Family troubles...

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SassyIsMyKitty
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 223
   Posted 11/19/2008 4:44 PM (GMT -7)   
How do you deal with family members who think that you are capable of working? My sister thinks I need to get a job, and I told my mom about it, and I told her I wasn't able to work. And she was saying that I can, I just don't think that I can. And I am thinking to myself that I know that I can't because I can hardly keep up with housework and taking care of a baby. That is a full time job, and I am not doing too good at that right now.
It has been really hard dealing with my fibro lately. I don't know if it is the cold weather, or what. But I have been more tired than usual, and my pain is worse too. I feel like crap everyday, and I try to do what I can, but all I want to do is rest. Since my husband doesn't have a job right now, I can rest, but once he gets a job, I don't know what I am going to do. I am going to have to get used to doing a lot more than I normally do, and it is hard.
There is a woman at my mom's daycare who has fibro as well, and she works. So my mom thinks that I can work too. Every case of fibro is different. Some people go through worse symptoms than others. And some have better meds to help them with the pain. There are a lot of reasons why some people are able to work with fibro while others can't. And it seems that she can't see that. I just don't know what to do about it all.
But, anyways. I have to cut this short. I hope to hear from you all on some advice or just some comforting words.
~MDD, Fibromyalgia, OCD, Anxiety Disorders, IBS, TMJ, Arthritis~
 
May your heart be filled with love and joy.
May your mind be clear and true.
May your smiles be many,
And may your tears be few. 
May God wrap you in His arms
Especially when you're feeling blue.


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40595
   Posted 11/19/2008 4:54 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Tiki,

You are so right, not everybody has as much pain with fibro. Everybody is different. Don't let other people bully you into thinking that you can work when you know that you can't. And most of all, don't let them cause you to feel guilty about it. You know your limitations, and you know what you can and can't do. Taking care of a home and a child is a lot in itself. In my opinion, women with children shouldn't have to work out at all. Though a lot of healthy women do.

I would just ignore what your sister and your mom. They dont' know what you are feeling. You are a good person and you are doing what you can. As long as you and your husband are fine with that, I would just go with it.

You sound a little depressed, which is normal when you are in pain all of the time. Where do you live? It is cold here too and we got snow and more to come. I am in Michigan. It is often damp or humid here which causes me more pain.

I really hope that you feel better soon. If you ever need to talk, you can email me. I would be happy to answer.

Best wishes.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


honeyprincess21
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 99
   Posted 11/19/2008 6:24 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey gettingby...just curious, where in Michigan do you live? I'm in Farmington Hills.
Sorry, I'm still new here and was just excited to see someone else from Michigan lol

Tiki - I understand what you are saying. Today I felt like I was simply going to die and did NOT feel up to going to work. But no, I dragged myself in there because I will be missing a lot of the day for yet another dr appt and if I miss too much time....well, I won't be able to pay my rent lol. My mom was just like "I'm glad you went in, try to stick it out" which is actually a pretty good response. She tries to understand but she's one of those people who like never even gets a cold, so it's hard for her to understand sometimes, I think. If I call into work and I let her know, I usually get the disapproving sigh and that "Well I hope you'll be okay with your bills...." or "I hope they don't get mad...." with that tone in her voice like she doesn't think it was the best thing to do (even though I'm on an Intermittent FMLA leave). It's so frustrating when you wake up in the morning, didn't get any sleep and you feel like your entire body is a giant bruise! Add to that the lovely fibro fog and I do NOT feel good enough to go to work. Not to mention, I do accounting AND I"m on the phone all day. So if that fibro fog hits at the wrong moment, I don't wanna screw anything up! But you try to explain that to people and they think you're being overly dramatic. It's so frustrating! I think I"ve pretty much given up on trying to please others at that point. It's sad though when you have to do that with your own family shakehead
Endometriosis since 2002 diagnosis via laparoscopy
5 laparoscopies for Endometriosis from 2002 - present
Anxiety since 2004
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder since 2005
GERD since 2008
Fibromyalgia since 2008
Colonoscopy - 2008
Endoscopy (EGD) - 2008
 
Currently in Physical Therapy for Pelvic Floor spasms. Also for lower back, hip & thigh muscular problems.
 
* Baclofen
* Xanax for Anxiety
* Fish Oil Capsules
* Iron Pills
 
!!! At my wit's end with being "broken" !!!
 


Meggie
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 408
   Posted 11/19/2008 6:41 PM (GMT -7)   

Tiki,

Make it short and simple, tell them you are not up to it right now and you need to focus all of your energy on your family because they are what is important.  And I would leave it at that because they just don't understand and they probably never will.  You know what you can do and you don't need to answer to them.  I'm sure their intentions are good but trust yourself.

Karen, I am from Upper Michigan and we are getting hit with the snow right now.  I'm guessing my kids will be home from school tomorrow because my head is starting to pound and my head is a good indication of what is to come.  I hope you fair better where you are!

Tiki, look into the eyes of your baby when you are feeling down, that precious face should make  you smile.  I know that used to cheer me up when I was down.  

Meggie


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40595
   Posted 11/19/2008 8:43 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Honeyprincess and Meggie,

I am from northern lower Michigan. about an hour east of Traverse City. Are you familiar with that area? We are getting snow, not as much as Traverse is going to get, but we will get close. It is cold tonight and only suppose to be in the 20's tomorrow with wind and snow. I can feel it coming.

I hope that you guys have a good night,

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


RedDiane
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 906
   Posted 11/19/2008 9:02 PM (GMT -7)   
Tiki, I can't give you much advice, but know that others are and have gone through this before. I've had fibro for 24 years and for 24 years I've been trying to get MIL to understand. At 83 she has the energy of the Energizer Bunny and can't understand why I'm always tired. She also has decided (on her own) that she has fibro,too, because she has lots of aches and pains. I've mostly given up and don't talk about it in front of her. Diane
Fibromyalgia since 1984, Sjogren's, Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, Auto-immune eczema, GERD, osteoarthritis, IBS, RLS, sleep apnea


SassyIsMyKitty
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 223
   Posted 11/21/2008 8:52 AM (GMT -7)   

I really appreciate all the replies. They mean a lot to me. To answer one question, I live in Indiana. We aren't getting any snow right now, but it is still cold. It is starting to warm up today, so I hope that it will continue like that. At least into the upper 40's. I like anything above 50 and below 85, but I would be happy if it was above freezing and it wasn't windy.
Anyways. I am going through a whole lot right now. My dad is coming into town tomorrow and will be here for a week. I have to juggle different Thanksgiving dinners, try to clean the house and keep it that way, take care of my son and my husband, and try to help my husband with his pain. His bottom wisdom tooth is coming in crooked, and it is causing him a lot of pain which is making him unable to help me as much as he normally does. I also have bills that I can't pay to worry about, plus I have to try and take care of myself as well. I feel completely overwhelmed, and I just don't know what to do about it. I could use help cleaning, but cleaning really isn't my husband's strong suit. Especially when he is in a lot of pain.
I am really just tryingto get through each day as best as I can. It helps that I have you all to talk to about all of this. My family understand to an extent, but you all understand better. You guys are like my online family. Thanks for that.
Anyways, I have to go for now. I have some things to do online before I get started on some other things.

 


~MDD, Fibromyalgia, OCD, Anxiety Disorders, IBS, TMJ, Arthritis~
 
May your heart be filled with love and joy.
May your mind be clear and true.
May your smiles be many,
And may your tears be few. 
May God wrap you in His arms
Especially when you're feeling blue.


mamanan
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 846
   Posted 11/21/2008 9:10 AM (GMT -7)   
My sister and mother know about the fibro. My sister understandds b/c she has it. My mom I'm not sure, but we hardly ever talk so it doesn't matter to me. My IL's are the ones I'm closest to, emotionally and geographically, but they don't know yet. I'm thinking it may come out at Christmas when we go see them. I'm sure that I'll have some kind of issue between the stress of the holidays, the noise, and the dogs.

It sounds like you may be feeling worse b/c of the stress you have put on yourself right now. You can't do everythign. I know you will still want a clean house for your company, but can you cut some corners? And your dh is a big boy, let him take care of his pain, you don't need to take it on. Try to tell yourself that if it gets done, fine, but if not, who cares! You are having family over for the holidays, not delegates. And in tryign to take it easy, it might help your mother and sister understand how hard keeping up is for you.

So saying, I am tryign to get motivated to go vacuum and tidy for my company tomorrow (my IL's, SIL and godchild). I try to keep up on the day to day, so I don;t ahev too much to do. But I just hit a flare yesterday, plus I've forgotten my malic acid agian, so I have the energy of a newborn right now.

Good luck to you Tiki, I hoep you have a good day (((HUGS)))
Waiting for appointment with rheumy (March 2009) to get an official dx. waiting, waiting, waiting....
Taking malic acid/magnesium combo, what a life saver! and amitriptyline


Mominmich2
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 59
   Posted 11/21/2008 7:44 PM (GMT -7)   
You gotta love family eyes   My MIL thinks that I am "making it up". I told my hubby that she is welcome to accompany me to my dr appt anytime. The rest of my family (my 3 sisters, mom & dad have passed on) are pretty supportive.
 
I am sorry you are having a rough time with your fam ((hugs)). But the other posters are correct, ignore what they say. Only you know how you feel.
 
PS: Getting By & Honeyprincess21: I am also a Michigander. I am just north of Detroit on the shores of Lake St. Clair. The weather here is aweful. So cold
Fibromyalgia, Endometriosis, Pelvic adhesions, IBS, Asthma, Anxiety, Slipped discs, Irritable bladder, High Blood Pressure, and GERD. 
 
Lyrica 75mg (2X a day), Ambien 10mg, Tramadol ER 300mg, Aspirin 325mg (as needed for headaches).


SassyIsMyKitty
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 223
   Posted 11/27/2008 7:19 AM (GMT -7)   
Happy Turkey Day! Yay rah! Sorry...I had to put in a little sarcasm. I like holidays, but I hate that they are so busy. Everything is so hectic. Today, I have two Thanksgivings to go to. I didn't sleep the best last night, I was super busy yesterday and didn't have a chance to get the rest I needed to save some extra spoons for today.
about the cleaning...I live in government subsidized housing. I am on food stamps and medicaid. With things like that...I have to make sure my house is clean because I have a baby, and someone from the office came here and saw the house a mess, then they could call CPS, and I don't want that to happen. Of course, it would be a big help if my hubby would keep up with the kitchen...That is really the only household chore that I ask him to do. And he doesn't do it until it gets really bad, which stresses me out because it drives me nuts since I have OCD.
Some days I feel like crying. This is not how I want to be. When I dreamed of being an adult and having a family, it didn't involve having this illness. It is so hard to do things that I want and need to do. I just want to be normal health-wise. But I'm not. And I am still trying to deal with it. I am still trying to come to terms with this. I just don't know what to do. And it is so hard because no one can really know exactly how I feel. Others with the same illness will understand more, but people who don't have this illness just don't get it, no matter how hard I try to explain it.
*sighs* I need to start getting ready to go to my mom's. Happy Thanksgiving everyone. I hope the holidays treat you ok.
~MDD, Fibromyalgia, OCD, Anxiety Disorders, IBS, TMJ, Arthritis~
 
May your heart be filled with love and joy.
May your mind be clear and true.
May your smiles be many,
And may your tears be few. 
May God wrap you in His arms
Especially when you're feeling blue.


Marlee2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 6067
   Posted 12/2/2008 9:44 AM (GMT -7)   
I made a comment Thurs about wanting something for Christmas and one of my DILs made a snide comment about if I worked I could get it. She is one of the ones in my family that I'm sure has never looked up fibro to even see what it is. I'm use to her rude comments and ignore her. I don't know if she knows anyone else with fibro or not cause we have never talked about fibro. Ignorance is bliss I guess.
 
It is hard for others to understand that all fibromites are not the same. I could do a lot more if I had the energy, that is a big problem with me but so is the arthritis in my hands.
 
Tiki I really hope you can get the stress under control somehow cause it is not helping your pain.
 
luv and hugs
Marlee
Forum Moderator Fibromyalgia
 
Fibro,Sjogrens, Anxiety, Gastroparesis, IBS, Gastritis, Allergies, High Blood Pressure, Low Blood Sodium and Osteoarthritis
 
Amitriptyline, Celexa, Xanax, Synthroid, Zyrtec, Micardis, Spironalactone, Tylenol, Reglan, Lidoderm Patches and Tramadol
 
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Jeannie143
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 6056
   Posted 12/2/2008 12:09 PM (GMT -7)   
Goodness, Marlee. I'm sorry that you have such an unkind daughter-in-law. You may want to try to spend a bit more time with her... in hopes that if the underlying etiology of this disorder is a microbacteria (as some have theorized), you can pass it on to her! idea

OOPS! My Bad! Sorry... it is Advent after all... Peace on Earth and to all people of good will... Oh, Yeah! She isn't of good will so I guess it's ok. smilewinkgrin

Tiki, this applies to your family, too!

honeyprincess21
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 99
   Posted 12/2/2008 1:41 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey gettingby and mom in mich :-) Aw it makes me feel better to know that people who have the same thing as me are so close. I know that sounds weird, but still. Gettingby...yes, I'm familiar with Traverse City. My boyfriend goes up every summer...his family has property up there and he LOVES it! I haven't been in awhile but last time I was there, it was so nice. Mom in Mich...oh wow, I cannot imagine living right off one of the lakes in the winter! Yikes! I'm in Farmington Hills, only maybe 5 miles from Detroit, but I'm a little more west (I think...I"m horrible with directions lol). I'm around Redford, Livonia, Southfield, Wixom area.
I hope you guys are doing well...hopefully the snow won't be as bad as I'm imagining it's going to be with our early snowfalls already!!!
Endometriosis since 2002 diagnosis via laparoscopy
5 laparoscopies for Endometriosis from 2002 - present
Anxiety since 2004
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder since 2005
GERD since 2008
Fibromyalgia since 2008
Colonoscopy - 2008
Endoscopy (EGD) - 2008
 
Currently in Physical Therapy for Pelvic Floor spasms. Also for lower back, hip & thigh muscular problems.
 
* Baclofen
* Xanax for Anxiety
* Fish Oil Capsules
* Iron Pills
 
!!! At my wit's end with being "broken" !!!
 


deb in indiana
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 387
   Posted 12/2/2008 7:31 PM (GMT -7)   
I just quit talking about my illnesses to people most don't get it i just learned my limits and take it one day at a time my husband is the worse about it i took him to the doctor with me once and asked the doctor when i could go back to work and the doctor said don't you get it she has 11 bad disks,2 types arthtris, fm and her knee is bone to bone and she needs a knee replacement and she is to young and she doesn't need to work but i worked 29 years 2 jobs at 65-70 hours a week when i fell at work i got pissed and never went back and i think to this day he resents it but i just couldn't do it any more but as of tomorrow i get my first ssd check so we will see what happens i may just say bye,bye to this marriage iam tired of doing it all and not getting any understanding so any how you need to quit worring what other people think my mil was the worst.I live in Indiana also take care Deb

SassyIsMyKitty
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 223
   Posted 12/5/2008 9:19 AM (GMT -7)   

Deb,
I am sorry to hear that your husband is such an *** when it comes to your fibro. It is hard when you have someone there with you who just doesn't get it. Have you considered couseling? I think that maybe you should try that first before just giving up on your marriage. But I understand where you are coming from. I mean, my husband is great, and he is very understanding. But sometimes I think about leaving him because I feel like I am a burden, and I feel like he and my wonderful little boy would be better off without me.
Whereabouts in Indiana are you from? It is nice to know someone else on here who lives in the same state that I do. It makes me feel not so alone. Sometimes I feel like I am the only person around here who has fibro, even though I know that is not true.
I hope things start going better for you. I will keep you in my thoughts. And if you ever need someone to talk to, I am here. And you can e-mail me if you want.

*soft hugs*
Tiki


~MDD, Fibromyalgia, OCD, Anxiety Disorders, IBS, TMJ, Arthritis~
 
May your heart be filled with love and joy.
May your mind be clear and true.
May your smiles be many,
And may your tears be few. 
May God wrap you in His arms
Especially when you're feeling blue.

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