ARG!! I am SO sick of hearing things like this!!!

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SleepyBug
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1097
   Posted 2/12/2009 9:19 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Lovely People,

I need to vent for a minute here. Hope that's ok! smilewinkgrin

So I've been in a bad flare for about 5 days or so now-feeling sore and burning and chills and like I have the flu. Ugh. I got really depressed this time around because I had been feeling so much better without the sugar in my diet (I'm working on almost 3 weeks sugar free now, though! Yeah!). I thought I'd really stumbled upon something major that might really make a difference in my pain, so when this flare reared its ugly head I got so, so upset because I realized that this dd isn't ever going to just "go away" no matter what I do or do not do or what I do or do not eat, etc.

Which leads me to my complaint! I am SO SICK of people telling me "oh, you just need to do "..."" or, "oh, you just need to stop doing "..." and you'll be all better!" With my father, it's always "Oh you just don't do enough high impact cardio exercise! You just need to sweat it out!" Other people have said, "Oh you just need to lose weight" or "Oh, you just need to stop smoking" or "Oh, you just need to get more sleep" (that ones my favorite. I want to scream-don't you think that if I COULD sleep more, I WOULD!? arg!)

Anyway. So I've been flaring really bad, and this morning when I got up I started crying because I am just so sick of all of this! So what does my husband do??? He says "I think you're in a flare because you ate that pizza the other night". And to make it even worse, he had this smug "I know everything" look on his face when he said it! OMG I wanted to SMACK HIM!!!!

Now, please know that I love my hubby. I really do. And I know he's just trying to help and I know that when I started to feel better without sugar he thought he was seeing "the light at the end of the tunnel" so to speak, too. I know he wants me to feel better, but my gosh, I don't need to hear that sometimes, you know? Fibro does whatever the **** fibro wants to do in my body, and although yes taking care of myself-eating right, exercising, cutting down on smoking, etc. are all very good things that I'm sure are very beneficial to my fibro body, they aren't the end all be all to everything!!!

In all fairness to my hubby, after he said what he said and I started crying even harder and yelled at him that you know, that really doesn't help!! he did pull me into his arms and say he was sorry and how he hates seeing me in pain because he loves me and wants me to feel good. So that helped a lot (sometimes I just need a hug and a bit of love, you know?) but after he left and the kids went off to school, I did start fuming about people and their "well intentioned advice". I know people mean well-they aren't trying to hurt me or tell me what to do or pretend that they know everything. They ARE well intentioned in their hearts, but sometimes it just doesn't help. Sometimes I just want to be able to vent and have it not mean that the person I'm venting to has to "fix" the problem.

Granted, I know men tend to be "fixers". And I know that with my hubby especially he just wants to help and I know that it has to be very hard and frustrating for him to NOT be able to just "fix" me, so I am not angry at him. I'm just...I don't know what I am. I'm just tired. And achy. And cold. And sick of all of this.

*sigh*

cry
love and hugs
~danielle


fibromyalgia, ibs, gerd, anxiety

We either make ourselves happy or miserable. The amount of work is the same.~Carlos Castaneda

I wish you all the joy that you can wish.~William Shakespeare

Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.~Erma Bombeck


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40598
   Posted 2/12/2009 9:36 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Dannielle,

This too shall pass. Do you get sick of hearing that one too? I do. Of course it will pass, but when. And what do I do in between?

I guess you need to pamper yourself. That is the best we can do, I think. Take it easy and one day at a time. That is all we can do, lol...

Yes, I get sick of peoples advice, but like you said, they mean well. But they are not in your shoes, so they don't really know how we feel. I wish they could live with this for just one day. They would then say, "now I know what you were talking about". But that doesn't happen. So I think the best thing is to ignore it and forget about what they say because they don't know squat.

I hope that you feel better sooon. I know that it is hard. Just try to take it easy the best way that you can until your flare is over.

Luv and hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


vestabula
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 2855
   Posted 2/12/2009 9:41 AM (GMT -7)   

Danielle...I have added, subtracted, doubled up...you name it on foods and supplements that have helped others and do nothing for me.  It's frustrating.  It is also difficult to listen to those who don't know what this disease is all about...all their suggestions are ludicrous and unrealistic.  I am NOT powering walking through a mall.  No way.  I am not buying another treadmill...it made me worse.  These things work for others and I am happy for them.  I walk my dogs and that's just about all I can do.

I have felt like I have the fllu since November.  It's freezing here in Central NY and I am never warm.  I guess it's just it is, what it is.  I don't even talk about fibro to most of my friends.  I always hear..."Well, I have...blah, blah blah and be happy you don't have that!"

Flares come and go, as you well know and try to focus on feeling better again.  Pamper yourself today, if you can, and of course you can always vent here!  We Wuv you!

huggies

donna


fibro, menieres disease, RLS, anxiety disorder, disc compression, scoliosis, spinal stenosis TMJ  Meds: Lexapro and valium


MT Lady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 955
   Posted 2/12/2009 10:16 AM (GMT -7)   
O Danielle,
I feel your pain and frustration, I really do!! I was "one of those"...so hopeful...I had heard about a doctor which you are probably familiar with, Jacob Teitelbaum, and his book "From Fatigue to Fantastic". I bought the book and followed his protocol and really believed it was going to "cure" me...he even states in his book something like 90% of his patients' symptoms are alleviated with his protocol. One of the things he recommends is eliminating sugar. I have been following this for over a year and, I guess I am one of the 10% because I sure as heck am NOT "cured" of FM. But, I tell myself that maybe my flares would come more often, or be worse if I wasn't taking the supplements I take and elminating certain foods? I just don't know. I know that I am guilty of coming here to this board and trying to "fix" others with his advice. I was so into believing him and convinced it was going to "cure" me and others. As I said, for over a year now, I've been doing this. I have spent hundreds of dollars on supplements and I can't honestly say that they are working. I know I still have daily, chronic pain. I still can't sleep at night without medication, and even then, I can't get to sleep easily. I still have fibro fog and I still have no energy stores. Any time I feel better and try to do "more" -- like a normal person -- I pay for it with a flare up of pain and fatigue. So, yes, Danielle, I feel your pain and frustration. I understand what you are going through.

And, to Danielle, and everyone else here, once again, I need to thank you and let you know how much I appreciate all of you. Even though I have been dealing with FM for over 20 years, I only recently found you. Before that, I was struggling alone. By alone I mean knowing no one else with FM. And like all of you, frustrated with family and friends who just don't get it. My husband of 29 years still doesn't get it. I love him and I know he loves me, but I can see it in his eyes when I'm flaring and complaining. It hurts me deeply. He tells me it's frustration because he can't do anything for me. It's just one more frustrating thing to deal with
I think I rambled a little too much...I'm sorry.
Warmest wishes to everyone,
Miriam

Fibromyalgia, Osteoarthritis, scoliosis, back problems, hypothyroidism.


Binki
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 386
   Posted 2/12/2009 10:24 AM (GMT -7)   
((SOFT HUGS)) Oh Danielle,

I totally understand your frustration! I have wanted to "smack" my dh at times. He is the greatest man ever I've had in my life, but sometimes he'll say something to urk me to no end. Like one time on our way to work I was sharing how crappy I felt b/4 we went in and I hope I can handle todays stresses well and he pipes and said "well just try and not think about it"...say what, boy I could kick you were you stand. Couldn't he "see" the obvious limping and my worn out look on my face....I was pissed to say the least. I have a manager here that says..."Oh, you must be doing better"..that's on my good days..Goodness people don't really think sometimes. (I've been working here for 8yrs,have been this way "limp and all" for 4)

Well sorry for my lil' rant, but I just want to let you know you are NOT alone, hun! We luv you, you are awesome....

Lets hang out today and do NOTHING and RELAX...what ya say? How about a good movie and a nap...
Luv ya, Hugs,
Lori  
 
Dx Fibro 1/2008, gastritis
 
 


Statgeek
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 1495
   Posted 2/12/2009 11:03 AM (GMT -7)   
Danielle, husbands are good, then sometimes I wonder if smug face and husband are a redundancy! Mine is very supportive, but sometimes I want to smack him too!!! I am sure he doesn't try to be smug and pain and exhaustion can make it seem a lot worse! My suggested response to people who say stuff like you wrote about in your post: "Meh!" I think it says it all!
Sue

pattipanda
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 1014
   Posted 2/12/2009 11:12 AM (GMT -7)   

(((((Danielle))))))) ... that was a huge neighborly hug!!!!!! - Danielle and I live less than an hour away from each other, for those of you who didn't know that. :-)

First let me send a big (((hug))) to Donna, Miriam, Karen & Lori.  You all said a lot of things I wanted to say but couldn't find the words. 

OK... Danielle,  I'll try to make you smile wink .. Now that you know sugar isn't the cure-all, why not go out and get yourself a nice dark chocolate treat!!! As I recall in a recent post, you're not too fond of milk chocolate?!?  (Geez I hope I'm right about that... if not, what the heck.. get a whole bunch of various chocolates?!?) 

Awww, Sweetie, I do feel your pain and I understand your frustration.  There are times when my dh follows me through the house to make sure I turn off lights, am not picking up something that I shouldn't since its too heavy, or not forgetting something I need to bring along when we go out.  I can see in his face that he's just double checking (probably because he can tell I'm a little foggy or have a reputation of fogetting important things).  But it kinda bugs me, I sort of feel like... I'm ok.. I'm not forgetting anything today.  His intentions are awesome and he never says a thing, but well you know, it makes me kinda doubt myself and realize that I'm not "like everyone else" (especially a brainiac like my hubby who forgets NOTHING).  I love the man to peices and he's so good to me, I know I'm truly blessed.  But his good intentions can make me feel like he feel sorry for me or doesn't trust me to use my head  I don't want sympathy I just wish someone or something will make this all go away (which is impossible)

Its incredibly frustrating to realize (for the 100th time) that you will probably be like this for the rest of your life.  I know I'm always trying to find the perfect thing to make this all go away.  But fibro does have some benefits, it makes us appreciate the good days that "normal people" take for granted.  It makes us more sympathedic to others who are "different".  It gives us moments of clarity to make us laugh at life a little.  I think it in some ways has made me a better person.. not physically by any means but mentally, to grab the good things in everything I do and see.

Danielle, you're such a good person, you're having a bad flare and it make us a little more grouchy than usual.  Try to step back, get some rest, treat yourself better than you would treat a friend that was ill.  Don't be upset with yourself for being frustrated with people and their "good intentions".   I think we all go through that now and then.  But always feel free to vent to us, that's what we're here for.

Hope this flare passes for you soon and your day gets better.

With luv,


Patti
 
Fibormyalgia, 4x Lyme Disease Survivor, Depression, Anxiety Disorder, Dyslexia, 2 Lumbar Disk Herniations, Allergies, Bi-lateral Carpal Tunnel. 
Meds = Elavil, Tramadol, Lipitor
"Shoot for the moon, even if you miss, you'll land among the stars" - author unknown


Agmaar
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 376
   Posted 2/12/2009 11:17 AM (GMT -7)   
I always have B. go with me when I talk to my therapist.  B. is affected by all my stuff too - and then I don't have to try and explain what we talked about.  So it ends up being some family therapy too.  My therapist ( a woman) made this comment to my wife, "You need to have a girl friend you can vent with.  Men will listen patiently for 10 or 15 min. and then they want to "fix" it or move on." 
 
I'm not sure people can understand chronic conditions unless they have had one themselves.  The daily struggles - and maybe not knowing how bad it will be from one day to the next.  Every day I like to read this forum ... and every day I'm thankful I don't have all the joint and muscle pains that Fibros have and that most Lyme people have. 
 
It just seems so long, long ago that I was able to do "normal" things.  Like it was in a different lifetime.
 
Six months ago I tried Abilify and ended up with this huge attention deficit where my mind was pinging around all over the place and I couldn't concentrate on anything and I was making mistakes on simple things.  Two days of that were enough.  It went away when I stopped taking it ... but I now have this real understanding of just what an attention deficit is and how awful that must be for people that have to deal with it all the time.
 
There should be some kind of pill like that ... that would give people Fibro or Fatigue or Lyme to someone for a week.  Then it would be real to them. 
 
Oh well.   I just have to make it through today.  What's that proverb, "Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof."
Rich
 
Lyme, anxitey, depression, chronic C. Pnuemoniae
 
"... expect the unexpected ..."  (O. Wilde)
 
"I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened." (Mark Twain)
 
 


Sherrine
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 17101
   Posted 2/12/2009 11:33 AM (GMT -7)   
Danielle, people that don't have fibro just do not understand.  Usually the people that give that type of advice have never been really sick.  I have a friend who I love to pieces but want to choke half the time because they always have a quick fix.  I just remind myself that they don't understand and I thank God that they don't have this illness, either.  Then I change the subject.  It does no good trying to explain this because very few really "get it".
 
I eat foods I enjoy eating.  If I'm going to put calories in my body, I want to enjoy them.  I've been on diets and limited my intake of certain foods but fibro still does what it wants to do...like a spoiled little brat that always gets their way.  I'll have good times and bad times and it really doesn't matter what I eat.  It's maddening but there really isn't a whole lot you can do but face it head on and move forward with your life.  I wish there was something we could do that easily to rid ourselves of the pain and fatigue, but I sure haven't heard of anything.
 
Lastly, these doctors that write books and make unbelievable claims should be outlawed.  If a certain protocol REALLY alleviated fatigue symptoms in 90% of the people, I think many doctors' practices would be giving this advice to their fibro and chronic fatigue and lupus and MS, etc. patients...not just the doctor who wrote a book and is making a bundle off it.  Everyone is an "expert" and that makes me as ticked off as the people trying to give advice.  At least the advice-givers are doing it for free and out of the goodness of their hearts...even though they don't understand.
 
Sherrine


Forum Moderator/ Fibromyalgia
***********************
Fibromyalgia, Crohn's Disease, Ostomy, Diabetes, Autoimmune Inner Ear Disease, Osteoporosis
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.    2 Timothy 1:7

Post Edited (Sherrine) : 2/12/2009 11:48:57 AM (GMT-7)


QTKaren
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 605
   Posted 2/12/2009 2:47 PM (GMT -7)   
I hate it when the dh cracks jokes. Like when I am gimping along and get come on grandma put some pep in your step! I know he is kidding but dang enough is enough! why cant it be gee ya need some help there? or I am sorry your having a bad day. But nope jokes I do want to smack him upside the head. Its like I am not amused nor impressed with your wit buddy so save it for your co workers. Then when they drive ya nuts ya get why are you crying? duh get a clue! What I hate most is him always asking me whats wrong? the answer is always the same that I am in pain but when I say that he says "thats all I wanted to know" gee after being with me 9 years he has to ask? or he just needs to hear it? I give up. I truly hope you feel better soon and I do understand(((((((hugs))))))))))
Karen
 
Mom of one gramma to 4 lover to One
 
Fibromyalgia,IBS,Stroke x2,endometriosis,Diabetes type 2,neuropathic pain,nerve damage due to tailbone removel,nerve damage due to fractured back,deppresion,high blood pressure,severe nausea,atrophy,chronic pain,nerve damage due to botched bladder surgery,torn hip joint,hypoglycymic
 
Norco(double strength vicodin) 80 to 100 mg @ day
Ms Contin(morphine) 45 mg @ day,Lyrica 600mg @ day
 
 
 


julieleaps
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 257
   Posted 2/12/2009 3:18 PM (GMT -7)   
I hear ya! My dear husband had a heart attack on Dec 22nd, and people are still asking how he is doing. I've been off work in CONSTANT pain since October and no one is asking me how I'm doing. All these get well cards and calls came rolling in for him, and I've received maybe 3 cards in nearly 5 months of being home. He is a pastor, and so people in both our churches are "in the know" when it comes to these things. I've hardly been in church in the same time period since the mornings are so hard for me.

Now, it's REALLY hard for me to say these things, because I love my husband, and how can I resent people caring about him?

They just don't get it.
Still learning how to manage my Fibromylagia, and all the lovely gifts it brings.   
I had severe spinal stenosis, had fusion done on C5-7, and my life has changed. 
 
 


ivy6
Elite Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 10404
   Posted 2/12/2009 3:38 PM (GMT -7)   
Huge hugs, Danielle. I've nothing to add, except lots of sympathy and empathy.

Ivy.
Co-Moderator Crohn's Forum.


Sue2z
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 368
   Posted 2/12/2009 11:38 PM (GMT -7)   
I had a night last night I had forgotten my meds in the morn and by night was a mess, and my husband said I dont eat right and take care of myself , that it would be better if I did.  It was like being a child and told off, why just for once cant someone just hug you and hold you and shut up.    sue2z

Fibromyalgia, ulcerative colonitus, arthritus, bi-polar
norspan patch, valium, prothiedon, lyrica


tyno3
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1081
   Posted 2/13/2009 10:39 AM (GMT -7)   
Dear Danielle and every one else feeling as I do right now. I don't have a hubby (well not on hand anyway), but my sons, I think, think I'm a drug addict. As does my pdoc. He doesn't (pdoc) believe in Fibro, he says things like "this pervasive pain thing you talk about, if you just exercised more, got off the pain meds, were more active, meditated, do yoga, stand on your head and eat popsicles," etc. etc. ya'll know what I mean. I swear, if he starts on that in our next appointment, I'm going to tell him tanks doc, but I need help not judgement. Do you think I would spend my nights rolling around in bed trying to find a comfortable position, that doesn't hurt like h___, if I had a choice. Don't you think I'd be going back to school and finishing my Masters, if I could concentrate on one thing for three minutes w/o totally forgetting what I'm doing. Don't you think I'd be out in the workforce bringing home forty bucks an hour, as I was before this DD got the upper hand rather than half starving three weeks of every month on Disability ($740.00 per month). Do you for one minute think that I would agonize over buying produce which I love, rather than eating salty foodbank guck every other day, if I had a choice here. Then I am going to say, thank-you, but "no thank-you", I'll just take my little bag of pills which you seem so alarmed about and toddle off to a doctor who will listen to what I say, rather than sit in judgement b/c I used two or three more muscle relaxers than I was supposed to because my world is crashing at my feet and it's all I can do to wash a load of clothes, much less fold them. I turned fifty-two, this week, thank-you. My boys are raised by me, dead-beat Dad, one was ADHD, the other has a learning disability, I worked two jobs, went to school part-time, had Fibro even then but when I was hit by a truck, my fate was sealed. It was the absolute last straw. So since I don't have to care for children anymore or go to work every day, or even drive much, I get someone else to drive if I'm in a flare, or I stay home. Yup, I totally understand what ya'll are talking about. Sometimes I'd like to have a water pistol in my pocket, and squirt them everytime I hear all those you shoulds, woulds, must, have to, try, etc.
Hypothyroidism, Fibromyalgia, Facet Joint Syndrome, High Blood Pressure, menopause, Migraines, Chest Pain, Anxiety and Depression/BiPolar II
Synthyroid .075mg., estradiol.5 mgs., Amyltriptilene, 100mgs, bedtime, Tylenol 3 PRN (six-eight, daily), Valium 7.5mgs. daily prn. Flexeril, prn (not so helpful), Zoloft,150mgs., Zomig approx. 12 per month, prn., Meds for High Blood Pressure, vary.


Marlee2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 6067
   Posted 2/13/2009 11:02 AM (GMT -7)   
My DH is not the problem when it comes to understanding how I feel. I do put myself in others shoes when it comes to understanding fibro cause I know I would have not understood all this before I got fibro.
 
However, I have been fighting with one of my DILs all week over a phone call I forgot to make to them after Ken's last heart cath. She sent me an e-mail Sun morning whining as always and pointing out my mistakes. Yes, I lost it and sent her an e-mail back that wasn't so nice but she has been a pain in my butt for years with her "the world revolves around me and only me thinking". I tried to explain to her that my thinking is not always clear and when I'm tired it is even worse and at the time I was stressed to the max. I was told that I use fibro for an excuse for everything and I should put my health problems aside when it comes to dealing with Dad. HELLO, if I could figure out a way to put fibro in remission when I have something else to deal with I would be a very rich woman cause I know all of you would want to know how I do it and everyone out there with fibro. When we are stressed fibro causes more pain and zaps more energy not the opposite. I did a lot more during that time than I normally do cause I had to do it for him.
 
I told her if she researched fibromyalgia she would know what I go through but that is not true, no one can understand how fibro is with you every minute of everyday and it makes no difference what you are doing. I'm sure I will apologize for losing my cool with her to make peace. But I do wish I had magic powers to make someone like that feel what fibro is like for a week in their lives. devil
 
When it comes to fibro we have to be more understanding than those that don't have it.
 
luv and hugs
Marlee
 
 
 
Forum Moderator Fibromyalgia
 
Fibro,Sjogrens, Anxiety, Gastroparesis, IBS, Gastritis, Allergies, High Blood Pressure, Low Blood Sodium and Osteoarthritis
 
Amitriptyline, Celexa, Xanax, Synthroid, Zyrtec, Micardis, Spironalactone, Tylenol, Reglan, Lidoderm Patches and Tramadol
 
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SleepyBug
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1097
   Posted 2/13/2009 1:16 PM (GMT -7)   
Wow-thank you all SO much! I wuv you guys!!!!!!!! It is so wonderful to not feel completely alone in this fibro struggle. {{{{{{{{hugs all around}}}}}}}}} :-)

Well yesterday I took your advice and had some "me" time. I made myself some sugar free cocoa and curled up on the couch with my blanket and watched the Boston Legal disc I just got in from Netflix (I love me some Denny Crane and Alan Shore!!) By the time hubby got home, I was no longer fuming and was able to put what he said into perspective. I know he says these things because he loves me and that's all. I did have him read the "open letters to normals" that I tracked down thanks to Sue's thread, and he said it made a lot of sense to him. Hopefully it will stay with him!

I know in a lot of ways I feel defensive when he (or other people) say things like this to me because there is (still) a wee little part of me that wonders if they may be right-what if there is that "one" thing out there that I'm just not doing "right"? Maybe this dd is somehow my fault? Oh, rationally I know it's totally absurd and not true in any way, I just still have that little part of me that worries. I know I just need to lighten up on myself and realize completely that fibro just...is. It's nobody's fault, it's just here.

Anyway-So yes I gave myself some relaxation yesterday. I'm still not feeling too well today, but I had tons of Income Tax Accounting homework to do, so I haven't been able to take it easy today. Homework's done now, though, and I just want to get into my pj's and call it a day!

Thank you all again so much for your responses. You guys really are the kindest group of people I've ever encounted online :-)
love and hugs
~danielle


fibromyalgia, ibs, gerd, anxiety

We either make ourselves happy or miserable. The amount of work is the same.~Carlos Castaneda

I wish you all the joy that you can wish.~William Shakespeare

Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.~Erma Bombeck


pattipanda
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 1014
   Posted 2/13/2009 1:33 PM (GMT -7)   

Aww Shucks Danielle you popped in today before I got a chance to give you an extra hug today.. I wanted to let you know that I was thinking about you a lot last night and earlier today, hoping you were doing better.  Glad to see you are!! 

Anyway... here's a ((follow up hug))!! 

Take care,


Patti
 
Fibormyalgia, 4x Lyme Disease Survivor, Depression, Anxiety Disorder, Dyslexia, 2 Lumbar Disk Herniations, Allergies, Bi-lateral Carpal Tunnel. 
Meds = Elavil, Tramadol, Lipitor
"Shoot for the moon, even if you miss, you'll land among the stars" - author unknown


SleepyBug
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1097
   Posted 2/13/2009 1:36 PM (GMT -7)   
Awwww, Patti! You are such a sweetheart :-) Thank you so much!!!

Yeah, today's been better, even though my brain is completely fried! Can you smell the smoke at your house?? lol
love and hugs
~danielle


fibromyalgia, ibs, gerd, anxiety

We either make ourselves happy or miserable. The amount of work is the same.~Carlos Castaneda

I wish you all the joy that you can wish.~William Shakespeare

Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.~Erma Bombeck


Sherrine
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 17101
   Posted 2/13/2009 1:55 PM (GMT -7)   
Danielle, I have an idea.  Go buy a nice frame and hang the Letter to Normals in the bathroom...right in front of the toilet.  Many people read stuff in there!  devil (You might need to retype it in a larger font)  It might really sink in if he sees this over and over again.  It wouldn't hurt the rest of your family and your friends who visit your bathroom when at your home.  smilewinkgrin
 
Sherrine
Forum Moderator/ Fibromyalgia
***********************
Fibromyalgia, Crohn's Disease, Ostomy, Diabetes, Autoimmune Inner Ear Disease, Osteoporosis
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.    2 Timothy 1:7


pattipanda
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 1014
   Posted 2/13/2009 4:26 PM (GMT -7)   

Hmmmm.. I was wondering what that smell was?!?! shocked    But between your brain frying and mine basically smoldering, we should have all the fire depts. in the area totally confused!! hehehe!!

Sherrine... you evil little devil devil    I've always liked the way you think!!


Patti
 
Fibormyalgia, 4x Lyme Disease Survivor, Depression, Anxiety Disorder, Dyslexia, 2 Lumbar Disk Herniations, Allergies, Bi-lateral Carpal Tunnel. 
Meds = Elavil, Tramadol, Lipitor
"Shoot for the moon, even if you miss, you'll land among the stars" - author unknown


tyno3
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1081
   Posted 2/13/2009 5:00 PM (GMT -7)   
Dear Marlee 2, and all: That business with your DIL irks me to no end. I have the same sort of issues with my sibs. They say things like, you (meaning me) make such an issue of having to look after Dad, for two years, and two months. Well I (they) did twelve hours of volunteer work last week. So there. And there are a lot of people with far less than you (he must be referring to all the cans of goop, I get from the foodbank). So, there. Well, it's one thing to do a couple hours a week of volunteer work, quite another when you are on duty 24/7/ 365 x 2.2. When some days you wake up so sore you want to dissolve into tears and crawl under the bed, but you know pops will be up to no good trying to run the chainsaw, and you rush out as soon as you hear it, bare foot in the snow feeling like death, before he cuts his leg off. Also, to be on call day and night. Without support. Nope, they don't get it. They are washing dishes, talking away on the telephone and doing umpteen other things at once and what's wrong with you, forgetting _______, and unable to do that one thing they ask. Well, I like the idea, if we could let them know what it feels like to have to push through the pain, when every fiber of your being is screaming in red hot needles; STOP. Rest.  

Hypothyroidism, Fibromyalgia, Facet Joint Syndrome, High Blood Pressure, menopause, Migraines, Chest Pain, Anxiety and Depression/BiPolar II
Synthyroid .075mg., estradiol.5 mgs., Amyltriptilene, 100mgs, bedtime, Tylenol 3 PRN (six-eight, daily), Valium 7.5mgs. daily prn. Flexeril, prn (not so helpful), Zoloft,150mgs., Zomig approx. 12 per month, prn., Meds for High Blood Pressure, vary.


Statgeek
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 1495
   Posted 2/13/2009 5:45 PM (GMT -7)   
Tyno,
What you are doing with dad would be difficult without fibro. I cannot imagine how you are doing it with fibro. Can you get some help like respite care or something? You need a break!
Sue

pattipanda
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 1014
   Posted 2/13/2009 6:54 PM (GMT -7)   

Tyno,

I agree with Sue, you need to get some help somehow.  Have you tried contacting any agencies in your area that looks in on seniors?  We have an organization here called the "Council on Aging" Most counties have an agency that will check in on the elderly.  You might want to contact your local United Way, they have listings of all of the non-profit agencies that can help you. They can send you in the right direction. 

I'm really concerned about you.  And I know that there are people out there that will volunteraly come and help out, especially if (and this is the important line that you should use when you speak to the agency).. " he's a danger to himself ".  Caring for an aging parent it a really hard job and in your current condition, you could be endangering yourself.  PLEASE contact the United Way or your local Chamber of Commerce to get the phone number of someone that could help you. 

You wouldn't be "copping out"... you'd be COPING  (and as I've said in many of my public speaking jobs on subjects just like yours).. You can't have hope, unless you can cope.

Let us know how your doing.. PLEASE!!

Warm hugs,


Patti
 
Fibormyalgia, 4x Lyme Disease Survivor, Depression, Anxiety Disorder, Dyslexia, 2 Lumbar Disk Herniations, Allergies, Bi-lateral Carpal Tunnel. 
Meds = Elavil, Tramadol, Lipitor
"Shoot for the moon, even if you miss, you'll land among the stars" - author unknown


tyno3
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1081
   Posted 2/14/2009 12:03 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank-you Patti, and Sue: My Dad is in a seniors home as of three weeks ago. He is 25 minutes down the road. Tomorrow, I pick him up, drive him the fifty miles in to see his wife, pray there's no snow, since my car dropped it's rear end, and is nearly useless in snow. The problem with the sibs and their outrageous demands is, because I have listed the nasty wet mouldy falling down Farmhouse, and the 35 acres it's on, my brother, in particular is furious. He is demanding I stash/store/ save all kinds of the folk's stuff for him, is furious I am selling the farm, insists I am being sneaky, going behind his back (I guess I was supposed to ask his permission, although I certainly don't, I was appointed POA, before Dad became so ill). Also, the bank is fixing to foreclose, he is in New York doing his own thing. I was supposed to pay both mortgages, keep two households running after the nursing homes took all of both parents money, on my $740.00 a month, plus pay for ambulances. They had 7 ambulance runs in the past six weeks between them, Dad and stepmom. Where is the money coming from for all of that? So, after keeping two places going, from Sept. till January, I have hugh debts to clear on parents behalf. My brother is being incredibly self-centered and non-caring and somewhat out of touch with reality, I say. The nasty communications from him, I mean nasty, scolding, accusatory, are tearing me apart. He is accusing me from 1500 miles away, of stealing, when what I am trying to do is meet the needs of two aging seniors. Myy Dad was just diagnosed with a brain tumor, size of a golf ball, my brother is screaming bloody blue murder and I am in the most pain I've been in in several years b/c of the stress. I still have to keep going, I have to get Dad to doctor's appointments, make sure bills are taken care of for two parents in two different nursing homes, am doing the absolute best I can do, and do not need to hear any further from him. This stress is worse than living with a Grisley Bear who kept trying to run machinery at 7 AM, thinking he was doing farmwork to take care of us. When will it be over?

Hypothyroidism, Fibromyalgia, Facet Joint Syndrome, High Blood Pressure, menopause, Migraines, Chest Pain, Anxiety and Depression/BiPolar II
Synthyroid .075mg., estradiol.5 mgs., Amyltriptilene, 100mgs, bedtime, Tylenol 3 PRN (six-eight, daily), Valium 7.5mgs. daily prn. Flexeril, prn (not so helpful), Zoloft,150mgs., Zomig approx. 12 per month, prn., Meds for High Blood Pressure, vary.


Marlee2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 6067
   Posted 2/14/2009 8:36 AM (GMT -7)   
Tyno your plate is sooo overflowing. My suggestion is to block your money hungry selfish brother's phone #. devil I have people in my own family that I can see acting very much like that if DH and I have to ever be taken care of. I think it is so sad when a member of a family puts money before anything else but it happens so often in families.
 
You do what you have to do to make your dad as comfortable as you can and be the best daughter you can be and when this is all over with you will be able to look at yourself in the mirror every morning and be proud of the person you are.
 
luv and hugs
Marlee
Forum Moderator Fibromyalgia
 
Fibro,Sjogrens, Anxiety, Gastroparesis, IBS, Gastritis, Allergies, High Blood Pressure, Low Blood Sodium and Osteoarthritis
 
Amitriptyline, Celexa, Xanax, Synthroid, Zyrtec, Micardis, Spironalactone, Tylenol, Reglan, Lidoderm Patches and Tramadol
 
Co Q 10, Super B Complex, Extra B12, Multi vitamin

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