I knew I spoke too soon!:(

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kelly71
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 726
   Posted 12/15/2008 9:08 AM (GMT -7)   
As most of you know, I have been in a battle of wills with my mom.  I've been trying my hardest to get her to try to understand what fibro is like, and how it feels.  I thought that we were on the road to a happy ending (even though I knew that the ending was years from now), but we have hit a tremendous pothole in the road. sad
 
First of all, I am suffering from what I think is the flu.  What ever it is, I have a horrible sore throat (so bad that it hurts to talk!  I know!  Imagine ME not talking! shocked ), ear aches that make my head feel like it's gonna explode, double my normal aches & pains, this weird acid reflux that comes up when I bend over, and just generalized blah.  I have actually been sleeping (which I never do), I have a fever that hovers near 101, and I'm really not very hungry.  BTW-whenever I get sick like this, I have the tendency to cry-just cause I feel so bad. sad   Granted, there's not usually anyone around when I have this weep fest, but sometimes a good cry helps me feel better.
 
Anyway, my mom came into my room this AM to ask how I was feeling, and I just started crying.  She immediately rolled her eyes and asked me what the *@!# was wrong with me (her words).  I just pointed to my throat and motioned that my throat hurt.  She mumbled something and then walked out of the room.  After she left, I decided to get up and see what was on the computer.  I didn't even go near the computer yesterday-I just felt so bad.  Anyway, as I sat down, I noticed an email to my brother that my mom had just left lying in front of the computer for the world to see.  OK-I don't consider myself sneaky or the kind of person who goes digging for clues, or tries to invade people's privacy.  But, that email was sitting there, wide open.  And, in my opinion, if you don't want something read, don't leave it out so the whole world can see it.  Anyway, this is exactly what the email said, word for word.  I haven't changed anything-not even the grammatical errors.
 
"Well, don't know if dad told you, but your sister is home now, which has been a real issue.  I could stand it if she would just show a little appreciation for what we try to do to help her, but that ain't gonna happen!  I am just getting a small taste of what you went through when she moved to CA and lived off of you!  What a mess, but really she is very sick, MENTALLY!"
 
OK, how am I supposed to feel?  BTW, this is a vent, so I don't need anyone saying, "look at it from your mom's side."  What my mom says to me and what she says to other people are 2 different things.  BTW-this is the same woman who complains to me about my brother and his issues he has.
 
So, obviously, I am angry, but most of all, I am hurt. sad   This is the same woman who had begged me for years to move home, the same woman who promised, "I'll take care of you," and the same woman who tells me over & over again how much she appreciates my help around the house!
 
So, what do I do?  I'm trapped here in SC, but I've never wanted out of here so badly. sad    Does anyone want to adopt a stray for Xmas?  Seriously, I have never felt so trapped or lost in my life! cry
FINALLY dxd with fibro on 06/13/08
Vicodin, Neurontin, Ibuprofen for pain-which doesn't help, BTW
Zoloft & methadone (NOT for pain) for sanity-which doesn't help, BTW
Klonopin for anxiety (Guess what?  Doesn't help!)
Chantix (quit smoking 08/29/08)
 
"I'll take the Chivas instead"
-Kelly Clarkson


SleepyBug
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1097
   Posted 12/15/2008 9:43 AM (GMT -7)   
awww {{{hugs}}}

i am sooo sorry your mom is being like this :( it has to be awful feeling trapped like that with someone who doesn't seem to get it at all. have you tried sitting down with your mom and explaining to her what's really going on with you and telling her how much it hurts when she acts like that? i don't know if that would help, though..my mom can be like this, so i know how hard it can be to talk things over.

i wish i had better advice for you. i do hope that things get better soon. how long are you thinking you'll have to stay with them?

{{{more hugs}}}
~danielle

Orlo
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 139
   Posted 12/15/2008 9:48 AM (GMT -7)   
Just a note for your flu thing. Have you tried musinex? It you take one of those and a couple of sudafed ever 4 hours it helps with the ear pain.

It's so hard to try and deal with other people. about how I need to do things, how I shouldn't complain. My boyfriend laughs at me when I try to blame my symptoms on Fibromyalgia and gets sick of me telling him how bad I feel EVERY day. Sometimes the only way to get him to notice is to curl up crying histerically because I'm in so much pain.

I just wish there was some way to make them walk in our shoes for one day. Then maybe they'd understand.

I hope you feel better and hopefully your mom starts being more sympathetic!
Fibromyalgia: 2008

Effexor 150 mg, Flexril 5 mg, Gabapentin 600 mg


Chutz
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 9090
   Posted 12/15/2008 9:57 AM (GMT -7)   
Kelly...

I'm sorry your mother has hurt you this way. If it was a casual friend then you could brush it off but to have it be your own mother really does hurt. Believe it or not you do have choices even tho you feel 'stuck'. I felt stuck in a rotten marriage for many years, but now that I'm out and can look back I realize that there was help out there that I didn't know about and I could have gotten out if I had known.

You too have choices. Being in a situation where life is miserable and people are only dragging you down is going to make your life and pain worse. These are some motherly suggestions from MB who cares about you very much.

Talk to your mother about what you found, just like you shared with us. If she goes off on you then let it go and walk away. No sense in escalating things. If things don't smooth out with mother then it's time to move on...yes, you can with help that's out there. Living with a parent as an adult is one of the most challenging living situations there is on this planet! One reason mother birds push the young out of the nest and pretend they don't know them...lol

Next, start making phone calls and asking for some help. I'd begin with the Red Cross in your area. They know all of the resources and can get you going...even with housing. Don't waste your life being miserable. Even a life with fibro can be a good life. It's up to you to make a life for yourself. There are lots of great resources out there...use them!

At a bare minimum...ask your doc for a referral to a counselor who can help you sort your life out. They too have information on available resources who can help you. Remember, if you choose to do nothing that's exactly what you are going to get...nothing. Life will go on being miserable. I spent 20 years wasting my life away and lived to regret it. Don't make the same mistake...OK?

And always remember MB loves you and cares what happens! Please know that all of this was said in love...tough love. I want you to have a good life...you deserve it!

Chutzie
Co-Mod Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Forums
~~~
Fibromyalgia, Ulcerative Colitis, Insulin dependent diabetic, collapsed disk, dermatitis herpetiformus, osteo arthritis in spine and other locations.
***************

The only difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has it's limits. Albert Einstein: (1879-1955)


honeyprincess21
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 99
   Posted 12/15/2008 10:08 AM (GMT -7)   
Aw, Kelly I feel horrible for you! I don't know how your relationship was with your mom before the dx, but I would be devastated if my mom said something like that. That's just not right.

Are you going to let your mom know what you read? It might be good, depending on your family dynamics. At least then it would open up some channels of communication. It's so bad that she thinks it's in your head! I understand how hurtful that must be! Everyone pretty much things I'm lazy or whatever because I have no energy and hurt all the time. Then my family saw me last week when I could barely walk because I was in so much pain. When I feel that bad, I actually enjoy telling them no when they ask if there's anything they can do. That seems to cut down a little on them thinking I'm a big baby.

I wish there was more info to the world on FM and there wasn't such a stigma attached to it! If the public was more educated on this, I think things would be different.

Awww, I wish I had a 2 bedroom apt so I could invite you to come stay till everything works out with your mom :-(

Just know that you're not alone and all of us on this forum are here for you and understand what's going on.

And lastly --- you are not sick mentally!!

Kathy :-)
Endometriosis since 2002 diagnosis via laparoscopy
5 laparoscopies for Endometriosis from 2002 - present
Anxiety since 2004
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder since 2005
GERD since 2008
Fibromyalgia since 2008
Colonoscopy - 2008
Endoscopy (EGD) - 2008
 
Currently in Physical Therapy for Pelvic Floor spasms. Also for lower back, hip & thigh muscular problems.
 
* Baclofen
* Xanax for Anxiety
* Fish Oil Capsules
* Iron Pills
 
!!! At my wit's end with being "broken" !!!
 


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40587
   Posted 12/15/2008 10:18 AM (GMT -7)   
Kelly,

It sounds like your mom complains to everybody about everybody else. You said she says things about your brother to you. So maybe you should take it with a grain of salt right now. Atleast until you feel better.

I hope that you do feel better soon. Being sick on top of fibro is no fun.

It is so cold here today windchills below zero. I dread going out into the weather today.

Maybe you should talk to your mom and get the truth out in the open. I just think that you should concentrate on getting better right now. I am sorry that she hurt your feelings.

Look at all that you have accomplished in the last year. You have come a long way. Don't let this get you down.

And no, you are not mental.

Please feel better soon.

Luv and hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Marlee2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 6067
   Posted 12/15/2008 11:43 AM (GMT -7)   
Kelly, I do believe our mothers were related. God rest her soul, but that is all my mother ever did was complain about everyone in the family to everyone else. My mother was gone when I got fibro but I wouldn't have expected any support from her. This is why I keep saying there is no way I could have ever moved back in with my mother.
 
I'm sorry you read that e-mail somethings are best left unknown. I would confront her about it. Just to let her know how she really is. My mother said enough hurtful things to my face I can't imagine what she said behind my back and don't want to know.
 
You have enough mommies on here that do understand and care.
 
Get better soon.
 
luv and hugs
Marlee
Forum Moderator Fibromyalgia
 
Fibro,Sjogrens, Anxiety, Gastroparesis, IBS, Gastritis, Allergies, High Blood Pressure, Low Blood Sodium and Osteoarthritis
 
Amitriptyline, Celexa, Xanax, Synthroid, Zyrtec, Micardis, Spironalactone, Tylenol, Reglan, Lidoderm Patches and Tramadol
 
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K9
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 263
   Posted 12/15/2008 12:22 PM (GMT -7)   
So sorry for your pain, both physical and emotional, at this time. Many others have said all sorts of supportive things that I want to just echo and agree with - esp. about trying to get out of there.

But another thing I could add as a "Family Systems" therapist: sometimes reverse psychology really helps to lower the anxiety level in the household. When this "anxiety" is lowered, you will feel much more at ease and less stressed. So - reverse psychology - would be something like....telling your mom you found the email and you couldn't agree with her more that there is something wrong with you mentally. [Don't forget - I'm not saying there is - I'm saying this is a way to calm down the whole family.] She'll agree with you, and this is the hard part (swallowing it, as B.S.)...but stay the course. Then ask her what SHE THINKS you should do about it. Maybe she'll suggest a shrink, and pay for it. Bonus! Then go to the shrink and get the support you need.

Anyway, if you were a client, this is the first thing I'd suggest trying so...take it for what it's worth to you.

Blessings and hugs,
Anna
I have Fibromyalgia, and nothing else!
I take Lyrica 225 mg/day and Tramadol (150mg time-released)


Sherrine
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 17101
   Posted 12/15/2008 12:28 PM (GMT -7)   
Kelly, I'm so sorry that you are having this problem.  It sounds like your mother thrives on attention and "sympathy."  That's probably why she talks about you to your brother and talks about  your brother to you.  She, actually, is very insecure to do this...expecially with her own children!  You, on the other hand, are actually much stronger than she is!!!  You have overcome a lot in your young life and you do have a good life ahead of you. 
 
The timing for reading that email was horrible.  It's bad enough to be hurt like that but, when you factor in fibromyalgia, a fever, sore throat, and ear aches, that magnifies it even more. 
 
Try and let go of it.  The stress will make your fibro worse.  My advice is NOT to discuss that you read the email with her.  My reasons?  She would be furious and accuse you of more things and hurt you even more AND I don't think it would change a thing...except make your relationship with each other worse.  You now know how your Mom is.  She probably can't help herself.  Some people are just like that.  I do know she loves you but probably doesn't know how to show that either.  That makes a very lonely life for her.  You, Kelly, can love her but not necessarily like some of the things she does.  I guess this would be the love/hate relationship that we have heard about.
 
You have gotten some great ideas as to how to get out and on your own.  This would be the very best situation for you and you should actively start searching for help.  Meanwhile, try to keep the peace.  Confronting her would make things ten times worse, in my humble opinion, and  you are still under her roof.  Once you are out on your own, you will be able to forgive her but you should never live with her again.
 
I hope you start feeling better soon.  I really do care about you.
 
Sherrine 
Forum Moderator/ Fibromyalgia
***********************
Fibromyalgia, Crohn's Disease, Ostomy, Diabetes, Autoimmune Inner Ear Disease, Osteoporosis
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.    2 Timothy 1:7


K9
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 263
   Posted 12/15/2008 12:38 PM (GMT -7)   
Hmmm - well, it's hard to explain things fully on the internet, of course. But basically, the theory is that "emotional cutoff" (not communicating your feelings out in the open) between family members, while it SEEMS to be easier, actually is more stressful to the body. It drives those unresolved feelings underground. Avoidance, family secrets, these are all killers when it comes to raising the stress level of the whole family as a unit.

That's why I recommended confronting mother. But not in a "confrontational" way - more in a way of soliciting her help with the matter, rather than making her the enemy. What you do with her advice is up to you, as I said. And you may be surprised at her response.

Nonetheless, the decision is yours! Do whatever, in your wisdom, you deem best. And may you find peace and comfort within your family.

Take care,
Shutz
I have Fibromyalgia, and nothing else!
I take Lyrica 225 mg/day and Tramadol (150mg time-released)


Sherrine
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 17101
   Posted 12/15/2008 12:56 PM (GMT -7)   
I suggested that you not confront your Mom because it won't change a thing, you are very hurt and angry about it right now, and you are still living with her.  You have vented and will continue to vent here so you aren't holding it all in.  When you get on your own, your anger will subside and you will be able to forgive her. 
 
I have had many situations in my life where I was hurt badly...even with my parents...but I could forgive them and let it go.  That has been my experience, so that was my advice.  Shutz is a "family systems" therapist so I'm sure she has dealt with things like this but I know, for me, I would not be untruthful and also "admit" that I had mental problems!  I think that would cause me more stress!  turn
 
So, you have gotten a lot of different thoughts and ideas on how to handle the situation.  You are the one that has to carry out whatever you decide and you also know yourself and  your family the best.  I know you'll make the right decision.  I'll be praying for peace in  your family.  We are all here for you!
 
Sherrine
Forum Moderator/ Fibromyalgia
***********************
Fibromyalgia, Crohn's Disease, Ostomy, Diabetes, Autoimmune Inner Ear Disease, Osteoporosis
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.    2 Timothy 1:7


donnaeil
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 1156
   Posted 12/15/2008 8:30 PM (GMT -7)   
I agree with the folks who say do not confront her. Thinking back to my mom, she would leave a message like that out for me to see accidentally. You never know who that note was really intended for.

After enduring my mother for most of my life, I found I had to step away. She would never be able to communicate honestly with me. She was not capable of it.

Since she begged you to come home she must have wanted you around. It is not any fun for some people to not have someone to complain about.

I say, find a way to enjoy this holiday season. I learned to not let my mother ruin the good times. When I appeared happy despite her manipulations she was openly confused. After a while, she would give up because I would not let her make me miserable.

I do not know if there are any shelters that you can live in until you find a rent subsidized apartment. In Washington, the shelters are actual private apartments or, rooms in a shelter hotel.

I am sorry you had to see this but remember, this is holiday time and she probably is dealing with her inner demons.

Become happy, get well and take care,

Donnaeil

Sera Smiles
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 671
   Posted 12/16/2008 3:30 AM (GMT -7)   
Kelly, keep your chin up- we all know your strong sense of survival and your determination to live a positive life. All I want to say to you is trust your instincts, and continue to focus on regaining your power in this game your mom is playing. I would like to share one thing with you- I think I have posted about this particular thing once or twice, it is really new to me [the discovery through working with a talented social worker that my mom is a Munchausen by proxy Mother] Having learned about my munchausen mom made so many crazy pieces fall into place. Now that I can recognize her games, I can counter them and take back my power. Remain focused on Y-O-U. When you want to scream and make her understand, take a breath and remember that its not about her comprehension, its about maintaining your life's direction. I believe that she did want you to find the email and most likely knows you read it. That is called passive-aggressive, a very clever game that helps her keep your power. I agree with what Sherrine said- you can love her, but not love her behavior. Please do try and visit a counselor to help you clear away the cobwebs and make a plan about getting a new place and learning how to build boundaries around your life to keep you emotionally safe. FYI- perhaps you can call the local salvation army. Usually there is is either a social services department, or at least a social worker at smaller Corps. Many Army Corps have received federal and state/local grants to help people resettle. I managed one such dept so if I can help you get started, I will be happy to.
 "It's never too late to be who you might have been"  George Eliot
 
Dx FM- 2003
Rx Meds- Ultram, Buspar, Flexeril, Toprol, Cymbalta,
OTC meds- Benadryl, Claritin, Melatonin, Valerian, B Complex, Multi Vitamin
 
 


GamJill
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 1279
   Posted 12/16/2008 9:59 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Kelly-

Sorry to hear about you and your mom and the e-mail you found. How sad. Especially right at the holidays. Can't change her Kelly. But I know it still hurts to read what you did. Ouch! I don't think much is going to change till your out on your own again. I know you tried to live with her but it is not working. shakehead

You have got MommaBird and alot of other mothers here that will adopt you or pretty much have already like Marlee said, "I" being one of them! You can't pick your family but you can pick your friends- and you have "alot of them right here."

Hope your feeling a little better today-

GamJill


 
 
Fibromyalgia, Depression, Anxiety, TMJ, Arthritis/neck, SAD
 
Zoloft, Tylenol 4000 mg., Darvocet  


kelly71
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 726
   Posted 12/17/2008 9:31 AM (GMT -7)   
I apologize to everyone for not responding sooner.  I went to the doctor, yesterday and he seems to think that I have the flu and/or a really bad sinus infection. sad   He also asked me if I had acid reflux and if I snored.  OMG!  How did he know that?  Ever since I have been sick, I have this horrible reflux when I bend over (the acid feels like it is just at the back of my throat, and OMG, it burns! shocked ).  Also, I have never snored, but again, ever since I've been sick, I have been snoring so loud, it wakes me up!  He recommended that I get a sleep study because he thinks I have sleep apnea.  LOL-just another fibro related thing, I guess. :-)
 
Anyway, I really want to thank everyone for their kind words and advice that they left for me.  It really made me feel so much better just to know that someone wants me to be around.  And, for all the "Mama's" out there, even though I know you were kidding, your adoption offers mean more to me than you'll ever know.  Sometimes when you're sick, all it takes (for me, anyway) is a kind word, cyberhug, or adoption offer, LOL, to make me smile. wink
 
So far, I've decided not to say anything to my mom about that email.  It still hurts me deeply by what she said, but for right now, nothing positive could come out of confronting her. shakehead   Also, I don't know if she meant to leave it where I could see it or not.  I'm still very confused by everything that email said.  But, for now, I've decided to "lay low" and not say anything.  Luckily, my voice is still very hoarse, so I'm not getting the 3rd degree when I'm not talking. wink
 
Alrighty, I just wanted to thank y'all again for your advice.  I love every one of y'all, and I don't know how I could make it through some of these days without my family. yeah
FINALLY dxd with fibro on 06/13/08
Vicodin, Neurontin, Ibuprofen for pain-which doesn't help, BTW
Zoloft & methadone (NOT for pain) for sanity-which doesn't help, BTW
Klonopin for anxiety (Guess what?  Doesn't help!)
Chantix (quit smoking 08/29/08)
 
"I'll take the Chivas instead"
-Kelly Clarkson


GamJill
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 1279
   Posted 12/17/2008 3:30 PM (GMT -7)   
So many bugs are going around Kelly-  I have kept my 17 yr old home the last 2 days with some nasty upper respiratory. His whole body aches, sore throat and is so plugged up! I have been running around with my Clorox wipes, wiping down as many things I can think of that he touches the most- and hoping I won't get sick before Christmas. Keeping my fingers crossed!
 
This week my sinuses have been going crazy with our extreme cold weather. I bend over and it drips like a faucet out my nose. (Too much information, hee-hee) A little better today.
 
I hope you start to feel better soon and did he start you on an anti-biotic for the sinus infection?
 
GamJill
 
 
 
 
 
 
Fibromyalgia, Depression, Anxiety, TMJ, Arthritis/neck, SAD
 
Zoloft, Tylenol 4000 mg., Darvocet  


kelly71
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 726
   Posted 12/18/2008 7:31 AM (GMT -7)   
GJ,
 
I'm sorry your son is sick.  Apparently, the flu (or whatever this stuff is) is running rampant here in SC.  I'm sure I got it partly because of the change of weather, stress, stress, and more stress! wink    Anyway, yes, my doctor Rxd me Keflex (Cephalexin).  It is one of the few antibiotics I can take because I am allergic to almost everything else.  He also gave me AcipHex (rabeprazole sodium) for my acid reflux.  I've only been on then for 2 days, so I don't really notice a change.  But, as we all have gotten used to, we always have to wait and see if they help. rolleyes
 
I still haven't said a word about the email I found, and for now, I'm gonna just pretend that I know nothing about it.  I think I was really lucky that I found it when my mom wasn't around, because I have the bad habit of reacting before thinking.  Of course, I am still incredibly hurt and sometimes I really want to say something to her, but I'm keeping my mouth closed (which you all know is almost impossible for me!). smhair
 
Again, I really do appreciate everyone's words of encouragement.  Sometimes I really wish I could come and stay with some of my "Adoptive Grandmas." :-)    Everyone has made this incredibly difficult time a little bit better.  I love y'all! blush
FINALLY dxd with fibro on 06/13/08
Vicodin, Neurontin, Ibuprofen for pain-which doesn't help, BTW
Zoloft & methadone (NOT for pain) for sanity-which doesn't help, BTW
Klonopin for anxiety (Guess what?  Doesn't help!)
Chantix (quit smoking 08/29/08)
 
"I'll take the Chivas instead"
-Kelly Clarkson


GamJill
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 1279
   Posted 12/19/2008 6:19 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm proud of you Kelly for thinking this through with your moms e-mail and not reacting to it right away- I know that had and has to be hard.
 
I can only take Keflex too! In fact just finished up mine for my abcessed tooth and have to start on it again 5 days before the next dentist appt. in January. The infection had got so bad I had to have 2 rounds of it.
 
Hope your new medication for acid reflux starts to work and you can get some relief, it's bad enough we have pain, and then throw a bug or two in and acid reflux and that tells me your miserable.  sad
 
Get better-
 
GamJill
 
 
 
Fibromyalgia, Depression, Anxiety, TMJ, Arthritis/neck, SAD
 
Zoloft, Tylenol 4000 mg., Darvocet  

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