how long to accept?

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mamanan
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Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 846
   Posted 11/29/2008 12:28 PM (GMT -7)   
How long did it take you to accept your fibro? How do you go about it?

I forgot my malic acid pills, again, for 2 days early last week. It took me the rest of that week and this week to recover. I'm still not where I was, but much better. I knew why I felt lousy, I knew that it woudln't last. I knew what to do to help me find a little relief. And yet, I still had moments where I cried, feeling sorry for myself, telling myself that I coulnd't have this DD. How was I to cope for the rest of my life? And feeling angry too. But I know that I am lucky, that I foudn somethign that works for me, and I'm not as bad off as I coudl be. I gave myslef all kinds of pep talks, but the anger and feelings of sadness are still there. I also realize that those are normal processes when faced with a chronic illness. But I've had since this summer to get used to the idea. Even longer when I think back of some symptoms that I've had for years and can now trace to fibro. When will I accept? Will it really be easier once I see the rheumy and I hope to get an official dx?

On a lighter note, the kids went to see Santa yesterday. I got a picture with all of them, they were all looking in the same place, adn all smiling to boot! Except for the baby. She had the biggest scowl, it was so funny. But at least she wasn't crying or tryign to get down, lol. :D
Waiting for appointment with rheumy (March 2009) to get an official dx. waiting, waiting, waiting....
Taking malic acid/magnesium combo, what a life saver! and amitriptyline


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40603
   Posted 11/29/2008 1:00 PM (GMT -7)   
I think that we go through the process differently. It takes a while to accept that things aren't going to be the way that they use to be. And remember that we are aging during the process so there would be some normal changes anyway.

It can get hard Mamanan, so don't be hard on yourself. It just takes time for acceptance. You will be find, I think that this is a normal process. And once you have come to the point of accepting, thngs will probably get easier. I still have days where I wonder, why me? But why not, I guess. Why do any of us have to have this dd? At least we all have eachother.

Luv and hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


jhawkfan
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 86
   Posted 11/29/2008 2:28 PM (GMT -7)   
I was just diagnosed in July, and it seems that for me anyway, I takes a very long time. It almost feels like a grieving process. I know that sounds strange, but that is what it feels like to me. I try so  hard to focus on "the new Sheri" and try andd do all I can to control my symptoms, but when it gets down to it, I miss the old me. It creeps up on me and when I have a long period of flaring, it shows itself. I thought I had come to accept this, and alot of it is because of this forum and being able to talk about it, but I am so angry today because I wanted to get my house clean and so I just started this mad attack on the house like I had something to prove and in the end, I am hurting so bad and I am completely exhausted and I am angry. I guess it is a process that everyone goes through at their own pace and in there own way. I am just going to take some time and pray tonight, because I need to. I hope you get to where you need to be mamanan and I do think when you get the diagnosis, you can actually begin. The great thing is that you have already found us! Take care of yourself.  
Gentle Hugs,
Sheri
 
Fibromyalgia,Epilepsy,RLS,DDD
 
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SleepyBug
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1097
   Posted 11/29/2008 2:55 PM (GMT -7)   
sheri, you are so right. it is a bit like a grieving process-letting go of who we used to be and accepting the "new" people that we are. that's been very hard for me, especially since my symptoms started in my late 20's just when i felt like i had finally "figured myself out". i had to scrap a lot of that self identity to be able to adjust to my new circumstances.

for me, acceptance is a day to day thing. some days i do much better than others. there are days when i wake up and think-ok, this is who i am now. i can't do everything and be everywhere like i used to, and that's ok. i still have so many wonderful things in my life-lots of love, lots of laughter, a wonderful husband who helps me in any way he can. but then there are other days when as soon as i open my eyes, all i can process is how much everything hurts and how much i miss my old self. then i start feeling sorry for myself, sorry for my husband and kids because i can't be everything to them in the way that i would like to. those are bad days, and when they come around i just try to breathe deeply and take it easy. (it is NOT easy, though!)

for the most part, i do ok on acceptance but believe me there are times...just this past halloween, i almost broke down in public and cried on the street because here i was out with my kids and they were having such a great time and there i was burning and aching and so so tired. it was a huge chore for me to walk the one mile or whatever we went for trick or treating. when i got home all i could do was cry and pound my pillow and yell at my husband about how unfair it all is! it's not fair! i'm only 35 years old! this is supposed to be the prime of my life, you know?

so yes-i do understand how you're feeling. this is all very hard, but as others have said, at least we do have each other! (i am SO glad to have found you all)

that all said, i do hope you get to feeling better soon.

very gentle hugs
~danielle

donnaeil
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 1156
   Posted 11/29/2008 8:08 PM (GMT -7)   
This is true for me also. lI find myself foolishly believing that even though I have fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue I am okay and just like everybody else.

But, I am not. I am in pain, exhausted, awaken stiff, slow to move around, you get my point.

In addition, I find myself making offers, if I swim, do cognitive therapy, use heating pads, medications, herbals, supplements, etc. then everything will be all right.

But, it is not. Acceptance is a good thing. When I accept that this is my life I am far happier. Acceptance means I do not have to be like the people whom I think are able to go through life without daily physical pain. I can just be my own wonderful self.

Acceptance would mean that when someone tells me I need to be vegetarian, or give up salicilates, or only eat organic food I can just sit back and say, "uh humm." I would not have to fight for the right to go through life with people telling me there is a cure and I am not disciplined enough to care for myself.

Ho humm. It must be the season for introspection. I have to get out of this funk. However, I must accept what is going on, it is only a bad flare and I will get back to the fun of living soon.

I think the doctors are wrong. They tell us that exercise and cognitive therapy works for us but fail to explain how. When I hear that something works it means the pain is reduced, a lot. However, after doing what they prescribe, I am still hurting.

I think they give advice without really knowing how well it works. It is almost as if they know most of us cannot exercise enough to even burn fat. But they tell us to do so anyway.

Okay, enough of this.

Donnaeil

Who exercises every day and used to attend cognitive therapy. I have done it all and still have this condition.

Marlee2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 6067
   Posted 11/30/2008 9:24 AM (GMT -7)   
I have accepted that this is my life for now, that I'm going to hurt everyday to some degree and my energy level is the pits. But I haven't resolved myself that this is going to be the rest of my life. Maybe I'm only fooling myself but I do believe they will come up with better meds to help us or even find the cause and cure.
 
There are still days when I get very angry at this DD. Yesterday was one of them. The weather was changing and my whole body became one big burning pain and after having the family home for 4 days I was soooo tired. I could have crawled in bed with all my moist heat sources and stayed for the day but I didn't cause time with my family is too precious but I was so upset with this DD and I guess on the inside I was having a little pity party.
 
We all woke up to snow this morning which excited all the grandkids but it was the cause of the increased pain yesterday.
 
luv and hugs
Marlee
Forum Moderator Fibromyalgia
 
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Sherrine
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 17101
   Posted 11/30/2008 1:23 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm with Marlee on this.  But, even though I have totally accepted fibro, I can still have moments of anger and frustration.  That's only normal!  Then, every once in a while...usually when I'm in the shower...I'll have a good cry and that releases the anger and frustration.  Then I will start to think about how fortunate I am that I only have fibro!  There are far worse things I could have so I end up putting a positive slant on this ugly illness.  It does help!
 
Sherrine
Forum Moderator/ Fibromyalgia
***********************
Fibromyalgia, Crohn's Disease, Ostomy, Diabetes, Autoimmune Inner Ear Disease, Osteoporosis
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.    2 Timothy 1:7


mamanan
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 846
   Posted 12/1/2008 6:57 AM (GMT -7)   
I guess I just hate not feelign in control. I know that I really could be so much worse off. I also had a talk with dh, and he is relieved I have fibro and not MS. So am I. But I'm too young to feel this old! I had yet another pity party last night. I had a bath b/c I was so sore and cold, and cried. I was sore from goign sliding with the kids. But I want to be a part of the fun! And really, how hard was it to climb a small hill? I waitress and run aroudn liek crazy some nights, adn I go on the treadmill for 1/2 hour each day. This shouldn't have been a hardship. So I was mad that I had to pay for having fun with my family. I also did some baking. I have resigned myslef that I won't do as much as the other years, and I'm ok with that, but I wanted to do some things for them. And I coudln't believe how hard it was. My legs ached so much from standing, adn the stirring was hard. But it shouldn't have been that difficult! I used a mixer for most of it. Am I really that weak now? After supper I just lay on the couch and fell asleep. After my bath I did feel a bit better, but I cried some more after dh went to bed. I was so wired I coulnd't sleep, so I watched the snow fall (yet another storm!) and felt really down. Now I'm starting to wonder if maybe the doctors had a point, and I do have depression? I'm just so confused! Do I have pain b/c I am depressed? Am I depressed b/c of the pain? Or is this just another facet of this wonderful DD? I knwo I have to have a positive outlook. I know that I shoudl be grateful not to be disabled, that I can still function. And why rage against what you can not change? But I just can't seem to get there this time. Maybe it is jsut the stress of the season bringing out the worst in me. I will mention this to my doctor the next time I see him though, probably make an appointment after Christmas.

Thank you for reading, adn for putting up with my rant and pity party. I will try not to have too many of those, but it helps to get it off your chest. What would I do without this support group? Thank you so much (((HUGS)))

ok, I better go tend to the kids. They have a snow day already, can you believe it? :P
Waiting for appointment with rheumy (March 2009) to get an official dx. waiting, waiting, waiting....
Taking malic acid/magnesium combo, what a life saver! and amitriptyline


GamJill
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 1279
   Posted 12/1/2008 8:09 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Mamanan-

I'm still going through a process -adapting to the new me, and learning to let go of the old me. I know with "time" passing it is better for me and I am able to accept it more and more each day. We're all unique and the amount of time it takes one person to accept this may be totally different for another. I too thank God for this support group and know we are in this together no matter what stage we're in!

With the holidays I'm learning quickly it adds more stress. I had guests from out of town and all the extra commotion (had granddog all week too) I am pooped! And the cold weather is giving me more pain - maybe for you also?

GamJill

 


 
 
Fibromyalgia, Depression, Anxiety, TMJ, Arthritis/neck, SAD
 
Zoloft, Tylenol 4000 mg., Darvocet  


Marlee2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 6067
   Posted 12/1/2008 9:26 AM (GMT -7)   
All the schools in this area are closed today too mamanan.
 
No fibro is not terminal and yes we are better off than so many but I don't think we have to like it, I've never done a happy dance cause all I have is fibro. This is a life altering disorder and I don't think we have to be martyrs because we don't have a terminal illness. Yes, a positive attitude does help but I think not being able to go out and play with your children in the snow without paying for it later is sad and is enough to bring you down. We may only have fibro but we are all human with emotions and those emotions are going to get the best of us sometimes. Fibro is enough to bring the strongest people to their knees at times. It's not like we are whining about having the sniffles here.
 
Mamanan, you went out and played with your children in the snow, there are a lot of healthy mothers that wouldn't do that. You are trying so hard to give your children as normal of a mom as you can and for that I applaud you. You are a positive person but cold and fibro doesn't mix well.
 
I think accepting fibro means you get up everyday and do the best you can with the pain and fatigue and figure out new ways to do things and accept the fact that there are things you can no longer do.
 
Thurs morning I was asking myself why I put myself through having Thanksgiving dinner here every year cause it seems to be harder each year but the thing is I want to do it for my family and fibro is not going to stop me from doing what I want. Yes, my house is a disaster and I feel like I've been beaten up but it is done and over and I had a good time.
 
luv and hugs
Marlee
Forum Moderator Fibromyalgia
 
Fibro,Sjogrens, Anxiety, Gastroparesis, IBS, Gastritis, Allergies, High Blood Pressure, Low Blood Sodium and Osteoarthritis
 
Amitriptyline, Celexa, Xanax, Synthroid, Zyrtec, Micardis, Spironalactone, Tylenol, Reglan, Lidoderm Patches and Tramadol
 
Co Q 10, Super B Complex, Extra B12, Multi vitamin

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