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realpain
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 83
   Posted 1/21/2009 7:40 AM (GMT -7)   

Today is a new day… that is what I always try to tell myself, but with every new day comes a new pain!!!  I wake up every morning and can’t help but wonder “what part of me is going to hurt today”.  I am tired and sore each and every day, with every day comes a new ailment.  When am I going to wake up and feel good ALL DAY????  All I want is to have a pain free enjoyable day, is that really too much to ask???  In the life of someone with Fibromyalgia… yes it is too much to ask!!!!  No pain med seems to touch the pain, unless of course it knocks me out for a few hours, but really how enjoyable is that???  All I want is to have ONE DAY that I can do what ever I want and not have to worry about how it is going to make me feel!!!!  I want one day where I can LIVE LIFE!!!!  I miss the OLD ME, when life was simple and I took for granted all the things that I could do… pain free!!!!  I miss being able to go about life and not have to worry about what people are going to think of me when I can’t do what they do!!!!  I miss my independence and my well being!!!!   I MISS BEING ME!!!!!  Oh what I would give to just have a NORMAL life!!!!  I don’t want a huge house and a lot of money, all I want is a normal (pain free) life!!! I want to wake up and feel good again, I want the dreams to go away, I want the fog to lift, I want to go a day without having to take a hand full of meds just to make it through the day…  all I want is my life back!!!!  A Fibro free life!!!!  Yes I know life could be worse, I could have so many other WORSE things, but I don’t… I have FIBRO!!  I know that I may not be terminal, disfigured, or handicap,  but I am still in PAIN… For all the people that look at me and wonder WHY I complain… I HURT, I HURT EVERY DAY…  and there is NOTHING I can do to change that!!!!     Yes I can fight through the pain and try to get in shape and that will dull the pain some, but it won’t take it away, I can change my diet like you say, but that too will never take it away… all your stupid little tricks that you tell me to try DON”T WORK… you may think that it is all in my head but you know what even then I would never want you to have to live a day in my life… why??? Because I would not wish this disorder on ANY ONE!!!!!  This disorder takes a part of you with it… it takes your independance, and sanity from you.  You spend years going to doctor after doctor, and never get any relief, you spend hundreds of dollars trying to find out what is wrong with you and keep hearing everyone tell you it is all in your head until one day one doctor listens and then instead of taking the pain away he tells you that you get to spend the rest of your life in pain.   You hear the whispers about you in the distance, when you have to sit down and rest, people all say it is just in your head, but you feel the pain, the pain is real… but no one seems to understand but you!!!!  There are times you begin to doubt yourself, because no one truly understand… is it in my head, am I crazy???  No I am not crazy... this is real and I wish that people better understood how it effects my WHOLE LIFE!!!!  The pain is a huge part of my life, but there is even more then just the pain that effects me.  I have the worst vivid dreams, that make me feel so tired and wore out, I have the “fog” that haunts my days… the memory loss, and the depression, all of which are tied to this wonderful disorder!!!!  There are so many things that I want to talk about but don’t, because no one understands, I want them to understand, but the more I talk about it the less they seem to understand… The only people that understand me, I mean TRULY understand me are the people that share this disorder with me… the people here.  When I found this forum it changed my life, I finally feel like I am not alone… I now have a Fibro family, people that share the same struggles I share.  I send my prayers for a pain free day to all of you… you are like a family to me!!!!


Wishing everyone a pain free day, ((((hugs))))
 
Rach
 
Partial thyoidectamy (hyperthyroidism), fibrocystic breast disease, low blood pressure, hypertension, depression, and anxiety, severe headaches, joint and muscle pain due to fibromyalgia.
 
Cymbalta, Tramadol (ultram), Propranolol, and Alprazolam (xanax)

Post Edited (realpain) : 1/21/2009 7:46:35 AM (GMT-7)


Sherrine
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 17097
   Posted 1/21/2009 8:23 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi, Rach!  What you are wishing for is something we all wish for.  I don't even remember what life was like without pain but I still have had a fabulous life!  It all revolves around attitude.
 
You said you wake up in the morning and wonder what part of you will hurt today.  Why do you take a personal inventory?  I know I will hurt and I really don't care where I hurt.  I only care about how I will work around it to do the things I love to do.  I don't dwell on the pain.  It gets you no where but pure misery.  The pure misery adds to the depression you are experiencing and the depression causes more stress and the stress causes more pain.  See, thinking like that is making things worse.  I hate to see that happen to you.
 
We have given a lot of good ideas to help you live a full and enjoyable life with fibro.  You can have your independence, too.  Instead of looking at all you cannot do, start looking at all that you can do!  If you want to do something and can't think of how to work around the fibro, then ask on the forum and we usually have some great ideas to help one another.  Read back posts too.  There is a world of information in them.
 
You might try the malic acid/magnesium supplements.  That has helped several members on this forum.  They don't help everyone but they could help you.  Talk to your doctor or pharmacist about it.  All the info about them is on the Fibro 101 thread.
 
Meanwhile, please learn to accept this illness.  That will help you face fibro head on and control it.  You are correct in saying that things could be a lot worse.  When you start looking forward to the new day ahead and when you find what gives you some relief from extreme pain, you will be able to live the life you want to live.  For me, it's the malic acid supplements, ibuprofen with food, and Tylenol.  These take the edge off the pain and I have control over my life.  With the help of your doctor, you will find what works for you too.
 
So, look toward the future with anticipation.  I think there is a wonderful life ahead for you!
 
Sherrine   
 
 
Forum Moderator/ Fibromyalgia
***********************
Fibromyalgia, Crohn's Disease, Ostomy, Diabetes, Autoimmune Inner Ear Disease, Osteoporosis
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.    2 Timothy 1:7


realpain
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 83
   Posted 1/21/2009 8:40 AM (GMT -7)   

I understand everything that you are saying… and typically I DO live that way!!! I am one of the most positive thinkers out there… majority of the time.  You can’t tell me that you have never felt that way?????  I was only venting… to the people that I thought I COULD vent to.  I hold SO MUCH in every single day and some days I just need to vent!!!  I meant nothing negative twords anyone, I just get frustrated by it all sometimes is all… you can’t tell me that you don’t.  I have spend approx 8 ½ years now in pain… only being diagnost about a month or so ago… The pain is not new to me, the people that judge me are not new to my world, so once and a while I just need to vent, typically I just write it all out and then delete it and never share it with anyone… it tends to help… today I just felt like sharing with others I guess, Please don’t take me wrong, I love my life… I have three beautiful children and a loving partner… I just wish I could feel “normal” again some times.  I work 40 + hrs a week and manage a family and house on top of it… there isn’t time to think about what I can and cant do in life… I just HAVE  to do it!!!!  Like I said I was only venting…. Please don’t take me wrong, I am not some miserable human being, I am just frustrated today.  ((((HUGS TO ALL))))


Wishing everyone a pain free day, ((((hugs))))
 
Rach
 
Partial thyoidectamy (hyperthyroidism), fibrocystic breast disease, low blood pressure, hypertension, depression, and anxiety, severe headaches, joint and muscle pain due to fibromyalgia.
 
Cymbalta, Tramadol (ultram), Propranolol, and Alprazolam (xanax)


Sherrine
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 17097
   Posted 1/21/2009 9:02 AM (GMT -7)   
This is good to hear!  I knew you were venting but don't know you that well and just wanted to encourage you.  I know it's really difficult...especially with children.  Mine were little when I was hit with fibro.  But, don't let it get you down.  Sounds like you have a handle on it.  I'm sorry that I misunderstood you.  Have a good day!
 
Sherrine 
Forum Moderator/ Fibromyalgia
***********************
Fibromyalgia, Crohn's Disease, Ostomy, Diabetes, Autoimmune Inner Ear Disease, Osteoporosis
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.    2 Timothy 1:7


realpain
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 83
   Posted 1/21/2009 9:05 AM (GMT -7)   
No need to apologise, I realise that my post could come across thewrong way, I just wanted you to know that I do my best to see the positive in life, I am just havinga moment is all!!!! Thank you for your kind words as always!!! TAKE CARE
Wishing everyone a pain free day, ((((hugs))))
 
Rach
 
Partial thyoidectamy (hyperthyroidism), fibrocystic breast disease, low blood pressure, hypertension, depression, and anxiety, severe headaches, joint and muscle pain due to fibromyalgia.
 
Cymbalta, Tramadol (ultram), Propranolol, and Alprazolam (xanax)


telula68
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 56
   Posted 1/21/2009 3:05 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm having a hard time with the acceptance part of fibro because the support system I am supposed to have is a bunch of brain dead nurses and doctors. I'm sick of the whole thing to tell you the truth. I know I can't do it on my own but that's exactly where I am even after everything I've done to make my life better and to be strong and deal with this "thing".

I don't feel positive at all. I wish I did but I don't. I have been kicked when i was down by people who claim to be there to help others. My world is a mess right now and I personally see no future for myself. Not when I can't even take care of myself or support myself.

My dreams will never be reality, not even the simplest ones. I feel like I have been thrown away. Its a vicious circle that I have not been able to get out of.

The mess I am trying to fix with disability causes so much stress I am I can't function and the fog is so bad and constant I have trouble doing simple things. I feel like I spend more time in waiting rooms than anywhere else yet I have no relief.....

each doctor I see I have this twinge of hope that something will happen but its always the same. I leave with nothing. feeling like I just spoke a different language and I feel like a criminal when the pain clinic makes me pee in a cup. It is NOT to protect me. It is to protect THEM!

My psychiatrist looks at his watch constantly and asks ME what meds I should be on. This is the way it is for me. If I find a nice doctor they always move on to better places but the stupid ones always stay around.

I wish the old part of me that was strong and never took no for an answer would come back but the brick wall is pretty painful to keep running into.

Better luck to you. I would not wish this on anyone.

realpain
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 83
   Posted 1/21/2009 6:11 PM (GMT -7)   
I know EXACTLY how you feel... I know that hearing the same thing over and over gets tiresome... I spent 8 LONG years doing that before I finally got a diagnosis... still deal with it now as well, even after being diagnost... I thought the diagnosis would FIX me... how WRONG I WAS!!!! I get sick of explaining to others why I do what I do because they tend to roll their eyes and shake their heads as if I am "faking" it or something... I hope that your road gets a little less bumpy!!!! I know your frustrations, I too have them... hence the reason for my post!!! : ) 
Wishing everyone a pain free day, ((((hugs))))
 
Rach
 
Partial thyoidectamy (hyperthyroidism), fibrocystic breast disease, low blood pressure, hypertension, depression, and anxiety, severe headaches, joint and muscle pain due to fibromyalgia.
 
Cymbalta, Tramadol (ultram), Propranolol, and Alprazolam (xanax)

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