Two fibro-mites walk into a bar....

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vestabula
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Date Joined Nov 2008
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   Posted 1/1/2009 6:00 PM (GMT -7)   
Two fibromites, Helen and Shirley, walk into a bar.  Helen is dressed in a faux fox, ankle length coat, ear muffs and oven mits because she lost her gloves.  Shirley is draped in a Gortex cape insulated with whale blubber to keep her warm.  Around her neck is a ten foot boa that matches her sock cap perfectly.  They sit down at the bar, shivering, as they have driven there in a blizzard.  Helen tells the bartender she would like a hot toddy.  "I'll have the same thing as my friend, a Miller Lite," Shirley says.  They sit there for a moment and Helen says..."Gee, do you think we should be drinking Singapore Slings on our Lyrica?"  Shirley shrugs her shoulders and replies..."How much harm could a glass of wine do?"
 
Suddenly Shirley gets a wild eyed look on her face.  'My Lyrica...I don't know if it took it today!"  She dumps her entire purse on the bar and finds her 'as seen on t.v.' pill case, opens it up and there is no Lyrica in the little well so she is relieved that she has taken it.  She starts to stuff everything back in her purse and notices there are no car keys in the mess.  She panics.  Sheepishly, she tells Helen she must have locked her keys in the car again.  "WELL, GO LOOK!" Helen screams not wanting to spend fifty bucks on a taxi.
 
Shirley stands up, gets her heel caught in the hem of her cape and falls to the floor, chipping her tooth and biting her tongue.  Helen hops off her barstool, bends over her friend to help her up and gets a killer muscle spasm in her back.  Nevertheless, she offers Shirley her hand but the weight is too much and she too drops to the floor like a tree in the forest.  While they try to hoist each other up, other patrons in the bar have gathered around, thinking this is some kind of girly-girl entertainment and start placing bets on which one will fall unconscious first.
 
Helen's back spasm has forced her into the fetal position. "Someone call a...bambalence!  A mamublance!  That trucky-thing that takes you to the hospital!" she yells.  The bartender calls 911.  The women remain on the floor, although Shirely rakes her hand through the filth looking for the piece of her tooth that broke off.
 
The ambulance comes, puts them both on stretchers and off they go.
 
"Turn off the siren...it hurts my ears!"  Shirley yells to the driver.
 
There is sweet blessed silence, then Helen turns to her friend and says:  "I just remembered...You didn't drive...I did."
 
Who says fibromites can't have fun???
 
donna
 
 
fibro, menieres disease, RLS, anxiety disorder, disc compression, scoliosis, spinal stenosis TMJ  Meds: Lexapro and valium


AustenFan
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Date Joined Aug 2008
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   Posted 1/1/2009 6:10 PM (GMT -7)   
That is so creative and funny! smilewinkgrin
"There is no charm equal to tenderness of  heart." - Jane Austen
 
 
Fibromyalgia, 2 back surgeries, Meniere's Disease, 30+ kidney stones, GERD, IBS, Asthma, Allergies, Endometriosis, Heart Arrythmia, Myofascial Pain, TMJ.
 
 
 
 
 
 


getting by
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   Posted 1/1/2009 6:18 PM (GMT -7)   
That was cute, how did you come up with that?

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
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Ginny
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   Posted 1/1/2009 7:37 PM (GMT -7)   
I can always count on a Donna thread to give me a laugh.  turn
I can do anything through Jesus Christ who strengthens me. I have learned in whatever state I am in,to be content. Phillipians 4:11-13

34 years old. Diagnosed with Lupus in 2000. Fibromyalgia, Anti-phospholipid syndrome(APS)(stroke, 2002), Sjogren's, Raynaud's, Libman Sach's Endocarditis, vasculitis, sacroiliitis, arthritis (neck), anxiety. Prednisone, Imuran, Coumadin, Clobazam, Amitriptyline, Didrocal, Cozaar, Zoloft, Neurontin, calcium, multi-vitamin, vitamin D, Magnesium, vitamin B6, Acidophilus
 
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Chutz
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Date Joined Jan 2005
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   Posted 1/1/2009 7:39 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh my Lordy!!! Who was at that place watching Sherrine and me last weekend! shocked That is such a riot...I love it. I can just feel all of that bumbling around as if I've lived it before. smhair Thanks for posting a laugh...we all can use one.

Chutzie
Co-Mod Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Forums
~~~
Fibromyalgia, Ulcerative Colitis, Insulin dependent diabetic, collapsed disk, dermatitis herpetiformus, osteo arthritis in spine and other locations.
***************

The only difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has it's limits. Albert Einstein: (1879-1955)


springfling
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Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 519
   Posted 1/1/2009 9:51 PM (GMT -7)   

Love it!!  I'll have to show this one to my sis, it sounds just like us! lol

Thanks again Donna! I always can count on a good laugh when I see your name!!

Hugs!!   Margie


Never regret something that made you smile!

Fibromyalgia*Osteoarthritis*Sleep Apnea*Restless Leg Syndrome * Depression*Fatigue*Allergy/Sinus*Menopause


jewelrylady
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Date Joined Jun 2008
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   Posted 1/2/2009 1:20 AM (GMT -7)   
Oh Donna, I laughed & laughed, thank you so much.  I really needed today.  Love it.  Hugs, Denise

 I have:  Fibromyalgia, CFS, Holt-Oram Syndrome, nasal allergies, depression, TMJ

Meds: Ibuprofen 600mg every 4-6 hours, Cyclobenzaprine 10 mg, Simvastatin 20mg, Citaloram 20mg Melatonin 5mg Sublingual, B12 sublingual, B Complex, Folic Acid, Omega 3

Married to a wonderful supportive husband & between us we have 4 children & 7 grandchildren.

As apples of gold in silver carvings is a word spoken at the right

time for it.  Prov. 25:11


jewelrylady
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Date Joined Jun 2008
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   Posted 1/2/2009 1:27 AM (GMT -7)   
Ok, OK, I just had to thank you again.  I printed it out to show my DD, also a Fibromite, saw the part about the oven mitts & have been practically rolling on the floor with the giglles.  Would you please sign my copy?  Thank you.  Hugs, Denise

 I have:  Fibromyalgia, CFS, Holt-Oram Syndrome, nasal allergies, depression, TMJ

Meds: Ibuprofen 600mg every 4-6 hours, Cyclobenzaprine 10 mg, Simvastatin 20mg, Citaloram 20mg Melatonin 5mg Sublingual, B12 sublingual, B Complex, Folic Acid, Omega 3

Married to a wonderful supportive husband & between us we have 4 children & 7 grandchildren.

As apples of gold in silver carvings is a word spoken at the right

time for it.  Prov. 25:11


ericsmom
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Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 1042
   Posted 1/2/2009 6:56 AM (GMT -7)   
LMBO!!!!!!!!  I thought you were writing about Sherrine and Marlee tongue tongue tongue
Fibromyagia, R/A, Diabetes, Atrial Fib, depression

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Some people dream of angels, I held one in my arms


vestabula
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Date Joined Nov 2008
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   Posted 1/2/2009 7:10 AM (GMT -7)   

Oh, if only I was writing about Sherrine and Marlee...they would have ordered a glass of water with a wedge of lemon! tongue Plus Sherrine would have managed to get up and whack all the on lookers with her cane right where it counts!  And Marlee never EVER loses her car keys or forgets if she took her pills.  Oh, if only...

donna 

 


fibro, menieres disease, RLS, anxiety disorder, disc compression, scoliosis, spinal stenosis TMJ  Meds: Lexapro and valium


Marlee2
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Date Joined Aug 2007
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   Posted 1/2/2009 11:35 AM (GMT -7)   
Donna my dear do you have any idea how much it hurts to laugh when you have a broken rib??? I do, you laugh and cry at the same time. cry tongue
 
If it had been me I wouldn't have worn oven mitts, I would have worn Ove Gloves. It would have taken a GPS for me to find the bar. My choice of drink is Diet Pepsi, one shot of alcohol mixed with the xanax would have put me on the floor without tripping. I always have the extra set of keys in my purse, the trick is to remember not to lock my purse in the car. Your never going to get Sherrine out of Florida in the winter. I can see GamJill doing something like that since she likes her spirits. devil
 
Years ago my two sisters and I went to the cemetery to put flowers on our dad's grave. My middle sister was driving and when we got out of the car the dummy locked the doors with the keys in the car. Now who locks their car doors at a cemetery, it's not like anyone out there is going to steal your car. This was before we all carried cell phones with us so we were stranded out in the middle of no where cause the cemetery is in the country. We had to rob a wreath holder off of a grave to use to unlock the a door. And she doesn't have fibro.
 
I just spent over an hour and a half at the vets with Krissy, why you might ask??? No one told me when I got there her app. was not at 10:00 but 11:00. They just let me sit there and hold her for an extra hour. I couldn't put her on the floor cause she hadn't had her last shots. One of the girls that works there mother has fibro and she is getting it too so you would think she would have figured out it was the fibrofog that had me there an hour early and told me. I don't live that far away and could have come back home for an hour. My arms are hurting from holding her for so long but she now has all her shots. I feel like they treated me like some little old lady that doesn't like to be late for appointments.
 
luv and hugs
Marlee
 
 
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ivy6
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   Posted 1/2/2009 3:28 PM (GMT -7)   
:-) Thanks so much for the laugh!!! :-)
Co-Moderator Crohn's Forum.


GamJill
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Date Joined Jun 2008
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   Posted 1/3/2009 10:45 AM (GMT -7)   
Marlee- I am Shirley in that story! Really, how much harm can a glass of wine do??  devil
The cemetery story was good too-
 
Donna, you are a hoot-
 
GamJill
 
 
 
Fibromyalgia, Depression, Anxiety, TMJ, Arthritis/neck, SAD
 
Zoloft, Tylenol 4000 mg., Darvocet  


Marlee2
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Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 6067
   Posted 1/3/2009 12:51 PM (GMT -7)   
A glass of wine would be fine if you could remember to only drink one glass GamJill. Hope Sherrine doesn't look for her medicinal Rum she keeps for her so called "mouth sores" since we were at her house. smilewinkgrin
 
Please behave yourself when we go to Kelly's house warming. turn
 
luv and hugs
Marlee
 
Forum Moderator Fibromyalgia
 
Fibro,Sjogrens, Anxiety, Gastroparesis, IBS, Gastritis, Allergies, High Blood Pressure, Low Blood Sodium and Osteoarthritis
 
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pattipanda
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Date Joined Jan 2009
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   Posted 1/3/2009 12:59 PM (GMT -7)   
LOL... Priceless!!!
Patti
 
Fibormyalgia, 4x Lyme Disease Survivor, Depression, Anxiety Disorder, Dyslexia, 2 Lumbar Disk Herniations, Allergies, Heart Disease, Bi-lateral Carpel Tunnel.  (Still being tested for other disorders/or whatevers).


Sherrine
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Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 17094
   Posted 1/3/2009 1:47 PM (GMT -7)   
Kind of looks like I have a reputation here, huh, ladies?  smilewinkgrin
 
This had me laughing so hard Donna!  I don't know where you come up with all of this.  You should write a book!  Hehehehe  devil
 
Marlee, you can get me out of Florida in the winter if I'm heading south!  turn
 
Sherrine
Forum Moderator/ Fibromyalgia
***********************
Fibromyalgia, Crohn's Disease, Ostomy, Diabetes, Autoimmune Inner Ear Disease, Osteoporosis
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.    2 Timothy 1:7


Marlee2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 6067
   Posted 1/3/2009 2:07 PM (GMT -7)   
GamJill, I will meet you down there. Sherrine is going to be gone so we will have the house to ourselves again. Did you read the blah, blah, blah she wrote about getting out of Florida and going further south, she will pay. devil
 
We are all going to Sherrine's to party til Kelly has her house warming party.
 
Donna, we will build you a stage so you can give live performances for us in Florida, sound like fun???
 
I called her daughter to okay everything with her.
 
luv and hugs
Marlee
Forum Moderator Fibromyalgia
 
Fibro,Sjogrens, Anxiety, Gastroparesis, IBS, Gastritis, Allergies, High Blood Pressure, Low Blood Sodium and Osteoarthritis
 
Amitriptyline, Celexa, Xanax, Synthroid, Zyrtec, Micardis, Spironalactone, Tylenol, Reglan, Lidoderm Patches and Tramadol
 
Co Q 10, Super B Complex, Extra B12, Multi vitamin


GamJill
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Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 1279
   Posted 1/3/2009 2:20 PM (GMT -7)   
I read the blah, blah, blah about going further south-
 
Sherrine does not realize that she will not have "any" cute cabana boys or waiters because they will "all" be poolside at her house with us!  
 
Marlee- I will behave at Kelly's house warming party. smilewinkgrin
 
GamJill
 
 
Fibromyalgia, Depression, Anxiety, TMJ, Arthritis/neck, SAD
 
Zoloft, Tylenol 4000 mg., Darvocet  


Sherrine
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Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 17094
   Posted 1/3/2009 3:10 PM (GMT -7)   
I'll be turning my security cameras on and will see what you are up to.  The cabana boys are coming with me.  They have never been on a cruise before so I'll show them the ropes.  yeah
 
Sherrine
Forum Moderator/ Fibromyalgia
***********************
Fibromyalgia, Crohn's Disease, Ostomy, Diabetes, Autoimmune Inner Ear Disease, Osteoporosis
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.    2 Timothy 1:7


vestabula
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 2855
   Posted 1/3/2009 3:43 PM (GMT -7)   

Cool...A Kegger at Sherrines!  Bring your bathing suits because she has a pool...and TONS of that so called canker sore rum.  Don't wrorry about being cold....her thermosat goes up to 90 degrees so if the temp dips below 80, we'll just crank it up!  If you know any fine fine dudes, like Harley Biker Boys or Dead headers, feel free to invite them also!

No peeing in the pool or puking on the rug.  Those are the only rules!

Be there or be square!

donna


fibro, menieres disease, RLS, anxiety disorder, disc compression, scoliosis, spinal stenosis TMJ  Meds: Lexapro and valium


Green Grove
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Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2424
   Posted 1/3/2009 5:02 PM (GMT -7)   
Donna, you are cracking me up again, roflmbo :) Thank you so much :)
Much Love, Hugs, Peace and Comfort!!!  Your Bro. . . Sam :)
 ~Co-Moderator Anxiety & Panic Forum~
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Not a medical professional.  Seek your physician's advice before making changes to your meds or lifestyle :)


julieleaps
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 257
   Posted 1/3/2009 10:10 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you! I'm going to have to start hanging out here more often...
Still learning how to manage my Fibromylagia, and all the lovely gifts it brings.   
I had severe spinal stenosis, had fusion done on C5-7, and my life has changed. 
 
 


jewelrylady
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Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 717
   Posted 1/29/2009 2:59 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey donna,  I hope you don't mine my bumping this up.  I thought we needed a little bit of laughter & give the everyone who hasn't snn it a chance to read it.  hugs, Denise

 I have:  Fibromyalgia, CFS, Holt-Oram Syndrome, nasal allergies, depression, TMJ

Meds: Ibuprofen 600mg every 4-6 hours, Cyclobenzaprine 10 mg, Simvastatin 20mg, Citaloram 20mg Melatonin 5mg Sublingual, B12 sublingual, B Complex, Folic Acid, Omega 3

Married to a wonderful supportive husband & between us we have 4 children & 7 grandchildren

As apples of gold in silver carvings is a word spoken at the right time for it.    Prov. 25:11

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