HELP me PLEASE!!!

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honeyprincess21
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 99
   Posted 1/7/2009 12:05 PM (GMT -7)   
You guys are all so great on here. Now I really need your help (not fibro related). cry
 
I NEED to find a forum like this where people are always posting and reading and responding. I need to find one for domestic violence. Not because my current bf has done anything or ever would, but because of my ex. I just got word that he may be moving back into town and my anxiety is kicking into high gear. I'm very scared of him and I'm not sure what to do. I need to find a forum where people can advise me on that. I know there's PPOs you can get, but the thing is that I (stupidly) never called the cops, never went to the hospital. And he was always smart enough to do the things he did when it was just he and I around so I have no proof of anything so I don't think I can get one of those.
 
I can't even think straight. I feel sick to my stomach, like I'm about to cry and I just can't stop thinking about it. I'd love to tell my boyfriend but he knows what the ex did, and literally, my new boyfriend would kill my ex. Literally, I'm not joking.
 
If anybody can please help, it would really mean the world to me.
 
 
Endometriosis since 2002 diagnosis via laparoscopy
5 laparoscopies for Endometriosis from 2002 - present
Anxiety since 2004
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder since 2005
GERD since 2008
Fibromyalgia since 2008
Colonoscopy - 2008
Endoscopy (EGD) - 2008
 
Currently in Physical Therapy for Pelvic Floor spasms. Also for lower back, hip & thigh muscular problems.
 
* Baclofen
* Xanax for Anxiety
* Fish Oil Capsules
* Iron Pills
 
!!! At my wit's end with being "broken" !!!
 


Ginny
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 5514
   Posted 1/7/2009 12:33 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey honeyprincess,
 
Yikes. I can understand that something like this would send your anxiety through the roof. Deep breaths.....
 
I unfortunately don't have much to offer you in the way of advice.  Here is a link to a national domestic violence website. They can probably offer you the best information on what to do next.  http://www.ndvh.org/
 
I'll keep you in my prayers,
 
Ginny
 
 
I can do anything through Jesus Christ who strengthens me. I have learned in whatever state I am in,to be content. Phillipians 4:11-13

34 years old. Diagnosed with Lupus in 2000. Fibromyalgia, Anti-phospholipid syndrome(APS)(stroke, 2002), Sjogren's, Raynaud's, Libman Sach's Endocarditis, vasculitis, sacroiliitis, arthritis (neck), anxiety. Prednisone, Imuran, Coumadin, Clobazam, Amitriptyline, Didrocal, Cozaar, Zoloft, Neurontin, calcium, multi-vitamin, vitamin D, Magnesium, vitamin B6, Acidophilus
 
Moderator for the Lupus and Fibromyalgia forums


honeyprincess21
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 99
   Posted 1/7/2009 12:50 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you so much...I'm praying he won't actually move back. He says I'm the reason he moved away -- that he had nothing left to stay here for.
I"m just terrified he'll come back and try to get in touch. The last time he tried was around the beginning of December.
Endometriosis since 2002 diagnosis via laparoscopy
5 laparoscopies for Endometriosis from 2002 - present
Anxiety since 2004
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder since 2005
GERD since 2008
Fibromyalgia since 2008
Colonoscopy - 2008
Endoscopy (EGD) - 2008
 
Currently in Physical Therapy for Pelvic Floor spasms. Also for lower back, hip & thigh muscular problems.
 
* Baclofen
* Xanax for Anxiety
* Fish Oil Capsules
* Iron Pills
 
!!! At my wit's end with being "broken" !!!
 


WyldOrchid5150
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 174
   Posted 1/7/2009 1:05 PM (GMT -7)   
Honeyprincess...my heart just broke reading your post,16 yrs ago I was just where you are.Ex was horribly abuseive and after 7 yrs, I walked out,but it didn't stop there.I had to move to the next county,and that still wasn't far enough.He harassed me and the man (mostly me) I was seeing constantly.He told our son he was going to kill steve and I for years,and dept of family service and the cops would do nothing.We took the higher road,trying not to feed the fire of his sickness because he could not just 'let it go'.My son is grown now and an adult and sees his father for what he is,a coward and a bully.And the man I left him for and I are still together,the best darn thing I've ever done,and when I got sick he's rolled with me through it all.
I definaltly understand your anxiety,i would get physically ill before child drop off days cause it was always nasty drama.But the best advice I can give you is never let him see the fear in your eyes,it gives them power,fake it if ya gotta.Don't bow your head or make yourself look weak in any way,scream,yell,whatever it takes to make him think your crazyer than he could ever be.You can do it,make him scared of YOU....it may take a bit,but never say die,and give him hell.
ok,ok,I'll get off my soapbox,but darn,men like that piss me off....freakin bullies...when I was young,I was scared too,now I'm old and just don't give a @!$%#!.I haven't seen my ex in 10 yrs.,but given the oppertunity,I'd still like to pluck his eyeballs out and feed them to the crows devil
Fibro,Heart Disease,Diabetes other assorted.


Marlee2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 6067
   Posted 1/7/2009 1:19 PM (GMT -7)   
Honeyprincess don't you owe it to your BF to let him know what is happening in case the ex has it in for him too out of jealousy??? I'm sorry your going through this,it would have my anxiety over the top too. Does he have any kind of criminal record that you could use to get an order of protection???
 
I hope you find the help you need for this. Sorry I can't be more help.
 
luv and hugs
Marlee
Forum Moderator Fibromyalgia
 
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WyldOrchid5150
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 174
   Posted 1/7/2009 1:21 PM (GMT -7)   
for real....ya gotta tell him,just for his protection and so he can help protect you too.

Fibro,Heart Disease,Diabetes other assorted.


honeyprincess21
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 99
   Posted 1/7/2009 1:50 PM (GMT -7)   
Wyld, your post made me tear up! Thank you for everything you said :-) I do need to tell my boyfriend...I just don't want him to worry unnecessarily about me, you know? I'm 99% sure my ex wouldn't do anything to my current boyfriend. My ex has never fought a guy and my new boyfriend is actually practicing for Mixed Martial Arts, so I know my boyfriend could protect himself. I could just kick myself for not being clear-headed enough to go to the cops or the doctor or anything. If I had some kind of proof like that, it would make it possible to get a PPO or something.

I'm so worried/scared.
Endometriosis since 2002 diagnosis via laparoscopy
5 laparoscopies for Endometriosis from 2002 - present
Anxiety since 2004
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder since 2005
GERD since 2008
Fibromyalgia since 2008
Colonoscopy - 2008
Endoscopy (EGD) - 2008
 
Currently in Physical Therapy for Pelvic Floor spasms. Also for lower back, hip & thigh muscular problems.
 
* Baclofen
* Xanax for Anxiety
* Fish Oil Capsules
* Iron Pills
 
!!! At my wit's end with being "broken" !!!
 


WyldOrchid5150
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 174
   Posted 1/7/2009 2:00 PM (GMT -7)   
Honeypriness,unfortunatly most protection orders aren't worth the paper they are written on.alot wind up dead even though they had one.sorry,I don't mean to scare you but, to be forwarned is to be forarmed.Never underestimate your opponent(I'm sure your boyfriend can tell you that from his training).I can't make your anxity(sp) go away but instead of that emotion,try just to be more aware of who or whats around you,then your more likely to be prepared.Do you live in a small town or a city.in the city you may not be as likely to run into him, but if your in a small town like i am,you never know when they could pop up.Get some pepper spray.....and some rabid baboons...with hemerroids...and jock itch

Fibro,Heart Disease,Diabetes other assorted.
    Shin:A device used for finding funiture in the dark                             Men are like bank accounts....without alot of money they don't generate much interest!


honeyprincess21
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 99
   Posted 1/7/2009 2:19 PM (GMT -7)   
LOL @ Wyld...thanks I needed that :-)
Yeah I"m not to fond of the PPO idea either...him just getting served with it will enrage him, for sure. It seems like any thing I do other then arming myself will trigger a rage response with him.

I don't live in a BIG city, just suburbs. Only one of my friends knows where I live...I don't tell people where I live because I had been raped towards the end of my relationship with my ex by 2 guys I went to high school with. One of them had an older brother who was pretty connected in the narcotics world and I was concerned for my safety so I just started closing up and not letting anyone know where I live or anything. That was about 6 years ago, so I've gotten used to the paranoid feelings of always looking around and checking behind you. I hate that it has to be that way, though. Coincidentally, after the rape was when my ex started getting physical - he blamed me for it so maybe that's why he was like that but I don't think it excuses his behavior.
At the apartment, my boyfriend and I have a big knife and a baseball bat but we don't really feel comfortable having anything else since his 4 year old stays with us 2 days a week.
Endometriosis since 2002 diagnosis via laparoscopy
5 laparoscopies for Endometriosis from 2002 - present
Anxiety since 2004
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder since 2005
GERD since 2008
Fibromyalgia since 2008
Colonoscopy - 2008
Endoscopy (EGD) - 2008
 
Currently in Physical Therapy for Pelvic Floor spasms. Also for lower back, hip & thigh muscular problems.
 
* Baclofen
* Xanax for Anxiety
* Fish Oil Capsules
* Iron Pills
 
!!! At my wit's end with being "broken" !!!
 


WyldOrchid5150
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 174
   Posted 1/7/2009 2:46 PM (GMT -7)   
honey...Holy Jumpin Jackfish!***!?sorry but ,you poor girl.no wonder you have all these problems.And he blamed you...nice..typical of a low self esteem in a male.I understand not wanting guns or such in the house,I'm the same way,also your right,a PPO would probably send him over the edge,but, if he did try anything ,it would help in court,if that situation arose.Still,you might ask your BF to give you some self-defence pointers to make you feel more secure about yourself and your abilites and if that doesn't work,there is always a massive kick to the groin.I grew up in Detroit but moved to the South 20 yrs ago,but ya can't take the city out of the girl.Sometimes ya just have to be a bad motor-scooter if need be....ask my brothers!lol! devil
Fibro,Heart Disease,Diabetes other assorted.
    Shin:A device used for finding funiture in the dark                             Men are like bank accounts....without alot of money they don't generate much interest!


honeyprincess21
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 99
   Posted 1/9/2009 9:01 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey Wyld...actually, I live in the suburbs of Detroit, so it's funny you mention that lol. I'm in Farmington Hills, if you know where that is. I'm going to let my boyfriend know tonight about the possibility of the ex moving back. I'm going to try to make it sound as un-scary as possible, but I'm sure if I ask him to show me a couple of take-downs, he will.

Yeah, he blamed me for the rape and actually started making me doubt myself, that maybe it had been my fault. Since then, I've been able to let that thought go, but I have so many traumatic memories associated with him...ugh, it just really sucks.

Thank you so much for your help, I really appreciate it :-)
Endometriosis since 2002 diagnosis via laparoscopy
5 laparoscopies for Endometriosis from 2002 - present
Anxiety since 2004
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder since 2005
GERD since 2008
Fibromyalgia since 2008
Colonoscopy - 2008
Endoscopy (EGD) - 2008
 
Currently in Physical Therapy for Pelvic Floor spasms. Also for lower back, hip & thigh muscular problems.
 
* Baclofen
* Xanax for Anxiety
* Fish Oil Capsules
* Iron Pills
 
!!! At my wit's end with being "broken" !!!
 


WyldOrchid5150
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 174
   Posted 1/9/2009 9:58 AM (GMT -7)   
Honey,yes I know where Farmington is,I grew up in Allen Park and Lincoln Park and I still have brothers that live in Taylor.My dad work on Zug Island and my mom at Wyndotte(sp)Hospital.Small world,ain't it?lol.That is horrific what you've been through.It never fails to amaze me how we let other people dictate how we view ourselves,good or bad.As an abuse survior(God,I hate that term)I'll help in any way,but like I said,never doubt yourself,you know that what he has done is wrong and thats that.Don't get scared,get mad...real mad,so if you do run up on him,you'll be able to hold your head up high and look him dead in the eye and say,'You have no power over me anymore,so take your bullin' a!! on before somthin'bad happens to you' like Karma or hamsters with rabies,or and e-coli filled coney dog with extra diarrea and vomiting. devil
Fibro,Heart Disease,Diabetes other assorted.
    Shin:A device used for finding funiture in the dark                             Men are like bank accounts....without alot of money they don't generate much interest!


honeyprincess21
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 99
   Posted 1/9/2009 12:07 PM (GMT -7)   
Lol thank you so much! I'm so sorry you had to go through abuse. It does make me feel a lot better to know that there's someone who understands. Thank you :-)
Endometriosis since 2002 diagnosis via laparoscopy
5 laparoscopies for Endometriosis from 2002 - present
Anxiety since 2004
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder since 2005
GERD since 2008
Fibromyalgia since 2008
Colonoscopy - 2008
Endoscopy (EGD) - 2008
 
Currently in Physical Therapy for Pelvic Floor spasms. Also for lower back, hip & thigh muscular problems.
 
* Baclofen
* Xanax for Anxiety
* Fish Oil Capsules
* Iron Pills
 
!!! At my wit's end with being "broken" !!!
 

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