i need help, i am so stressed. And i have left a bit of a rant.

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Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 27
   Posted 11/25/2008 8:08 AM (GMT -6)   
I am living in a house with neighbors who play marylin manson and throw bowling balls all over the place evry day. It sounds like bowling balls. they are the meanest people i have ever met. the first day i met one of them they complained about mmy parking job and her kid asked if he should smash my door in. so you get the pic. all the relaxation techniques i used to know don't work. It always says find a quiet place. there is no quiet. that rules out almost everything i have ever read. i used to use deep breathing to help me sleep. now i have asthma and it causes a panic attack to concentrate on my breathing. I used to burn incense, now asthma, i used to sing, now asthma. yes i can sing but not when i want or need to. I just don't know how to get rid of the stress. I can only stand for a little while sometimes before i need to sit down, because i feel so weak. It isn't always this extreme, but it kind of makes taking a walk scary. I am afraid i wont be able to get back. And i am gooing to have to change doctors again. my experience has been so horrible i am not looking forward to it. ive been to doctors who see me once and ive been to docs who say they will see me and then on appointment day say they dont take my insurance when they said they did ont the phone. ANd the doctor who dumped me as a patient because i have a history of mental illness and wouldn't get medicated. They didnt even tell me why or warn me, just one day i wasnt there patient anymore. I guess they dont think you can do good off meds.
But it is not a mental illness that makes me angry or depressed. It is this pain, and the people saying its in my head and not being able to do what i used to, and being only 32. I know i dont have a diagnoses, but everything fits too well. I am already on ibs meds and asthma meds. No one understands how positive i had become. I finally went back and finished my degree, i went out and got a job and was planning on working into full time, and thinking i could start a family. EVerything has changed. I want to clean the house but feel like i am gonna pass out. I cant keep the house clean without feeling worse. I am now allergic to one of my favorite foods. You know what its like.
I went to the er because i couldnt breath. they took an oxygen test on my finger and said your oxygen is fine. then three hours later they checked mylungs. The doctor says what is wrong. I say if you want a list of all my symptoms i will tell you, but tonight i just felt like i couldn't breathe. i did tell him all my symptoms. the first thing he says is"Are you sure your not feeling this way because your mentally ill?" So I guess if you have a mental health diagnoses you never get physically sick. I am tired of it. All the doctors keep saying are you seeing a therapist? The only thing i would tell a therapist is how upset i am i cant do what i used to. it would be nice to vent but thats not why they say i need one. I am too angry or depressed. They dont connect it with my being sick, except for thinking its inmy head. If i could go back i would have never gome to a shrink. the label makes your life worse.
I am sorry. i am actually having a hard time. I gues si am going through a grieving process. I just wish i knew how to relax. everything i used to do i cant. my hands ar so stiff it is hard to type. I like to read but that usually wakes me up and excites me. i am hoping to invent some kind of new energy to revolutionize the world. Then i can live in a mansion on a mountain with helicoptor access. that way no one can drop in and it will be quiet and peaceufl and the house can be a mess.
My mother in law was crying and told my hubby that he doesnt love her if we dont visit her for thanksgiving. it is just her, and her husband, and 1 relative. we saw them 2 weeks ago. My whole family is going to be at my moms. I hardly get to see them. She took every weekend this summer from me. I wanted to slap her and say grow up. She doesnt want to see us the day after. it has to be that day. I am annoyed at her. i know she thinks i am lazy, fat and no good. she didnt understand why i didnt want to go for a walk around the lake. Then my hubby says it is because she doesn't feel well. She says" yeah, shes been sick ever since i knew her." Like i am faking it. his brother said i was fat and what did he see in me. then he tells me its all in my head. They are not off to a good start. They are the kind of people who brag because they have bachelors or masters degrees and they are beautiful. They pretend to be close by visiting often. The visits are for maybe an hour and then they leave to go read a book or take a walk, or lay down. In my family when we get together, we play games and socialize. We spend the whole time together. I know what my brothers like. They dont even know what eachothers interests are. It is like a facade. She tries to find any way possible to make her family more important and her get togethers more important. It is like she has to have it her way all the time. She claimed thanksgiving every year before i even met my hubbby. when he said we might go to my familys she said she talked about it with him years ago, as if his wife would be a automoton.
I am starting to hate the holidays. All they do is stress me out. then my hubby has hiscompany christmas party.
I also get annoyed at people who are mad because the person in front of them at the store is taking so long. I think "why dont you feel like you are going to die in your sleep because no one knows what is wrong with you. then when you survive think "is it really important that i missed gilligans isle because the line took to long?"
Going through this is givinig me a bigger perspective. I see how so many things are trivial. I almost want to say to mother in law " i might die and i havent seen my family for months. we saw you last week. " but it probably is not true, because i read fibro is a life sentence. My family is important to me and they actually care about me. she has to see us once every two weeks or she feels unloved. if she could have it her way she would take every weekend. i wanted to go camping this summer. i was so stressed, i thought it would help. instead we ended up camping in september and she called us every day on are vacation and wanted us to have lunch on the last day. it wasnt much of a vacation.
I am sorry for my negatvity. i cant find a therapist. last time i tried it was so stressful. it surprises me that if you have a suicide attempt in your past a therapist cant see you. I actually talked with them on the phone and went in for my appointment. they called me afterwards and said they couldnt see me because of my history. People change i said. I am not that way anymore. they dont believe me. no one will let me leave my past behind. that is just how all of my searching went. it has been hard. i havent been able to find the help i need. if finding a therapist wasnt so stressful it might be worth it. they make you drag up all your history everytime. so if you were abused you have to go through that and then they decide if they will see you after that. HMMM... maybe i should invent my mental history so someone will see me as the new person i really am. If i was still the way i used to be i wouldn't be here today. I am turning into a warrior. i keep going even when everything seems bad.
If you don't mind occasional rants, I would like to do it every now and then. The funny thing is some therapists dont listen. the last one got the impression i was sad because i didnt have a job. She didnt listen. I may try to call around today if i ever get to sleep. but i am not going to try as hard last time. i will only call a couple a day. my insurance makes it hard to find anyone anyway.
well now i have written a book, i should stop now.

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1081
   Posted 11/25/2008 10:51 AM (GMT -6)   

Dear threeyesofwisdom: Misery loves company and you sure got some here. I get sooooooo frustrated at myself, and at this D--- Disease because, once I've gotten up and dealt with the dogs, cats, Dad who has Alzheimers, washed yesterday's dishes, I'm ready to collapse. I feel awful. I don't know how to make myself feel better. I hurt all over, have a headache trying to grab hold of me, I can't breathe, there's a constant pressure on my chest, it feels like an elephant has stepped on my ribs, my legs ache, my shoullders ache, my knees and my joints in my hands are swollen and ache, my feet ache and my back (Facet Joints) are having a bang-up time. I feel like I went 20 rounds in the ring with Mike Tyson. All I did was shovel snow, on top of three weeks of unrelenting stress including a domestic dispute where the RCMP had to come to settle my Dad down, and I tried to take my stepmom to an appointment, in the city (over 250 miles, round trip). When we got there it was raining, the wind was blowing and I couldn't get her wheelchair together. So we borrowed this pseudo wheelchair (which resembles a grocery cart more than a wheelchair), and as we tried to help her shift her weight from the car to the grocery cart, she had no upper body strength and landed flat on the pavement. I was trying to get her up, with some passersby helping and all she did was scream "you're hurting me". She was totally unable to assist in getting herself up off the ground, whatsoever.

So, I think I'm in a flare. It's odd that it hit two weeks after the drama(s), but now that I look back I also had four days with an absessed tooth, followed by a high risk dental abstraction, close to the sinus, and the tooth came out in slivers. One sliver was left behind and now I'm beginning to get complaints from that area of my mouth. So, more dental work is needed, four weeks before xmas, I'll have to ask Santa to help foot the bill. Can you get gift certificates for Dental procedures? Rant away, that's what we're here for. If you see that old elf badly in need of a shave, tell him I need a gift card to get my teeth fixed. lol.

Hypothyroidism, Fibromyalgia, Facet Joint Syndrome, High Blood Pressure, menopause, Migraines, Chest Pain, Anxiety and Depression/BiPolar II
Synthyroid .075mg., estradiol.5 mgs., Amyltriptilene, 100mgs, bedtime, Tylenol 3 PRN (six-eight, daily), Valium 7.5mgs. daily prn. Flexeril, prn (not so helpful), Zoloft,150mgs., Zomig approx. 12 per month, prn., Meds for High Blood Pressure, vary.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 519
   Posted 11/25/2008 12:26 PM (GMT -6)   
Feel free to rant here anytime! That is what we are all here for. I have always said that having someone to talk to & understands makes a world of difference. It is hard with this dd because most people who don't understand it think there is nothing wrong. I have gained 65 lbs. in the last 6 years. Not because I am lazy and never do anything, but because I can't do the things I did before. It is hard just making it through the regular household chores sometimes.
I am so sorry your mother-in-law is the way she is. I think she wants to be controlling and doesn't want to give her son up! Your husband should put his foot down once in a while. You don't need to spend every weekend with her. I'm not saying family isn't important, but both of your families are important and you should be able to spend time with both.
I hope you are able to find the help that you need. I was very lucky to find a doctor who understood Fibro and yes, I take something for my depression. After all the pain and changes in my life, I was so down that I needed something to help me get back up.
You need a doc who understands and treats Fibro. Then maybe you will be able to feel better and handle things differently. I wish you the best and hope you stay with us. We are all here for each other.
Hugs!!! Margie

Never regret something that made you smile!

Fibromyalgia*Osteoarthritis*Sleep Apnea*Depression*Fatigue*Allergy/Sinus

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1081
   Posted 11/25/2008 2:18 PM (GMT -6)   
Dear threeeyesof wisdom: What was that bit about not seeing people who had an episode of suicidal thinking? Isn't that the purpose of Therapists, to help people who are at the end of their rope. Is it an insurance problem (too high a risk). It doesn't make any sense to me, whatsoever. You just keep on posting here. We're not going to refuse you.

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 17059
   Posted 11/25/2008 3:24 PM (GMT -6)   
Gee, Eyes and Tyno.  I can't understand why you two are so stressed!  shocked    Fibro is literally a pain, but you knew that already.  Add the holidays and it is more of a pain.  Eyes, you might have to alternate holidays.  One year have Thanksgiving with hubby's family and Christmas with yours and then reverse the order the following year.  If MIL doesn't like it, that's too darn bad.  You know, YOU have a life to live.  You are not at her beck and call.  Remember that.
I would find a doctor that treats fibromyalgia, just as Margie suggested.  Just in case, stop by the Fibro 101 thread and print off the link to "Doctors Respond to New York Times Article", print it out, and take it with  you.  This shows that things are not all in your head.  A doctor that understands fibro knows that nearly all have depression.  We can have low serotonin levels and just dealing with the pain and fatigue daily can be depressing.  Many on this forum take antidepressants.  That does not make you mentally ill.
You might try the malic acid/magnesium supplements talked about here.  They help with pain and fatigue.  There is a link in the Fibro 101 thread all about them.  Read it and see what you think.
I hope both of you start having better days then you have been having.  Try to look at the good things you have going for you.  I know you do but we get so caught up in all of the bad things in life that we never look at the good things.  You have many blessings so try to focus on them and kick the negative stuff in the butt and move on!
Forum Moderator/ Fibromyalgia
Fibromyalgia, Crohn's Disease, Ostomy, Diabetes, Autoimmune Inner Ear Disease, Osteoporosis
God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.    2 Timothy 1:7

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1081
   Posted 11/25/2008 6:08 PM (GMT -6)   
Dear Sherrine: Amen to that. i got moving around, finally, at 4PM, went for a drive, picked up a few groceries and have to admit, I'm feeling much better, now. It is just that i get bogged down in the pain and fatique on days when I can't seem to get things done. I used to be a real firecracker, single mom, ywo boys, 2.5 jobs, travel, taking care of elderly family members, volunteering. Now if I manage to get the wash done and a meal cooked it's miraculous. Also, I have some difficulty getting enough pain medication from my doctor to carry me through the whole month. He gives me just one tablet short of what I need to keep functioning. Therefore I run out several days before I can get my prescription refilled. It's not a really strong medication but I need it to function. That's where I'm at right now a few days short of having enough medicine and in a flare. We do have a lot of stress though. I am downplaying Christmas big time this year because we probably can't afford a big shindig, plus i find shindigs make my Fibro worse and ofter result in a migraine. You're right about staying focused on the good things. I have many blessings. I just have to avoid being so self-absorbed. Thank-you for the wake-up call.  

Hypothyroidism, Fibromyalgia, Facet Joint Syndrome, High Blood Pressure, menopause, Migraines, Chest Pain, Anxiety and Depression/BiPolar II
Synthyroid .075mg., estradiol.5 mgs., Amyltriptilene, 100mgs, bedtime, Tylenol 3 PRN (six-eight, daily), Valium 7.5mgs. daily prn. Flexeril, prn (not so helpful), Zoloft,150mgs., Zomig approx. 12 per month, prn., Meds for High Blood Pressure, vary.

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40403
   Posted 11/25/2008 9:49 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Jennifer and Tyno,

Fibro really does change our lives. It can be devastating. Wanting to be able to do what you use to do and not being able to.

I hope that you both are able to handle the stress that the holidays have to offer. Remember we are all here for eachother and will be needing eachother during the holiday season. And what is to come when that is over. I am under six inches of snow. Lovely. But I hope to be skiing (cross country) after the holidays. If not, I will never make it through the winter. Well, I will but it wont be much fun. So here is to all of us staying together and being there for eachother. That is for everybody.

Luv and hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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