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New Member

Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 2/27/2009 8:13 AM (GMT -6)   
We have been stuggling with this condition for less than a year now. I say we because my wife has fibro (and several other things) and it has changed all our lives, not just hers obviously. In addition to fibro she has been diagnosed with carpal tunnel, high blood pressure, ulcers, depression, anxiety, peripheral neuropathy, borderline diabetes and chronic adult children are driving her insane disease.
Anyway while trying to find relief for her I have seemed to hit a wall or something. The doc has finally prescribed aqua therapy which allows us to get her into a pool for some exercise paid by the insurance. So far of 6 appointments she has had the energy to make it to 2. I'm afraid the people will want to drop her so that others that need the spot will be able to make more regular appointments. I also am hoping that getting her to these will get her out of the funk she is in. Moving around and getting out of the house for a bit. I even come home from work in the middle of the day to take her to these since I don't like her driving.
The rheumy doc is switching her from lexapro 20mg to cymbalta 90mg. So far I have cut her back to 10mg lexapro and she seems pretty adamant that less lexapro is the cause of her feeling baddly. I wonder if it is having both meds at once. In addtion to that she has lyrica, darvocet 100, and lido patches for pain and ativan for anxiety and sleeping.
I'm at a loss and don't know what to do. She can't just sit a home and watch TV all day. This is not like her personality at all. It's like she has resigned herself to housework on good days and bad just sitting around watching movies. Do you guys think that some regular exercise might help ? I don't want to push too hard but not pushing is like I'm giving up. So who am I supposed to be ? The understanding, supporting spouse or the pushy, get up and try this spouse.
She doesn't want to talk to other fibromites about this either. I've tried getting her on here, a support group locally we haven't made it to yet, still trying on my part. Somebody give me a clue !!

Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 532
   Posted 2/27/2009 8:49 AM (GMT -6)   
Fibro is a very hard thing to deal with. It can actually cause depression. I truly believe that exercise helps me. (I am in no way speaking for everyone.)I went through a faze where I wanted to just hide under the covers and let the world go by.
My husband has been supportive but he does not push Sometimes I wish he would...there are some people out there that need to be pushed and then there are some people Like me if you push me to hard I will do completely opposite of what you want. Not knowing your wife It is hard to say what she needs, When i first started exercising it was for 10 minutes then I would add 5 minutes a week until i was at 30 minutes then I awarded my self by doing something fun. then I worked my way up to 1 hour a day I never do the same things 2 days in a row because I am easily bored. You need to talk to your wife and see if she feels she needs the extra push. How about you take a short walk togather then add some stretches ect... Maybe if you are doing it with her It wont seem like a chore to her.Ask her to go on a short walk if she says no go anyway let her no you can not sit and let life pass you by because she doesnt want to If she is truly having a bad day then dont push to hard.Also my Dr took me off the Ativan when I was taking Lyrica. Also the Lyrica made me very sleepy and tired I no longer take it.The Ativan can also make you tired I would talk to the DR. about that.with all the medications she is taking That could be part of the problem.

Regular Member

Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 56
   Posted 2/27/2009 8:56 AM (GMT -6)   
i wish that there was some secert i could let you in on with this, sadly this is a hard one to answer. some days my walks with my dogs help me and some days it only makes me hurt worse.
my 4 live in boyfriend has the same problem as you. he never knows what to do or say on my bad days
the support he gives me i could never does this without him. he is always there for me no matter what time of the day or night it is. i think that helps me out the most,and yes on his days off he pushes me alittle bit to get up and going by finding something that i want to do.
like i said before if there was some little secert about this i could tell you i would but the fact is what works for me might not work for her.
this website gives me hope on a daliy basis even if i dont post. try to get her on here just to read. she is not crazy or losing her mind we all feel that way. well good luck and keep up your good work on trying to help her that is all we can ask of our other halfs.
let us know how you are doing or any other questions....molly
I smile through fibro

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 6067
   Posted 2/27/2009 11:43 AM (GMT -6)   
Everyone with fibro is different and the pain and fatigue is different for all of us, for me the fatigue is the biggest issue most of the time. However, I found out the hard way that you can't just sit and do nothing it is not only worse on the body but it doesn't help the depression either. There are stretching exercises in the fibro 101 thread, second on first page. I know the weather isn't nice enough to get out and walk, although day before yesterday it got up to almost 60 here and I couldn't wait to take my puppy for a walk cause I swear she smiles everytime we go for a walk so she does inspire me to get out there when ever possible.
about pushing your wife, I have a very loving, supportive, helpful husband but back in the fall we found out he had some heart issues and he has been in the hos three times for that. I didn't realize how much he does around the house until he was no longer able to do it. I also found out when he was 45 minutes away from home in the hospital and he was the one that needed me that I could do a lot more than I thought I could, yeah my body paid for it, but I did it. No, I don't want that kind of stress again for a long time to come. So are you enabling your wife to not do all she can or are you helping her??? Yes, I'm very happy that he is on the mend and I do appreciate what he does to help out but I think I'm pushing myself more because of what we went through, yeah there are days when the fatigue is so bad or I hurt really bad that I do have to give in but I'm trying harder.
You say you have adult children, do you have a pet that needs your wife's attention that makes her get up even when she doesn't want to??? I know getting a puppy last fall after losing our old dog was the best thing I could have done for myself cause she needs me and I have to take care of her no matter how bad I feel so you may think about that.
luv and hugs
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Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 278
   Posted 2/27/2009 12:00 PM (GMT -6)   

I would keep "ENCOURAGING" her to get out and do something interactive. The water therapy and the support group are two good ideas.

I ALWAYS feel more tired and depressed on my days off when I am not active enough. It is not always easy to get up the gumption to get going, but I know what I will be like if I do not.

I gave up Lyrica because it made me groggy and what we refer to as "foggy" all day. I have been much better without it and do not seem to have any increased pain without it.

She needs you to "inspire" her daily to push through the "fog", depression, and exhaustion. Keep her mentally stimulated to help with these things too.......I bought a Nintendo DS and some "mentally challenging Games" to help me with this.....

Good luck!

Some quotes that I find inspirational:

Robert Schuller
Always look at what you have left. Never look at what you have lost.

Lena Horne
It's not the load that breaks you down, it's the way you carry it.

Our attitude towards life determines life's attitude towards us. {Earl Nightingale} 
Fibro since 2005

New Member

Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 2/27/2009 4:10 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks all for the advice. I did think about the DS games as we have one already. I'll give that a try too.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 716
   Posted 2/27/2009 8:28 PM (GMT -6)   
You have received some wonderful advice already & all that I can add is that dealing with a diagnosis of a chronic illness is hard to deal with.  Your wife will go through a mourning process not unlike a death in the family.  She has to mourn her old life & figure out how she is going to make it in this new life.  She will be sad, angry, lonely & afraid.  There is no way to make her go through it faster but just be there for her & do try to push her to get out & live her life because it is still there.  It will just be different but I am very happy in my life now but for awhile there, I just couldn't pull it together.  All I wanted was to lay on the couch & watch TV & sleep.  I didn't think anyone understood what I was going through.  That is way this forum is such a necessity, we see & talk to others who are just like us & they are making it.  I hope your wife will find her way here.  Learning about her illness will help her alot & it helps us to feel like we can have some control in our own lives.  Hugs, Denise

 I have:  Fibromyalgia, ME/CFS, Holt-Oram Syndrome, nasal allergies, food allergies, depression, TMJ, anxiety

Married to a wonderful supportive husband & between us we have 4 children & 7 grandchildren

As apples of gold in silver carvings is a word spoken at the right time for it.    Prov. 25:11

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