maybe you could see a therapist. Definitely take some time off and pamper yourself; and even when you want to, don't isolate yourself. I have struggled with depression for years and the thing that works best for me is to change my self talk. I find myself saying "Im depressed" and that makes me feel worse. Is there something you enjoy doing that you could take a break and do? In my pain management orientation they said that doing enjoyable activities helps the pain.
Hope you feel better.
Hi Tiki and I don't think I have welcomed you- so welcome!
The site has been so busy lately, having a hard time keeping up with everything!
I was in your shoes just 6 months ago and I was making it only 1 min. or 3 min. at a time. It is a horrible place to be in. In fact, there are no words for it. I started Zoloft and SLOWLY my 1 min. turned into 5 min. then a half an hour and a half day and than a whole day and now it's like night and day. I would talk to a couple friends or family just a little on the phone, come to this site and read, read, read. I could read magazines, and watch TV and that was about it. I was not functioning.
I know it gets tough, I was used to living a certain way for 52 years and than I got fibro. It changes everything! From how we do our housework, shopping, grooming, working, just living! With reading books on FM, reading for hours and hours at this site and joining this group, I am learning to live again and I am happy. Yes. Happy.
You are not worthless and useless. You can still get things done, it just takes longer. Lots of very wise moderators and group members that can help you Tiki, hang in there, you are not alone and we care! GamJill
Tiki, You're not alone. And I know exactly how you feel. A few months ago I broke so to speak and started crying...and literally could not stop. It was bizarre because I normally do not cry easily...Anyhow. I had reached my breaking point and I broke. I think I cried for 8 hours straight or some wild amount of time and almost all night. I sobbed, wailed and screamed. No one could console me... I thought I had gone totally mad. It was everything coming out at once. I was angry and mad at myself for being a "burden" (conjured this up in my head) I was upset at family members for not understanding me...just an accumulation of too much going on in my life and way too much stress. It was awful. Stress triggered it and I flaring and giving up and in...I have always been a fairly strong person emotionally but I "broke"... And that was possibly the most healing thing that has EVER happened to me...I let it all out and after I had passed out from exhaustion I woke up and even though my eyes were swollen shut from all of the tears I felt so much better. My family understood to back off a bit (too much overwhelms me) and my life improved. I think it frightened them a whole bunch,too. Scared me. Everyone has their own breaking point and their own way of getting past it and it is ok to break. It will happen eventually to all of us and even to me again I'm sure. Some might need therapy. Others might need something else. My crying fit helped me. ( it was my way of healing I guess) Please find your way of getting through it and once you do it will pass. And things will be a bit brighter. It is ok to break as long as you have help dealing with it. Please talk to someone. And you will be ok. We're all going to be ok.
I feel so much like you. Everything you have said , the worthlesness, tiredness, holding on second by second quite literally. Sometimes you have to break down, your body needs to. Aslo make sure you are treating the pain as welll as depression. I have done both but still spend most of my time feeling like you but every so often I feel better and I try hang onto that, but the truth is I dont manage and I will never manage, I think of the future all the time. I just do the basics, the house is clean and the family just go on as if im not there but I try not take it personally. Just do your best and dont blame yourself or feel guilty. I feel worthless but not guiltly because this was not my fault. I truly understand and have been waitng for a posting like this so I knew it wasnt just me. all the best. sue2z
My husband understands, but somehow, I always feel like he is trying to manipulate me into feeling sorry for him. He has had back problems mosts of his life, and he doesn't have insurance. He told me the other night that he is in pain and tired everyday too, but he pushes through it, and that is what I need to do too. He told me it would take time, but the whole time we were talking, I felt like he was trying to get me to feel sorry for him, when he was supposed to be comforting me. I don't know. Maybe I am paranoid.
Everyone on here has given really good advice, and I really appreciate it. I don't feel so alone when I read the posts on this board. A lot of thoughts are rushing through my head right now, so I am going to go before I start rambling incoherently.
Marlee,You are such a wonderful inspiration. I know you and others on here are right about the thought process and focusing on everything good instead of everything bad, but sometimes it is hard. I have had a hard time thinking positively most of my life. But your story is such an inspiration. So, thank you.
Sue2z,I would love to exchange e-mail addys with you. I think mine is posted on my profile, but I will double-check. You are more than welcome to e-mail me anytime. I love getting new e-pals.
I went through the same thing with my husband. He made me feel bad for not doing the things he thought I should be. Things got so bad between us . I checked out emotionally with him. I knew that he loved me but he just didn't get it, I felt so alone. This forum helped me feel so much better and I have accepted my limitations. It helps so much to have someone to talk to. My husband noticed this difference in me and asked me why. I told him, I have people who understand, I don't feel so alone. This seemed to get his attention and he started doing some research on his own. Then one day when I was leaving work, I found a card in my car, it was from my husband. He wrote a note in the card. It was very touching and made me cry. He admitted that he had not been there for me and he knew that it was wrong. He apologized for his behavior. He did write that he was having a very hard time seeing me in so much pain and not be able to fix it, he just didn't no how to behave. The best thing he wrote was that he was ready to be a better husband. This was two weeks ago and things are so much better so don't give up on your husband, maybe he just needs to find his way. This horrible illness affects everyone in the family and they all need to adjust. Unfortunately it's not an easy adjustment for any of them.
Everyone is right, stay positive.
Marlee, I am so sorry to hear about your grandson. I can't even image such a loss .
Mamakitty,I really was a go-getter when I was healthier, and I still want to be. I loved to run around and do silly things, I loved to get things done, and whenever I was stressed, I would clean. Now when I am stressed, I try to clean, but I just can't get it done the way I want to because I am more limited now. It really sucks. It's nice to know that I am not alone in this. I mean, I feel so alone sometimes, but it is nice to know, it is comforting to know, that there are other people out there who are going through exactly what I am.
Donnaeil,I was in physical therapy for a while, but I really didn't enjoy it. I did pool therapy, and I love to swim, but it wasn't like that. I felt worse instead of better after each session.If I had a membership to the YMCA, I would go swimming, or I might try to play a little racketball. But I can't afford it. I wish I could. The woman's locker room has a hot tub. I love hot tubs.You say that I need the light, but, most often, being outside in the light gives me a really bad headache. I used to love to go to the park and do the little trail that they have there. Now I can't even do that. I have always loved to hike, and I love Turkey Run State Park, but I just can't handle the hiking anymore. It is really depressing that I can't do the things that I love to do. I always feel really at ease when I am out in a park, I feel so stress-free. I don't know what to do.Whenever I go to the doctor and they ask me if I exercise, I tell them taking care of my son is my exercise. LOL