Wow! that was a few harsh days. Whatever flu bug I had has left the building. I still had the remnants of it yesterday and maybe a few hours sleep the night before that so now that I look back on it it was probably pretty comical yesterday morning. I had gone several days without a shower when I was sick and so that was a must and I had a doctors appointment to get to so I had to get up when the alarm went off. So there I was sitting stark nakid on the computer chair crying like a baby saying"I can't do this today!" I finally just went for it and got in the shower and all the good stuff needed to be done. Not only getting clean but shaving and exfoliating and then the task of getting this long hair combed out and dryed and I said what the heck and even put makeup on.
By the time I was finally dressed I was feeling way better and knew that I could make it through the day. It is just so hard some days to make that initial step. I have learned though that even when I am having a flare I end up feeling better if I at least get a hot shower and clean jammies on and even better if I can manage a walk on those days. I know some take to thier beds for days on end but I would lose my mind if I did that. Jayson was a big help while I was sick but the party is now over. As soon as he see's me looking better he assumes that all is well again and it's time for Karen to go back to doing it all. I let him know that even on good days I still need his help and that he shouldnt even look at it as helping out but just doing his part in this household,that just because he works doesnt mean that when he walks through that door that it now means that I am here to serve him til bedtime which had been the case. I felt so guilty for not being able to hold a job that I was doing it all including waiting on him hand and foot like a slave.
He still pulls the same old crap but I just dont take the bait anymore. He will go ohhhhhhhhhhh I think I will get up and get a glass of milk or ohhhhhhh some cookies sound good and then he sits and doesnt move and waits for me to jump up and meet his wants. In the past for most of our relasionship that was exactly what I did. I immediatly jumped up and got him whatever he wanted. I still find it hard to not do that. Its ok to serve him sometimes but specially when he knows I am hurting he still expects it and then says ohhhhhhh you didnt have to get up I was going to do it,ya right. I can read this man like a book. Bad habits are hard to break for both of us. Just like me bringing home whatever sweet he likes to make him happy. I was part of the problem as an enabler to hamper his losing weight. He loves to eat and eats whenever he is bored or tired or happy or whenever. I dont bite at that anymore either. He goes into the kitchen and opens the "snack" drawer which I by the way used to have full of candy bars and all kinds of goodies but its now used to hold other kitchen stuff. He still goes right for that drawer but finding it empty of goodies walks away and that is one less candy bar that I am responsible for supplying to either of us.
Holy cow I dont know how I get off subject so easy. I guess its just my wandering mind and all the sudden I have put down here what I am thinking about like one thing just runs into the other lol. Anyway I am feeling better and am back on track with the weight loss thing again and hoping that Jay will go along with it as well. Finding out I had gained 6 pounds in a month was a rude awakening. So no more self medicating with food which Jay and I both do. Gotta find something healthy to occupy our time. Everybody have a good day.
Mom of one gramma to 4
Fibromyalgia,IBS,Stroke x2,endometriosis,Diabetes type 2,neuropathic pain,nerve damage due to tailbone removel,nerve damage due to fractured back,deppresion,high blood pressure,severe nausea,atrophy,chronic pain