Thanks everyone for your replies. I got the laundry(well, most of it) last night. I feel completely wiped now. I feel like I have been run over and truck that backed over me after running over me once and then running back over me again. I feel like I have a lot on my plate. I just feel like I have to do everything. I mean, my hubby is great with helping with the baby, but he's not that great about helping out with housework, and I think I really need to have a talk with him about that.
All of this is just so hard to deal with. It's so hard. It really is. I mean, there is so much involved in keeping the house clean. I mean, it's picking up toys and doing the dishes everyday so they don't pile up, it's picking up clothes and putting them in the hamper where they belong. It's a lot of things. And I feel like I have just lost it all. What I mean by that is that I feel like I am just completely drained now. I am in a lot of pain, which makes me take more pain pills. But, right now I feel like I have gone way beyond my limit. All I want to do is have a day to myself where I can just rest and not have to worry about everything...not have to worry about housework or anything like that. *sighs* I feel so depressed that I am so limited now. I feel like I shouldn't have to go through with any of this until I am older. I am only 20.
I live in Indiana, and the weather changes like crazy around here. Going up and down the stairs in our building just seems like I am running a marathon...
Anyways. Sorry. I feel like I am writing a novel. Maybe I should work on the one that I am writing. I don't know. Anyways. I hope to here from you all again soon.
Thanks for all your support and advice.
I'm trying, but it is hard. I hate it when my house is a mess because then I feel really embarrassed when we have company. And it's not like it's hard to keep a house clean once it already is, it's just picking up after yourself instead of letting it all go until it's a big mess. I just wish my husband would be a little more helpful in that area. Today he seems to be doing better with it. I just hope it continues.
I did take a nap. I just woke up from it. It made me feel a little more human, but not much. Sometimes I really just feel like a burden to my husband. I think that is one of the reasons why I have been pushing myself way too hard.
My mom says, when I tell her I have been pushing myself to keep the house clean, "Good for you honey. That's what you've got to do. Just push past the pain and things will get done." I know she means well and everything, and sometimes you do have to push past the pain to get some things done, but if you push yourself too hard when you have Fibro, it usually tends to push back, and push back hard. Kind of like a hurricane or a tornado or something...
I'm sorry Tiki. Is there anyone you could have come over during the day and help you? Maybe take the baby out for a long walk or just play with the baby so you can get some stuff done?
Your Mom does care and in a way she is right. When I have a flare up, which I'm in one now, I feel like I just want to stop but I find by making myself keep the house clean, meals made, attend my girls sports, etc and that I CAN get it done and it is manageable if I keep moving. I keep telling myself that I can't die from what I have so there is no reason why I can't get up and get things done. I KNOW it is hard, boy oh boy is it hard, but by doing things a little at a time it all gets done.
Hang in there and don't be afraid to ask for help!!
The thing about my husband is that he was raised in poverty. And when we first met, his mom's entire house was TRASHED. Not because of him, but because of his oldest younger brother and his friends. They partied all the time and didn't give a darn about kepping the house clean. His mom works twelve hour days at a very tough job, and she was just too tired to clean. Bobby would do some cleaning, and the next day it would be trashed all over again, so he finally just gave up. He does help me clean, but it's like he waits days to do it. It just kind of irks me because it's not hard to keep a clean house clean. All you have to do is remember to pick up after yourself. He says he'll do something, then he like forgets or something, and then the next day he says he'll do it, and sometimes he does, but other times something else comes up.
He knows I need help, and he does try, but he takes his own sweet time doing it. Our son usually goes to bed pretty early at night, so it's not hard to get the quieter cleaning done while he is asleep. If you only have one day's worth of dishes, they can be done in like 15 mins.
I did get some rest today, thankfully. I actually got TWO naps in, which I am so thankful for because I haven't had any naps befoer today is like a week. Naps tend to help keep me going. *sigh* There are so many thoguhts and emotions and pain going through me right now that it is hard to keep my thoughts straight. Somedays, I just feel completely lost...
It's hard for me to not feel guilty when things don't get done. I am somewhat of a perfectionist, and when I see a bunch of stuff lying around, it drives me crazy. It's like the house won't get cleaned unless I do. My husband will do the dishes every now and then, but that is pretty much it...
The past few days I have been relaxing, and I feel guilty about it. I took care of my son more the other day, and when my husband got back home, I passed out from exhaustion for three or four hours.
I want my husband to get a job because I can't stand being poor. But I just don't know how I am going to handle it. I don't really have many people who can help me. My sister does, but she has to know at least a day or two in advance. My mom would help me, but she works really hard, and her husband is kind of a jackass. He loves my son, but for some reason he doesn't like it when my mom comes over to help me out.
I feel so alone. I feel like I have no one, and I feel like no one really cares about me. I know that they do, but I don't think they really believe how much pain I am in. The only person who can see it is my husband and that is because he knows me so well. People tell me all the time that I "don't look sick". My thought on that is that just because I don't look sick doesn't meant that I'm not.
Somedays I just want to get away from it all. I feel like such a burden on everyone. Not just because of the fibro, but also because I don't have a job and we have to ask our families for money. Our town here in Indiana isn't really hiring any jobs, or any jobs that would make a difference.
Anyways. I would like to keep talking, but I don't want to write a novel for you all.
It's hard to find good organizational things when you have no money. And, in my case, really no place to put them. Our apartment is small, and we are running out of room to put things and still keep the house at least fairly neat.
It's all just so tiring. And the more tired I am, the more pain I am in, which makes me depressed, which makes me have more pain and fatigue. It really is a vicious cycle. I know that I am not alone in my suffering, but most days it really feels like it.
I have been thinking about writing a book about fibro, or maybe just starting off small and making a website. I don't know. I love to be creative. I love to write. It's motivating myself to do it that is the problem, though. It's hard for me to get motivated to do much of anything. Everyday is a battle. I know you all understand.
I would love to get those cube things, and the little plastic toy boxes, but I have NO money. My husband is having a hard time finding a job, and I can't work because I am too limited by my Fibro.
I know I was going to say more, but I honestly can't remember what it was...so I will say goodbye for now.
My baby is 11 months old. His 1st b-day is coming up fast. He is a really busy boy, and getting really heavy. He was a preemie. He was two months early and weighed 3lbs 11oz. Now he is 17 1/2lbs. That is very heavy to me. I would be grateful to any of the mothers on here who raised children while suffering from Fibro.
My husband has been really looking for a job, but no place is hiring. Our town is kind of a dying town, though it didn't used to be. I live in "Stoplight City" or "The City of Firsts". LOL. A lot of people from one of the factories just got laid off, almost 600 people, I believe, so it is really hard to find a job here. Right now, he does odd jobs for people to make a little money, and that helps some. (BTW, what does DH mean? I have never heard of that one before, and I have heard of a lot.)