Karen, I am basically a shy person, I don't generally have these discussions even w/ closest g-friends. When my DH and I got married I really didn't know much of anything, but my hubby was/is a very gentle man and has always been very attentive to my feelings. We decided early on to be very honest w/ each other, always in a loving manner. Thru the yrs. we have both had some tough health issues, and at times we had to put some things on the back burner - but we would always cuddle and most importantly TALK about what was and was not going on. We have made plans that later had to be changed, but we keep an open dialogue.
We never spoke of such things in my house growing up, as a matter of fact, I'm still waiting to have THE TALK w/ my mother lol. I have tried to change that dark closed way of feeling in my house. I have always spoken w/ my children about love. Sometimes I feel lousy don't feel like I will be up to the night and yet, I am so happy when I look into his eyes and I see the look that is reserved for me. I have never been made to feel guilty, nor have I done it to him. I never pull away from him, we all need closeness even if it doesn't lead to sex. I always hope for the best, and thankfully, I have him.
I wish you the best.
God bless. Alice.
Karen im so glad someone had the courage to bring this up. Im ashamed to say its been three years since we had sex and I feel so bad about it but I just cant get into any comfortable position and I think it would just about kill me, in fact even if I did try I would end up stopping from the pain. But I am really goiong to try soon. My husband is very understanding as we dont even sleep together as I need pillows under and around me and it takes the whole bed up. Its all so awful this fibro in all areas we are affected, at least you have tried, im honestly to afraid to but lately I have been thinking its worth a shot, at least then you know youve tried it.
Thanks for this posting, I think it is very important , you just beat me into posting it.. sue2z
boy oh boy. After reading the responses, I'm surprised by the frequency other couples experience. We are quite a bit more infrequent and it is a huge issue for my husband. I will say I noticed an increase in my sex drive after starting Cymbalta. I really wasn't thinking much about it before except in the context that I knew my husband needed it and when tensions rise, if he doesn't get that release, we wil argue about anything and everything. I have to remind myself to work it into our schedules when it has been too long. Is the pain in your back or is it vaginal? It's hard to know what to suggest not knowing the source of the pain. If it was just the pain during lovemaking, you could probably deal with it but since it sets off a flair, that's a whole other ballgame. I try not to live in constant fear that something I do is going to set off a flair but it's always lingering there like a whisper in my head. Anyway, sex is not generally painful for me but my husband has a hard time climaxing and usually requests that we finish manually. This is painful because my hands, wrists, fingers, and forearms hurt all the time. I don't like it but I like my marriage. I don't like the side effects of some of my meds either but I figure out when the benefits outweigh the costs. For you it may be that the costs outweigh the benefits, i don't know but I do know that sex is extremely important to men and to a healthy or even barely breathing marriage. I did develop a strategy for dealing with the anxiety that perhaps his affection was leading to sex in his mind. I will say something goofy like, "I love when you snuggle up close to me. It makes me feel so safe. I was thinking that um if you don't have something better to do on Saturday night maybe we could you know, have a little fun, drink a little wine, get down tonight (I don't think those lyrics are exactly right but it gets the point across)" That way he knows I'm not thinking about it right now but am interested, even if I'm not up to it right now. Plus I can plan for it, which, for me, helps a lot. I think we will have more suggestions for you when we know what hurts. Or maybe you just need to tone it down a bit and stop swinging from the chandalier!! You're not 18 anymore (even if Jay is ha ha) I crack myself up. You can email me if you like. Just put something in the subject line like fibro forum so i won't delete without reading.
Keep on you know, dancing.