I am so sorry for all the pain you are going thru. It sounds as if you have it pretty bad with no good days, but things can get better!!
I did not want to take anything for depression either, but found out quickly that I needed it. The pain of this dd and the changes it made in my life were really getting me down. At least now I am able to look at things with a better attitude.
Please don't accept that you will always feel like this! There are many things out there you can try. As Karen suggested, the Fibro 101 thread has some good suggestions. Also, I was wandering if you have seen a Rheumatologist? My Rheumy tried all kinds of meds until we found something that worked.
I hope you stay with us. There is something to be said about having others that are going through the same thing to talk to. This place has been my lifeline. Some here have it worse than others, but we all have the same thing and are here to help each other.
Please keep us updated and I'm sure others will be along with great advice.
Never regret something that made you smile!
Jori, sweetheart- I am so glad that I visited this site before I went to bed. I guess you understand that many people here can relate to what you describe. You have gotten some good advice, and theres not much more I can add, but I did want to say a couple of things.
1] You do not have to accept that you will feel this way until you die. I understand your frustration, I really do, because 5 years ago I was where you are now. My experience has taught me that there are things I can do in my life that will make me more capable of living with FM and having a very full life. So try this on for size :) you are not doomed to a life of pain, misery, isolation, and hopelessness!
2] Meds- Antidepressants are not the enemy. Many of us are on these meds primarily because they have pain relieving qualities. I take cymbalta- 90mg/day, along with buspar 30 mg/day. I take this combo for pain management first, second for depression. I understand what you are saying about these meds and your desire not to follow in the footsteps of family members. However, this desire of yours may not be a good enough reason to deny taking meds that may be able to help you now AND in the long run. Read up on some meds that you see on people's signature and if any sound like something you may want to check out, make a note of it and talk with your doc about them. Please, let me seriously encourage you to rethink this.
3] I also take a combo of ultram and flexeril. Like many people here, I had to try several "cocktails" of med combinations before I found what worked for me. Be as assertive as you can with your doc, you may be young in years, but you know who you are and what you need. You will find ways to overcome many of the things that make you feel helpless now. Count on the people who you can trust, post here often and consider what people here tell you. This is not the end for you. You can have a full amd meaningful life!