Newest Cure for Fibro-mites

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vestabula
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 2855
   Posted 1/2/2009 3:11 PM (GMT -7)   
BILLY MAYS HERE, FOR JOLT AND JERK, OUR NEW AND IMPROVED SHOCK COLLAR FOR TODAY'S fIBRO-MITE!  THIS LOVELY COLLAR IS CRAFTED FROM IMPORTED CORINTHIAN LEATHER AND ADORNED WITH SIX CULTURED PEARLS...NOT ONLY A SHOCK COLLAR BUT AN ASSET TO YOUR JEWELRY COLLECTION AS WELL!  INSIDE THE LEATHER BAND THERE ARE TINY MICRO-CHIPS DESIGNED BY NASA SCIENTISTS, AS WELL AS A MOTION DETECTOR.  ARE YOU TOO CLOSE TO THAT SHIN BUSTING COFFEE TABLE...ZAPPPPP!  ARE YOU about TO POUR CINNAMON ALL OVER YOUR POTATO SALAD INSTEAD OF PAPRIKA...HOLY CRAP...A JOLT THAT WILL MAKE YOUR FINGERS TINGLE FOR A WEEK...OUCH! YOU WON'T DO THAT AGAIN!  ARE YOU SO OUT OF IT THAT YOU BEGIN TO STICK THE HOUSE KEY IN THE CAR INGNITION?  NOT WITH THE JOLT AND JERK AROUND YOUR NECK...BZZZZZZ...NOW, DON'T SWALLOW YOUR TONGUE!
 
NEVER AGAIN WASH YOUR CLOTHES IN LIME AWAY!  BLAMO!
 
COMES IN FOUR MAGNIFICENT COLORS...PINK, BLUE, GREEN AND BLACK.  THERE ARE THREE CONVEINENT SETTINGS, 110 VOLTS, 220 VOLTS AND 'STUN GUN'.  CALL 1-800-SHOCK ME AND TELL THE OPERATOR BILLY SENT YOU!  IF YOU CALL IN THE NEXT TEN MINUTES WE WILL DOUBLE OUR OFFER AND INCLUDE A POLYMER MOUTH GUARD AND A HOCKEY HELMET, A $40.00 VALUE!
 
YES, I AM SCREAMING BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I DO!
 
CAUTION:  DO NOT USE IN THE SHOWER OR WHILE SWIMMING. AND OF COURSE, OUR MONEY BACK GUARANTEE MINUS SHIPPING AND HANDLING.  KEEP THE MOUTH GUARD AS OUR GIFT!
 
 
Oh...I wish it would quit snowing so I could get a life!
 
hugs,
donna
 


fibro, menieres disease, RLS, anxiety disorder, disc compression, scoliosis, spinal stenosis TMJ  Meds: Lexapro and valium

Post Edited (vestabula) : 1/2/2009 3:23:55 PM (GMT-7)


Orlo
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 139
   Posted 1/2/2009 3:55 PM (GMT -7)   
That was too funny! That is how Billy Mays would type, all caps. Thanks for brightening my day a bit. I too am stuck inside due to a blizzard shocked
Fibromyalgia: 2008

Effexor 150 mg, Flexril 5 mg, Gabapentin 600 mg


donnaeil
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 1156
   Posted 1/2/2009 9:12 PM (GMT -7)   
Rofl ty ty ty

Gr8 1 again. I like the mouth guard and the helmet.

Donnaeil

springfling
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 519
   Posted 1/2/2009 9:18 PM (GMT -7)   

Oh Donna!

I may have to buy some depends for the times I get online & read your posts. You are just too much!! Thanks again for the laughs and keep'm coming I've got some real thick pads to last until I buy the depends!

Margie

 


Never regret something that made you smile!

Fibromyalgia*Osteoarthritis*Sleep Apnea*Restless Leg Syndrome * Depression*Fatigue*Allergy/Sinus*Menopause


Green Grove
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2424
   Posted 1/2/2009 10:38 PM (GMT -7)   
Donna,

That was so funny :) Thank you so much, lol.
Much Love, Hugs, Peace and Comfort!!!  Your Bro. . . Sam :)
 ~Co-Moderator Anxiety & Panic Forum~
 "When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on!"
~Franklin D. Roosevelt~
~Click on the Ads to help HealingWell.com~
Not a medical professional.  Seek your physician's advice before making changes to your meds or lifestyle :)


julieleaps
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 257
   Posted 1/2/2009 10:48 PM (GMT -7)   
I am so glad I checked in, if even for a minute!! 
 
That is just too funny!!
 
Thank you! 
 
tongue   turn yeah
Still learning how to manage my Fibromylagia, and all the lovely gifts it brings.   
I had severe spinal stenosis, had fusion done on C5-7, and my life has changed. 
 
 


Marlee2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 6067
   Posted 1/3/2009 1:15 PM (GMT -7)   
Margie it is sprinkling here a little, how about there??? We have no snow or ice left. smilewinkgrin
 
I'm sorry Donna that you are having more snow but as long as your snowed in you will entertain us. devil Can this be put on permantely or do we have to remember to put it on everyday???
 
I'm waiting for the fabric glue to come out in the stores that have "as seen on TV" stuff so I can glue the darn cushions on the back of my couch so they will stay put. Don't ever buy a couch with loose cushions on the back. It's guaranteed to fix everything including a parachute.
 
luv and hugs
Marlee
 
 
Forum Moderator Fibromyalgia
 
Fibro,Sjogrens, Anxiety, Gastroparesis, IBS, Gastritis, Allergies, High Blood Pressure, Low Blood Sodium and Osteoarthritis
 
Amitriptyline, Celexa, Xanax, Synthroid, Zyrtec, Micardis, Spironalactone, Tylenol, Reglan, Lidoderm Patches and Tramadol
 
Co Q 10, Super B Complex, Extra B12, Multi vitamin


WyldOrchid5150
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 174
   Posted 1/3/2009 1:48 PM (GMT -7)   
smilewinkgrin  holy smokes!rotf****!(ok,when anybody else types that,do you have to think about it a minute..?rtol?rofltma?crap.....)

springfling
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 519
   Posted 1/3/2009 3:45 PM (GMT -7)   

Marlee,

We're getting the same here. Just some sprinkles off and on. I can't believe all that snow is gone! yeah Thought it would be here till April! Let me know when that glue comes out. I've got a lot of places I could use it!

Hugs!!  Margie


Never regret something that made you smile!

Fibromyalgia*Osteoarthritis*Sleep Apnea*Restless Leg Syndrome * Depression*Fatigue*Allergy/Sinus*Menopause


anxietyridden
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 171
   Posted 1/3/2009 3:49 PM (GMT -7)   
LOL this is too funny! I always have wondered why that guy seems to represent such a HUGE myriad of products that are available only on TV. And does he have to talk so loud? I don't know about anyone else but there are nights that I've drifted off on the couch only to be jerked awake by him screaming at me to buy some Lime-Away, or fabric glue or a car buffer.

vestabula
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 2855
   Posted 1/3/2009 4:07 PM (GMT -7)   
Marlee...you won't have to remember to wear it every day because once your brain stem is fried, the skin on your face is shriveled up and there is no more hair on your head, you will have learned your lesson and the Fog will never return.  it's called 'Bi-nomial-tansversion hydro-cortisone lactotrioctane dysplasia'.  Billy guarantees it and even if it doesn't work, just think of the lovely mouth guard you get to keep as a free gift.
 
No more shin-busting for me!  I'll risk the third degree burns on my neck...plus when I'm done with it I can try it on my dog who keeps wandering out of the yard!  Such a deal!
 
donna
fibro, menieres disease, RLS, anxiety disorder, disc compression, scoliosis, spinal stenosis TMJ  Meds: Lexapro and valium

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