Today is a new day… that is what I always try to tell myself, but with every new day comes a new pain!!! I wake up every morning and can’t help but wonder “what part of me is going to hurt today”. I am tired and sore each and every day, with every day comes a new ailment. When am I going to wake up and feel good ALL DAY???? All I want is to have a pain free enjoyable day, is that really too much to ask??? In the life of someone with Fibromyalgia… yes it is too much to ask!!!! No pain med seems to touch the pain, unless of course it knocks me out for a few hours, but really how enjoyable is that??? All I want is to have ONE DAY that I can do what ever I want and not have to worry about how it is going to make me feel!!!! I want one day where I can LIVE LIFE!!!! I miss the OLD ME, when life was simple and I took for granted all the things that I could do… pain free!!!! I miss being able to go about life and not have to worry about what people are going to think of me when I can’t do what they do!!!! I miss my independence and my well being!!!! I MISS BEING ME!!!!! Oh what I would give to just have a NORMAL life!!!! I don’t want a huge house and a lot of money, all I want is a normal (pain free) life!!! I want to wake up and feel good again, I want the dreams to go away, I want the fog to lift, I want to go a day without having to take a hand full of meds just to make it through the day… all I want is my life back!!!! A Fibro free life!!!! Yes I know life could be worse, I could have so many other WORSE things, but I don’t… I have FIBRO!! I know that I may not be terminal, disfigured, or handicap, but I am still in PAIN… For all the people that look at me and wonder WHY I complain… I HURT, I HURT EVERY DAY… and there is NOTHING I can do to change that!!!! Yes I can fight through the pain and try to get in shape and that will dull the pain some, but it won’t take it away, I can change my diet like you say, but that too will never take it away… all your stupid little tricks that you tell me to try DON”T WORK… you may think that it is all in my head but you know what even then I would never want you to have to live a day in my life… why??? Because I would not wish this disorder on ANY ONE!!!!! This disorder takes a part of you with it… it takes your independance, and sanity from you. You spend years going to doctor after doctor, and never get any relief, you spend hundreds of dollars trying to find out what is wrong with you and keep hearing everyone tell you it is all in your head until one day one doctor listens and then instead of taking the pain away he tells you that you get to spend the rest of your life in pain. You hear the whispers about you in the distance, when you have to sit down and rest, people all say it is just in your head, but you feel the pain, the pain is real… but no one seems to understand but you!!!! There are times you begin to doubt yourself, because no one truly understand… is it in my head, am I crazy??? No I am not crazy... this is real and I wish that people better understood how it effects my WHOLE LIFE!!!! The pain is a huge part of my life, but there is even more then just the pain that effects me. I have the worst vivid dreams, that make me feel so tired and wore out, I have the “fog” that haunts my days… the memory loss, and the depression, all of which are tied to this wonderful disorder!!!! There are so many things that I want to talk about but don’t, because no one understands, I want them to understand, but the more I talk about it the less they seem to understand… The only people that understand me, I mean TRULY understand me are the people that share this disorder with me… the people here. When I found this forum it changed my life, I finally feel like I am not alone… I now have a Fibro family, people that share the same struggles I share. I send my prayers for a pain free day to all of you… you are like a family to me!!!!
Post Edited (realpain) : 1/21/2009 7:46:35 AM (GMT-7)
I understand everything that you are saying… and typically I DO live that way!!! I am one of the most positive thinkers out there… majority of the time. You can’t tell me that you have never felt that way????? I was only venting… to the people that I thought I COULD vent to. I hold SO MUCH in every single day and some days I just need to vent!!! I meant nothing negative twords anyone, I just get frustrated by it all sometimes is all… you can’t tell me that you don’t. I have spend approx 8 ½ years now in pain… only being diagnost about a month or so ago… The pain is not new to me, the people that judge me are not new to my world, so once and a while I just need to vent, typically I just write it all out and then delete it and never share it with anyone… it tends to help… today I just felt like sharing with others I guess, Please don’t take me wrong, I love my life… I have three beautiful children and a loving partner… I just wish I could feel “normal” again some times. I work 40 + hrs a week and manage a family and house on top of it… there isn’t time to think about what I can and cant do in life… I just HAVE to do it!!!! Like I said I was only venting…. Please don’t take me wrong, I am not some miserable human being, I am just frustrated today. ((((HUGS TO ALL))))