Nice huggg first ((((())))))
You had to have known that this was going to be a HUGE adjustment for all of you. I feel so bad that she is making you feel all of this terrible stress and anxiety...it certainly isnt doing you any good that's for sure!! You need to remember..ooops...did I say that right? that your mom is adjusting to having a child return home. I am going through that too, and my son is driving me around the bend!! I bet if he were on here right now...he would have a very long post about me too The upside to this at the moment is....you are not afraid to stay firm with her.....not let her guilt you into eating..or whatever....but as a nurse..I see were you are coming from.
Is it possible you can copy past the Spoon Theory for her to read?? Or even the Fibro 101? She needs to learn very quickly and very soon, just what this illness is all about. She needs to read or hear from someone that the way she is handling your moving back home..is going to make you so much sicker..or..seeing as she feels "you dont look sick" can she not see your pain?
I am so glad you are venting, and I am pretty sure lots of your friends here will come along with better advice that what I gave you..just know you are not alone, and you WILL get through this adjustment period.
Kelly, I'm just guessing here but it sounds like your Mom is a controlling person. She likes to have a "handle" on everything. BUT, she has no control over your illness. This is probably driving her batty, too. She knows, deep down, that you don't feel well but feels helpless in helping you. She can help others but she can't help her own daughter. Believe me, they would NOT have come to get you if they thought you were just being lazy.
I have a daughter that is nearly 31 years old and she still, basically, lives with me. I say basically because she does own a home but only stays there on the weekends. She is with me all week in the evenings after work and to sleep. It's her choice. She is constantly on the go but, at one time, I barely could get her out of bed and that drove me crazy. (This was before she bought her home.) She was wasting her life and not making an effort, in my estimation, so I bugged her about it and I, too, was going around slamming cupboard, mumbling, etc. She finally got on a schedule and is enjoying life. (Keep in mind, I had fibro at the time, too.)
Now, you should not be in bed all day...even if you are not sleeping. You need to be up and moving or you will be stiffer and in more pain. I know you've heard me say this before. You see, you are not helping yourself. You need to do things that will help you help yourself so you can move on with your life. They are giving you the opportunity to get back on your feet and still have a roof over your head but they don't see any evidence of your trying. See what I mean? You should get up and maybe help your Mom fix breakfast. Start a conversation about anything but illnesses. Then you could put the dishes in the dishwasher for her. You could help a little around the house. Just dumb little stuff would help and help diffuse this situation.
I remember your saying that you are not on any schedule. You would stay up late at night and sleep in, etc. Am I correct on that? You have mentioned that you have lived a long time on your own and you do pretty much what you want. But, the situation has changed so you need to adapt to this new situation. Yes...you have to adapt. They opened their home to you to help you so now you have to adapt. It's like they are doing their part. I know this friction isn't helping but I think things will get better.
You are angry and upset about this whole situation and I don't blame you. You don't want to be living at home. But, you are taking some of it out on your parents, I think. And, your parents want to help you but don't think you are helping yourself so they are frustrated and angry, too, and are taking it out on you. And, fibromyalgia is sitting smack in the middle of this situation and causing a lot of the problems. All this anger will make your pain worse, your situation worse and raise your parents' blood pressure, as well as your own. Try to step back and see what is going on.
I'm going to suggest something here. First, print out a little material off the forum...like the letter from fibromyalgia. Sit down with your parents and try, AGAIN, to explain the pain and fatigue you are in at the time. Do it calmly with no animosity. If your Mom gets testy just take a deep breath and let her know you are trying to explain this so a plan for the future can be made. Then all of you can try to figure out a plan of attack to help get you back on your feet and independent again. Your part would be to get a good doctor and something that will help you manage your pain so you can work again. Obviously what you are taking isn't helping you any. Maybe your parents will have some ideas about possible work you can handle once you get feeling better. Also, you could get up and help a little, if you aren't already. I'm not saying all day long but you could help with meals. You might even learn how to cook a little! You have no idea how it would make your parents feel if you got up one morning and fixed breakfast for them! I know you can do that much and you can load a dishwasher, too. As you get stronger and get a grip on the pain issue you can start to actively look for a career you can handle. You might even luck out and find something where you work from home.
The bottom line is you want this stay to be as temporary as humanly possible. Once you get independent again I think everyone will get along much better. And, when things get on your nerves, remember when you were back in California, in tears, trying to get to their house. They came through for you so please have patience with them. They have probably lived by themselves for a while and have a set routine and now everything has changed for them too. I really believe that things will get better once everyone starts to understand each other's feelings.
Post Edited (Sherrine) : 10/26/2008 2:54:28 PM (GMT-6)
Dear Kelly:I was in a similar position as you are now in 2005. I was very sick, with Fobro, so as not able to move about, very well. Also, so depressed I was a zombie. Originally. I'd been summonded to parent's place in Fla. becaused they needed help, "my mother had pneumonia and her husband was also ill. I had gour months laid uo in bed brcause I was hit by a truck. i aske dny doctor and she said it would be OK.
After staying in a motel for about six months I was completely broke ans suggested I stay at their apt. Well, third wheel or what. Firstly, i had to chase their big, wet dog off the sofa. then I discovered I couldn't sleep on it anyway it was too short, too small. Then I got an airmatress and took to sleeping on the floor. Except my mother roams at night and gets up at 2 AM to cook. Well, that wasn't working at all. So I found a friend who had a trailer parled on his property, and as rum down as it was, it was home for a awhile. After a month, I ran into my mother at the arena and got cgewed out about ny not habing left a working tel. no. on case they needed me/
This all sounds pretty normal to me under the circumstances! It's "hard" to be an adult and live with your mom and dad. One day at a time and with baby steps you'll become independent again. We're here for you.