Feeling down and frustrated...

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SassyIsMyKitty
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 223
   Posted 9/10/2008 11:10 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello everyone.
I am feeling really down and frustrated today. I was doing some cleaning today, and I only got one room completely done before exhaustion hit me hard. I am sitting here typing this, in pain and really exhausted. I feel so worthless. I try to do the things that need to be done, but I just can't. I mean, I feel accomplished that I got my son's room clean, and I made a little bit of progress in the living room and dining room, but I want to be able to get it all done without feeling like I am going to collapse. It is just so frustrating. I just don't know what to do. I feel so helpless, and I feel like such a burden on my husband. I feel like the reason he isn't trying harder (he does try) to get a job is because he is worried about the effect taking care of my son all day is going to have on me. I really don't have many people who can help me. My sister has two kids, and I have to ask her like a day or two in advance to help me out. My mom works really hard. My grandma lives out of town, and my son is too heavy now for her to lift, even though she does play with him and rock him and stuff. My dad lives out of state. My step-dad isn't even an option. His mom would only be an option if I could pay her, and we are broke.
I just don't know what to do. I feel like crying. I feel like running away. I feel like everyone would be better off if I wasn't such a burden to them. But I love my son, and I try my best to take care of him and keep the house clean. It is just so hard.
Sorry this was kind of long. I really needed to vent a little. Thanks for letting me get this out.
May your heart be filled with love and joy.
May your mind be clear and true.
May your smiles be many,
And may your tears be few. 
May God wrap you in His arms
Especially when you're feeling blue.


Greensleeves
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 9/10/2008 11:28 AM (GMT -7)   
Nobody ever died from a little bit of dust and clutter.
 
That's my mantra. Take it for what it's worth.
 
A little bit each day really adds up. And if each member of the family adds to that, even better. (Even the little ones, if they can walk, they can help.)

Sherrine
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 17101
   Posted 9/10/2008 11:36 AM (GMT -7)   
Tiki, you are not a burden and you need to stop that thinking!  Every person alive is so special in their own ways.  You are too.  You are just trying to handle everything...including chronic pain. 
 
If your husband doesn't have a job, is he pitching in and helping you with the house?  That would only seem fair.  Actually, if he did find a job quickly, you would have less stress so you would have less pain.  So, don't be so hard on yourself and so easy on your husband.
 
With fibro, you have to learn to pace yourself.  The work will get done but not in the time frame you want it done.  I only can do manual labor for a little bit and I always do it in the morning.  That is when I have the most energy.  I will sweep and mop the floors one day, dust and vacuum the next day, clean the bathrooms the third day, etc.  It all gets done eventually.  If hubby complains, hand him the vacuum.  He is capable of pushing it...probably better than you with the muscle pain you have.  But, I think you've got the picture.
 
Be sure to take some time for yourself.  I know it isn't easy having a baby on top of fibro, but many here have done it.  My children were 13, 10, and 9 years old when fibromyalgia struck.  I didn't have to deal with babies.  We just had a new member join us that has 10 children!  It's amazing what the human spirit can do when it needs to.
 
So, the bottom line is, you are not a burden to anyone.  You need to just pace yourself and not try to do all that you used to be able to do.  I hope this helps and I hope your husband finds a job soon.  I think that is taking a toll on you.
 
Sherrine
Forum Moderator/ Fibromyalgia
***********************
Fibromyalgia, Crohn's Disease, Ostomy, Diabetes, Autoimmune Inner Ear Disease, Osteoporosis
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.    2 Timothy 1:7


AustenFan
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 1771
   Posted 9/10/2008 11:56 AM (GMT -7)   
Tiki,
 
I so have days like that myself.  I feel like such a loser sometimes because I have trouble maintaining my home too.  Like Sherrine, I have learned to try to do just a little at a time: dust one day, sweep the next, do laundry another, etc.  It does take a while, and by the time you are finished, it's time to start again, but for at least one day every 1 to 1 1/2 weeks my whole house is clean! lol
 
As far as your son goes, as long as his basic needs are being met (and I'm sure they are) he really just needs your attention and not your activity.  If all you are up to is lying beside him and talking to him or reading to him, he will be just fine.  There were many days when I would put up the baby gate, lie on the sofa, and just let my daughter run around me. When your son is old enough, there are lots of games and activities that can be conducted from the sofa (a lawn chair in the yard works too)! :-)
 
Your husband and son both need you, not for what you can do, but for who you are.  Remember to be just as kind to yourself as you would be to someone else who is in this much pain.  And, if you need to cry, go right ahead. 
 
I'll keep the job search in my prayers. - Austen
"There is no charm equal to tenderness of  heart." - Jane Austen
 
 
Fibromyalgia, 2 back surgeries, Meniere's Disease, 30+ kidney stones, GERD, IBS, Asthma, Allergies, Endometriosis, Heart Arrythmia, Myofascial Pain, TMJ.
 
 
 
 
 
 


SassyIsMyKitty
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 223
   Posted 9/10/2008 1:18 PM (GMT -7)   

Thanks everyone for your replies. And thank you for your prayers, Austen. I suffer from OCD, and when my house is a mess, it drives me crazy. My husband does help, but not as much as I would like him to. He says he will do the dishes one day, and two days later, they still aren't done. He helps me out a lot with our baby. And I am really thankful for that.

Things are really hard. It's hard not to be tough on myself because I have low self-esteem. I always have. I feel like I need to be supermom, and I just can't. And it makes me really depressed. It bothers me that I just can't get even the simplest of tasks done without feel exhausted.

There are so many stressors in my life. I try not to focus on them because I know that more stress brings more pain. Sometimes, though, it all hits me at once, and I get really anxious, and I just want to get everything done. I want everything to just fall into place, and I know that it won't.

I really appreciate everyone's encouragement. It always helps to know that there are others out there to just listen.


May your heart be filled with love and joy.
May your mind be clear and true.
May your smiles be many,
And may your tears be few. 
May God wrap you in His arms
Especially when you're feeling blue.


jev
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 168
   Posted 9/10/2008 5:22 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Tiki! BTW.....love that member name of yours, TikiIsMyKitty!!!! What you are going through is common for fibro sufferers so please don't get so down on yourself. I know that is much easier said than done.....I've been there too! You have restrictions and boundaries to live within with fibro which are very hard to understand for non-sufferers, especially since most of us don't "look" sick! Please hang in there and try not to stress-out over too much.....stress is a great ally of fibro!

You mention the incredible exhaustion and fatigue....have you been formally diagnosed with fibro? While these two symptoms are present with fibro, they are much more a hallmark of cfs. Symptoms from both fibro and cfs mimic each other in numerous cases but pain seems to be more associated with fibro than the fatigue/exhaustion. This is not true in all cases, obviously, but just the trend of reported symptoms of the two.

Gentlest of hugs,
John
*****************
John (53)
*****************
Dx'd June 2008 with Fibromyalgia & CFS  possibly caused by chronic Epstein-Barr virus (many years of ongoing symptoms.....recently worsening)......also, previously dx'd sleep apnea, high blood pressure, hypothyroid, low testosterone, high cholesterol, heart arrythmia & headaches (all types)
 
*****************
Several meds too numerous to list or remember!


Meggie
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 408
   Posted 9/10/2008 5:43 PM (GMT -7)   
Tiki,
You don't need to be super mom. Your son just needs you and his dad. He doesn't care and wont even remember if the dishes or dusting doesn't get done. Give yourself a break, you deserve it. I know that is easier said than done if you are suffering from OCD but try. Look into your sons beautiful face and do it for him.

I found that if I take a lot of breaks while cleaning I can get more done than I can if I just push myself to keep moving. It took awhile to accept that I needed to do that but my house was staying cleaner and that helped. It's hard to accept the limitations but the sooner that we do the better.

I hope you feel better soon and remember we have all been where you are so we understand!

Meggie

SassyIsMyKitty
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 223
   Posted 9/10/2008 7:04 PM (GMT -7)   
I have so much pain that it just wears me down. I know that CFS and FMS have similar symptoms, but my doctor agrees that my symptoms are consistent with Fibro. I haven't been given a confirmed diagnosis, but the only thing we are waiting for to confirm is what the rheumatologist says. That is all we are really waiting on. He just wants a second opinion to make sure he hasn't missed something. Everything I have read about Fibro just says to me "This is me!" I am just trying to cope with it all. I know that my son doesn't care if the house is clean, but I do. And I care that it hurts me to hold my son, and to get down on the floor an play with him. I can't walk around with my son in my arms for too long before I am in so much pain I just want to collapse. I really appreciate all the encouragement that everyone on here has been giving me.
Any tips on how to cope with all of this is greatly appreciated.
~MDD, Fibromyalgia, OCD, Anxiety Disorders, IBS, TMJ, Arthritis~
 
May your heart be filled with love and joy.
May your mind be clear and true.
May your smiles be many,
And may your tears be few. 
May God wrap you in His arms
Especially when you're feeling blue.


Marlee2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 6067
   Posted 9/10/2008 7:47 PM (GMT -7)   
Tiki, listen carefully, I use to be you but without fibro at the time. The compulsive cleaning is OCD. I wasted so much of my life and my children's lives cleaning and cleaning. It took fibro to stop the compulsive cleaning and perfectionism. If I could live my life over I wouldn't be spending it cleaning house and being a perfectionist. I would be out with my children enjoying more of their lives. I can't go back and recapture all that wasted time but you can change, maybe with some help, but you can change it. You are putting so much stress on yourself, no one else is, you are. Houses are only picture perfect in magazines and TV, not in real life.
 
That is the only good thing that has come from me getting fibro, I'm learning to live life without being a perfectionist.
 
You said you could only carry your baby around for a short time, there are mothers out there that wish they could hold their babies in their arms for a little while. 
 
Your baby isn't keeping track of how long you can hold him, as long as your interacting with him and he is touching you in some way he will be happy and healthy.
 
Relax, it takes time to adjust and figure out how to live your new life with fibro but there are many young mothers on here doing it and they will help you.
 
luv and hugs
Marlee
Forum Moderator Fibromyalgia
 
Fibro,Sjogrens, Anxiety, Gastroparesis, IBS, Gastritis, Allergies, High Blood Pressure, Low Blood Sodium and Osteoarthritis
 
Amitriptyline, Celexa, Xanax, Synthroid, Zyrtec, Micardis, Spironalactone, Tylenol, Reglan, Lidoderm Patches and Tramadol
 
Co Q 10, Super B Complex, Extra B12, Multi vitamin


Sue2z
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 368
   Posted 9/10/2008 8:22 PM (GMT -7)   
I am having a bad day , Most of the time I feel totally hopeless and a burden also. I manage to keep the house presentable but I feel so bad and the family just goes on as normal  as if I dont exist. I also have no-one.  I have only my imed family the others Im not on speaking terms with.  They didnt understand, accused me of being out for attenttion.  Im having one of my bad days today where I just want to cry.  I feel so worthless all the time, you are not alone. cry cry cry    sue2z
Fibromyalgia, ulcerative colonitus, arthritus, bi-polar
norspan patch, valium, prothiedon, lyrica


SassyIsMyKitty
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 223
   Posted 9/10/2008 8:45 PM (GMT -7)   
It is always such a comfort to know that I am not alone, and that there are people out there who care. Not only that they care, but that they understand. Having someone to understand makes this battle seem more fightable. It makes me want to really try to move past this, learn how to cope, how to do what I can, and then not feel guilty for taking a break when I need to. I just want to thank you all so much. It is such a blessing to me that there are people I can talk to who really understand what I am going through. So thank you.
~MDD, Fibromyalgia, OCD, Anxiety Disorders, IBS, TMJ, Arthritis~
 
May your heart be filled with love and joy.
May your mind be clear and true.
May your smiles be many,
And may your tears be few. 
May God wrap you in His arms
Especially when you're feeling blue.

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