I once heard someone say that instead of being selfish you are being self-full.  All you are asking for is them to help you be healthy and as pain free as possible so that you can continue to be there for them and be a part of the family.  Right now your husband is being selfish and childish.  He doesn't want to give up having you take care of him.  The physical things we do are just a small part of who we are Meggie.  Who we are is someone who is caring and loving and supportive.  Being a good wife and mother doesn't mean your house is perfectly clean or that you are the one that always has a meal ready.  A good wife and mother is someone who gives as much as they can and not a bit more then that,someone who is there emotionally for their loved ones and is caring and kind.  And giving as much as you can doesn't mean doing chores or meeting someone's demands past the point of what your body or mind is telling you that your done for now.
 
It might take some time to get your husband or even your kids to jump on the bandwagon and help out or do for themselves without whining or making you feel guilty but they will come round if they truly love you.  And as far as men are concerned they can get with the program and show you as much love and respect and help as you have always given to them or the can hit the bricks.  I have been with Jayson for 8 years now but in my previous marriage I was with him for 13 years and I told Jayson if I can walk away from that I can surely walk away from you.  It takes love and compassion on both sides to make a marriage and you deserve all the love and respect and compassion you give to your husband returned to you.  So hang in there Meggie.  Stand your ground and take care of yourself and we will get through this together.  Hey I am a work in progress too and so is my husband.  Just don't let him take too long and who knows maybe when the housework and laundry of piling up around his head and he gets hungry enough he will finally "get it" as one of our members likes to say.  Take care Meggie.
 
Soft Hugs,
QT Karen

Karen
 
Mom of one gramma to 4
 
Fibromyalgia,IBS,Stroke x2,endometriosis,Diabetes type 2,neuropathic pain,nerve damage due to tailbone removel,nerve damage due to fractured back,deppresion,high blood pressure,severe nausea,atrophy,chronic pain


Meggie
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 408
   Posted 7/28/2008 4:35 PM (GMT -7)   

Karen,

I have to tell you I cried as I read your post.  Everything you said is true and I just haven't wanted to accept it.  I have always been the person who holds the family together, not show emotion, have the family party and take care of everyone.  I can't do it anymore and it hurts, my heart is breaking just thinking about what I have lost.  I really do have a wonderful family but they don't get it.  My husband can take care of himself and for the most part so can my girls. 

I can honestly say that I have been doing much better since joining the forum.  Having someone to talk to that understands has been wonderful.  Some of the pressure has lifted and I am learning a lot.  I have a long way to go but I know with the help of my new friends I can do it.  I do know that I am going to print your post and read it everytime my family makes me feel guilty for letting them down.  I was a strong person before Fibro and I will become a strong (different but strong) person again, it's just going to take time.

Thank you for being there for me!

Meggie


Lisa (AKA pain)
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 24
   Posted 7/28/2008 10:38 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Meggie, Karen and everyone else on this thread (yes, I too cried as I read Karen's thread).  I recently took my pain meds, so hopefully I won't ramble on.
 
This site has been a Godsend to me.  Meeting ppl with the same problems and feeling the warmth of all the {{hugz}} has been a huge help to me - especially since it gets more and more difficult for me to get out.
 
I suppose I am lucky, as I wasn't "struck" with chronic pain (most likely Fibro - still trying to get a dx) until a year after I met my second husband.  At first (like most men) he tried to "fix" it (that is what men do).  The only one beating myself up is me.  I remember doing so many things that I can no longer do.  I try to "bribe" myself that when I can get myself "better", I can get a horse - have something to look forward to.  I will never give up on that dream.
 
My husband has been my rock.  He is so understanding.  He calls me from work every morning (after 10am) to see how my day is starting.  If I'm not doing well - he just tells me to take it easy that day (talk about relieving my guilt).  I know I can get at least one or two loads of laundry done and that keeps him happy.  Sometimes I can vacuum, other times I can't.  I have my groceries delivered (usually after hubby gets home from work so he can help put away).  My husband does 95% of the cooking - no complaints.  I also still have an 18 year old son at home who is usually willing to help out.
 
2 years ago, I would get up around 7am ish - take a shower and drive him to school and have the rest of the day.  Now, I'm lucky if I wake up by 8am and hopefully don't fall asleep again (usually I do).
 
I've missed out on weddings and other events, my son's football "away" games.  It makes me feel terrible and guilty.  I went to visit friends for 3 days in the next state over where I moved from.  I slept almost the whole time.  It felt like a waste of a trip and money.  My son still doesn't drive and doesn't understand that it is so difficult for me to get up at the "drop of a hat" to drive him to work.
 
Okay, I know I'm rambling.  I have a somewhat good "support system" through my health company - especially my Pain Person.  I've taken Pain classes, etc.  I've learned that I not only have to grieve for the family members who have passed away, but I need to go through the "grieving" process for the part of me who've I've lost.  I can't work.  I can't graphic design (loved it - it was "me")  So, who am I?  I'm still learning that one.  I've heard that when we lose something, if we've learned from it, than we didn't "lose" - we "learned".
 
It is difficult to stand for any length of time and cannot sit for any length of time - but - i have a wonderful padded seat designed to help me sit comfortably.  So, after 5 years of not going out to a movie because I can't sit that long, I take my "seat" with me and enjoy the movie.  To heck with what anyone else thinks!  I think it is adjustments like this that we have to learn to make.  As for missing out on get-togethers, yes, I miss it, but I've learned to live without.  My husband never makes me feel guilty for it.  When I can't drive my son 6 hours round-trip to check out a college - my husband comes to my rescue and does it for me - not a complaint out of his mouth.
 
So, there are loving understanding men out there.  Maybe those who don't have understanding "mates" can meet at pain classes, or maybe through here(?) - who knows?  Just know that you are not alone - that in itself is huge.
((((((((hugz to all)))))))))
 
Lisa


Lisa
_____________________________________________ 
Yesterday is history
Tomorrow is a mystery
Today is a gift - that's why they call it the present


QTKaren
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 605
   Posted 7/29/2008 12:45 AM (GMT -7)   
Awwwwwwwww you dear sweet ladies made me cry too.  I am so happy that my post meant something and helped.  I know I write a lot when I post but for me it's like talking just as i would if you were here with me.  I speak from the heart,it's one of the few things I still have as a whole.  I know what it is like to lose so much of who you are as a person.  Right after coming here I realized that even the ppl here in this small town had got used to looking at me like this broke down shadow of a woman and on the occasional day they saw me "dressed" up as in wearing something other then baggy sweats and with makeup on they were quick to ask "going somewhere special?" cause the only time I looked like that was for a birthday party or something like that.  So I thought how pathetic was it that I looked so frumpy on a reg basis that ppl only thought I fixed myself up was when I had to.
 
So then I got my butt in gear and started a healthier eating plan and I made sure I was out walking everyday,rain or shine to exercise.  I sure couldnt hit the gym anymore but I could still walk most days even if it was slower then before. I had already worked hard to lose 75 pounds but has slacked off as the pain got worse.  I also ordered some nice makeup,got some Bare Minerals but hey I was worth it!! Jay actully bought it for me, and learned how to apply it.  I had always been into makeup and looking good before my last fall and the 2 strokes and the fibro hit and I knew I was still in there somewhere because the woman looking back at me in the mirror surely couldnt be me.  As a lil more weight dropped and my energy levels got better I started having more good days then frump days and I loved putting on nice jeans(I couldnt beleive I was back in jeans!!!)and a pretty and sometimes even sexy blouse,fixing my hair which by the way was now colored on a reg basis and going shopping or just showing up at Jays work to walk him home and it took some time to learn how to accept a compliment again but I finally did without making some comment to cut myself down because I couldnt believe that I realy was pretty again. I am not trying to sound stuck up here.  It took many years of living with an abusive ex hubby to find my way back to feeling human much less pretty and my grandkids and Jay think so and maybe even I do just a lil now. 
 
I am currently stuck on hold a lil with the recent flares I have had but now if I go out somewhere not looking put together ppl are concerned and ask if I am ok and then I can just say having a rough day.  I have told even the grocery store and pharmacy ppl what is going on with my health as they see me more then my own family does and ya know they kinda become an extended family when they share thier stories too.  Today I even layed out in the sun for an hour to get some healthy looking color or rather blend it with the fake tanner I have been using since its not good to get too much sun.  Hehe I did have to have Jay help me up from the ground though.  I am meeting my daughter by 10 which means up by 8 to give me plenty of time to get showered and apply makeup and dress then I lil running round town to shop and to take the kids to the thrift store since they love saving their allowences to buy lil toys.  My daughter is getting the point about no more hours long dragging me from one store to the next with no resting in between or stopping to eat and drink either.
 
She now comes into town more often since she does not have her lisence yet and still takes the bus,but by coming more often it means shorter shopping trips with less to carry and load on the bus since I told her I wont lift heavy groceries onto the bus for her anymore or haul real heavy things in my lil push cart for her,since the last time through me into a week long flare.  So now we can enjoy the day with the kids and finish in enough time to relax at my moms house and play with the kids before they go home.  Barbs hubby is going out to sea again in August so I will be spending a couple weekends out there and thats changing too.  Barb is doing much better at keeping her chores done so there is no mess when I go to visit and I am not conned into cleaning for 3 days straight and doing all the cooking too and watching kids for her because she is so far behind on her household things.  She is finally taking a stand in her marriage too and forcing her hubby who was pretty terrible to step up and be the man and husband and father he was supposed to be.  They were very close to divorce and that would have meant probably moving in at least breifly with Jay and I in our lil 2 bedroom townhouse.
 
I saw my mom today and other then having some medical issues going on she had kept the apartment fairly clean and when I saw that she still hadnt put away all of her clean laundry I brought her from last time I told her"gee,hope your not running too low on panties and such cause I still am not taking any new laundry to wash til the other stuff is all put away"  I was praying not to get any snotty comments or attitude like I have in the past but she said okkkkkkkk I know and I will call you as soon as I get back and am done" she had to go to the doctors to have her lower leg scanned cause its not looking or feeling too good right now and she is prone to bloodclots and that is why I am still trying to get her to go walking with me on a reg basis,I think shes coming around though since I got her to start helping me with her house cleaning(before I was doing it all and then taking her clothes home to wash).  She even talked to me for a bit today while she was getting ready for her appointment and said she realizes how much she took advantage of me being there for her at all times when she knew there were times she could have helped herself and she promised to be better about that in the future and if she did try slidding back into her old ways to please just remind her.
 
It was nice to have a conversation with my mother without fighting and her acting like a child as has been the case for months to the point that I would be so upset I would start having chest pains or crying without her even blinking an eye to my sadness and frustraition with her.  So hopefully my family will stay in line and i will not let them use me anymore.  If I am feeling good I will still step in and help out but not do everything for them anymore and not at all if they cant appreciate the things I do.  Instead of it being a given that they get my help it will now be something earned with respect and caring and love shared between us and not just givin on my part.  This makes me feel so strong and happy.  I know as my mother gets older it wont last forever as her mental state gets worse but to at least know she tried when it was in her power to still do so means so much to me.  And those times are what will keep me calmer when I am dealing with the heartache that is taking care of an ageing parent.
 
Well its late here and my butt is about locked in place in this crappy chair.  Would very much like to hear more about that comfortable one Lisa talked about and where to get one or how to make one.  I got a horrible scar that runs all the way down the crease of my hinny from having my tailbone out and that hurts so much when sitting and the area was damaged beyond repair years ago when I injured it so my muscles lock up when sitting owwieeeeeeeeeee.  OK I am done yakking for one night but thank you for writing back =)
 
Soft Hug's,
Karen
Karen
 
Mom of one gramma to 4
 
Fibromyalgia,IBS,Stroke x2,endometriosis,Diabetes type 2,neuropathic pain,nerve damage due to tailbone removel,nerve damage due to fractured back,deppresion,high blood pressure,severe nausea,atrophy,chronic pain


Meggie
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 408
   Posted 7/29/2008 8:59 AM (GMT -7)   

Karen, your strength gives me hope and determination.  I feel like you are describing my life and I am at the point now when you had slowed down from the pain.  I worked very hard to lose 65 pounds and then fibro hit and I have slowed down.  I have gained 23 pounds (maybe more but I don't want to step on the scale) and just feel down and ugly.  Putting on make-up (I'm a bare minerals lover too, have more than I need) helps me feel a little better but somedays nothing helps (maybe I need to buy more makeup, ha ha).  I am so happy that I have everyone here to help get me through this.

I was happy to hear that you had a good visit with your mother.  It sounds like she really wants to try and be more helpful.  It's just so hard to let loved ones down but you are proof that you can say "No" and things will be ok.  I don't know how many times I need to repeat that to myself but eventually I will get it.

Karen, write as much as you want.  I enjoy your posts and find them very helpful.  I feel like you are inside of my head (strange I know).  We must have very similar personality types.  Anyway keep talking, it helps all of us.

Lisa, you sound like my 13 year old daughter Em.  She will do anything to get a horse.  I think it is great incentive to keep moving.  Em is cleaning my house everyday, except Mondays (she goes to the barn to work for the day) and I am paying her three dollars for everyday she cleans.  It has been such a big help and gets her one step closer to her goal.  Right now that is to get more riding lessons.  I told her we both win.

Everyone have a wonderful day!

Meggie


Lisa (AKA pain)
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 24
   Posted 7/29/2008 12:07 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Karen & Maggie,
 
Thanks for your replies.  I'm not sure I like being compared to a 13 yr. old (LOL), but it's better than comparing me to an 80 yr. old - hehe.  My son doesn't do a whole lot of cleaning, but his girlfriend needed a "temp" job.  So I was able to hire her twice to vaccuum and dust - what a pleasure!  Someday when I get me SSDI, I will find a permenant person to help with cleaning.  Not only is it a treat - but, if I truly want a clean house - that's the way to go.
 
Karen, I too had a very abusive first husband.  For a long time, it was verbal abuse, then things changed:  It could have been the shoe thrown in my back years ago that triggered all this, who knows?  I just know it was a relief to get away from him.  I left with literally nothing except my 2 sons, a bunkbed, little TV and $500 (oh - and let's not forget my dignity!) it's one of the best choices I've ever made in my life!
 
It really is great to be able to come in hear and "talk" with you all and make new friends here.  If I go out for a bit, I'm just exhausted the next day.  My hubby wants me to get out more, but really doesn't understand just how "taxing" it is for me.
 
Karen, here is the website where I got my special seat:  www.sitincomfort.com

I ordered the Obus Forme back support with a connecting "seat"  I believe it is the third link down on the left for back and seat supports.  I think it costs $109 -- worth every penny.

I also have a "Soma" chair for my computer at home.  It is a very ergonomically sound chair - make sure the rest of your set-up is as well.  I hurt myself from having a horrible work station graphic designing.  It's gone from bad to worse ever since.  Fortunately, workman's comp had to pay for the chair, as it costs around $800.

 

I know I had more to say, but.................I forget (happens quite a bit).

Well, I'm going to lay down and rest before my "phone appt." with my Pain Person - thank heaven for her!!!

 

Lisa, I don't know what you did either but I cut it out for you.

Post Edited By Moderator (Marlee2) : 7/29/2008 1:46:14 PM (GMT-6)


Lisa (AKA pain)
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 24
   Posted 7/29/2008 12:31 PM (GMT -7)   
Geez, I don't know what happened to the end of that last post.  Figures - it was the first time I decided not to "proof" it first.  I do remember what I wanted to say to Karen.
 
I know how difficult it is to deal with your parents as they get older.  I lost my mother, my father and my best friend within 5 months of eachother, and then 3 months later, I packed up and left the state I had called home for the last 37 years.  And, I'm only in my mid 40s.  I'm not sure why I didn't end up in the "looney bin," but I must've come close!  So, even though they can be a "pain", try to cherish the time you have with them.

Lisa
_____________________________________________ 
Yesterday is history
Tomorrow is a mystery
Today is a gift - that's why they call it the present


Marlee2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 6067
   Posted 7/29/2008 1:07 PM (GMT -7)   
There are so many strong women on this forum it is amazing. This is not for sisssies and there are none on here.
 
Karen, I've tried some of the mineral makeups and they make me look older. They seem to bring out every flaw on my face and there are a lot of flaws these days. Am I not trying the right one??? I thought it would be easier to put makeup on that way.
 
I have lived in this town for a little over three years now and you made me think about how I have looked every since moving here, which is not good.
 
That's a great idea to start the day doing hair and makeup just for ourselves. I have let myself off the hook for the past three or four years cause of the lack of energy. Eye makeup really bothers my eyes cause of the dryness and that is where I need the most makeup so don't know how I would do that everyday.
 
As Jeannie would say just KOKO, keep on keeping on.
 
luv and hugs
Marlee
Forum Moderator Fibromyalgia
 
Fibro,Sjogrens, Anxiety, Gastroparesis, IBS, Gastritis, Allergies, High Blood Pressure, Low Blood Sodium and Osteoarthritis
 
Amitriptyline, Celexa, Xanax, Synthroid, Zyrtec, Micardis, Spironalactone, Tylenol, Reglan, Lidoderm Patches and Tramadol
 
Co Q 10, Super B Complex, Extra B12, Multi vitamin


hhh
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 64
   Posted 7/29/2008 1:27 PM (GMT -7)   
 I married a person who needs constant reassurance that I think he is wonderful, he admits it. I knew early on that he needed a lot of attention
We married the same man?  who are you and where do you live? LOL One of the books I have on fm/cfs asks if you have ever noticed that you tend to surround yourself with people who drain energy.  at first I thought that didn't apply to me but the more I thought about it, the more it seemed true.  My husband is the world's worst at handling stress.  I want to help him cope with this better but I don't have the energy for it.  I empathize with you.

Lisa (AKA pain)
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 24
   Posted 7/29/2008 3:52 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Marlee,
 
Thanks for fixing up my mess!  I don't like dealing with make-up, but definitely care about how I look.  I use a bit of eye liner and mascara (occassionally pink lipstick to go with my blond hair - out of a box - haha). 
 
I do go to the tanning salon once a week - get a short tan and then get the spray on one (no need for face make-up!).  What I do though, is spend my money on my lotions - very important - the wrinkles dissapear!  I get Lancome: High Resolution Collaser (it has lots of collagen) 1.7 oz will last usually 3 months (just need to use tiny bit)  It costs about $95, but I'm worth it!  I also combine it with Lancome High Res. with Fibrelastine cream Intense Recovery Anti-Wrinkle Cream - Costs around $70.  I get them at Macy's when they have a "Free Gift Package" with your purchase - that way at least you'll end up with free makeup at the same time.  Last time I went in to purchase one of the items, the sales girls thought I was in my late 20s or early 30s (I'm 46!!!).  Even if I don't get out often, I have no intention of "growing old gracefully."  I'm going to fight it every step of the way - lol.  Because if I feel good about how I look, it just seems to add to my "good days."  I think it's important for yourself to look in the mirror, and like who's looking back at you.
 
Regardless (I'm ramblng again - i know - lol), if you do take the make-up route - because everything we put on our skin is absorbed by our bodies, go organic!
 
Lots of hugs to all of you

Lisa
_____________________________________________ 
Yesterday is history
Tomorrow is a mystery
Today is a gift - that's why they call it the present


Meggie
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 408
   Posted 7/29/2008 4:51 PM (GMT -7)   
Lisa, if you knew my 13 year old you would know that is a compliment.  She is tall, lean, blonde (not sure how she got blonde hair) and very bright.  She doesn't give me to much lip either (at least not yet).  The quality I think you would like best, she is passionate about horses, and as you said "will never give up her dream".
 
Welcome to our new member who seems to have married my husband.  Yes, I think he must be moonlighting at your house.  Stick around, maybe the two of us can learn together how to handle our husbands.
 
Lisa, thanks for the good site on the seats.  I meant to ask in my last post where you got them.  I was on my nightly walk and I remembered.  I'm a little slow today.
 
As far as the mineral make-up goes.  I don't think it is for everyone but I needed to add a good moisturizer because my skin was so dry.  I also am light on the foundation, I prefer the natural look.  I think what I like best about it is I can't feel in on and my skin does not clog up.  Any make-up (or anything for that matter) that makes you feel beautiful is the right one. 
 
Lisa, 46 and look like 20 something; I'm jealous. tongue
 
Everyone have a good evening!
 
Meggie

Lisa (AKA pain)
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 24
   Posted 7/29/2008 9:55 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Meggie,
 
I'm on my meds (when aren't I?), but I'll try to make this short and sweet.
 
I didn't mean to offend you at all about being compared to your daughter - she sounds like a great role model for me!!  After raising 2 teenage boys, the word teenager makes me want to turn the other way screaming and running - LOL
 
I suppose you were speaking to hhh (new member), when comparing hubbys.  I suggest you plead with them to attend a doctor's apointment with you so maybe they will get some neutral input from an outside source.  Especially so if you are seeing a "pain person."
 
My 1st hubby was a nightmare.  But...........I learned a whole lot about what I did and didn't want in a relationship.  Hubby number 2 is my prince charming who treats me like a princess.  He is my Angel on earth - and I'm so lucky he has stuck with me through thick and thicker! yeah
 
I hope you were able to find something for yourself on that website for back/seat supports.  Please let me know if you have any questions.  After 9 years - I feel a bit of an expert.

You all take care, it's nice talking with others who know just what I'm going through.  Please keep in touch.  Hugz to all:

Lisa
_____________________________________________ 
Yesterday is history
Tomorrow is a mystery
Today is a gift - that's why they call it the present


Meggie
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 408
   Posted 7/30/2008 7:44 AM (GMT -7)   

Lisa,

I wasn't offended, I just wanted to make sure that you know that it was meant to be a compliment.  I have been lucky so far, both of my teenagers have not been much of a problem.  They still like me :-) .

Have a wonderful day!
Meggie
New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Wednesday, December 07, 2016 1:55 AM (GMT -7)
There are a total of 2,733,980 posts in 301,164 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 151298 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, FrankByMonster.
203 Guest(s), 3 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
Georgia Hunter, THE HAPPY TURTLE, Stetsonva


Follow HealingWell.com on Facebook  Follow HealingWell.com on Twitter  Follow HealingWell.com on Pinterest
Advertisement
Advertisement

©1996-2016 HealingWell.com LLC  All rights reserved.

Advertise | Privacy Policy & Disclaimer