Faimly and Friends Acting annoyed with me but, won't talk about the Fibro.

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Hazelmist123
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 8/30/2008 7:57 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello,
  I am 40 yrs. old and have had fibro. for about 2 years I still feel like a newbie. When I first was diagnose everyone was happy to finally get an answer, but after 2 yrs. Friends just stoped calling and stopping bye. At first I did go out with them and enjoyed there company but, my best friend I could sense never knew what to say or what we could do.  After awhile she just stoped calling.  When I was well I helped her with  getting out of a abuse marriage I was their day or night. Our childern were all the same ages all teens and we did everything togather. She suffered a heart anyourisum  please ****ous that word. She almost died  After her operations and getting healthy again about a year. We basicaly lived togather I would make do excerise , when she hurt I made her laugh and I took the responsiblity of her three sons and let them live with me.
              She got well,  she got a new life ,  and moved on  which is great. But, 6 mons after her getting alot better I got Fibro.
  All the ppl who I believe did have good intentions of helping or just being a friend are gone. Sometime, I think that is almost one of the hardest thing to try to expect.  I also, notice my own family forgetting or not talking about. They are annoyed at the help I ask  and if I want to spend with them they are uncomfortable.  My sons which are all adult now and live me no longer help with everyday chores. House work is left all for me. I have tried every idea and counseling I know this sound like a pity party and yes. In a way it is I really just wanted to find out if having an invisble illness has caused relationship problems and day today living problems. Any books, website or just a howdy would be great. I understand this post sounds like a real downer however , I really am working on the process of still accepting and learning to live on . Thanks for your time and I promise my next post will be one of learning and moving forward. Thank you

Sherrine
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 17101
   Posted 8/30/2008 8:24 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi, Hazelmist, and welcome to the fibromyalgia forum.  I'm so glad you joined us!  What you have described has happened to all of us.  When you look healthy, people just don't understand.  I gave up trying to explain it to people so I just don't mention it.  If they see me wince with pain, I just say that my muscles are sore and leave it at that.  It's too frustrating to try to explain.
 
You do find out who your true friends really are, though.  It can be a real eye-opener, can't it!  I just made new friends and don't talk about the fibro.  My friends know I have something called fibromyalgia and that's about the extent of it. 
 
Check out the Fibro 101 thread.  It is the second thread on the forum.  There is a lot of great info in there that could help you.  We are here to help answer questions and give ideas so you can live a full and enjoyable life with fibromyalgia.  Read some of the posts, too.  There is a world of information in them.
 
Meanwhile, I'm glad to meet you.  You are not alone anymore.  You have a fibro family that DOES understand what you are going through and we are here for you!  I hope to hear more from you soon!
 
Sherrine
Forum Moderator/ Fibromyalgia
***********************
Fibromyalgia, Crohn's Disease, Ostomy, Diabetes, Autoimmune Inner Ear Disease, Osteoporosis
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.    2 Timothy 1:7


Sue2z
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 368
   Posted 8/30/2008 10:34 PM (GMT -7)   
mad   sad Hi, and welcome, im new to forum but had fibro 3 years.  My family barely lift a finger and I hate to ask so I try struggle on but its not right , we should ask for help.  The family seems to run and move on as if im not there, it saddens me but now im use to it.
you are not alone.  I had an argument with a relative and we no longer see each other and other relatives expect things to go on as normal and have no idea had much pain is involved.  Ive given up in this area also.  I guess it sounds bad to give up  but it gives you a sense of freedom also though I get lonely.  If I ever need help though ive decided to make my family do stuff even if it involves sitting around the table and talking about ways they can help, and as for the others outside.  I cant go back and I cant pretend so if things gradually finish then so be it.    I am like you , if anyone was sick I would be by their side twenty four seven.  That hurts when you think of immediate family not, but we just have to be hard sometimes we are no loonger the same and they must accept that, Im still waiting.  goood luck, your not alone.       hugs sad sad :-) :-)     suez2
Fibromyalgia, ulcerative colonitus, arthritus, bi-polar
norspan patch, valium, prothiedon, lyrica


Hazelmist123
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 8/31/2008 4:15 AM (GMT -7)   
smilewinkgrin Hello and Greetings,
Thank you so much for your reply I appreciate it very much and Thank you for more places to get information.
Wow, I haven't posted or joined a group in years. I just wanted to tell you that your response help lift me up and see the good,
I can move on make new friends and let the past go. I had that bottled up for awhile I have been working on steps to too, learn to live in the here and now and and find joy in this new life. Just venting and seeing so many others who are dealing with Fibro help so much.
I am glad to meet you and I know I will enjoy participating in this group. Thank you and Thanks for Welcoming me. Hazelist123

Hazelmist123
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 8/31/2008 4:33 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello Sue2z,
It is very nice to meet you. Thank you for replying to my post I am going to try your suggestion of making my table a place of communication at certain times and talk to them about the ways each on can help that way it's more of a us project for daily living and your right about letting some things go things are different now and I need to learn it's ok to let some things go and us the energy I do have in a different way. Before I had Fibro I was a perfectionist, and It made my family and husband nuts. I would create the must crazy problems over the strangest stuff. Wrinkles in towels that were folded, everything in a certain place Now, I my crisis for me would be who spit in the sink and why things were not like the house on tv. Now I think of some of the problems I have cause my self and family at the I left no room for enjoyment for anyone. Thank for sharing with me I could see that now that I was still acting on my compulsive side. LOL you cant be a perfectionist when you have fibro how ever which is worse my compulsive or fibro I think I will still have to work on Learning to live now and stop what was before. Thank for your help and I look forward to post and chatting with you I appreciate you posting to me it's great you replied. And we are both newbies here so what a good start to meet Thank you smilewinkgrin

Marlee2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 6067
   Posted 8/31/2008 6:39 AM (GMT -7)   
Hazelmist, welcome to our family. I'm a recovering perfectionist. smilewinkgrin I'm also the one that takes on everyone's problems. Don't know why I'm the way I am but I seem to feel things deeper than most people and I also have to try and fix everything for everyone. And Lord knows my family gives me plenty to try and fix. yeah I really believe the person I am is the cause of my fibro.
 
I was lucky enough to have raised my three sons before fibro. I was dxd five years ago and my family is getting it. My DH is a great help to me. I didn't think my sons and DILs got it but I got a good lecture from one of my DILs this week over stressing which surprised me cause she knows more about fibro than I thought she did. Give your family time and educate them.
 
As far as friends, I've lost a lot of them. But if people really love you they will educate themselves on fibro and they will stick by you.
 
Read as much as you can, ask questions and vent when you need to, we will be here for you.
 
luv and hugs
Marlee
Forum Moderator Fibromyalgia
 
Fibro,Sjogrens, Anxiety, Gastroparesis, IBS, Gastritis, Allergies, High Blood Pressure, Low Blood Sodium and Osteoarthritis
 
Amitriptyline, Celexa, Xanax, Synthroid, Zyrtec, Micardis, Spironalactone, Tylenol, Reglan, Lidoderm Patches and Tramadol
 
Co Q 10, Super B Complex, Extra B12, Multi vitamin


mamanan
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 846
   Posted 8/31/2008 6:40 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello Hazelmist, and welcome!! I am so happy that you have foudn this site. This is a wonderful place to get support and understanding, as well as coping skills and information. I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. I am still in the process of figurign out what is the matter with me, so none of my family know, other than my sister. She also has fibro, although she said it's pretty well controlled right now. I have to admit, I didn't understand when she told me about it. Not that I ever doubted her, but it is difficult to fathom the amount of pain someone is in when they don't look sick. I'm looking forward to gettign to know you :)
in the land of Limbo, taking OTC meds only.
Don't know what's wrong, can't fix it, doctors are so sloooow!!!


Geek
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 8/31/2008 7:11 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm new to this forum, actually any forum! This is my first post. I suffer from a cumulative trauma injury which has now progressed to Fibro. Yes, because we look fine - people don't think there is any problem. Little do they know it took 2 hours to get dressed between sitting on heating pads, taking tylenol, and using a heated rice pack to get to work! My family has been great at helping with shopping, chores, lifting, all the things that make life difficult. I never wanted to tell my co-workers what was happening, so if I had a bad day - I went home sick with a 'headache' and if pressed, said it was Migraine like. Trying to explain a tension headache from muscle spasms was too much work!

I have tried a technique called Prolotherapy and it has worked WONDERS! I can now do more than I was able to over the past 5 years. I have many more good days than bad. Although, I still have flares - but not as frequently. I look forward to hearing some of your ideas and stories.

Sherrine
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 17101
   Posted 8/31/2008 8:18 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi, Geek, and welcome to the forum!  You have come to a good place where we all do understand what you are going through.  You are fortunate that your family pitches in and helps you.  Many here don't have the help. 
 
Be sure to check out the Fibro 101 thread that I told Hazel about.  It have a lot of good information on it.
 
Hazel, many of us are perfectionists.  I know I was.  The operative word is WAS.  I still keep up my house, but not like I used to be able to.  But, it's still cleaner than some homes of my healthy friends so I'm not complaining.  You do need to learn how to pace yourself.  You will learn what you can and cannot do that causes pain.  I have a little sign in my kitchen that says, "If you've come to see me, Welcome!  If you've come to see my home, Make an appointment!"  tongue
 
Both of you will get some good ideas from our members and I'm sure you can share some of your ideas.  We all can use all the help we can get!  yeah    Have a good day!
 
Sherrine
Forum Moderator/ Fibromyalgia
***********************
Fibromyalgia, Crohn's Disease, Ostomy, Diabetes, Autoimmune Inner Ear Disease, Osteoporosis
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.    2 Timothy 1:7


solar powered
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 538
   Posted 8/31/2008 10:13 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Geek and welcome to our little club. Question for you. Did you have the prolotherapy at the site of your injury or in other spots instead/also? You are a lucky person to have a helpful family. I hope you thank them profusely because as you can see they seem to be a rare bunch of people.

Welcome to the club also Hazelmist. I am sorry that the people in your life just don't get it. I have no words of wisdom because I'm usually in the same boat. fortunately for me my pain level is such that I can function pretty well normally. On bad days though I'm out of luck and just do what I have to do through the pain.   Lisa


Geek
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 8/31/2008 10:42 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi GeckoGirl. First of all - maybe I should have chose a diff screen name! Geek - does sound so weird. I'm a technical support person - ie; geek.

Anyway, prolotherapy... I have so many micro trauma sites to choose from. Treatment has been to cervical neck, thorasic area, behind the shoulders blades, and to the shoulder area. I was diagnosed with impingement syndrome on the shoulders too. Prolo is a series of injections - and there can be many at each session. However - it's provided the only relief and is increasing the strength in my tendons and ligaments in the injured area. My chiro adjustments are holding much longer and my bad days are farther and farther between.

This diagnosis of Fibro. Dr said it can come on after an injury.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40590
   Posted 8/31/2008 2:30 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Hazelmist and Geek,
 
I would also like to welcome you to the HealingWell fibromyalgia forum. 
 
Thank you for explaining the prolotherapy, I was going to ask what it was.  I haven't heard of it before.  Also I am sure that there are other's on here that would like to hear about it.
 
I wish both of you a wonderful day.
 
Hugs,  ...Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Meggie
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 408
   Posted 8/31/2008 3:48 PM (GMT -7)   

Welcome to both Hazelmist and Geek, this is a wonderful place to be.  You will find a lot of support and caring.  I wonder if fibro picks perfectionists, it seems to be a common trait that we have.  I'm still learning how to let go and I'm still trying to figure out how to deal with the people in my life.  I think it stinks that we have to keep this to ourselves but who wants the stress of the looks people give us.  If I'm honest with myself, I'm not sure that I would understand this if I wasn't going through it.  Hazelmist, it is terrible that your friend has abandoned you when you need her.  You are a wonderful person for helping her get through a tuff situation.  Forget what she has done and move on, there are people out there that care.  You need to take care of yourself now, you have more than earned it.

Sherrine, I need to get one of those signs for my house yeah because if you show up unannounced you will probably find me in a mess.  I try, I really do but I work full time, have three kids and a very messy husband (he attempts to clean but usually makes things worse, like the caulk on my van door, yes you heard right, he went from the bathroom-sealing the tub (he cleaned up he said shakehead ) to my van, the inside of the driver side door has a smear of caulk on it (because he tried to clean that up)).   I could go on and on with the messes he leaves behind but I won't, it's to exhausting.  Anyway, one of those signed would be perfect for me.

Stick with us and we will help you through the bad days and maybe we can enjoy a few laughs along the way.

Meggie


Tapestryloom
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 169
   Posted 8/31/2008 5:18 PM (GMT -7)   
Welcome!

Sherrine, I love your idea for the sign! I was never good at keeping the house neat as a pin.
I often wondered if friends disapeared because of the fibro?
Be strong! I know I'm trying. I have my moments when I feel like panicking but then I calm down and talk myself out of it. It's scary when your whole body aches and you're tired and you don't know if you will make it through the day. (especially caring for 4 children) We are here to help.
Carolyn
I am a mother to 4 children; James 11 mo.'s, Davey 2 1/2 yrs,
Dana 4 1/2yrs, and Anne 9 yrs.  I am currently studying to become a natural childbirth educator.... and just trying to figure out where my priorities are right now.


Sue2z
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 368
   Posted 8/31/2008 6:22 PM (GMT -7)   
To Hazelmist,  now I just have to follow my own advice!!!  I was diagnosed obsesive compulsive years ago, I know all about being a perfectionist.  Im glad to hear you so more positive.  look forward to future paths crossing .   see ya  .   sue2z :-) :-) :-)
Fibromyalgia, ulcerative colonitus, arthritus, bi-polar
norspan patch, valium, prothiedon, lyrica


GamJill
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 1279
   Posted 8/31/2008 7:15 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Hazelmist and Welcome-
I'm brand new with fibro- just got diagnosed this past spring. Has been quite an adventure so far. I know alot of us have trouble asking for help but I had no choice because I got hit so hard.
My family took awhile to rally around but they finally did. My 16 yr. old helps when I ask him to do things. I am better now and can do more- it takes awhile and I have to pace myself but it gets done eventually.
This is a very good group to belong to and they "genuinely" care. Was nice to meet you!
Hi Geek and welcome also! GamJill
 
 
Fibromyalgia, Depression, Anxiety, TMJ, Arthritis/neck
 
Zoloft, Tylenol 4000 mg., Zanaflex

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