Hi Rich....I don't 'know' you but you sound like a patient, kind and pragmatic man and I think you have it in you to sit down with your daughter and tell her 'how it is'. I cannot even imagine what it would be like to try to factor in college expenses in this uncertain, floundering economy, with or without the diseases we are all battling. My husband and I are in our early sixties and he finally 'sat me down' and showed me our so called portfolio...we have now lost over half of our retirement fund in the stock market and we are too old to recapture what we have lost. So...I got 'the talk' you probably should have with your daughter. I knew things were bad...all you have to do is turn on the news for five minutes to watch those little red arrows pointing straight towards financial Hell. We will have to do what it takes to survive and once upon a time we joked about which one of our children we would live with in our old age but now it has become a reality.
Hopefully, your daughter will see it in black and white and understand what a rough ride it might be. Maybe you could include her in the decision making...she might surprise you! So many of us on this forum have had to down size due to finances and the limits this disorder puts on us. It just is what it is.
I wish you luck...change isn't always a bad thing. My children are grown but my grand daughters who are mere toddlers now know they can't walk through a store anymore and point to things they want and expect to have it thrown in the cart. They 'get it' and I'm sure your daughter will too.
Hi, Rich. When I was growing up, my parents explained to me that we didn't have a lot of money and we had to earn things. We were all told that if we wanted a 'simple' wedding at home, that was fine, but if we wanted a 'reception', we would have to pay for it. I went to college and I paid for that, I worked f/t, school f/t, student loan and scholarship. When my DH and I were planning to marry, WE saved our money and paid for everything, had a honeymoon and saved money for down payment for our house. My parents weren't unkind, they just couldn't afford to pay all that money. The first two yrs I went to a county college, I saved my money to make sure I could go to the college I wanted for my degree. Excellent school and I did very well there. My parents would not have been able to swing that at the time.
I have 3 grown children, since they were young, we explained we were not in a position to pay for college/wedding. My children all got jobs, put money away for cars and began paying for college. My DD is still in school and takes these classes on line, as she works all day. The co she works for sponsers her for these business classes (reimburse) after she completes & passes the classes. Previously, she and the boys went to the same county college I attented yrs ago.
My two sisters were upset when my parents told them they would have to take care of the expenses of college/wedding. But I figured I was old enough to make these 'adult' choices, I was old enough to pay for the things I wanted. I am proud of the fact I did what I wanted to do and responsible enough to pay for it.
You and your wife have a lot of things going on in your lives, health wise and w/ the economy, your DD needs to understand how the world is right now. I'm sure she will understand and do her part.
God bless. Alice.
Fibromyalgia, Osteoarthritis, scoliosis, back problems, hypothyroidism.