Help! My mother is driving me crazy!

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

kelly71
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 726
   Posted 10/26/2008 1:56 PM (GMT -7)   
OK, as most of you know, I've just moved back in with my parents because of the fibro and money issues.  BTW-to all the newbies, I apologize for not greeting you individually.  I've been so busy with the move and getting all my medical stuff straightened out, I usually only have a few minutes to jump online and post for the Daily Check-In.  Anyway, my dad hasn't really been bothering me.  He does his own thing and leaves me alone.  I do get those looks that I know are screaming, "why aren't you working?" and of course, the oldie but goodie, "you don't look sick." eyes
 
But, really, it's my mom who is driving me insane.  I can't go anywhere without her asking where I'm going, etc.  Can't I just go to Walgreens and buy some tampons without all the questions?  I've lived alone so long, I didn't realize how quiet I am when I'm feeling bad.  LOL-yes, I actually can be quiet.  So, my mom is constantly asking me, "what's wrong?"  If I'm staying in my room all day, she keeps coming in and making sarcastic remarks about me staying in my room all day.  OMG-she is also one of those people who will mumble under her breath just loud enough so you can still hear it!  That is so annoying!  Just tell me to my face!  And she is literally slamming things around the house and bi****** about everything.  I even asked her if she ever said anything positive about anything.  She didn't reply to my question.
 
Anyway, today I was just feeling bad, so I told her that I wasn't hungry this AM.  Apparently, she feels that I have to eat at certain times of the day.  So, an hour later, she comes barging in and tells me that breakfast is ready.  I told her again that I wasn't hungry.  Instead of just saying, "OK," she walks out in a big huff and mumbles, "well you can't stay in bed all day."  If she would just say that to my face, I would remind her that there isn't any other furniture in my room except a bed.  It's not like I was sleeping, God forbid!
 
Finally, about an hour ago, she comes in and asks me what is wrong.  I told her that I just don't feel good, and she flips out and says I'm acting "weird," and they (the doctors) better hurry up and "fix" me.  BTW-for those of you that don't know me, my mom has been a nurse for over 40 years.  She worked in Hospice for nearly 20 years, and now she is the head night nurse working with palliative care patients.  So, why can't she realize that her daughter is sick and in horrible pain?  LOL-that's not a rhetorical question, BTW.  And why does she think I'm acting weird because I'm not talking to her?  LOL, OK, I know you probably think that is weird-me not talking.  Anyway, I finally just told her to leave me alone.  I know-very mature of me, right?  She stomped out of the room mumbling something about me "staying in bed all day."  She finally left me alone in the house, so I got on the computer while I don't have someone lurking over my shoulder.
 
OK, thanks for letting me vent.  And, I know what some of you are thinking.  Believe me, I love both of my parents, and I'm eternally thankful that they are helping me out right now.  I just want them to communicate with me.  It's hard to not be defensive when someone starts yelling at you or has an attitude.  I told my mom that if she comes at me in a calm way, then I will be calm, too.  She has this angry energy that you can't help but pick up.  It's a really bad vibe.  Honestly, I wish she would tell me why she's so p****d off all the time.  The mumbling under her breath thing is toxic to everyone around her. 
 
Alright, I actually feel a little better now.  I just needed to get that out.  It's really frustrating and humiliating being 36 years old and having to live with your parents.  I really hope things get better, soon.  I've only been home for 9 days.  The one good thing out of all this is that I haven't smoked.  LOL-that's a miracle! 
 
Thanks for listening. sad
FINALLY dxd on 06/13/08
Vicodin, Neurontin, Ibuprofen for pain-which doesn't help, BTW
Zoloft & methadone (NOT for pain) for sanity-which doesn't help, BTW
Klonopin for anxiety (Guess what?  Doesn't help!)
Chantix to try to quit smoking (started 08/20/08)
 
"I'll take the Chivas instead"
-Kelly Clarkson


ericsmom
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 1042
   Posted 10/26/2008 2:21 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Kelly

Nice huggg first ((((())))))

You had to have known that this was going to be a HUGE adjustment for all of you.  I feel so bad that she is making you feel all of this terrible stress and anxiety...it certainly isnt doing you any good that's for sure!! You need to remember..ooops...did I say that right? tongue that your mom is adjusting to having a child return home.  I am going through that too, and my son is driving me around the bend!!  I bet if he were on here right now...he would have a very long post about me too rolleyes   The upside to this at the moment is....you are not afraid to stay firm with her.....not let her guilt you into eating..or whatever....but as a nurse..I see were you are coming from.

Is it possible you can copy past the Spoon Theory for her to read??  Or even the Fibro 101?  She needs to learn very quickly and very soon, just what this illness is all about.  She needs to read or hear from someone that the way she is handling your moving back home..is going to make you so much sicker..or..seeing as she feels "you dont look sick" can she not see your pain?

I am so glad you are venting, and I am pretty sure lots of your friends here will come along with better advice that what I gave you..just know you are not alone, and you WILL get through this adjustment period.

Warm hugs

Diane

 


Fibromyagia, R/A, Diabetes, Atrial Fib, depression

folic acid, metformin, diamicron, bisoprolol, fenofibrate, pantoloc, wellbutrin, propafenone, ibprofen, warfarin, methotrexate


Some people dream of angels, I held one in my arms


Sherrine
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 15617
   Posted 10/26/2008 2:51 PM (GMT -7)   

Kelly, I'm just guessing here but it sounds like your Mom is a controlling person.  She likes to have a "handle" on everything.  BUT, she has no control over your illness.  This is probably driving her batty, too.  She knows, deep down, that you don't feel well but feels helpless in helping you.  She can help others but she can't help her own daughter.  Believe me, they would NOT have come to get you if they thought you were just being lazy.

I have a daughter that is nearly 31 years old and she still, basically, lives with me.  I say basically because she does own a home but only stays there on the weekends.  She is with me all week in the evenings after work and to sleep.  It's her choice. She is constantly on the go but, at one time, I barely could get her out of bed and that drove me crazy.  (This was before she bought her home.)  She was wasting her life and not making an effort, in my estimation, so I bugged her about it and I, too, was going around slamming cupboard, mumbling, etc.  She finally got on a schedule and is enjoying life.  (Keep in mind, I had fibro at the time, too.)

Now, you should not be in bed all day...even if you are not sleeping.  You need to be up and moving or you will be stiffer and in more pain.  I know you've heard me say this before.  You see, you are not helping yourself.  You need to do things that will help you help yourself so you can move on with your life.  They are giving you the opportunity to get back on your feet and still have a roof over your head but they don't see any evidence of your trying.  See what I mean?  You should get up and maybe help your Mom fix breakfast.  Start a conversation about anything but illnesses.  Then you could put the dishes in the dishwasher for her.  You could help a little around the house.  Just dumb little stuff would help and help diffuse this situation.

I remember  your saying that you are not on any schedule.  You would stay up late at night and sleep in, etc.  Am I correct on that?  You have mentioned that you have lived a long time on your own and you do pretty much what you want.  But, the situation has changed so  you need to adapt to this new situation.  Yes...you have to adapt.  They opened their home to you to help you so now you have to adapt.  It's like they are doing their part.  I know this friction isn't helping but I think things will get better. 

You are angry and upset about this whole situation and I don't blame you.  You don't want to be living at home.  But, you are taking some of it out on your parents, I think.  And, your parents want to help  you but don't think  you are helping yourself so they are frustrated and angry, too, and are taking it out on you.  And, fibromyalgia is sitting smack in the middle of this situation and causing a lot of the problems.  All this anger will make  your pain worse, your situation worse and raise your parents' blood pressure, as well as your own.  Try to step back and see what is going on.

I'm going to suggest something here.  First, print out a little material off the forum...like the letter from fibromyalgia.  Sit down with  your parents and try, AGAIN, to explain the pain and fatigue  you are in at the time. Do it calmly with no animosity. If your Mom gets testy just take a deep breath and let her know you are trying to explain this so a plan for the future can be made. Then all of you can try to figure out a plan of attack to help get you back on your feet and independent again.  Your part would be to get a good doctor and something that will help you manage your pain so you can work again.  Obviously what you are taking isn't helping you any.  Maybe your parents will have some ideas about possible work you can handle once you get feeling better.  Also, you could get up and help a little, if you aren't already.  I'm not saying all day long but you could help with meals.  You might even learn how to cook a little!   smilewinkgrin  You have no idea how it would make your parents feel if you got up one morning and fixed breakfast for them!  I know you can do that much and  you can load a dishwasher, too.  As you get stronger and get a grip on the pain issue you can start to actively look for a career  you can handle.  You might even luck out and find something where you work from home.

The bottom line is you want this stay to be as temporary as humanly possible.  Once you get independent again I think everyone will get along much better.  And, when things get on your nerves, remember when you were back in California, in tears, trying to get to their house.  They came through for you so please have patience with them.  They have probably lived by themselves for a while and have a set routine and now everything has changed for them too.  I really believe that things will get better once everyone starts to understand each other's feelings.  

Sherrine   



Forum Moderator/ Fibromyalgia
***********************
Fibromyalgia, Crohn's Disease, Ostomy, Diabetes, Autoimmune Inner Ear Disease, Osteoporosis
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.    2 Timothy 1:7

Post Edited (Sherrine) : 10/26/2008 2:54:28 PM (GMT-6)


tyno3
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1081
   Posted 10/26/2008 5:36 PM (GMT -7)   

Dear Kelly:I was in a similar position as you are now in 2005. I was very sick, with Fobro, so as not able to move about, very well. Also, so depressed I was a zombie. Originally. I'd been summonded to parent's place in Fla. becaused they needed help, "my mother had pneumonia and her husband was also ill. I had gour months laid uo in bed brcause I was hit by a truck. i aske dny doctor and she said it would be OK.

After staying in a motel for about six months I was completely broke ans suggested I stay at their apt. Well, third wheel or what. Firstly, i had to chase their big, wet dog off the sofa. then I discovered I couldn't sleep on it anyway it was too short, too small. Then I got an airmatress and took to sleeping on the floor. Except my mother roams at night and gets up at 2 AM to cook. Well, that wasn't working at all. So I found a friend who had a trailer parled on his property, and as rum down as it was, it was home for a awhile. After a month, I ran into my mother at the arena and got cgewed out about ny not habing left a working tel. no. on case they needed me/


kelly71
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 726
   Posted 10/27/2008 12:47 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks everyone for your replies.  I do feel like I need to clarify a few things.  First of all, I was very upset when I posted yesterday.  Maybe I did come off as a spoiled brat, but I came here to vent-as we all need to do from time to time.  I wasn't actually "in bed all day."  I just needed some space.  I have lived alone for 15 years, so living with anyone takes some time to get adjusted to.  Also, I really do a lot of things around the house to help out.  I do the dishes and laundry.  I even cook, even though it hurts terribly to stand at the stove for any length of time.
 
I do understand that my mom is doing everything because she loves me.  I just need better communication from her.  I tell her what I need or don't need, and instead of her doing the same, she makes rude comments.  I'm sure it's hard having me back in the house, but my parents let my sister live rent free until she was 34-and she didn't do anything to help out. 
 
Anyway, today is a better day.  I'm sure everyone needs his/her own space once in awhile.  And, I know y'all understand that sometimes you've just gotta vent.  So, that's what I did.  LOL-I'm sure I'll do it again.  Thanks for listening. :-)
FINALLY dxd on 06/13/08
Vicodin, Neurontin, Ibuprofen for pain-which doesn't help, BTW
Zoloft & methadone (NOT for pain) for sanity-which doesn't help, BTW
Klonopin for anxiety (Guess what?  Doesn't help!)
Chantix to try to quit smoking (started 08/20/08)
 
"I'll take the Chivas instead"
-Kelly Clarkson


Sherrine
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 15617
   Posted 10/27/2008 2:26 PM (GMT -7)   
Kelly, I hope I didn't offend  you.  I don't think you are a "spoiled brat" but someone who is trying to deal with and learn how to live with pain.  I was just trying to help.  You did say that "If I'm staying in my room all day, she keeps coming in and making sarcastic remarks about me staying in my room all day."  I thought that's what you were doing and I tried to help from that point.  Sorry!
 
I'm sorry that your Mom makes rude remarks to  you.  That isn't fair.  That's one reason I suggested printing some stuff out and try, again, to explain how you feel.  I know it can be like beating a dead horse, but you could give it another try.  It might help the situation.
 
It's difficult to live with parents when you are an adult.  I even had problems visiting my parents for a week!  You do want to get independent as soon as possible.  I hope you can find a way to afford the herbal meds daily so that you are feeling better. 
 
Sherrine 
Forum Moderator/ Fibromyalgia
***********************
Fibromyalgia, Crohn's Disease, Ostomy, Diabetes, Autoimmune Inner Ear Disease, Osteoporosis
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.    2 Timothy 1:7


GamJill
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 1279
   Posted 10/28/2008 7:37 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Kelly-

This all sounds pretty normal to me under the circumstances! It's "hard" to be an adult and live with your mom and dad. One day at a time and with baby steps you'll become independent again. We're here for you.  :-)  

GamJill 


 
 
Fibromyalgia, Depression, Anxiety, TMJ, Arthritis/neck, SAD
 
Zoloft, Tylenol 4000 mg., Darvocet  

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Monday, December 22, 2014 3:01 AM (GMT -7)
There are a total of 2,302,055 posts in 255,599 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 159855 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, CristaC346.
184 Guest(s), 7 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
Chauffer, THE HAPPY TURTLE, crazyhazeynut, FlossieUK, SuperBlanks, basimelhabashy, Steve n Dallas


Follow HealingWell.com on Facebook  Follow HealingWell.com on Twitter  Follow HealingWell.com on Pinterest  Follow HealingWell.com on YouTube
Advertisement
Advertisement

©1996-2014 HealingWell.com LLC  All rights reserved.

Advertise | Privacy Policy & Disclaimer