In tears, am I unreasonable.

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Sue2z
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Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 368
   Posted 2/9/2009 4:10 AM (GMT -7)   
I struggle to get the meal on the table sometimes I have to start earlier in the day, plus I do the dishes and I am at my absolute lowest.  Now they all want to eat later and my husband came down on me like a ton of bricks.  He is nice when im ok but when ever the fibro interveres heavan help me.  I really struggle to get it all done by the time I do the dishes ive have had it, please tell me If I am unreasonable.   sue2z sad sad
Fibromyalgia, ulcerative colonitus, arthritus, bi-polar
norspan patch, valium, prothiedon, lyrica


Tootiebug58
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Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 378
   Posted 2/9/2009 8:17 AM (GMT -7)   

No, you are not being unreasonable.  Most of us are tired and ready to hit the couch by 6:00 p.m.  My son and I eat at 6 pm. sharp.  Do you think my husband could join us.........No, because he is on a diet and wants to eat at 7:00 p.m.  So by the time I am out of the kitchen it is nearly 8:00 p.m. He says too bad, because I dont do anything anyways. Well I was up at 6:15 this morning, made his breakfast, threw in a load of laundry, went to the grocery store and came home and unpacked 16 bags.  They are being selfish, and if they could feel our pain for just ONE hour, it might be different. I wish I had the answer for you, but I cant even talk about fibro in this house.  They dont believe I have it.  I hope you feel better hon, and you have every right to feel the way you do.

 

Sue


Tootie
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Sherrine
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Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 17095
   Posted 2/9/2009 8:33 AM (GMT -7)   
Sue, you are not unreasonable!  If you are having a bad day, make a one-pot meal or a pot of soup for dinner and they can eat when they want too.  You also can do a skillet dinner and refrigerate it and they can take their portions out and microwave them.  They aren't helpless...especially your husband.  You can feed the kids and let him eat when he wants to...even at midnight!
 
Below is a post I actually wrote for Statgeek on another thread.  I put it here too so it didn't get "lost" in the other thread.  This is what I did regarding meals.  I still do, even though my children are all grown and my husband has passed on.  If your husband doesn't like this, tell him to hire a cook.  You need some support, not mental abuse.  That's my humble opinion.
 
Sherrine
 
 I know where you are coming from.  Here are a couple of suggestions.  I did this when my children were small and I still do this.  On my better days, and for you if it is a weekend, I prepare twice as much food as I need.  It doesn't take too much more effort.  Then I have plastic plates with snap on lids that I dish the extra portions in and then I label and freeze them.  It's so great to have a home-cooked meal without cooking!  If I know the next day will be extremely busy, I head to the freezer and take out meals and put them in the fridge so they aren't rock solid the next night.  It's easier to microwave them.  I freeze dinners, one pot meals, and soups for those lousy fibro days!
 
I have Rubbermaid Takealongs that I use.  The one I use is an oval divided plate with three sections but I couldn't find  it on line.  But here is a rectangular divided dish with two sections that would work great, too.  I also buy the Glad covered bowls for soups.  Here is a link to the Rubbermaid divided dish.  If you google Rubbermaid Takealongs,  you will get a large selection.  They can be in the freezer and the microwave.  When I microwave the food, I remove the lid and cover with Saran Wrap.
 
 
Another thing I would do is "Fend for Yourself" nights!  LOL  If I knew I had sandwich fixings or leftover food in the fridge or canned soups or boxed macaroni and cheese, everyone would just help themselves to what looked good to them and then take care of their mess.  My kids were all at least 10 years old when I started this.  Actually, they really liked it because they could eat whenever they wanted!  LOL
 
Hope this gives you a few ideas.  If you aren't feeling well, don't let your family make you feel guilty.  Besides, you are actually teaching them some sense of responsibility!


Forum Moderator/ Fibromyalgia
***********************
Fibromyalgia, Crohn's Disease, Ostomy, Diabetes, Autoimmune Inner Ear Disease, Osteoporosis
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.    2 Timothy 1:7

Post Edited (Sherrine) : 2/9/2009 8:36:26 AM (GMT-7)


GamJill
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Date Joined Jun 2008
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   Posted 2/9/2009 9:01 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Sue-

I don't envy all of you with husbands, young children etc. and all the demands it puts on you. My 17 yr. son and I are pretty relaxed when it comes to supper. We usually eat around 5 or 6, and if he is not hungry then, he warms up what I made or fends for himself. And no, I don't think you are being unreasonable. I am tired from early evening on and get little accomplished. Sherrine has some great suggestions, and hopefully that will help-

GamJill


 
 
Fibromyalgia, Depression, Anxiety, TMJ, Arthritis/neck, SAD
 
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getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 2/9/2009 9:02 AM (GMT -7)   
I don't think that you are being unreasonable. Follow Sherrine's tips to make life easier for you. Getting breakfast, doing laundry and all the other things you do is a lot. Keep up the good work, but don't over extend yourself. Take care of you too.

Best wishes for a lovely day.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Lindaloo
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Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 1713
   Posted 2/9/2009 9:49 AM (GMT -7)   
Your husband is lucky you still cook for him!

I still cook almost every night, but some days are impossible and we just have to order out. I love the suggestions that Sherrine gave. I should do that as well. I think I might try that.

Well I am in pain in the evening and I usually get dinner done by 7 or 8 and my husband hates it, but I struggle with the pain and that's the best I can do. The dishes wait until the next day in the am when I have some energy to do the dishwasher. You do the best you can, you know??

Don't let him guilt you out. You can just do so much with this DD. Hang in there and keep posting, even if it is just to vent. That's what we are here for.

Gentle hugs,

Lindaloo
Moderator Chronic Pain
 
Believe in yourself.  Be kind to fellow humans and animals.  Take time to smell the flowers and the coffee.
And by all means, when you are down, ask me for help.  I will be there.
 
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Marlee2
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Date Joined Aug 2007
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   Posted 2/9/2009 9:50 AM (GMT -7)   
By 3:00 or 4:00 in the afternoon I'm done for the day, period. DH prefers his cooking to mine so he does dinner. When he has not felt well this winter we will make a one pot dinner in the afternoon before I get tired. Actually, much of our life revolves around when I get tired.
 
For those of you that have to cook Sherrine has some great suggestions. If your family doesn't like eating frozen meals let one of them take over being chef.
 
luv and hugs
Marlee
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Lindaloo
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Date Joined Sep 2006
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   Posted 2/9/2009 9:58 AM (GMT -7)   
That's what I say Marlee. Let them cook!!

Lindaloo
Moderator Chronic Pain
 
Believe in yourself.  Be kind to fellow humans and animals.  Take time to smell the flowers and the coffee.
And by all means, when you are down, ask me for help.  I will be there.
 
Linda


patsie
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 478
   Posted 2/9/2009 10:07 AM (GMT -7)   
Unfortunately it is this "invisible" syndrome we all have to deal with. No one seems to really get it. Someone wrote a few days ago that they just cannot stand it when their significant says "Oh, what is wrong"? We should not have to constantly clarify what is going on but it does seem to be the general way it is. The other thing I notice is people do not want to ask you how you are b/c they do not REALLY want to hear the answer. These are tough situations we deal with everyday.

Having us to vent to is a big help. We all get it. Some days it is all we can to to even be civil much less fix the dinner....REALLY!!

Patsie

mojolou
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 2/9/2009 1:12 PM (GMT -7)   
NO Sue2Z you definately are not being unreasonable. Luckily I have a very understanding husband who helps out a lot. My father on the other hand makes me so angry. My mother is terminally ill with cancer and currently on chemo for the 3rd time. He literally sits in his chair all day and expects my mother to wait on him hand and foot. Yet when my mother was admitted to hospital he had to fend for himself because I said I wasn't going to be at his beck and call (they only live across the road from us) and he managed prefectly ok himself. Now she's home again he's back to his old ways!
Sometimes I think the more you do for them the more they expect!
I hope you're feeling better in yourself soon my lovely.

Sue2z
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 368
   Posted 2/9/2009 4:58 PM (GMT -7)   
Thankyou so much youve all helped me feel so much better.  I can tell my husband now thats it not just me who has had it by that time and I will use the advice given.  Thanks so much guys.   sue2z

Fibromyalgia, ulcerative colonitus, arthritus, bi-polar
norspan patch, valium, prothiedon, lyrica


jewelrylady
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Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 717
   Posted 2/10/2009 12:53 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey Sue, I will add my vote of you are not being unreasonable.  I liked Sherrine's ideas, too.  I will have to use them.  What I do is I have 2 slow cookers.  When I am feeling good, I put frozen meat in each, like chicken breast in one & hamburger in the other.  During the day I throw things in like potatoes or carrotts or rice or macaroni (depending on my energy levels) then add broth of some kind, some stewed tomatoes & let em cook, a few spices & herbs before I serve & there you go.  Dinner for about 4-5 nights.  I make a big salad at the beginning of the week to serve with it.  So, all I have to do to fix dinner each night is reheat a couple of servings of one of them, open a can of peas, set out the salad.  I always have some kind of cooked meat in the house.  My slow cookers help me all the time.  As soon as I get up in the morning, I will throw some kind of frozen or thawed meat in the slow cooker.  It is nice to to have that done.  A chicken in the slow cooker, potatoes & carrots in the oven & get out the salad, & that's dinner.   I love to cook but so does my husband, he will usually cook on the weekends.  There are days I struggle to get something on the table because I have just been too sick to do anything.  That is where I am going to use Sherrine's ideas.  I will freeze some meals on my good days.  LOL never really thought of that.  eyes    many hugs, Denise  

 I have:  Fibromyalgia, ME/CFS, Holt-Oram Syndrome, nasal allergies, depression, TMJ,

Married to a wonderful supportive husband & between us we have 4 children & 7 grandchildren

As apples of gold in silver carvings is a word spoken at the right time for it.    Prov. 25:11


Pamela Neckpain
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1821
   Posted 2/10/2009 1:29 AM (GMT -7)   
I haven't really cooked for my husband for six years.
He does it.
I miss it. I miss doing housework!
I can't.
Sue, you are doing a good job. I believe
your husband is unreasonable.
It would be good if he could talk to your doctor
about your condition.
Is that a possibility?
Pamela
MEDICAL CONDITIONS

Osteoarthritis all levels of spine right down to Coccyx,Spondilytis,Myofascial Pain
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carney
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 2/10/2009 11:44 AM (GMT -7)   
NO you are not being unreasonable. I remember when I use to cook dinner after working all day and dealing with the anxieties of life. I honestly don't know how I did it. I've been retired now for almost 1 year. I do hardly anything now and still have days when I just break down and cry. My dear hubby who is also retired does most of the cooking. I still do the cleaning because I refuse to let him do that too. It takes me 2 days to vacumn. It's so annoying but I refuse to let this fibro crap totally consume me. Keep your chin up and do the best you can/ that is all any of us can do.

Statgeek
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Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 1495
   Posted 2/10/2009 12:16 PM (GMT -7)   

Thank you for the message su2z.  You are not unreasonable.  I have wondered the same thing. Sometimes we need to bounce our feelings around in here to make sense of them.   I really like Sherrine's advice and have done this in the past.  These last few weekends, I have been clearing space everywhere in my house because my daughter and son in law moved back home.  So I have not had the energy to cook a bunch of meals on the weekend.  But someone posted that she puts frozen meat in the slow cooker . . . what a good idea!  I did not know you could do that!  I will not get home from work tonight until after 7 pm, so I will try sticking something in tonight for tomorrow.

A couple of days ago, I was feeling pretty awful and walking slowly through the stores and I wondered if I was just "making it up."  So I tried walking faster and "ouch!"  I am still kind of new to this and am sometimes bewildered by the fact that I have so much less stamina that before.  Self checks like these help me keep my feelings of self blame and denial at bay.  Soon I expect to accept things as they are without so much questioning.

Thanks again for posting, it helps to know others have the same questions.

Best,

Sue

 


AustenFan
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Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 1771
   Posted 2/10/2009 12:44 PM (GMT -7)   
*sigh*  If only our loved ones could spend a day in our bodies, they might understand what it's like to live with fibro (but only a day - I wouldn't wish this illness on anyone).
 
You've gotten some really good tips here, and I don't really have much to add except that I think your family is lucky to have you. :-)   Don't ever forget that you are a very valuable person and family member - sick or not.
 
Hugs - Austen
"There is no charm equal to tenderness of  heart." - Jane Austen
 
 
Fibromyalgia, 2 back surgeries, Meniere's Disease, 30+ kidney stones, GERD, IBS, Asthma, Allergies, Endometriosis, Heart Arrythmia, Myofascial Pain, TMJ.
 
 
 
 
 
 


Shiffs
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Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 43
   Posted 2/11/2009 1:59 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi everyone.. I just wanted to give a few tips that I have done now for the last few years with my fibro. Every month I buy 15 lbs. of hamburger. After a few days of recovering(to tired and in pain) from shopping I brown up all the meat and split it up to 5lbs. then another 5 lbs. and 5 one lb packs. My DH will take our seal-a-meal and seal the 1 lb packs up and throw them in the freezer, while I have to lay down and take a nap. The next day.. I make 5 lbs of taco meat then split them up in 1lb packs.. and the last 5 lbs makes bbq's and they are split up like the rest. Hubby seals all the bags since I can't push down on the seal-a-meal. Might take a few days to get this all done because of my fibro.. but I have 3 meals a week done for 5 weeks :) The regular hamburger is made into hamburger helper mostly on the nights I can not get out of bed. When I can cook for the day.. I always!!! DOUBLE the recipe and freeze it for when I feel like crap. Leftover night is the greatest.. it cleans out my fridge. I just chuck everything that can be eaten out on the counter and say 'you pick' and I walk away. They can use the microwave!(I swear it was invented for fibro people) If all else fails.. it's can night.. you got it.. anything that is in a can. Once again microwave comes in handy:)
I hope this helps:)

I do not think you are being unreasonable at all!!! If anything your family is. Take your hubby with you to your doctors appointments...if he won't go.. get him a book on fibro.. I have done both with mine.. it took him a little bit to get on board. That's when I hit him in the head with the frying pan..JK.. he is now really great about it all.. I am lucky. I have twin daughters that are 9 and a 8 year old boy that have a cleaning night once a week.. they clean the kitchen, especially the floor.. since there is noway I can. We have sat down with our kids and explained to them that I have fibro and that some days are better then others and some are not. We now have game night in our bed with popcorn (cant sit in a regular chair without pain) and it has helped bring back some of the things that we used to do as a family.

Hang in there.. you will get better with managing your day. Even if you need to go to bed by 4pm.. just throw some bbq's at them.
Soft hugs, Stacy

AustenFan
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Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 1771
   Posted 2/11/2009 6:49 AM (GMT -7)   

I said I didn't have anything to add, but what Stacy said about cooking ahead of time got me thinking. I make large pots of chili and soup, and freeze them in quart size freezer bags.  It's really easy to pull a couple of those out of the freezer, thaw them in cold water in the sink, and reheat in the microwave.  I too fry up hamburger and freeze it to use later for tacos, spaghetti sauce, etc.

I also buy refrigerated tortellini and ravioli and freeze it.  You can just take it out (without thawing), dump it in boiling water, and serve it with premade spaghetti sauce.

We also eat lots of cereal.  :-)

 

Hugs - Austen


"There is no charm equal to tenderness of  heart." - Jane Austen
 
 
Fibromyalgia, 2 back surgeries, Meniere's Disease, 30+ kidney stones, GERD, IBS, Asthma, Allergies, Endometriosis, Heart Arrythmia, Myofascial Pain, TMJ.
 
 
 
 
 
 


leemadd
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Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 532
   Posted 2/11/2009 12:26 PM (GMT -7)   
I do not think you are being unreasonable. I went to work today then grocery shopping I am so tired now. did I mention that I was up sick most of the night with a stomach bug... My husband is usually great however the last couple of weeks he has mentioned my weight issue several times. I would try to do what Sherrine has suggested. I also keep good frozen pizza or lasgna ect... that I can pull out and make in a pinch. almost anything Italian freezes well. and can go from freezer to oven or Microwave.
LeeANN

Statgeek
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Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 1495
   Posted 2/11/2009 5:22 PM (GMT -7)   
I am going to try that taking a few days to make a few weeks of food. Do you label the food with a marker? Right now I have some things in the freezer and do not know what they are!! I know one is shredded chicken, but have no idea how it is seasoned or what to serve with it! I suppose we can have mystery chicken and rice!!!

Italian sauces always taste better if they sit awhile. I bet a big batch of spaghetti sauce would do nicely in the freezer.
Sue
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