Well I just blew it today

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QTKaren
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 605
   Posted 8/6/2008 8:43 AM (GMT -7)   
I really hate days like today.  You have the best intentions for how it is supposed to go and then your body lets you down yet again.  I was supposed to go with my mother to Walmart this morning.  In order for me to even get on a bus I have to get up about 2 1/2 hours before the bus is due to leave.  First thing is use suppositories so I can go to the bathroom and that is so I can use the nausea suppositories to keep from throwing up on the bus.  I take the reg nausea meds by mouth and then my pain meds,muscle relaxer and lately ibuprofen.  I have already takin my prilosec and a couple exedrin and my Lyrica about an hour before I get up.  Welllllllllll this morning didnt go like that.  Pretty much felt sick all night but kept fighting it,took my 6 o'clock meds and layed back down only to get back up a few minutes later so I could voilently vomit oh yeah!
 
So by then I'm not sure if I lost my Lyrica or not but couldnt take it again till 2pm in case there was still some left to be absorbed in my system.  Didnt have to worry about a suppository to go potty as by now I am losing it from both ends which means I cant hold my nausea suppostory either.  I try to take my vicodin and mscontin by mouth with just the reg nausea meds and 10 minutes later they come up so I dont know how much of that got in my system but I sure can tell by now it wasnt much cause I am hurting bad and will have to chance losing another dose which then would short me on meds for the day since I already lost the one dose.  And then the worst thing of all is I had to call my mother who most of you know by now never is ready on time for anything but this one time has made sure she went to bed early and already had her shower and she even already had something to eat and is just getting dressed for her day out with me,the daughter that always gripes at her for not being ready to tell her that there is no way I can make it today.
 
This in turn means that she can't go either.  Mom uses a walker wherever she goes and other then a few grocery items in one lil bag she can't carry anymore bags on her walker.  So this means that the list I had her make up yesterday of things she really needed and couldnt afford to buy in town now can't be bought at walmart today because I am the one that carries her bags to the bus and helps her on the bus and there is no way she can do this all herself so she got up and was ready ontime for nothing.  It just makes me nuts that there are so many things I have to do even on a good day to even start my day and now a day trip that mom and I planned together for a week is blown because everything is going haywire in me today.  I expected my mom to get angry or at the very least be very disapointed when I called and to go on and on about all she gave up to be ready for this morning but she surprised me.  She sounded truly concerned and although disapointed because as she said we couldnt spend the day together she said she was sorry I was sick and told me to just take it easy for the day and that we could maybe go next week instead.  No whining,no oh poor me attitude,no making me feel guilty.  It almost made me feel even more guilty for bailing on her with her being so gracious about the whole thing.
 
What really drives me crazy is that in a few hours I will probably feel ok.  This stuff can come on fast with me then go away.  I think its a buildup of toxins in my body from taking the meds daily and being under stress to the point where my body just needs to purge all the bad things that have built up in it.  It is going to be rough if I did throw up that Lyrica though since I cant take the next dose till 2pm and thats a long time to have all those bad feelings come back,maybe I was lucky and at least half got in me before I got sick.  Lol one thing that was funny that lets me know that my mother does know me well after all is that when I called her she said"now just because we didnt go today dont you go cleaning a bunch of stuff in your house because your home for the day!!!!" she does know me because that exactly what I thought about doing.  So I guess I will futz around online for a bit then go lay back down and try for some sleep.  I'm feeling pretty thrashed right now and by the way my pain is coming on I am pretty sure I threw up the whole dose of pain meds.  Will give it a bit longer just to make sure though as I dont want to be getting a double dose of that.  Thanx for hearing me out and letting me vent some.  Just turned out to be a disapointing day all around for me and my mom.
 
Soft Hug's,
Karen
Karen
 
Mom of one gramma to 4
 
Fibromyalgia,IBS,Stroke x2,endometriosis,Diabetes type 2,neuropathic pain,nerve damage due to tailbone removel,nerve damage due to fractured back,deppresion,high blood pressure,severe nausea,atrophy,chronic pain


Jeannie143
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 6056
   Posted 8/6/2008 9:11 AM (GMT -7)   
Karen,
I'm so sorry your day is going so badly... Don't you have some sibs with cars that can help mom...or is that just another can of worms?
~ Jeannie, Forum Moderator/Diabetes & Fibromyalgia
I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much. ~Mother Teresa

"People are like stained glass windows: They sparkle and shine when the sun's out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is light within."- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross


QTKaren
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 605
   Posted 8/6/2008 10:11 AM (GMT -7)   
Worms is right Jeannie.  I have a brother that lives about an hour away and he visits every saturday.  I have asked him if one saturday a month he could take mom to walmart and he pretty much said no.  He took her one time but said that because he lives so far away that the extra driving time to take her and bring her back before driving home was just too much that he wanted to be able to just kick back and enjoy his visit and not have to drive.  This is with him knowing that when I go with my mom all I have is a little push cart to haul everything and that includes lifting it on the bus.
 
Randy likes to come out here and cop a buzz as he likes to call it which equates to he comes out here and gets high then spends all day venting about how much is family drives him crazy.  I have another brother that lives also about an hour away but he visits maybe twice a year and always gets a ride with the first brother.  My daughter knows how to drive but needs someone to go with her for some freeway time in order to get her lisence so she can't take mom.  So if mom is going to be able to get at least her personal items for the month so as not to spend so much money since she is on limited funds it is me who is left to go along with her to carry all her purchases.  Normaly I wouldnt even mind doing this but as my health has gotten worse and my pain worse it is getting harder and harder for me to do this for her or even me for that matter.  My brother knows the situation I am in but he just cant seem to get past what he wants to help me out.  I dont even ask anymore.  But I do feel alone in all of this much of the time and it's hard.  I wonder how much more abuse this body can take and whether when it finally gives out completely if anyone that I have cared for and done so many things for would even be there for me.  I think I would be pretty much on my own then.
Karen
 
Mom of one gramma to 4
 
Fibromyalgia,IBS,Stroke x2,endometriosis,Diabetes type 2,neuropathic pain,nerve damage due to tailbone removel,nerve damage due to fractured back,deppresion,high blood pressure,severe nausea,atrophy,chronic pain


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40578
   Posted 8/6/2008 10:51 AM (GMT -7)   
Well Karen,

At least one good thing came out of it. Your mother did understand and that is a big plus. Just take it easy the rest of the day and try to push everything else out of your mind. You will be fine, maybe this was meant to be.

Good luck,
hugs, Karen...
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Marlee2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 6067
   Posted 8/6/2008 11:49 AM (GMT -7)   
Karen, I'm sorry your feeling so bad today. Have you contacted anyone on getting some help for your mom??? I've never had a reason to look into this but I would think there would be some sort of volunteer group that might be able take your mom to Walmart on a monthly bases. Maybe you can share things with her til you feel up to making the trip.
 
I guess most of us take driving for granted, I know I do. Have you thought about getting your license???
 
luv and hugs
Marlee
Forum Moderator Fibromyalgia
 
Fibro,Sjogrens, Anxiety, Gastroparesis, IBS, Gastritis, Allergies, High Blood Pressure, Low Blood Sodium and Osteoarthritis
 
Amitriptyline, Celexa, Xanax, Synthroid, Zyrtec, Micardis, Spironalactone, Tylenol, Reglan, Lidoderm Patches and Tramadol
 
Co Q 10, Super B Complex, Extra B12, Multi vitamin


Sherrine
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 17097
   Posted 8/6/2008 11:55 AM (GMT -7)   
We have little "jitney" buses that will pick up the elderly and take them places.  You might see it there is a community bus for this.
 
Sherrine
Forum Moderator/ Fibromyalgia
***********************
Fibromyalgia, Crohn's Disease, Ostomy, Diabetes, Autoimmune Inner Ear Disease, Osteoporosis
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.    2 Timothy 1:7


Statgeek
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 1495
   Posted 8/6/2008 12:07 PM (GMT -7)   
Karen, the title of your post caught my eye. 'I just blew it . . ." Please don't blame yourself for being sick. You did not blow anything. I hope you feel better fast.
Sue

QTKaren
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 605
   Posted 8/6/2008 1:31 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanx for all the feedback my fibro sisters.  I don't feel so bad about what happened today.  Of course I've been in bed sleeping all day lol. Wow my head just won't stop spinning.  I just took the afternoon meds so I will see how that goes I know that the pain finally got me up.  Now to answer any questions.  I tried driving before many years ago and I was a danger to me and everyone around me.  Always too paranoid to stay focused so that's out.  They already have a free bus that takes us to the nearby town but as far as helping with bags and such you are on your own.  They are trying to set up a shuttle bus just for the disabled and seniors here and that would have certain times set to go to walmart and the local grocery stores but they havent got it together yet.
 
Yes my mom was very good about today and she even called while I was asleep to check on me.  I know this won't happen all the time so I am just enjoying it for now,gives me something to think back on for a bad day.  OK going to lay back down right now,my head is hurting so bad and my tummy is still fippin.  Hugs to all.
 
Karen
Karen
 
Mom of one gramma to 4
 
Fibromyalgia,IBS,Stroke x2,endometriosis,Diabetes type 2,neuropathic pain,nerve damage due to tailbone removel,nerve damage due to fractured back,deppresion,high blood pressure,severe nausea,atrophy,chronic pain


jev
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 168
   Posted 8/6/2008 3:55 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Karen! I totally agree with Sue.....YOU did not blow anything! Don't be so hard on yourself.....with these types of illnesses even the best made plans often go awry. None of us have any possible way of knowing for sure how we are going to feel 5 minutes from now, much less hours or days ahead! Even "healthy" people have no real control over what might happen to them at any given moment to change the course of things.....it's just the reality of life and to stress over something so out of your control does nothing but make you feel worse. (I speak from experience here and have finally learned to give myself a break for the things I can't control.) There were several good idea alternatives mentioned above that could serve as good backup plans in the future for you. You sound like a wonderful, loving daughter who is doing the very best she can with what she's been given!!!!! Your mom sounds like a sweetie who can have "human" moments just like the rest of us.

Please - I mean absolutely no disrespect, insult or ugliness to you or your family whatsoever over what I'm about to say. You mentioned your brothers being able-bodied but not available to help you out. I'm 53 now.....my dad & mom have been deceased since I was 4 and then 14 respectively and my only sibling, a brother, died 10 years ago. I never really had the chance to do anything for my parents but I did for my brother. What I wouldn't do or give to be of service to any of them in any form or manner even if it's just for one last time...........the things you always meant to do but didn't or couldn't, the things you always meant to say but didn't or couldn't always haunt you and the regrets never go away! Never, ever let it be "too late" for anything! Please remind your brothers of this important lesson my dear. God bless you!

Gentlest of hugs,
John
*****************
John (53)
*****************
Dx'd June 2008 with Fibromyalgia & CFS  possibly caused by chronic Epstein-Barr virus (many years of ongoing symptoms.....recently worsening)......also, previously dx'd sleep apnea, high blood pressure, hypothyroid, low testosterone, high cholesterol, heart arrythmia & headaches (all types)
 
*****************
Several meds too numerous to list or remember!


Sue2z
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 368
   Posted 8/6/2008 6:34 PM (GMT -7)   

Thank goodness their is someone else their whose day is semi dependant on suppositories,  I have to see my mom on sunday and am already worried about everything gooing right.  Because it really is like everything has to go right to have a decent though short visit.I made the mistake of selling my car when i was at my worse and now am totally house bound. Congratulations on even being able to use the bus im ashamed to same I have no idea how and it terrifies me. Broke down bad yesterday.  neighbours dog for 9 hours, ended up sticking a note on their door but it has done me in.  I will be a wreck next couple days.  Please tell me that that would upset someone else and im not being over the top, the noise 9 hours, my daughter just tunes out but I cant seem to handle anything anymore and anyways even if your mind space is trying to cope my body lets me down.  All the time.


Fibromyalgia, ulcerative colonitus, arthritus, bi-polar
norspan patch, valium, prothiedon, lyrica


FibroKris
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 8/6/2008 7:31 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi everyone. I am new here. Just read my first thread and Karen you are my first. I actually did not intend to write anything especially my first time looking and reading.

Karen I am so so sorry for your terrible day and so glad that your Mom was understanding. I have had FMS for years but am just now seeing that so many other symptoms of FMS that I never knew were FMS. All my life my friends and family have gotten so frustrated with me for bailing out on plans. I became me known I guess as unreliable or that no one could count on me being somewhere until they saw me there.

I have a lot of things going on. I sold my house because I just couldn't keep it up, I laid around depressed most of the time when not at work. My friendships sort of disappeared and I was always full in the friendship category. I am a nurse, 42 years old. I worked full time for 16 years while taking classes at night to get my first degree and then at age 38 went to nursing school. I have been working as an RN now for 2 years. I am a critical care nurse, working in the surgical intensive care unit. I love my job but am afraid that I will have to give it up due to the increasing amount of opioid pain meds I take. I have finally gotten an appointment with a pain clinic which means even more narcotics in my future. I will probably give up the critical care and bedside nursing. I want to become a nurse practitioner and focus my career on pain management. I needed a couple years of critical care experience before continuing on the the next step in my career. I love what I do but it is very hard on my body. The pain meds don't do anything to me as far as a "high", they just make what everyone else finds easy to do tolerable for me. Like you Karen, I set my alarm for 1 hour before I have to get up just to take pain meds. I also take Lyrica and Flexeril (the Fibro dose of 30mg before bed).

The Lyrica has put 40lbs on my body in the past year and a half. Adding to my depression and lack of desire to get out of the house.

I moved in with my Mom. She was stretched month to month financially and we both decided we could help each other. Living at home again at 42 has it's own set of problems. But, at least now she seems to be more understanding about my pain and really is a good friend to me during all this although I know it is breaking her heart to see me like this.

I divorced 13 years ago and I went through a huge bout of depression and self medicating with alcohol. I rarely drink any more. Even a little knocks me out of commission for a couple of days.

Any way, I just wanted to say hello and to let Karen know as well that she should not beat herself up. You did good girl to plan in the first place. Keep planning, it means that you still have the desire to go and one out of ten times you will be able to make it.

Take care,

Krissy

QTKaren
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 605
   Posted 8/7/2008 3:03 AM (GMT -7)   
Greetings Fibro sisters and brother,
 
Well its now almost 2:30 am and of course I am awake after the afternoon slumber sighhhhhhhh tired again just restless and the headache never went away,just an all over icky feel now.  I did call my mom back since she was kind enough to call while i was sleeping but the table turned yet again.  She can be sweet at times but has to be the most negative person I have ever known and takes no resposibility for herself.  Today she was going on and on about her chiropractor and how she really needs to find someone that does her adjustment better and is just positive that he adjusts her the way he does to get out of doing his work and then she went on about how his staff was trying to rip her off because they asked her if she wanted the quarter in change from her co-pay.  Well many times she said no but last time decided to say yes and she swears they did not want to even bother giving it to her.  The older she gets the more paranoid and she constantly assumes for every situation way before she knows anything at all about it,but if I tell her not to jump the gun and assume then she says I am against her so basically either shut up and go with the flow or rock the boat to give my opinion.  Ahhhhhh very tiring.
 
John.........I have tried talking to my brothers about that you cant get certain moments back and it falls on deaf ears most times or they agree then do nothing to make things better because they are so caught up in the drama that is thier disfunctional lives.  I am talking my family would blow Oprahs mind.  My brother Steve who only visits maybe twice a year already had the oh if only moment when our oldest brother died 10 years ago.  At Joes funeral (the one that my ex and I had to pay for unexpectedly because not one other sibling could spare a dime)Steve stood up during the service and read a poem(he was always the "sensitive"one) and the poem was called If Only as in if only I had been there for you if
only I had knew your pain if only I had spent time with you(Steve hadnt seen Joe in over 16 years when Joe died) this big sob story poem where all these ppl were sobbing over how sad it was and then him promising never to let that happen again.  So ya it continues and I told him if he had any big plans of pulling that when our mother dies that I would personaly kick his arse out of the chappel.
 
Heck he made a lame promise to send my mom 100 dollars every 4 months(how generous a whole 25 bucks a month)and in 2 years I've gotten it twice for her simply because he was around and I told him wheres moms check?  and let him know that my other brother and I put in for groceries and personal things for her every month to make ends meet.  It just gets so old that I grow tired of even asking.  Its not like one sibling talking to another its more like me being a collection agent.  And the really sad thing is that when my brother or I do nice stuff for my mom to make sure shes comfortable or has things that she cant afford she rarely even says thank you.  My Aunt Patti who is my moms sister in law last year sent a huge box with a whole wardrobe of beautiful new clothes in it from a JC Penny store.  about 1,000 dollars in clothes including a wonderful winter coat.  It took a month of me bugging my mom just to get her to call and say thanx and to this day she still has not worn anything.  It all still sits in a box while my Aunt has worked hard to pay off this bill completely unappreciated.
 
I mean what kind of ppl are so rude that they would do that to someone showing kindness?  my whole family is lame I tell you.  And my moms answer to why she acts like this? she said "well I never told her she had to do that" never getting the point at all.  Sometimes they just drain me.  I kinda knew with not feeling well I was taking a chance by calling my mom back and I was right.  She just wanted someone to grip to about things on her mind that were p@#$ing her off and she didnt say one thing to me about how I felt never asked anything about me at all and when I fianlly said I had to go because I felt sick she acted miffed that I had to go.   I give up at least for tonight and on that note I am going to try to sleep.  Have an appointment with my doctor tomorrow for refills and maybe something to calm me down.
 
Goodnight all,
Karen
Karen
 
Mom of one gramma to 4
 
Fibromyalgia,IBS,Stroke x2,endometriosis,Diabetes type 2,neuropathic pain,nerve damage due to tailbone removel,nerve damage due to fractured back,deppresion,high blood pressure,severe nausea,atrophy,chronic pain


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40578
   Posted 8/7/2008 5:39 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi FibroKris,

Welcome to the fibromyalgia forum. We are so happy that you found us. I think that you will find tht you came to a good place.

If you would, go to the thread called "who's who in the land of fibrofog" and introduce yourself. Also we have fibro 101 whichh goes into a lot of detail of symptoms and tips on relaxing and stretching. You name it and it is there.

Many hugs, Karen...
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Marlee2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 6067
   Posted 8/7/2008 9:06 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Krissy and welcome to our family. Glad you joined right into the discussion. Like Karen said read fibro 101. We learn here from each other. So ask questions, share with us and even vent when you need to.
 
I think you have done remarkable with your career.
 
Karen you have got to stop taking everything your mother says so personal and letting it eat at you. You know she has problems of her own. Who else is she going to take it out on??? Your the closest person to her. You are very sensitive as many of us on here are. If I was to just sit here and dwell on all the insensitive things people have said to me over the years I would be too depressed to move.
 
John is so right about even healthy people getting sick and not being able to do things that are planned. We went on vacation one year and my DH got a intestinal virus and it pretty much ruined our vacation.
 
We have a trip coming up next week and all I can do is hope the fibro behaves itself. I'm sure planning on having a good time. 
 
luv and hugs
Marlee
Forum Moderator Fibromyalgia
 
Fibro,Sjogrens, Anxiety, Gastroparesis, IBS, Gastritis, Allergies, High Blood Pressure, Low Blood Sodium and Osteoarthritis
 
Amitriptyline, Celexa, Xanax, Synthroid, Zyrtec, Micardis, Spironalactone, Tylenol, Reglan, Lidoderm Patches and Tramadol
 
Co Q 10, Super B Complex, Extra B12, Multi vitamin

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