I think my mother resents my fibro...

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

Kythe
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 261
   Posted 10/26/2008 8:28 PM (GMT -7)   
Ok first off here's a little bit of background info about my living situation. I'm 24 years old and I live with my mother and my two younger sisters. I'm not currently working, though I would like to find something part time, but unfortunately with the job market the way it is, there just isn't anything available that I'm capable of doing. I have registered with an agency that is supposed to help disabled people get jobs. They said they would pay for me to get psychological and career aptitude testing, but it's taking forever for them to actually get me in the system.

Now I guess I'll get into what's bothering me. The argument with my mother started with something we've discussed many times before and I just can't understand why she keeps bringing it up. She was complaining about how I sleep on the couch when I have a perfectly good bedroom to sleep in. Now there are couple of reasons why I sleep on the couch and have done so for years. Reason number one is that I have a crappy mattress that is very painful for me to sleep on. My mother has offered to buy me a new mattress on various occasions but I've always declined because it would be a waste of money. That's where the second reason I can't sleep in my bedroom comes in. Climate control doesn't seem to work very well on the 2nd floor of the house. Most of the year it is way too hot upstairs for me to tolerate, I just can't sleep when I'm feeling too hot. The downstairs could be really chilly from the A/C but it would still be too hot upstairs. I've tried fans but a lot of the time they don't do a good job of keeping things cool and then the noise from the fan keeps me up. So getting a better mattress would be pointless if I couldn't even sleep on it most of the time due to temperature issues on the 2nd floor of the house. I reminded my mother of these facts as I have countless times before. I asked her why she couldn't get it into her head that I had temperature issues. I mean this is a problem I've suffered from for over a decade and she still doesn't get it.

She brought up the fact that there are medications for fibro. I had to explain to her(as I have several times before) that there is no medication that can treat my environmental sensitivies(light, sound, smell, and temperature), that the medications only help with the pain. I reminded her that I even asked my rheumatologist on my first appointment if there was any way to treat these sensitivities and he told me that all I could do was try to avoid them and take whatever measures I had to in order to make myself comfortable.

Then she complains about the fact that I won't try any of the medications for the pain. Now many of the medications that they prescribe for fibro I've been on in the past for psychiatric reasons. She knows as well as I do, that from past experience I don't tolerate medications very well. They either don't work or they give me side effects that are worse than the pain. Most of them make me too drowsy to function. She argues that it doesn't matter because all I do is lie around the house all day. It is true that most days I don't do much, but if I started taking any medication that caused drowsy side effects, then my chances of ever getting a job would be completely shot. I wouldn't be able to drive, and if I was able to somehow get other transportation to a job, I'd be too tired to even focus on work anyway. Then there's also the fact that some days of the week I do things that she'd normally have to leave her job in the middle of the day to do. At least twice a week I drive one of my sister's to the train station so she can take her college classes in the city. I also do about half of the grocery shopping(which I usually regret doing because I end up feeling so sick afterward). I pointed out to my mother that if I go on pain meds than these few things that I do to help her out I wouldn't be able to do any more because I can't drive on those meds. She just can't have it both ways.

BTW I do have herbal remedies that I'll take when I'm in severe pain that seem to work pretty well without side effects. In a perfect world I'd take them everyday to control my pain, but unfortunately I can't afford it so I make my supplies stretch out as long as possible buy only treating my pain when I'm in absolute agony.

A part of me knows that she means well, but it just frustrates me to no end when she constantly suggests the same courses of action over and over again even though I know(and she should know) that from past experience these things are not going to work. I think she won't be satisfied that medication isn't the right choice for me until I try every single drug out there. I've just been on so many meds in my life and I'm so sick of putting my body through hell with each one I try. I just don't want to do it anymore and I don't know why she can't understand that. She says I'm in a self defeating cycle and it's getting very difficult for her to deal with. Well she's right, it's a catch 22 situation but it's not one I choose. It's not my fault that I'm sick with this fibro and can't function like a normal person. And it's not my fault that medications only seem to make things worse. She said something along the lines that my catch 22 was dragging the whole family down. As if I didn't already feel guilty enough for not being able to financially contribute to the family, but then she has to remind me what a burden I am.

Anyway I'm not exactly sure why I posted all of this. I know I'm not the first one here to have strained family relations due to fibro. I guess I just needed to get all of this off my chest and I do feel a bit better now that I've vented. So thanks for reading and bearing with me and I'm sorry if my rant bored the hell out of you.
~Kythe
____________


Allergies, Asthma, Anxiety, Depression, IBS, PCOS, Fibromyalgia


ivy6
Elite Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 10404
   Posted 10/26/2008 10:36 PM (GMT -7)   
(((Kythe))) I've nothing to say, no insights to share; I just wanted to say I'm sorry.

Hang in there.

Ivy.
Co-Moderator Crohn's Forum.


Sera Smiles
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 671
   Posted 10/27/2008 12:42 AM (GMT -7)   
Kythe- I'm sorry you are having a tough time with FM and your family. It sounds as if the argument you two keep having doesn't really have much to do with FM at all. Only the two of you know what the origin of this trouble is. I understand you have been on lots of meds in the past, and have had side effects. I am wondering if you may not be letting this refusal to manage your pain keep you from being stronger and able to do more. about your herbal supplements that you only take when you are in 'absolute agony'- FM is not an endurance test. It is much harder to stop pain when it gets to 'agony', you are not doing yourself any favors by not being responsible about your pain management. Your mom sounds like is so very concerned and cares about you a great deal- she sounds like she is trying to get through to you. Consider calling that job agency and get the ball rolling on getting to work. Doing something with your time and making some money so you can pay for your meds will make a world of difference for you. Hang in there, keep your chin up, and think about what you want for your future. Keep us posted on your progress- we care. Peace!
 


kelly71
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 726
   Posted 10/27/2008 6:18 AM (GMT -7)   

Kythe,

Do we have the same mother? confused   LOL-I think it's strange that we both posted about our moms on the same day.  Anyway, I so understand what you are going through.  And, I totally know what you mean about sleeping on the couch.  For me, it was the only way I could get halfway comfortable, and since moving back in with my parents, I'm "sleeping" in a bed that makes me feel even worse than usual.  My mom doesn't understand that just because it's morning, it means that I've slept all night.  Actually, I slept about 3 hours last night (and that's good for me) broken up into 30 minute naps. sad

"Luckily" for me, I don't have a problem taking meds, but I still don't get a lot of pain relief from them.  I used to think that I was undermedicated, but now I just think I'm OVERstressed.  I didn't realize how tense I always am-because I am constantly stressed out about my parents and their sarcastic remarks (just from my mom, so far).  Normally, I am a very open and honest person, but my mom has me feeling all closed up.  I don't know how many different ways I can tell her that I don't feel well.  LOL-I knew I should have learned more Spanish when I lived in CA! wink

Anyway, if you need someone to talk to about this (and trust me, I could always use someone to talk to), feel free to email me.  I think that our mothers should get together, too! smilewinkgrin


FINALLY dxd on 06/13/08
Vicodin, Neurontin, Ibuprofen for pain-which doesn't help, BTW
Zoloft & methadone (NOT for pain) for sanity-which doesn't help, BTW
Klonopin for anxiety (Guess what?  Doesn't help!)
Chantix to try to quit smoking (started 08/20/08)
 
"I'll take the Chivas instead"
-Kelly Clarkson


Marlee2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 6067
   Posted 10/27/2008 6:47 AM (GMT -7)   
That's why we vent on here to feel better. turn I couldn't imagine living with my mother as an adult, we were like oil and water when I was a teen.
 
I have had people ask why I'm not on lyrica, like it is a miracle drug and if you take it you will be normal. Gee if that was the case I would have been first in line for it when it came out. The commercials for lyrica don't go into all the other aspects of fibro so people think it's a cure for fibro.
 
Perhaps if your mother came on here she would understand fibro better. Education of our families is very important. Not that they are ever going to totally understand what it is like living in a fibro body.
 
I hope you are able to find a job that you can handle I think it would make you feel better about yourself too if you can handle working at least part time.
 
I understand you not wanting to take meds that keep you from driving, I won't take them either.
 
As far as the bedroom maybe you could trade with someone else in the house.
 
Good luck
luv and hugs
Marlee
 
Forum Moderator Fibromyalgia
 
Fibro,Sjogrens, Anxiety, Gastroparesis, IBS, Gastritis, Allergies, High Blood Pressure, Low Blood Sodium and Osteoarthritis
 
Amitriptyline, Celexa, Xanax, Synthroid, Zyrtec, Micardis, Spironalactone, Tylenol, Reglan, Lidoderm Patches and Tramadol
 
Co Q 10, Super B Complex, Extra B12, Multi vitamin


Sherrine
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 17101
   Posted 10/27/2008 8:08 AM (GMT -7)   
Kythe, what jumped out at me with your post was that you had an herbal medication that worked pretty well.  I think I'd do everything in my power to get aid in order to be able to purchase that and take it daily.  I agree with Sera.  You should not wait until you are in absolute misery to take something that works for you.  I know that when my pain starts to deepen, I head for either the ibuprofen or Tylenol because those take the edge off the pain.  I do everything I can to keep in control of the pain.  That is so important with fibro.
 
Do you get any financial assistance?  There are places that help pay for medication but I'm not sure if they cover herbal things.  But, you know that if you could take this herbal medication daily, you would feel better, get more control of your pain, that in turn would help your depression and you could get a better job because you could handle more!  This seems to be a link to your independence and, if I were you, I'd really search until I found some help to be able to get the herbal medication.
 
What gives you that much relief?  I know that I don't take the "big guns" because they knock me out, too, and I can't function that way.  I'd rather deal with the pain then sleep through life.
 
You and Kelly have much of the same problems.  It is difficult to live with a parent after you have reached adulthood.  Too many times the parents still look at you as a "little kid" and treat you as such.  You will always be their "baby".  That's just the facts. 
 
I think the reason my daughter and I get along so well is that not only do we share the same frame of mind, but also I treat her as an adult.  I stopped asking her where she was going, what her plans were, etc.  After all, she is an adult now.  So we get along beautifully and have a wonderful time together.  But, unfortunately, I'm not sure how to get that point across to your parents.  It was something I decided to do and it was difficult, at first, to keep my big mouth shut!  turn    I had to work on it.  It's a parent "thing".  Once you have children you will understand.  You worry about them no matter what age they are and you always had kept track of their whereabouts so it's difficult to stop.  It's just something a loving parent does with their children.  But, I'm fortunate that my daughter tells me where she is going...even if she's running to the gas station.  That's being respectful to me and I really appreciate it so I do things that are respectful to her, considering her age.  You know what I mean? 
 
Anyway, I wish you the best of luck with this situation.  I'll keep my ear to the ground about finding some aid that will help you purchase the herbs that you need. 
 
Sherrine
Forum Moderator/ Fibromyalgia
***********************
Fibromyalgia, Crohn's Disease, Ostomy, Diabetes, Autoimmune Inner Ear Disease, Osteoporosis
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.    2 Timothy 1:7


libertykitty
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 111
   Posted 10/28/2008 11:16 AM (GMT -7)   
My mom complains too but it's nothing new for us, we've been at each other's throats on and off since I started dating. She is of the opinion that if I just exercised THROUGH the pain, it would get easier and go away. I don't know where she gets these ideas. The more I do something, the harder it gets, not the other way around. Moms mean well, but yeah, it's hard to deal with sometimes. They want us to be happy, so they're trying whatever they can think of to motivate us. Sometimes people think that guilt is a good motivator. For those of us with FM, it usually just puts us under excess stress.

Try explaining FM in great detail (again, I'm sure) to your mom. I bought my mom the Idiot's Guide to Fibromyalgia. She proceeded, of course, to make tons of NEW ridiculous suggestions, but at least she could understand it a little better. My dad, on the other hand, is sort of a hypochondriac and also a projective hypochondriac so he thinks that he's always sick with some rare affliction and that we must have the same thing.

I've never been able to figure out what to say to them but we get along better when I'm living at school instead of at home. I'll be very happy to move out eventually.

As for beds, my parents got a Tempurpedic mattress and I insisted on one too, I love it!
Diagnosed with fibromyalgia February 2008.


Gamma
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 233
   Posted 10/28/2008 11:41 AM (GMT -7)   

I am curious as to just what your disability is.  Are you in a wheelchair, or have some other condition that qualifies as a disability?

There are several things you could do to be able to sleep in your own room instead of on the couch.  Your mother offered to buy you a new mattress, take her up on it.  If it is too hot, get a small window air conditioner for your room.  Buy an ionic air cleaner to keep the room fresh.  If the lights in your room are too bright, put in lower wattage bulbs.

Get off that couch and exercise.  Stretch, ride a bike, take a walk, do yoga, pilates, swimming, anything to keep you moving.  If you can't find a paying job at the moment, donate some time, maybe a few hrs. a week at the local hospital.  You'd be surprised at how much better you will feel helping someelse and getting your mind off your own pain and troubles.

Pain can't be treated effectively with an on again, off again basis.  It must be treated on a regular basis with consistency.  Some Rx's do have the effect of making you drowsy, but quite often this goes away after your body adjusts to the new med.  Sometimes you just have to keep trying different meds to see which ones or which combination works best for you.  Not all meds work the same for everyone.  If your doc wants you to try something, ask him or her for samples, doctors always have lots of samples. 

I'm sorry if it sounds as if I am being harsh and not understanding what you are going through.  I really do understand, I have lived with fibro for almost 55 yrs. now.  If I spent most of my time lying around or sleeping, my life would have been a misery.  Sometimes you just have to pull yourself up by your own bootstraps and say: "This is not going to dominate my life and dictate what I can or can't do".  The right attitude can do wonders for your outlook and your stress.  Remeber, if you reduce the stress, you will reduce your pain.

 


Gentle hugs,
 
Gamma
 
Fibro, Osteoporosis, OA, RA, DDD, IBS, Vertigo, Tinnitus, Carpel Tunnel, Epilepsy, TMJ,  Hypothyroidism, Familial Tremors, Spasms, Neuropathy, Trigeminal neuralgia, heel spurs
 
 


Kythe
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 261
   Posted 10/28/2008 2:40 PM (GMT -7)   
I just want to thank everyone for their support.

Sera I did call them, though to be honest I can't remember how long ago it was. One of my fibro fog things is that I have an absolute horrible time remembering when things happened. Anyway when I spoke to my case worker, she said that she was still filling out my paperwork trying to get me into the system and said that I probably couldn't get my authorization form for another few weeks. I do plan on calling there again if I don't receive it by the end of this week.

Kelly I'll have to see if I can find your post so I can read about your experiences. Nice to know other people are experiencing living nightmares with their mothers as well. BTW I did try to sleep in my bed last night and after about 3 hours of not getting any closer to sleep I gave up and went to sleep on the couch again.

I have told my mother about this forum Marlee but she hasn't really shown any real interest in coming on here. She does listen when I tell her something new I learned, though I have no idea if any of it sinks in. There is a local fibro support group that I keep meaning to call up and get information on. Maybe I could get her to attend those meetings with me. I wish I could trade bedrooms with someone but all the bedrooms are on the 2nd floor so I doubt it would make much of a difference. I think I really need to sleep on the ground floor to be comfortable temperature wise for most of the year. Too be honest a lot of the time I'm still too hot on the ground floor during the summer and I'm forced to turn the thermostat down to the point where everyone else is cold which makes me feel bad but I need to do it to be able to sleep. That's one of the things I love about cold weather, that I have one less thing interfering with my sleep.

I don't have any financial assistance Sherrine, but I do have medical assistance. They do cover certain vitamins, supplements and OTC meds, but they definitely don't cover any herbal or natural remedies. I'm not aware of any agencies that would help pay for natural/herbal medicine. Do let me know if you happen to see anything along the lines of this, I really appreciate it that you said you'd keep an ear out. I just don't understand why the medical community is so against these kinds of treatments. Anyway the stuff that I take is ginger root extract. I originally got the stuff because I read that it was good for migraines and it has helped me with my worst headaches. Then when I started getting the fibro pain and I would experience sciatica or pain in my knees, ankles, ect that would make walking difficult, I tried treating that with the ginger and it worked very well. I get no side effects from it other than some heartburn if I forget to take it with food. It would be great if I could afford to take the stuff everyday, but at the same time a part of me is scared that if I do take it everyday then I'd build up a tolerance to it and it wouldn't work as well anymore. Hopefully that wouldn't happen though.

That's weird libertykitty, I think things got a lot more strained with my mother after I started dating in highschool. I was a lot closer with her before than and then everything changed and we've never had that closeness since. I never tried a Temperpedic matress but I did buy memory foam matress topper once. To be honest it didn't work well for me. It was really comfy to sit on, but for some reason when I lay down on it, the longer I lay there the harder it seemed to get and it actually made my pain worse. I was so surprised at the reaction I had to is since so many people rave about how great memory foam is, but I guess it's just not for me and I ended up returning it.

Well Gamma to my knowledge fibromyalgia in itself qualifies as a disability. Everything about my fibro makes it hard to function in the workplace or otherwise. Pain wise there are some days I have difficulty walking. I even have an handicap pass to hang in my car on the days that I am having trouble. I can't do anything that involves heavy lifting or lots of bending or other such activities due to back problems as well as the fibro. I can't be on my feet for long periods of time because I get dizzy spells. I often get fevers that impair my ability to function. I have very low stress tolerance and get overwhelmed easily and am prone to anxiety/depression. There's the fibrofog that makes it hard to focus and my memory is poor. Environmental sensitivities can be a real problem in the work place, especially smell. I wouldn't be able to work in the same room as a smoker or someone wearing perfume for example because I get terrible headaches, coughing fits, and sometimes it even causes nausea, dizziness, or asthma trouble. Even without sedating medication driving can be difficult for me because driving long distances(more than a 10 minute ride) really wears me out and can trigger a flare. I'm sure there are other things I could add but can't think of anything else at the moment. So basically my disabilities are physical, mental, and cognitive. I stopped being able to function at the same level as everyone else when I was 14 and I had to be taken out of school and I moved around to various special education programs that let me do school work at my own pace. Many times in college I attempted to do a full course load but could never handle it and it took me 5 years to get what should've been a 2 year degree. I hope that helps clarify things for you but if you have any other questions about my being disabled, please feel free to ask.
~Kythe
____________


Allergies, Asthma, Anxiety, Depression, IBS, PCOS, Fibromyalgia


Gamma
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 233
   Posted 10/28/2008 3:58 PM (GMT -7)   

Since you seem to be mostly home bound, how about working from home.  There are a lot of professionals out there who hire people to work from home on their own computers to do work for them, like typing reports, letters, speechs, whatever.  Usually they messenger over the work and then send someone to pick it up when you are done.  You seem to be a very good typinst and you could set your own hours.

BTW, fibro is not among the official listed conditions that qualify for disability.  That doesn't mean it is impossible to collect SSDI benefits, but it is difficult.

 


Gentle hugs,
 
Gamma
 
Fibro, Osteoporosis, OA, RA, DDD, IBS, Vertigo, Tinnitus, Carpel Tunnel, Epilepsy, TMJ,  Hypothyroidism, Familial Tremors, Spasms, Neuropathy, Trigeminal neuralgia, heel spurs
 
 


Kythe
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 261
   Posted 10/28/2008 6:12 PM (GMT -7)   
Believe me I've spent a lot of time over the past year looking for work at home opportunities. I think the ideal job for me would be work at home data entry or bookkeeping. I've had a very hard time finding anything legitimate. The majority of the stuff I've found were scams. I did find a couple of legit looking companies but they have a very long waiting list and even say on their websites that it could take months for a spot to open for you if at all. I registered with these companies for free several months ago and nothing has opened up. I've tried looking on various job search websites and local papers and I haven't found any work at home jobs at all through those channels. Maybe I'm doing something wrong with my searching, but there just doesn't seem to be any work at home jobs where I live. If you know of any special websites for this sort of thing or any other advice on how to find this sort of job, then I'd love to hear it.
~Kythe
____________


Allergies, Asthma, Anxiety, Depression, IBS, PCOS, Fibromyalgia


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40592
   Posted 10/28/2008 7:57 PM (GMT -7)   
Boy Kythe,

It doesn't sound like things are going so good for you at this moment. Everything anybody suggests to you, you have a reason why you can't do it. That isn't leaving you many options.

I would exercise and walk as much as you can. Because being immobile like you will become isn't any fun. So try to move around as much as you can. If you don't you probably wont be moving much at all in the future.

Keep posting

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


libertykitty
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 111
   Posted 10/28/2008 10:38 PM (GMT -7)   
The Tempurpedic mattresses only really work if it's a whole mattress. In my apartment at school I have a mattress topper and it helps but it's not the same. Still, it isn't for everybody. I think it mostly helps me because I have wide hips and it allows me to lay on my side without throwing my spine out of alignment. I know tons of people that can sleep just as easily on a concrete floor as on a mattress, but I would be in so much pain, even before the fibro. I've always had a few issues with back pain related to my hips, but I just can't sleep on my back or stomach.

I wish you all the best of luck. All we can do is have faith that things will get easier.

-Sandi
Diagnosed with fibromyalgia February 2008.


Kythe
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 261
   Posted 10/29/2008 3:08 PM (GMT -7)   
Well I'm not completely immobile, I'm sorry if I gave you that impression. I just hate talking about exercise as much as I hate doing it. Anyway I do stretching exercises as much as I can and do small chores around the house. Sometimes I'll walk around my house but I don't stray very far cause I just don't feel safe walking around my neighborhood. I don't know if this counts but I do consider the times I do grocery shopping to be exercise. I probably don't get as much exercise as I should, but I'm trying very hard not to overdo things because I have a tendency to make myself sick and I've even ended up in the emergency room in the past. I guess it's all about learning what your limits are, but I just wish I could tell what my limits are before I actually start to feel ill from pushing myself too far.

Getting a whole foam mattress might be something to consider in the future if my family's financial situation improves. I actually thought the cost of the mattress topper was outrageous but maybe I'm just afraid to spend money with the way the economy is going. I'd like to ask you a question though about your experiences with your mattress though Sandi. I know that the Tempurpedic and other memory foam brands conform to your shape. Do you find that it conforms to you quickly or that it takes awhile? I know that when I was using the mattress topper it was slow to conform to my shape and it made changing positions hard and I think that might be one of the reasons I found it uncomfortable. In contrast the kind of foam they use for couch cushions gives beneath you right away and I've always been more comfortable on the couch.
~Kythe
____________


Allergies, Asthma, Anxiety, Depression, IBS, PCOS, Fibromyalgia


Carnissa
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 289
   Posted 10/29/2008 6:53 PM (GMT -7)   
Kythe
 
I know what you are going through with your mother. I have the same issues here...especially with her going on about weight and getting healthy.. my mom does not understand no matter how much info i give her. she was raised that get up and do what you have to do no matter what.. you don't miss anything unless you are on your death bed. which i have been raised with too. So knowing my new limits have been rather hard for me to accept. there are days where opening my eyes are the most painfull and others where going to work takes all i have. But i have learned to cope I find that for the most part even taking small 10 minutes walks can help or going to the mall and window shopping helps. when i find heat does wonders for me. since i can't live in the south. I am in ontario and have extreme weather conditions, it can go from 15C one day to 3 the next
 
Have you tried to find a support group for your mother, call your local fibro society or arthritis society they may have groups or classes for family to learn to cope
 

Kythe
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 261
   Posted 10/29/2008 7:18 PM (GMT -7)   
I actually posted about this in another thread. I thought there was a local support group and I called up there today only to find out that they haven't been around for over 5 years. I've been searching but so far I haven't been able to find any other groups that are a reasonable distance from where I live. I'm not aware of any local fibro society or other such organizations, I would assume something like that would've come up when I was searching for support groups. I can try changing my search terms around though and see if anything pops up.
~Kythe
____________


Allergies, Asthma, Anxiety, Depression, IBS, PCOS, Fibromyalgia


Sera Smiles
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 671
   Posted 10/29/2008 7:34 PM (GMT -7)   
Kythe- I agree with Karen- it is tough to find a solution to all the issues you mention, because you have rejected all of the suggestions you were given on this thread. I understand that FM presents many obstacles and challenges, but ultimately it is up to each of us to find ways to make our lives with FM better. At this point this thread is less about your mother, than it is about your reluctance to make decisions about what can make a positive difference in your life. If a mattress will help, and you have the money, get it! The economy should not be why you short change your health. I think I can speak for so many of us with FM- your health must be a priority. Take positive actions, focus on changing things in your life that will help empower you, stop looking for reasons that you can not progress- you can! I know you can be happier. Give some real thought to prioritizing what will help you move forward, and take it one step at a time. I know you can move into a more positiven place and learn to live with FM, and not be defined by it.
 


probull3t
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 38
   Posted 10/29/2008 8:04 PM (GMT -7)   
Just remember, you're not alone. I'm going through the same things with family members.
Running out of ideas


Jeannie143
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 6056
   Posted 10/29/2008 9:31 PM (GMT -7)   
Kythe,

I believe that I understand the couch thing better than most here. Last year when I stayed at my daughter's home to help out after the birth of her baby I slept on the couch. It offers wonderful back support while you sleep on your side and actually helps with my costochondritis. I was there for over two months and was running up and down stairs, doing more than I ever do here at home (she became a temporary paraplegic from an incomplete spinal cord injury from the birth of her daughter) and that couch was actually my saving grace! Probably the best solution would be to go to the Salvation Army or St. Vincent de Paul Store in your town and purchase an inexpensive but well made donated couch and put it in your bedroom. You may have your mom email me if you like and I'll explain to her how much it helps with the fibro pain. My email is jeannie143 at healingwell dot net.
~ Jeannie, Forum Moderator/Diabetes & Fibromyalgia
I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much. ~Mother Teresa

"People are like stained glass windows: They sparkle and shine when the sun's out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is light within."- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross


Kythe
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 261
   Posted 10/31/2008 7:05 PM (GMT -7)   
Hmm that's really interesting. I've always heard that sleeping on the couch was supposed to be really bad for your back, though I always ignored it because it was so much more comfortable for me. I think you're the first person I've heard say that a couch gives great back support.

Anyway thanks for the idea, I hadn't considered before getting a couch for my room. My mother keeps suggesting a recliner chair because that's what she sleeps in. I think those are good for meditation but I doubt I could sleep in one because I don't like sleeping on my back. I think another thing to look into is maybe to see if I can find a mattress that is made out of the same material as couch cushions because one of the things I dislike about sleeping on the couch is how narrow it is.
~Kythe
____________


Allergies, Asthma, Anxiety, Depression, IBS, PCOS, Fibromyalgia


bridgewitch
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 26
   Posted 10/31/2008 7:57 PM (GMT -7)   
well, clear of fog for a moment, let me address a couple of things. First, you are not alone in not wanting to take drugs. That was the first thing I told my doctor, and luckily he believes in natural means of helping, diet vitamins and so on. You sound both stressed and depressed. Have you tried some of the natural serotonin boosters ? They are available over the counter and are nominal in cost. They help with mood and the level at which pain is interfering with your function. Also, have you adjusted your diet ? Gotten rid of caffeine and artificial sweeteners to start ? My allergies mushroomed and dairy became an issue along with killer IBS. Now I make my own soy yogurt with stevia, a herbal sweetener. You use less of it so it is cost effective. I also got a new bed AND a tempurpedic topper. It is not a cure but it helps and since I sleep with my poodles, the couch was less than comfortable. I also have temperature issues. Like someone said, get a window unit for your room..I had one for years, and will prolly be purchasing another here since I tend to freeze even the dogs. Can not stand to be hot. In the winter, I close the door to the rest of the house and open one of my windows. Yeah I have spent some money..but I work 2 jobs since I am the breadwinner in the family as my husband has been disabled for many years and can not get a job because of his age and health. Some days yes I just want to stay in bed, and some days I cry all the way home because I am so tired and hurting. But I make myself keep going. Like in the grocery store, I make myself push that cart and get it done and then carry in and put up the stuff. If I sat down, I think I would not get up again. Mothers can be hell on wheels..mine is..no understanding other than her own agenda. But you really need to make yourself move..walk around the block, go to the mall and just walk..anything to move. Have you considered volunteer work ? Many times schools and hospitals would welcome a few hours a day and you would know about any openings you could do before the public would. Most importantly, treat yourself good. A bubble bath, a good book from the library, color your hair, paint your nails..any little positive thing to get you to a better frame of mind. Of course you know you have support here, but you must start with supporting yourself. You will be in my thoughts. Take care.
Its NOT denial..Its selective reality!


Sera Smiles
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 671
   Posted 11/1/2008 6:12 PM (GMT -7)   
Ms Bridgewitch- your post may be some of the best advice I have ever heard. I am so glad I checked in here today. I am going to take your advice to heart and remember it when I am down. Thanks!
 


bridgewitch
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 26
   Posted 11/1/2008 9:10 PM (GMT -7)   
wink Thanks Sera! Like so many of us, the dx just floored me..but at least I now had an answer..my dr said when I went in, well what do you think it is. I said I thought it was fibro, and he said yeah, with the added issue of CFS..which explained the allergies, the IBS, the fog, the bone tired all the time feeling, and a full and complete understanding of how some people could commit murder. It followed by 3 months my diagnosis of diabetes and by six my job cutting my salary by 50%, which explains the fact that I have a second...so I was a wreck. But I knew what I HAD to do because no one else was gonna do it for me. So I found out all I could and went on the attack instead of being the victim. Luckily so far what I have tried works for me..you just have to go into survivor mode..because if you dont take care of yourself, who can you expect to ?? And it seems you also find out just how dysfunctional your family really is as well, so you have to deal with those issues on top of everything else. I honestly think that the stress of family discord over many years may well play a part in the whole complex developing in the first place. Maybe we should start a commune a couple of states..one cool and one warm and just commute back and forth..ok, first one of us that wins the lottery, set up a taxfree foundation and lets do this!!
Its NOT denial..Its selective reality!


Carnissa
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 289
   Posted 11/2/2008 6:16 PM (GMT -7)   
bridge sounds like a plan... :)

kythe- i would check the hospitals in your area for pain support groups and others they would have the best info on them..

Pamela Neckpain
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1821
   Posted 11/2/2008 8:38 PM (GMT -7)   
I can't sit long enough to do all the reading of this thread ~ though I'd like to.
I just want to ask a simple question: Is Fibromyalgia considered a disability?!

Pamela
New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Thursday, December 08, 2016 11:15 AM (GMT -7)
There are a total of 2,734,770 posts in 301,246 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 151352 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, dillon91750.
325 Guest(s), 9 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
ResilienceR, TOOTY, 1000Daisies, Girlie, smlafleur, ChickNorris, fenway17, blksteeda, beachbum50


Follow HealingWell.com on Facebook  Follow HealingWell.com on Twitter  Follow HealingWell.com on Pinterest
Advertisement
Advertisement

©1996-2016 HealingWell.com LLC  All rights reserved.

Advertise | Privacy Policy & Disclaimer