Post Edited (QTKaren) : 1/13/2009 12:43:55 PM (GMT-7)
Fibromyalgia, Osteoarthritis, scoliosis, back problems, hypothyroidism.
Oh wow. I can so relate to your situation. I have a severely handicapped boy who has been tube fed since he was 5 weeks old (24 now). Plus meds and all. I really think I'm not competent at this moment to track all his treatments. He lives with my former spouse.
I feel brain fogged right now. Please excuse me if this doesn't come out exactly right or I certainly don't mean to be abrupt.
Basically .... I feel like you're being the rescuer here. Everyone is comfortable with your being in that role. They are in a rut and won't change it until they have to.
I know what's it like when there's just not enough of "me" to go around. There doesn't seem to be a decision that will make you totally happy. What I eventually found was -
if I say "no", I feel guilty for 15 min. but end up with a situation I can handle.
if I say "yes", I feel good for 15 min. but then have a bad situation for several days.
hehe .... they are adults right? I've told the kids (we're 58 with grandkids), "It's time now for us to turn this over to the next generation coming along. You're in better shape to deal with things now than we are."
The only way to change the pattern is to just say "no". If you'll do it, I think you'll find that they will work it out. They will find a way.
On days when you're feeling better, you can and will do more right? But there are days when you can't help out.
One of the really bad problems though is I can't predict one day how I'll be feeling the next.
Hope some of this helps. I understand what it's like.
Guess I can't really do much except send *hugs* for emotional support.
sorry, there seems to be something wrong with the font. I pasted this from word pad. Just right now I can't figure out how to fix it. Maybe I can later.
Post Edited (Agmaar) : 1/13/2009 2:09:14 PM (GMT-7)
I agree with what the others said. Try to get a couple friends to come in and help. Maybe a friend of your's and if your daughter has some friends that she can line up before the surgery. I don't blame you for freeking out right now. I would be too, but I always find out in the end that everything works itself out.
Alot of my friends/family's hubbys are just like your son-in-law, but that doesn't mean he can't step in and help out with a few things. Maybe, make him in charge of dinner? He can stop and bring dinner home after work each evening. Nothing wrong with eating takeout for a week. If not, I'm sure there are many other things he can help with!
I will pray that everything goes o.k. for you. Just stay strong and you will get thru it. It is a very nice thing you are doing for your daughter and family.
Never regret something that made you smile!
Fibromyalgia*Osteoarthritis Of Spine*Sleep Apnea*RLS * Depression*Chronic Fatigue*Allergy/Sinus*Menopause