I figured I would provide an update. I havent been on much lately, I have been busy with school and stuff. So..here goes.
I started taking Paxil 6 weeks ago. I felt better after just 2 weeks, but I feel even more better now. I get so excited over every little thing because it feels SO new to me now! I feel more like me, like I used to...(a long time ago!) I have had a few downs, Im having trouble (still) comming to terms with the fibro thing. Its harder now because since I do feel better, happy, I want to do more things, but have realized that I cant. I realized that even carrying certain things, playing outside, still hurts. One thing in particular:
Some of you know I love dirt-bikes! I would totally race if I had a good one to do so. But, I dont have one. My brother got one, and my neighbor, and so everyone around me has something to ride. So, Im feeling left out a bit. But, the thing is, I have such a burning passion for riding. I am in no way scared or anything. Im crazy actually! Haha, not to mention, I have more skill them all of them put together!
But, the other day I realized that it feels like the only thing I have left. Like, I had to quit playing sports because it hurt to much, I had to quit skating, playing basketball, volleyball, or tennis. I do these things occasionally, but its not the same. Riding comes so much more easier for me. I can still go fast and fly through the air. I can have fun. And my fibro doesnt slow me down. So, I have been really bummed that I dont have anything to ride.
But, my bum-ness hasnt been to bad. The other day I wanted to be mad and depressed and it was like this huge shield in my head saying NO! You cant be down anymore! haha Im loving it. I went to a party last weekend, and then spent the night at my brothers. I rarely spend the night with people. I get nervous and stuff. And I rarely go out, but I did. And I made plans for this weekend, something I havent ever really done before. I feel really good about doing things. And I feel more confident in myself. I get upset or sad about things, but its more normal like everyone has every now and then, ya know! So, Im so SO glad and I am praying that it lasts this time. I havent felt this good in such a VERY long time. Im bouncing off of walls again, being funny, being ME. I feel like I fell in a hole and landed on a rollercoaster a year and a half ago, but now I feel like the ride is over and I am stepping off a new person with a different view of things.
Wow, I just realized how this sounds, so corny! But hey, I cant help it! Well...I also kind of have a crush now also so... I have done a lot of searching for myself and even though I know this wont last, its been a long time since I had a crush on someone.
Anyways, just thought I owed you all an update. Wanted to let ya know I hadnt disappeared off of Earth!
"Healing is an energy phenomenon. Hope is another
word for Healing.
"Cracks in the concrete are just reminders that you fall apart
no matter how strong you are"
"Sometimes it is best to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve"
"Im going to
smile like nothing is wrong, talk like everything is perfect, act like its all a dream, and pretend its not hurting me."